Closure
Spoilers: "Cold Lazarus" and "Stargate: The Movie"
Sam entered the locker room to find a shirtless Jack sitting on the bench, looking through the old cigar box of memorabilia from his former life. She just stood there watching him and felt an overwhelming sense of déjà-vu: "Colonel, this becomes the women's locker room in- well, now…"
"Sorry, Carter." Jack said, hastily closing the box and shoving it into the bottom of the locker. Then, he reached for his black t-shirt and threw it on.
"No problem, sir." She continued, good-naturedly.
He attempted to smile at her on the way out, but he stopped before he completely left the room. He turned toward her. "Carter? You got a sec?"
She shrugged after sensing his inner turmoil. "Sure, I can shower later."
He sat back down on the bench and Sam sat near him. "What do you need?" She asked.
He took a deep breath. "The way I figure it, if I can't talk to you- I mean, SG-1- I can't talk to anyone."
"Sir, I'm right here." She said, instinctively placing one hand on his shoulder, then immediately retracted it, feeling a sense of wrong-doing. "Sorry, sir."
"No, Carter, it's okay. Today is- well, it would have been- Charlie's birthday." He said, quietly.
"His eighteenth," She added, nostalgically.
"Yeah," he whispered. Then, he looked at her, confusion written on his face. "How did you know that?"
She looked confused at him. "I don't know…"
Jack tried not to be unnerved by the occurrence, and continued. "I might have mentioned it…anyway, on his tenth birthday, two weeks before the accident, I…"
"You took him to a Minnesota Twins baseball game." She interrupted, seeming to remember the event fondly. "He loved it."
Jack just stared at her. Then, he stood up and turned to her with his back against the wall. "How the hell did you know that, Carter?"
"Know what, sir?" She asked, as if she had simply spoken to him about one of their missions.
"About me taking Charlie to the game. Did you touch something? Travel in time? Visit some alternate reality after hours?" He shouted, angrily.
"Sir, I don't know what you're talking about." She said as she stood up to leave. "I'm sorry if I've offended you, but you are the one who asked for my help. If you don't need it any longer, sir, maybe I should get going."
Jack grabbed her by the shoulders "Carter, you gotta tell me what's going on. You're acting like…like you know things that only Sara would know. You didn't know Charlie!"
Tears began glistening in her eyes. "Stop saying his name!" She whispered.
His eyebrows knitted together in frustration. "Why? Why should I stop saying Charlie's name around you?"
She pulled away from him, and he could see that she had tears running down her cheeks. "Because every time you say it, I hurt all over again. When Charlie died, it was like someone stabbed me in the heart. I had so much pain that I thought I would die from it all. But now, when someone says his name, it's like someone has taken that dagger that never left my chest and is turning it ever so slightly so that the pain comes back."
She was outwardly sobbing now, and when Jack moved toward her, trying to calm her down, she backed away. "Dammit, Jack! You're not the only one who's hurting! I'm hurting too!"
She fell to her knees and Jack stood three feet away from her, shocked. "How can you hurt, Sam? You didn't even meet him."
"Didn't even meet him?" She asked, looking up from her tears. "How can you say that? I gave birth to him! Of all people, I should be saying that to you…after all, you weren't even there when he was born. You were always on missions when the important stuff happened. Dad's first heart attack…our first anniversary. You weren't even there when Charlie was born!"
"Stop it!" He yelled. "Carter, what the hell do you think you're doing?"
The look of desperation on Sam's face scared Jack. He was afraid that she would do something…anything to end the pain. Just like he had almost done all those years ago. "And then you'd come back and tell me that it was classified when you had the nightmares. I couldn't even reach you then. How the hell was I supposed to reach you when Charlie died?"
Just then, a look of terror flooded Sam's features. "I'm so sorry, sir…I don't know what's happening…I swear. If I could stop this I would."
Jack knelt next to her. "Sam, hold on for me…we're going to try to get you to the infirmary."
He placed his arm around her, and unexpectedly she placed her lips on his and tried to deepen thekiss. He pulled away as he had done when she had been affected by the Virus of the Touched. "Uh, Carter?"
She pantomimed reaching for a thin file of papers. "Oh, look what came home from school today."
Jack paled. "No."
"You're probably looking for Charlie. He was running around her someplace." She said, looking around the locker room as if it was a front yard…the O'Neill front yard.
"Oh God, no." He prayed.
Sam jerked in his arms and turned her gaze to what would have been the second story of their house. "Charlie!" She yelled.
He pulled her closer to him and buried his face in her hair. "Sara, I'm so sorry…It was all my fault…all my fault."
"Colonel?"
He took a deep breath and pulled away from his second-in-command. "Yeah, Carter?"
She looked terrified andthat made himfeel even more helpless."Sir, what's happening to me?" She started sobbing. "Sir, I'm so sorry…Jack, I…I can't believe you have to relive this."
He held her closer to him again. "It's okay, Carter. I'm just worried about you…nobody should have to live through that…nobody."
He held her for a little while longer before he parted from her. He brushed some of her hair to the side and then cupped her face in his hands. "Let's go to the infirmary…maybe that'll get us started on getting some answers, okay?"
She nodded, and he helped her get up. They walked silently down the corridor to the elevator and went up a few stories to the infirmary. The elevator doors opened, and Sam walked calmly alongside Jack. Then, when they were about six feet away from the entry to the infirmary, Sam bolted. "Charlie!" She screamed.
He raced toward her and overtook her at the entrance to the infirmary. This was all playing out like it had when Charlie had died. It was just like when they had raced up the stairs into their room and found Charlie lying lifeless on the ground, the gun in his hand.
"Let me through, Jack. I need to see Charlie." She said, combating his grasp on her.
"Sara, you don't want to see it...trust me."
"Dammit, Jack. He's my son."
"What? Sara, he's my son too..." He yelled.
She managed to peek over his shoulder into the infirmary, and the minute she did so, she stopped resisting his strong embrace and collapsed against his chest, her body convulsing with giant sobs. "Oh, Jack...I said I didn't want any guns in the house." She hit his chest repeatedly. "I SAID NO GUNS IN THE HOUSE!" He tried to restrain her, but she was too strong. But then, she fell into his arms sobbing again. "Why?" She asked before she fell, unconscious, into his arms. He held her for a few more minutes, and allowed his fingers to feather through her hair.
"I know, Sara. And now we're all paying for my mistake." He whispered.
Well, Rose Stetson is back with a new story, and I think you'll all LOVE it. It'll be kind of angsty, but it'll all go toward my eventual goal of getting Sam and Jack together! Now, this is a test run...yes, I have a lot more of the story ready to go up, but if you don't send some reviews my way, you'll never get to read it...Evil grin ...I've been hanging out with Lee Davies a little too often, if you ask me. Sorry, I have to correct myself...because yes, kids, even I am wrong...I've been around Lee Davies a lot more than just a little too often.
Here's to stories written -essentially- at three o' clock in the morning!
All right, now, for the shout out. Lee Davies helped me by role-playing what Jack might say...a lot of the work is mine, but some of it came from Lee.
Again, no reviews...no story! MWAH HA HA HA HA!
