(Okay, so first, disclaimer. I don't own ANYTHING! There. Now, this is a parody of sorts. I'm sorry to all fans and whatnot out there, this was just for fun. I'm actually all Team Jasper, so yeah...Enjoy!)

Bella stared at Edward with complete seriousness.

"Tell me the truth."

"Bella, I'm not sure…" he said, glancing around nervously as he reached out to her.

"Tell me the truth," she repeated, stepping back as her heart began to sink.

"Well, all right… Bella, the truth is…" He paused, shifting his weight nervously from foot to foot as she stared him down.

"The truth is Bella, I don't love you. I love Mike and he actually returns the feelings." He looked up from his feet and watched her face.

It was blank as she said, "Oh."

"Is that all you have to say?" He asked, relaxing despite being shocked.

"Well I was just thinking that I could be with Jacob now," she said with a small shrug.

He began shuffling his feet again. "Yeah… about that…" he said with a nervous chuckle.

"What now?" Bella cried, throwing her arms up in exasperation.

"Jacob is actually with Paul, he imprinted."

"AHGGGG!" she cried, causing Edward to jump. "Just yesterday it seemed like everybody was fighting over me and now I can't have anybody?"

He didn't reply, looking very badly like he wanted to leave, probably to join Mike.

"Fine. I guess I'll just have Jasper, Alice loves me enough, she'll give him to me," she said, forgetting the bond Alice and Jasper had.

"Actually," Edward said. I looked over to see his dazzling, heart melting smile. "Jasper's open, Alice just left him for Jessica."