Hey folks! This is just one more fun thing I was suddenly inspired to create that will now distract me from working on Shatter Shatter Shatter Like So Much Glass (Kisuke/Ichigo), Into the Black (Sabstian/Ceil) and Wanderlust (Sasori/Hinamori). I really, really love Ukitake and the great relationship he has with Shunsui, and this is all about exploring all the nooks and crannies of their relationship. . . as they fall in love at long last!! It all started with the sudden realization that after he started getting better from an attack, Ukitake would really want to take a bath. But wouldn't have one. This, of course, is when Shunsui comes along and whisks him away to his house, which is of cousre equipped with a gorgeous master bathroom and bathtub. It's expanded quite a lot from that, but at the heart it's still the same. So welcome, one and all, to a study on the beautiful dynamic between Ukitake and Shunsui. Enjoy and review for updates and e-cookies (your choice of chocolate chip, snicker doodle, or sugar)!!!

NOTE: One cookie has been awarded to Snowkid, for pointing out my omission of Nanao-chan's visits. Thank you, thank you, thank you , thank you! I have fixed it, and elaboration will occur in the next chapter. To all Nanao, fans, I apologize for the over-sight, it has been corrected.

The Hatter Maddox

One:

Ukitake

I wanted nothing in this world or any other so much as I wanted a bath, much more than I had wanted anything in quite some time. Lying in my irritatingly comfortable bed, I cursed the former-owner of my home for preferring showers. Now, more than ever, I yearned for one, but the only bathtub was in the guest-house on the other side of the estate. I had turned that entire building into storage space because I was rarely well enough or of the desire to entertain more guests than the spacious main house could hold.

If I could bathe myself in the first place. In recent times my attacks, still damaging and painful, had grown less frequent and much less severe. It had given me confidence, pride even- something I could not afford. It also made an already crushing relapse that much worse. It came on what I had though was a good day. I woke up in the barest minimum of pain, no more than an echo of an ache in my muscles, did a good bit of paperwork, saw to my miniature garden, and took a suitably long tea-break to please even the most vigilant of my self-proclaimed care-takers. Then the message came: my presence was requested at an urgent Captains-only meeting. Now.

I ran all the way. By the time I got there I could feel the intense strain on my body- I was shaking, my body flashed from hot to cold and back constantly, everything was one solid ache. I stood through the entire meeting (no chairs were provided) and listened actively to what everyone said, replying at the appropriate times.

I didn't collapse until Zaraki was half-way through his final speech, moments from the meeting's conclusion. It was a bad attack; my muscles spasmed, my head split open, I fell to my knees then forward onto the floor and I fear they had to replace the floors because there was no way that any amount of bleaching, scrubbing or kido could have gotten all the blood out of them. I just consider myself lucky that Kyoraku and Unohana got me out quickly. As I've said, I can't afford to be proud, but any shredded semblance of dignity I had left was stripped from me there as I lay spasming and coughing on the floor, seeing even the blessedly stoic Soi Fon shoot me a pitying look. Only Mayuri showed no pity, though his sheer condescension may have been the worst of all, for I kmnew that in his eyes I was unredeemably pathetic, broken even.

Looking back, that attack wasn't even half as bad as the continous and increasingly intense series I endured in the two following bedridden, blood-soaked, pain-strewn weeks. Captain Unohana and Isane-chan were at my side constantly, kept there by my continual attacks and unable to leave for fear that my already poor condition would weaken, and even with their abilities it was all I could do to sip some water most days. Shunsui tried to visit me, but more often than not was sent away after a hasty "feel better" because of my fragile peace or violent attacks or was allowed to stay only long enough to try to get a sip of clear broth into me (rarely with success) and sometimes to hold my head while it came back up a throat already raw and bloodied by constant hacking. Then, his strong hands were the only thing anchoring my tiny world of pain to the world I normally lived in, a world where breathing was possible, not my greatest source of pain.

