Gifts and Sacrifices
Shattered Confidence
Part One: Planned Downfall
Chapter One: Guilt and Grief
Buddi and Sunni had been crying a
while. Then, Buddi heard a voice call out,
"Buddi! Sunni!"
Buddi lifted his face, tears
spilling down his cheeks. He saw her in the distance, a silhouette. But that
voice was the same. It was her.
Ursa.
Buddi looked at Sunni. He looked at
himself. He was the fault. He had caused this. If he hadn't…. For once Buddi
gave no care to his age. He leapt up and ran to Ursa, his feet slapping across
the ground. Tears had begun to trickle down his cheeks again and he felt his
breath coming in strangled gasps. Ursa heard him and turned. Buddi leapt up and
Ursa caught him in her arms. He buried his face in her shoulder, shrieking,
"Mama Ursa!"
Ursa was so shocked at hearing his
old nickname for her that she nearly dropped him. He was wailing, sobbing. Ursa
felt any pride she had to be tough evaporate and she knelt to the ground and
hugged the boy gently.
"Buddi what is-"
Then she noticed Sunni. The girl's
eyes were red and puffy and Ursa could tell that if Gruffi or Grammi had been
there, she'd be doing the same thing Buddi was doing. Tears were trailing down
her cheeks. Her voice was obvious clogged with sobs because of the way Ursa
heard her breathe.
"Sunni, what happened?"
Sunni couldn't say a thing. Tears
welled up in her eyes and she buried her face in her hands, weeping. Using one
hand, she just gestured down and revealed Alina. Ursa's heart stopped. Buddi
saw that and forced himself to leave her. She walked over to white gummi's body
and turned her over. Her eyes were closed. The girl's face was paler than it
was before. Ursa knew that Buddi would not have been weeping, doing nothing if
she wasn't dead. If she wasn't gone. Ursa had cared for that girl. Like she did
for the other Barbics, as a close friend. Although the love Missy had from Ursa
was not nearly as great as the love Buddi had from Ursa. Ursa knew that the
girl had recently had become like an older sister to Buddi, an older friend,
and that he would not have just let her die, but she checked the girl's
neck anyway.
Nothing, absolutely nothing.
Ursa swallowed. Her heart felt heavy
but she forced herself not to let her weakness show. "Someone needs to get the
others. We have to take the…body back to Ursalia."
Sunni leapt up and Ursa could see
that she wanted to get away from the sight as soon as she could. Ursa nodded
and the girl ran off. It would only take a few minutes for the others to get
there. In the meantime, Ursa stayed by the girl's body. Buddi walked away and
sat by his self. It was a few minutes before the trickling of light started to
appear over the distance. Only when she saw lights in the distance did Ursa
turn.
The others were here.
Gritty walked over and Ursa nodded,
solemnly towards the white hybrid. Gritty met her eyes but she nodded, sadly.
Gritty nodded and put a hand on her shoulder. Ursa drew away but gestured
again. Gritty nodded and motioned to two of the Barbics, the two guards. Ryo and
the other guard came over and wrapped a sheet over the girl's body. Then,
without a word and in unison, they lifted her body and carried her back. It was
a sacred ritual. It had to be done carefully which was why Ursa had not done it
by herself. Ursa waited for the group to leave. Then, she turned to Buddi.
He had sunk to the ground, hugging
his legs and his face buried in his arms, sobbing. She walked over to him and
lifted his chin so that she was looking directly into his eyes. There were
tears streaming down his cheeks. She normally would be scolding him for crying
but death was a reason to cry.
"Buddi," she drew him closer to her.
"What happened?"
Buddi swallowed and she could hear
the way he tried to swallow the lump in his throat. He swallowed two times more
before he started to talk, haltingly.
"I…we came out to try and see if we
could figure out what the commotion was. But she was here. That…that demon.
From my visions. She attacked. I…we ran. But Sunni tripped so I carried her-"
"You carried her?" Ursa asked him
incredulously. "Buddi, she must weigh at least as much as you do."
Buddi nodded. "But I couldn't carry
her far. She attacked us again and this time she hit. See?"
Buddi rolled up his sleeve to reveal
a burn that looked to Ursa to be at least second degree, definitely first. Ursa
fingered the singed fur around it but stopped as the cub winced. Buddi seemed
hardly able to get the next part out,
"She…she attacked us because she
said that we were the only getting the visions. because…because…"
"Spit it out, Buddi."
Buddi finally drew on all his
strength and squawked,
"BECAUSE WHEN WE GROW UP WE'RE THE
ONES THAT WILL ALTER THE FUTURE!"
Ursa froze. Buddi went on,
"She said we couldn't alter it if we
never grew up! She wanted us but then Missy flung herself in the way. Celina
vanished, like she planned that. If we hadn't been out here, missy wouldn't
have died. It's my fault! It's my fault Ursa! MAMA URSA, IT'S MY FAULT!"
