"Distractions"

Chapter 1: First Week

Rating: M

DISCLAIMER: I do NOT own Criminal Minds or any of the show's characters

Summary: You said I needed to be distracted from my grief. I never expected this. Rant fic Spencer's POV S/M Slash. Hotch/Reid

Author's Note: I'm really not sure where I got the idea for this one. Hope you enjoy anyway, short as it is.

I can't quite begin to describe how much you humiliate me in front of nobody else. I know it doesn't make any logical sense to feel shame when no one is there to bear witness but it burns my face red when you get me home and you do what you do. When we're on the job I reflect on the previous night and I feel like the mental images are projecting out from my eyes, onto the wall for our whole team to see. I can't bear Morgan, Rossi, and especially JJ seeing you do THAT to me. I know they can't but I feel like every stray glance is at my expense. Do you see how you embarrass me?

I remember you deciding how this relationship would begin. I was wounded by loss and it was you who decided that I shouldn't be allowed to feel hurt anymore. I shouldn't be allowed to feel anything without your permission. I wonder if this is what you wanted when Haley died. If what you felt you needed was for someone strong like Morgan to take all the power to do anything including grieving away from you. Or maybe you're just this sick in the head. That must make me twice as sick.

I hadn't felt so helpless since Tobias kept me hostage. Do you realize how close to relapse you bring me? You kept me locked up in your room with you all week. You took leave from work with some lame ass excuse. I couldn't answer my door. I had thirteen voice mails. You took the battery out of my phone and hid it. You never left me alone long enough to go rummaging for it, but when you were gone it felt so agonizingly long. You made me urinate in front of you. Otherwise you let me close the door but you were wary of me. I would lie to get in there alone just so I could take a breath. One time you barged in there because you thought I was trying to get manual release and I wasn't supposed to come without your permission.

Although that wasn't what I was trying to do when I came back into the bedroom you punished me anyway so that I wouldn't get ideas. You made me jerk off until I came and continue until 30 minutes after. God that was painful. You kissed me and let me sleep for the first time in two days. That was the best sleep I'd had in months.

You woke me up by running ice cubes down my body. You shared a decent breakfast with me. You were fully clothed and made me eat naked. When we were finished you hardly let me digest before making me suck you. You didn't take your pants off. You just unbuttoned your fly and whipped it out on my face. You had me sing you "happy birthday mr. president" to remind me of what a whore I am. Just blowing the boss for no other reason than that I was a filthy whore.

Before I could finish you, you pushed me onto your bed and fucked me hard with your wet manhood until I was screaming which didn't take long because I was so aroused. Another two days and I was allowed to sleep. That was the pattern. Two days straight of you using me up like your sex toy before you would let me recuperate. And dammit if it wasn't the most exhilarating week of my life. Dammit if I didn't try to score dilaudid the night after. I got through it hooked on something new. The overwhelming sensations of your sweet torture muddled with the emotional numbness it provided.

Just. Damn.