On my part, to my intense shame, I didn't have the strength to speak to him beyond one "It's good to see you" and was in fact so immersed in my pain that I was rarely aware of his presence. I said it, and then I passed out- nearly twice as shameful as just trying to smile weakly as I stood in the door frame that was almost too short for him and smiled so I wouldn't notice how upset he was to see me suffering. How much it hurt him, not being able to help a friend in need. I pretended not to see through him. Today was my second day without the constant presence of Isane-chan or Unohana, though I had been visited three times already by a man named Hanatarou who shyly helped me get to the bathroom ( I walked assisted instead of being carried for the first time since collapsing). He also provided me some herbal tea prescribed by Unohana and a soup concocted by Isane which I managed to keep down if only barely.

Now, alone and thoroughly sick of the washed out white that surrounded me and so tired, I craved a bath the way the starved crave sustenance. I needed a tub full to the brim with hot, hot water, lots of steam, and even more soap, hopefully with some soft scent to it.

Unohana and Isane kept me clean of course, but I refused to be bathed by one of them, and it was the only wish of mine that they actually respected. It was a relief, but there is only so much that can be done with a washcloth, much as they tried. I could feel disease and illness hovering on my skin, clogging my pores and knotted into my lank, tangled hair.

Feeling terribly guilty and completely pathetic I reached out and tugged the rope which was promised to summon help. I tried not to look at my arm- pale and so thin that the bones were visible, like all my limbs it trembled when not lying still. Before I could set my hand down, Hanatarou slid the door open a crack and peeked uncertainly around it. I blinked in surprise, letting my arm drop to the bed, an unwise movement that sent jarring waves of dull rattling up my arm, through my shoulder and down my torso.

"A-are you alright Ukitake-taichou?" He asked, his features slightly more worried than normal.

"I'm fine." I hated the wispy, broken sound of my voice. So weak. Had I always been so weak? I feared the answer. "That was fast"

"Ah- Actually, I came because Shunsui-taichou wanted to see you." He looked absolutely terrified. I was sure that Shunsui had held him at sword-point, demanding to be brought to me. He'd probably threatened the poor boy within inches of his life, or used his soul pressure to push him.

He slid the door the rest of the way opened and stepped nervously in just in time for me to see Shunsui sheathing Katen Kyokotsu with a satisfied smirk. I fixed him with the best glare I could muster though it felt pitifully weak, even to me and Shunsui merely smiled his unyielding magnanimous smile. Secretly that fact that Shun cared enough to visit was my reason for fighting on my worst days, and the fact that he was here privately made me very happy. Even so, he needed to stop terrorizing the fourth squad. I like Hanatarou- he had a surprising way of being sarcastic and unusually kind in the same breath. I expect it's to do with thinking too little of himself and wanting to be of help anyway.

"Thank you Hanatarou" I rasped, flinching from the sound. "What is it Shun?" I whispered, the only thing I could manage without making my voice crack. He hadn't said anything (yet), but I knew Shunsui better than anyone else, and I knew he had come for a reason.

"I have to talk to you" He was edgy, agitated even. There was something of about his usually languid and laid back posture that was off, a sharpness that I didn't like in his features. His dark eyes were hot and intense, nothing like their normal mellow warmth.

"Sorry Shun, but I was about to have Hanatrou take me to the bathhouse. I'll meet you at your house right after, alright?" I asked, almost pleading, and feeling much worse about myself for turning down my best friend.

"Juushiro, how often do I ask for this kind of favor?" He asked as he approached, shockingly serious. Never, that was how often. He asked little things, stupid things, all the time, like money or a letter of approval, but not like this, not seriously. The last time was when Nanao became his Vice-Captain- he came to me in a panic because he couldn't bear her constant rejections. It was the closest I had ever seen him to losing his cool.

"I know" Even my whisper was breathy. Pathetic. I was pathetic. "But I need a bath" I protested, weakly- I could muster no strength- as he reached the bedside to look down at me (but not on me), face unreadable.

Kyoraku looked at me, thinking for a moment as he shook his head rapidly. "Don't be stupid Juushiro. The bathhouse is no place for you. I've got a huge bath tub at my place you can use. We'll talk then" Before he was finished making the very tempting offer he had already peeled back my many blankets and picked me up, moving more quickly than I could find the air to protest.