He flung himself at her again. Fear
froze Ursa's heart. She instinctively began to feel Buddi all over, searching
for wounds. Finding none, save a few cuts and scratches, Ursa held him close to
her, grateful that he was alive. Celina wanted him. That was who she wanted,
but why hadn't she attacked as he sat by Missy? She had a plan behind this,
Ursa could feel it.
But right now, she mainly felt
Buddi's body shaking with sobs as he wept into her chest. Her heart went out to
him. As she looked at him, she saw a frightened child, her little one. He may
have been a Barbic but he was still mortal and capable of feeling pain…mentally
and physically. He may have been as brave as any other but he was also
sentimental, and thrived on emotions, just as she did. She did not admit it but
she loved all the others, deeply. Deeply as best friends and Gritty had her
love as a sister, although she wasn't related to him. But she didn't know what
she'd do if something were to happen to Buddi. Buddi had a special kind of
love, a unique place in her heart. A place for her little one. Buddi was her
little one, her baby. And right now Ursa knew that it was the emotions that
were killing him. She pulled him into her lap and caressed his hair.
"No, it's not your fault. Baby, it
isn't your fault."
Buddi stared at her, shocked. She'd
called him 'Baby.' The first time she'd used that nickname in almost six years.
But it felt good. The pain was so great, it burnt. He shuddered and felt her
hands smoothing his hair, and her voice cooing to him,
"Shh, Baby. Don't blame yourself.
You couldn't have known. Shh, Baby, Shhh."
"But…if we hadn't…if I'd have just
listened to you…Missy wouldn't..'
"Hush, Baby." Ursa picked him up as
she stood and eh wrapped his legs around her waist. Ursa was rather surprised
herself. She'd just started calling him baby. She hadn't thought of any other
name. At this moment, he was a child that needed a comforter, his mother
figure, rather than a teacher that taught him to be tough. Normally, Ursa was
tough, stern, but with some understanding and softness. But now, as she saw her
baby, her little one, so terrified and frightened, and so self-doubting…so
self-accusing, she let her love for Buddi overtake her. She kissed his forehead
and moved her arms to support his weight. Buddi looked at her, tears staining
his face.
Ursa was hurting herself, but Buddi
far more so. She started to walk back to Ursalia, slowly. Sunni most likely
would have used the Gummiscope to call the others by now. Which was good. Missy
had been half-Glen. They had a right to know. Buddi looked at her a moment
more, before pressing his cheek against her chest. He would normally have been
embarrassed by his behavior and Ursa normally would not have tolerated it. But
this was a special circumstance.
Someone had just died.
Buddi stayed that way until they got
back to Ursalia and even then as they walked in, he refused to let go of her
hand.
* * *
"And that's what happened,"
Sunni leaned deeper into Grammi's
arms, who smoothed her golden hair. Sunni was crying. Tears made fresh tracks
down the already present stains on her cheeks. The Glens had come immediately
when they got Sunni's terse message. "To Ursalia. Now."
Then, she'd told them everything.
How the woman had attacked her, Buddi carrying her, his bravery and loyalty to
her, and finally why she got the visions. Saying that the reason was because
this woman wanted her dead was the hardest thing she'd ever said. She'd seen
the horror light up in her friend's eyes. Then, she'd added that Buddi was
another target. Grammi had taken that opportunity to pull the girl into her
lap. Then, finally, Sunni told them how Missy had sacrificed herself to save
her and Buddi.
Telling them she was dead was the
second hardest thing she had to do.
Sunni gathered her strength and
said, "I want to wake up. I want to wake up and find that this is all a dream.
That Alina's still alive."
"Alina?" Gruffi asked her, his eyes
soft and comforting a change from their usual sternness.
"Missy's real name." A voice called.
The group turned.
Ursa and Gritty were standing at the
door. Sunni looked directly at Ursa.
"How's Buddi coping?"
Ursa sighed deeply and massaged her
temples. "I wish I could say he was. He's in his room and I'd still be
with him but someone needs to plan the arrangements."
Gruffi leapt up. "Go to Buddi, Ursa.
We can handle that."
Ursa's eyes flashed. "We Barbics
have our own ways, we cremate our lost ones."
Gruffi narrowed his eyes. "We bury
ours."
Grammi's eyes followed the two
leaders as they started their general bickering.
"Alina's half Glen!"
"She's also half Barbic!"
"You burn your dead?"
"It frees their souls."
"It makes them ashes."
Before the two could say another
word, Grammi broke in,
"Stop it! Can't you two get
along…for Alina's sake?"
The two leaders looked at one
another, neither one wanting to give, neither one wanting to back off.
And neither one was showing signs of
it either.
Zummi pulled Gruffi back a little
bit and Gritty grabbed Ursa's arm and held it tightly. The two leaders were
obviously still tense with one another but they were slowly letting the horror
sink in. And they were arguing over such a trivial matter? They had some nerve.
