Hey all! I'm not dead!

This is just a short little oneshot I wrote up today. It's based on real events so I hope you like it. Just something to know, Kairi, Sora and Namine are all best friends, but they all live in different cities so they don't get to see each other very often.


She would never forget this day.

It was perfect. The sky was a lovely shade of blue with white clouds dotting the sky as if it were straight out of a fairytale. It was the perfect temperature to be outside and the wind was blowing gently.

Kairi was laying down on a plastic slide, eyes closed, just taking in the beautiful day. She didn't even flutter an eyelash as someone came and sat down next on the slide next to hers. Those footsteps belonged to her best friend Sora, who had been walking around the small lake with their other best friend, Namine.

They stayed in silence for a few moments when he finally whispered, "Are you awake?"

"Yes Sora, I'm wide awake."

"Well you just look like you could be sleeping!" Kairi smiled at this, she knew that Sora loved to watch her sleep. He said it always calmed him down to see her so peaceful, like nothing else really mattered.

"Well, I'm not." She sat up and shook her hair out. That was something else Sora loved about her; her hair. She had been growing it out for awhile, so it went halfway down her back. Her favorite way to tease Sora was to talk about cutting it off because he would always throw a fit. She wondered if he knew the only reason she was keeping it down the entire time she was visiting him was because she knew how much he loved it. As if to confirm her thoughts; Sora reached out and started running a strand of her hair through his fingers.

Kairi internally sighed; she loved and hated the feelings she was experiencing at this moment. She focused instead of the figure of Namine and the little dog Pipa who were making their way around the lake again.

The two girls were visiting Sora for the weekend. Each teen lived hours away from each other, though Kairi was the farthest and got to see her best friends the least. Namine had actually been up at Sora's house practically every weekend for the past two or three months. Kairi tried not to let it bother her how often they were together, it wasn't their fault that Namine was always traveling places and those places just happened to take her through Twilight Town on a regular basis. But the fact that since meeting Sora last summer at the same Camp she and Namine met at, she had only seen him one other time in the winter, whilst Namine had seen him countless times from then to now. Here it was, spring. She had seen Namine a few times during the months since Camp, but Sora-her best friend-she had only seen one other time.

She watched Pipa jump around and tried not to let it get to her that Namine had stolen the little dog away. Nami had met the little dog before of course, and so she wanted an adequate time to play with her. Kairi on the other hand, had only heard stories of the bundle of energy and had been looking forward to playing with her. But that was near impossible since Nami kept hold of the leash (literally).

As much as she loved being here with her two best friends, part of her kept saying that she didn't belong. The other two had so much actual physical time together that they had grown so much closer. Kairi felt as if it was a private club she hadn't been invited into. So as Sora and Namine had gone off around the lake, Kairi felt compelled to stay at the small playground. She often found herself wishing she was alone while here.

Sora's voice pulled Kairi out of her thoughts. "Kairi, what are you thinking?"

Plastering a smile on her face, she went with what she always said when she didn't want him knowing her thoughts. "Oh it's nothing really." He raised an eyebrow at her, not believing the lie. "Just how glad I am to be here with you." That seemed to satisfy him and he went back to twirling her hair.

Despite her emotions, Kairi really was glad to be here with him. After months of not being able to get a hug when she needed one, not being able to hear his voice, just being with her best friend, it was wonderful to be here. He stopped playing with her hair, leaned back on his slide and closed his eyes. She was surprised when he held out his hand, so she gently laid hers in his. Not that she would ever say it out loud, but she loved watching him sleep as much as he did her. The wind was playing with strands of his hair as it picked up and he finally looked content. For so long, based on pictures he would send randomly, he looked like things were really wearing down on him; not that he'd admit it to her. Now he looked calm, content, and peaceful. The sun glowing down on him brought out his tan and his t-shirt didn't quit hide the build of the body underneath it. Sora had told her before he always felt like he was especially close to her and could protect her from anything while she was sleeping, whether it was when she was actually with him or even over video chat online. But now, she had the chance to be the watcher for him.

Namine came walking up and the short moment was ruined. Sora sat up but Pipa raced off pulling Nami with her again, leaving them alone once more. Sora didn't release her hand right away, instead moving as close as the small barrier between them would allow and leaned his forehead against hers. The wind was blowing her hair around the both of them and she knew he was taking in the scent of her shampoo. He released her hand to put his arm around her in a hug for a little bit. Again, Kairi felt the sharp sting of pain she couldn't ignore.

Suddenly he took his arm back from around her and started rubbing his hand.

"What's wrong?"

"It's nothing."

"I don't believe that."

Sora grimaced. "It's okay; I just got into an argument, that's all."

Namine was walking back up the sidewalk and Kairi knew this conversation was about to be cut short. An argument? She had been with him all day!

"With who," she asked, suddenly knowing and fearing his answer.

"A fence." He deadpanned, refusing to look at her.

Nami was able to make it all the way to them this time and he made no further comment. Not that it was needed. The only time that Sora had been by himself enough to go have a fight with a fence was just after they had taken Pipa outside. Her mind flashed back to a trick someone had played on Sora at breakfast in town. She had no idea a coworker stealing his keys had upset him that much. Sora had thought for awhile that the girls knew of the prank the entire time and he had been really upset at them, but she had thought he let it go when she told him they had no part in it. But when he had excused himself for a few minutes… she sighed yet again. She should have known better, she knew she should have followed him off.

The desire to take his hand again and hold it in both of hers was over-whelming. But she knew she couldn't do it. Not with Namine right there, her mind would jump to conclusions. No one really talked. The singing of the birds, the lapping of the water, Pipa's footprints in the gravel around the playground and the wind whistling through; those were the only sounds.

Namine's voice broke the silence. "We should probably take Pipa back now; maybe your grandmother is awake now."

"Sounds good to me," Sora said as he stood up. They walked off as Kairi followed slowly, finally getting a chance to walk with Pipa. She watched her two best friends walk off with a pain in her chest. She loved Namine, she was her sister and they had been through so much together. This time though was mainly to see Sora, and Namine hadn't been paying as much attention to her anyway.

Sora; he made her a walking contradiction. On the one hand, she never wanted to be around him because of the pain she was in when she was. Whenever she talked to him, the few times she had been able to be around him, at times the pain was almost unbearable. On the other hand, she cherished every moment she had with him. She wanted to spend every minute of every day with him. She could still feel his hand around hers and their foreheads close together.

So this is the torture of being in love with your best friend.

She watched them walk up the driveway and into the house, leaving her outside. She wanted to cry, for even with everything Sora had done, every word he ever said, every action, he had no feelings for her. An outsider might think different, but Kairi knew that anything he ever did with her he did only out of friendship, and that he would never love her back the way she loved him.

"Only two more days here, then I'm free to return home." She whispered to herself. But even though she wanted to get away from him so she could stop slowing killing herself, she knew the second she lost sight of him, all she would be able to think of is being back with him.

It was a losing battle, forever in checkmate.

"Kairi, are you coming?" Sora had stepped back outside to see why she wasn't there yet.

"Yes, here I am!" She once again put a smile on her face and walked up to him, hiding every emotion she felt inside.

No matter how she felt, she knew she would always come to him when he called her.

Cause I can't help it if you look like an angel
Can't help if I wanna kiss you in the rain so
Come feel this magic I've been feeling since I met you
Can't help it if there's no one else
I can't help myself


This is for everyone out there who is in love with their best friend, but can't ever say it.
I know exactly how you feel.

Kairi Granger