Even moving faster than some shinigami are capable of, Shun was as gentle with me as always- his arms were secure around me as he scooped me up, one under my knees and around my legs while the other supported my back and shoulders, his huge hand held the back of my neck. I was vaguely aware that Hanatarou was shouting down the hall after us as Shun ran, but my head was beginning to spin in the after-math of my swiftest movements in weeks, and I was forced to rest my cheek on Shun's chest rather than reply as I tried to hold my world steady.

"Okay" I managed to whisper, accepting Shunsui's offer far too late. Shunsui laughed, a deep rumble in his chest that I could feel vibrating through my skull. I felt a hot red blush mantling my cheeks.

The hallways blurred with the speed, tilting wildly like a boat in a storm, and in all the universe the only steady thing was Shunsui, holding me steady as the world careened crazily around me. My stomach lurched, and I turned a little in Shunsui's arms to bury my face in the crook of his neck. He slowed down just a little and I could feel him shift his grip to a more secure hold, but he didn't stop. Every turn felt sharp, sending me spinning in a different direction. I clung to Shun, desperate for the solidity he provided me. Shun slowed to a walk, then cursed long and hard at his door as he tried to open it one handed while somehow supporting me with the other. When he finally stepped inside I was shaking, my breath tightening into a thick knot in my throat. My stomach lurched again, then settled uneasily as my head whirled.

I coughed weakly into Shunsui's shoulder, holding on to him with all of my limited strength. I coughed harshly a few more times, struggling to pull air into my aching lungs as Shun cradled me against his warm chest and stroked my back as the dry hacking wracked my body. The coughing subsided to rough rattling breaths and I curled into Shunsui's arms, in too much pain to be ashamed of being held like a child. I bit my lip so hard against the pain, coursing through me like punishing waves of fire and hammers beating my chest that I tasted yet more coppery blood on my tongue and began to shake with the effort.

Shunsui, gratefully didn't say anything- I know my silent tears would have turned into full sobbing, which would have been excruciating. Instead I drew breaths that rattled like shaken bones, keeping my face on Shun's neck as he held me closed to him, walking all the while. I could feel his steady, even breath stirring my hair and eddying and swirling about my neck, brushing my ear. It was soothing, having him close, because I knew there wasn't a trace of pity in him or what he was doing like there was in everyone else. Just protection, just doing anything for a friend in the way he always had. That was probably what made Shun so special to me- he alone treated me the same after witnessing the tuberculosis, and he was willing to do anything, no matter how self-destructive, or illegal or painful it was for a friend. When we were younger I think he would have killed anyone in Soul Society for any one of our friends or even me. Still might, though he was less inclined to violence and more inclined to peace. He alone, in an existence where nothing could be certain, where in an instant I could be plunged from perfect health to oxygen-starved spasms, only Shunsui was always the same.

My varying degrees of passable health and deathly illness came and went, but Shun never did. It wasn't that he ignored the tuberculosis like some of our friends in the Academy had tried to- if he had I'd be dead a million times over by now. He just didn't let it change the way he saw me, something so rare I was hard put to find it anywhere else. Whether or not it was true, in Shun's eyes I was at least as strong as all of the other Captains, or stronger. Where someone else might shrink from giving me an active mission Shun would let me do my duty like any other shinigami. I was able to do that duty less often than I liked, but when I was able, Shun, unlike my other comrades, never tried to discourage me from doing it. Even my own squad members couldn't do that, preferring instead to coddle their pathetic, weak, unwell captain. They meant well, and I appreciated the intense love and desire to protect me that motivated them, but it still stung like a smack in the face.

Wrapped up in my thoughts and Shun's arms, I barely noticed when the world stopped spinning and my breathing eased at last. I felt Shunsui move to open another door, but I didn't move.

A few more long strides and he was setting me down in the center of his bed. I blinked disconcertedly, eager and curious to see his new quarters- I hadn't seen Shun's room since he moved out of his penthouse apartment to this estate, abandoned by a lesser branch of the Shihoin family.

Two of the oddly shaped room's six walls were taken up by traditional paper sliding doors patterned with sakura petals while the others were painted a pink that verged on white. The wood beams and all the furniture were made of rich mahogany. The matching floors were strewn with clothes that could have been days, weeks, or even months old but hadn't quite covered up the obviously expensive mahogany.

