I know exactly what people think when they see me

Fixer ~ Savior ~ Perfection

Like an angel bathed in a white after glow

With the strength to desecrate problems and create new beginnings.

I am on a pedestal, high above the mortals below

I am a spectacle in a theater of cruel satire

The applause is momentary with a bitter aftertaste.

He thinks he knows me but he doesn't

He loves the persona I have created; the illusion I've invented

The reality is much less bewitching.

In truth, I am straining under the weight of his love

Trying to be who he wants and what he needs

Struggling to save my own morality from a bottomless quagmire.

I'm slowly falling off the pedestal; an angel without wings

The flaws in my character are acceptable to me

But unbearable to others, especially to him

Someone take this white hat off before I scream!

How does a Gladiator learn to love

Recklessly, Unreservedly, Unconditionally

Lest I display a weakness that betrays a lack of confidence

That would disqualify me from a starring role in his life

Who will save the Gladiator but herself?

Who will pick her up when she falls but herself?

If I love him completely will he bear the burden of who I am?

Or will reality become a crushing mass of indignation

Sinking our love to an unrecognizable oblivion?