It was Cubbi that spoke, although he
was obviously distraught.
"Why not do both? If she's half of
each than she's a mix."
The leaders turned to the cub. It
was Gruffi that said it,
"What do you mean, Cubbi?"
"Exactly what I said. Cremate her
but bury the ashes."
The two groups looked at each other.
"Ursa? Does that suit you?"
Ursa nodded and met Gruffi's eyes.
"Yours?"
He nodded back and then said, "but
before the cremation, it's our tradition to bid final farewells."
Ursa gave him an affirmative nod.
"Understandable. It's our tradition to stand by and wait until the ashes are
all that's left. We have to relate on what they meant."
Gruffi nodded.
Then, each leader went their
separate ways, for separate preparation.
* * *
"No! Leave me alone!"
Ursa sighed and tugged at Buddi's
door. She found it unlocked so she entered. She found the cub sitting at the
window, staring outside but saying nothing. She walked over to him and put a
hand on his shoulder. The cub turned. He saw the sorrow on her face, but also
the determination and strength that was unique to her alone. He shook his head,
knowing what she'd say.
"Buddi, it's tradition. You know
that. You have to attend."
Buddi wiped the tearstains on his
face. "But it hurts."
Ursa nodded. "I know Buddi."
Buddi suddenly leapt at her, angry.
"I don't understand you! How can you be so calm and cool when one of your
friends just died? How can you not cry?"
Ursa met his eyes. "I don't cry
Buddi. At least not outwardly."
She sat down by him and patted her
lap. Buddi, no longer worrying about what appearances and actions said, climbed
into her awaiting arms and let her cuddle him. She held him close to her chest
and soothed him as best she could.
"Just because you don't see tears on
my face, doesn't mean I'm not hurting…or crying."
Buddi looked up at her, tears
falling down his cheeks again. She gave him a sad smile and wiped some away
with her thumb. He laid against her chest, fighting to slow the tears if not
stop them. Ursa spoke again,
"Baby, just because you don't see
me cry doesn't mean I'm not. I'm the leader. People expect their leader
to be perfect and invincibly strong…everything they aren't. I put up the hard
face to give hope to all you. To give you strength. But know this, baby. I'm
crying in my heart."
Buddi nodded. "Sorry, Ursa. I
just…I…I never knew it hurt so much."
"The pain'll dull, baby. I promise
that."
Buddi looked at her, "You're being
so caring to me. Usually you'd be yelling that I'm a Barbic and that Barbics
don't cry."
Ursa smiled. "You know me, Buddi.
You definetely know me. But death is always harmful and it always hurts.
Barbics are tough but we aren't heartless."
She gave him a smile. "You need my
strength right now. So I'm here to give it."
Buddi nodded again. Ursa slowly
picked him up and sat him on his feet before getting up herself.
"Now, are you ready to come?"
Buddi met her eyes. "If you stay
with me."
"Huh?"
"Please…don't make me watch it
alone. I want you with me,"
Ursa took his hand in hers, his
little fingers in her larger ones.
"I'll stay by your side."
* * *
"go Sunni."
Sunni looked ahead. The other Glens
had paid their final respects, said the last things they needed to say to
alina. Sunni was last. She looked ahead at her friend. The Barbics had cleaned
her off. But she was so cold, so lifeless. It made sunni weak in the knees. But
this was her duty. She ahd to dot his.
"Alina…"
Sunni knelt by the girl and the
others clsoed the door to give privacy.
"Alina..Missy…Ali…I don't know what
to call you by but I do know this: You were my friend. I wanna tell you how
much you menat the short time I knew you. But I don't have the time."
Sunnis ighed. This was hard. This
was so hard.
"I..I…I just wanted to say…thanks
for saving my life. And being my friend."
With that said, Sunni got up and ran
out, unable to ebar it anymore.
* * *
Buddi watched Ursa as she stepped
out toward the other Barbics. Alina was lying on a platform, covered with oil
and twigs were placed beneath her. Ursa took a breath and then said to the
others, in Barbic,
"We all have to go at some point but
I never expected Alina to have to leave us so soon. But Alina, I know that your
soul can hear me. I'm telling you this now. We won't forget you, nebver could.
You're half Barbic in body…full in spirit." Ursa closed her eyes, a gesture of
respect and the others mimiced her. Ursa turned to her best friend,
"Gritty?"
He nodded and lit the twigs beneath
her. Ursa made her hand into a fist and placed it diagonial across her chest,
her balled hand on her heart. The others followed her gesture, it was a sign of
respect. Buddi mimicked Ursa but he was fighting the tears in his eyes. Ursa
put her free hand on his shoulder. He leaned against her.
There were no tears in Ursa's eyes
but Buddi could see the pain in them, the heartbreak.
Buddi closed his own eyes and let the tears come, silently as the flames danced over his face.