"The room used to be the Lady's. I liked it so much I didn't bother remodeling the Lord's room. I'm gonna go run the water?" Shun explained, looking pleased with himself and grinning crookedly as he propped me up on an enormous stack of pillows. "I'll be right back" He turned on his heel, and left whistling and pulled the screen door shut behind him.

The bed was comfortable, much nicer than my own with silk, sakura patterned sheets and a thick pink comforter that had not been made up, but left thrown half across the bed in typical Shunsui style. The only light came in through a paper-screened window and from a few paper lanterns; everything was quiet except the sounds of running water and Shunsui whistling.

I laid back and closed my eyes, enjoying the stillness. My head was light and airy like it was full of clouds and balloons, but the throbbing had receded and while my breathing was still heavy it was not truly painful. My muscles had gone loose and languid, lessening their constant ache. A knot inside me dissolved- I had missed Shunsui these last few weeks. I remember seeing him only about three times since me relapse thought the fourth squad told me he had come almostevery day the first week and every other day or so the next week. Kuchiki-kun had visited several times though I don't recall seeing him at all, as did Hisagi-san and Abarai-kun. Nanao-chan accompanied Shunsui on his visits several times and came on her own another four or five times while I was unconscious, sitting beside me, holding my hand an d talking to me, something I recalled in my dreams as a warmth in my hands, and a reprieve from the pain, marked only by an unrecognizeable, undistinguishable vioce telling me to get better, and soon, because Shunsui was waiting. I think hearing her voice just set of my imagination, because Isane told me happily of her reports of Shunsui's antics (worse than usual), something which was much more like Nanao. The Commander came twice when I was asleep, and Hinamori-chan even stopped by once. Hitsugaya-san and Matsumoto-chan came together twice, something I do have a hazy memory of, though I had been covered in blood and just coming down from a coughing fit. They brought a CD player and a nature sounds CD smuggled in by Rukia who had been happy to oblige, sending me her fond best wishes and was happier still to accept their heavy bribes in chocolate. Nearly everyone, Mayuri's girl Nemu included, wished me well or asked after me at least once, but those who consistently asked where those same people who visited.

Mostly, their well-wishing and questions were of little meaning to me- it was nice of them, but it was hardly more than politeness and common courtesy if I was being honest.

Kuchiki-kun's visits I appreciated, because it was a surprisingly kind gesture from him and because he's the kind of man who would not have come if he didn't care. An amused Unohana told me he had inspected their work stations and me and ordered Isane, who was watching me while Unohana made medicines, to take the best care of "one of our greatest captains". Hitsugaya-kun and Matsumoto-san's gestures were touching- I was close to neither of them, but while I only saw them once and they only saw me twice, they tried many more times during their lunch breaks and after their long, shifts, but where thwarted by Isane's absence or sleep. Since I was unconscious, or on the verge of it when they visited I hadn't been able to thank them yet though I'd had Isane convey my thanks, which they had shrugged off. Matsumoto had apparently told Hitsugaya "I told you so" that I would like it. Hitsugaya reportedly ignored her and said it was nothing. Isane-chan too was touched- apparently both Toushiro and Rangiku had been truly worried for me and upset by my illness if Isane-chan was to be believed. According to her Hitsugaya had never looked so upset and Matsumoto wasn't even able to bounce around. Shun's constant visits were by far the most important to me, even so. I told myself not to, told myself it was stupid, but in the end I depended on them and on him; because knowing that Shun still cared, was still there for me, waiting for me to be well again and believing in me was often the only light in a day that from sunrise to sunrise held nothing but suffering, pain and so much blood.

What a pathetic thing my existence came down to if I relied on the visits of one man for all the joy in my day. It was my inner cynicist speaking, but I couldn't entirely discredit what it said. While I could hold strong, would keep fighting no matter what, I felt little true joy at the bottom of my decline, and Shunsui was the source of it, a message from him renewed my will to fight, doubling my strength. I opened my eyes, alerted to Shunsui's presence by the sound of the door. Behind him I could see pink and thick clouds of steam that seemed to invite me in.

"You can't walk, right?"

