Disclaimer: If you think that I own Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse, you have clearly lost it and need serious help.
I stared out at the world before me unseeingly. My world had frozen when he left. Shattered. Everything lost meaning. I didn't know why I sat here, but I had made the drive in my truck, simply to sit here. Now that I was out of the zombie state, pain thundered through my veins like fire, along with my hot blood. Blood that had drawn him to me…a temporary distraction in his timeless world.
I gasped and tightened my arms around myself, holding my chest in one piece. The hole ripped further, consuming my body, eating away at me. That's what I had become. A black hole. Simply sucking myself in, losing gravity and floating away form myself.
At times I wished I could die, but I always stopped thinking like that. Think about Charlie! I would scold myself. Think about what he would do without you. Don't be selfish, don't take your own life.
At times, I had turned to music to calm the aching in my heart. Jacob had abandoned me, and I had no one else to go to.
Tell me I'm frozen,
But what can I do?
The lines described me, as I was right now, perfectly. I was frozen, I had died when I had watched him walk away. It did not help me pain, but I had to do this; come, and just sit, here with my empty body, on their porch.
I can't feel my senses
I just feel the cold….
All colors, seem to fade away
I can't reach my soul
I did feel cold. But not from the biting weather. Inside, I was cold, empty, hollow. But nothing could fill me now, replace the heart that he had unknowingly taken with him. My heart, that he would keep forever, no matter what his feelings toward me were now.
I sacrifice for you
You say I'm frozen
But what can I do?
Slowly, for the first time in a while, a tear fell down my face. And that one tear brought back a memory that tore at me again. I could see that day, in my head. So clearly.
As I sat at his piano, at the close of my lullaby, a tear had escaped my eyes. A single tear that he had tasted. I had not been sure that he had done it at the time, but I knew now. I knew, form him, that he had tasted that tear. During the summers, when he still loved me…while I was still a distraction for him…he had told me.
Everything will slip away,
Shattered pieces will remain.
In my reverie, I thought I could hear him again, whispering his explanations in my ear, feel him touching my arm. But he wasn't there, and he would never be here, with me, a frail, pathetic human, again.
Frozen…
Frozen…
Frozen…
Frozen…
I was frozen….
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This is a short one-shot I did a while ago. If you couldn't figure it out, it's Bella, sitting on the Cullen's porch, thinking. Which, in New Moon, wasn't the best idea for her.
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