Disclaimer: Pansy, Blaise, and all the characters mentioned here, belongs to J. K. Rowling.


The sorrow of losing


"Draco broke up with me", Pansy said. Those words sound once, twice… three times in Blaise's ears. Pansy and Draco, the most stable couple he have ever known until that moment. "He's now dating Astoria Greengrass", announced the young woman, who have twenty years and a firewhisky in her hand. "I wish I can hurt her. Draco was mine. Mine, Blaise. And that bitch is now in his bed, not me". Pansy was drinking firewhisky while Blaise looked at her with curiosity.

He looked, suddenly, at any other point in this room; he was not the expert in comfort words. If Pansy wanted some comfort, she should have looked for a girl, al least, Millicet. Man like him didn't understand women —the only thing he use to do with women was kiss them, sleep with them, have sex with them and then, forget about them. Blaise was a womanizer, not a good friend for Pansy.

"I guess you would say that Draco didn't deserve me, because that is all people tell me in order to comfort me", Pansy sighed and she drank a little more of firewhisky. "But the reality is that he is Draco Malfoy, the king of the snakes…", she smiled at the same time she said that, "Blaise, he is the heritor of one of the most powerful familys in England". Blaise considered the possibility of take away from her the firewhisky cup when he noticed her state. "Know what? We are the perfect couple. I love him. He used tol ove me. All the people thought that we get married someday… but now… now he is with Greengrass, that bitch. And the worst thing is that I don't know why I am telling you this".

Blaise sighed. There was no party that night. Not fun. Not even a blonde girl in his bed. Only Pansy, complaining without tears, with that pain. Only Pansy and her words, and he didn't need to answer, because he didn't know how. She only needed someone who listened to her, without repeating the same words all the people said to her.

"That nasty bitch, she took him away from me. She only needed to open her legs and then Draco was with her", Pansy sighed, another time, and she drank more firewhisky. She would drunk. "But the truth is that Astoria is only a dumb girl. I expect that Draco notices that and he regrets all his life for his decision. And, of course, I never going to date with him." She stopped talking a little moment. She looked devastated, and, probably, she already knew that. "Blaise… I feel alone. Never, never before, I felt like this. So alone"

Blaise says nothing, absolutely nothing. Pansy began to look like those girls she like, those girls he seduce only for one night. But Pansy was different and Blaise didn't want, for any reason in the world, to kiss her.

Pansy had a brain, Pansy used to be intelligent.

But, apparently, Draco Malfoy had took away that.

"I miss him. And I know, Draco is an idiot", Pansy continued talking. "But now, in this moment, mi life is shit because of him. I hate him, I swear, but a little part of me still loves him." Pansy looked al no special point in the room. "Is this issle, Blaise?... No, don't answer that. You're a bloody womanizer."

Stop looking at her, Blaise thought, as an order to himself. Pansy wore a black skirt and Blaise can see her legs. He was looking at her like if he was looking any other girl. Maybe all that situation would end in a disaster, so, he took the firewhisky bottle away from her.

"Why you did that?"

"You aren't going get drunk, Pansy", Blaise said, aggressive. "Draco abandoned you. Right. But you aren't going to get drunk because of that. I don't care if you want to drown all your pain on alcohol… but…"

"But what?", she challenged him. "What, Blaise? What would happen if I get drunk?"

"Something about I'm going to regret my entire life", he said without looking al her. He didn't want to iss her. But… she…

"You want to kiss me", said Pansy, stangely quiet. That was not a question, only was the truth. "And then, if you can, you're going to have sex with me, right?" Zabini didn't answer. Pansy didn't need that answer, she knew the truth. "Do it, Blaise".

It sound like a beg.

"I can't…" He had scruples.

"Do it. Just do it. Without thinking", she begged. "I need it".

Blaise sighed. Pansy was looking at him.

"You want this, damn it, Pansy"

And he kissed her.


Pansy woke up first and Blaise woke up in the moment he felts that she was moving. Pansy got up whitout looking al him and started to get dress. He didn't look, neither, and walked to the bathroom. Both knew that they never could look each other at the same way, but they didn't matter. Pansy got dressed, finally, and she started to comb her hair alt the same mirror that many other girls did the same.

Then, she took her purse and stared at Blaise, but he didn't look directly at her.

"I leave", she announced.

"Good", he said.

But she didn't start walking. Without looking nothing in particular, she started to talk, again.

"Can we see again?", she asked.

Blaise didn't answer fast. He knew the answer, and he also knew that that answer would change many things between them.

"Of course"

And she left the room. She didn't look at him.

Blaise looked his hands, consternated. What have I done?


The don't have a clear notion of how that began, but the can't stop. The don't look each other, but they touched them, they feel them. They know every part of their body and they know that their lips dance the same melody at the same rhythm. There are only casual touches, intertwined hands below the table, in secret.

He still feels the guilty inside. But he doesn't think on that when he smells the flower fragrance in the curve of her neck, or when he feels her skin touching him. Because, if he thinks, he'll die of regretless.

And she is only there. In pain, but she is.

And she doesn't look at him. Not anymore.

They don't talk. She feels sometimes, that she is sleeping with a stranger. They can make public all of that, but…, they prefer to keep the secret. One secret that is shameful for him, but liberates she.

And then, when all ends and she leaves, he thinks that all is better and their life is a little less grey.

With her, all is wonderful.

Without knowing it, he loves her.


Original — December 20, 2010

Translation — November 1, 2013

Nea Poulain