"No" I whispered, feeling my cheeks go pink as the shame returned with the acidic cynical thoughts. Shunsui asked it casually, as if it was unimportant. As if it was normal for one of the Gotei Thirteen to be unable to stand on his own. As if I weren't weak, pathetic.

He scooped me up easily; despite the fact that Shunsui was barely two inches taller than me, barely wider I had always seemed much smaller than him. Pale, slender and almost constantly in a delicate state of health combined with Shunsui's facial hair, much more apparent by comparison, just made him seem larger.

Even at almost his size, I fit easily into his muscular arms, and it seemed the most natural thing in the world for him to carry me after all these years. Where other men shrank from contact or affection, Shun and I had always been openly affectionate; we hugged and walked down the street with our arms wrapped around each other's shoulders, or just leaned on each other for support when we wanted to. If I was upset, I could lean on his shoulder or let him hold me and no one would think anything of it because that was the way we had always been. I loved the contact, just being able to touch, even just the brush of fingertips when I was unsure made me feel more real, more steady. Now, Shunsui's arms casually supporting me made me feel safe and went helped to make me feel a little less weak because he wasn't coddling me or fussing at me. He might have been carrying me for no better reason than saving me the walk because I was tired and no one (me included) would ever know the difference from the way he walked- he was relaxed, not taking care not to bump or jostle me, which I could expect from anyone else.

The bathroom, unsurprisingly, was pink and white everywhere. Three white walls and one pink one, a pink and white tiled shower and white marble floors swirled with veins of rose. At the center of the room's design was the bathtub; a feat that made my jaw go lax in surprise when I first caught sight of it. Shunsui was grinning widely what I was sure was his very most pleased grin- he looked like a cat let at the cream- but I ignored him. I kept my heart beat even by sheer force of will, refusing to let it race like it wanted to.

Shorter than my six foot by only half a foot and deeper than any bathtub I'd ever seen, it made me instantly grateful that Shunsui had volunteered it's use- public baths could never compare and if he hadn't offered, I would have imposed myself on him. The water was running and though the tub was only almost a third full, the room was full of steam that completely fogged all the mirrors. I took a deep breath of steam, letting the vapor fill my lungs and throat, soothing and loosening all it touched. Already I could feel my throat opening and my lungs easing.

"Thank you" I said softly, taking pleasure in how easily I could speak, and looked up into Shun's face, shadowed by his hat. His perpetual smile widened and I could read in the set of his eyes how glad he was that he could finally help me. It was hard on him, I knew, watching me in pain never able to help, which was one reason he loved to do these little things for me, why I didn't stop him.

"Don't worry about it" He brushed it off, like a fleck of dust of his sleeve, treating it as inconsequential, just like he always did when he was helping me out with some little favor. Shun set my feet gently down on the floor, still supporting my weight with one arm looped around my waist, hand splayed on my back.

"You can get your yukata, right?" I flushed slightly. To his immense credit Shun didn't even blink, just looking expectantly into my eyes the way he would if he asked me if I wanted another drink. I nodded, noting happily that my head barely swam and untied my obi with hands that shook a little less. After so many centuries, I felt no embarrassment at undressing in front of him- only shame. He knew my body as well as I knew his, knew what I looked like strong, so I felt shame, clawing at my guts with burning talons. Shame in the visible weakness of my body, shame in how good his steady hands felt on my bare, cool skin, shame in the fact that I wanted his eyes to linger on me longer, to really take in my appearance.

I have loved Shunsui almost longer than I can remember. I have known even longer that we could never be together. Shunsui loved life, and energy and beauty, three things I could never give him. Shunsui had always loved beautiful women, and had come to love Nanao-chan, a love I could see was true and strong. Shun would never, ever be mine.

***

Aaaaw, poor Ukitake!! Poor Ukitake is down on himself. Whatever can Shunsui do? You'll have to wait and see! I feel really good about this, and the way I've set things up, as well as my devious plan for the future. This chapter was very Ukitake-centric, but if you're a Shunsui fan, please don't worry because we'll be getting a lot more Shunsui, and soon! So review, review, review and if you REALLY love me, favorite. It makes me feel special. When I feel special I write, and when I write posts come. So, there you go.

Thanks to all,

The Hatter Maddox!