The Many Ways To Piss Off Professor Minerva McGonagall
1. Ask her why her robes are green when her house colors are red and gold and if it has anything to do with her having a crush on a certain potions master.
2. Meow at her incessantly and tell her that you can speak cat.
3. Ask her if she really was a Gryffindor or if she was truly a Slytherin, after all she does always wear green.
4. Turn Professor Snape into a mouse and give him to her as a snack.
5. Stroll into class late and throw lingerie on her desk and say it's a gift from Professor Dumbledore.
6. Give the Marauders detention for no reason, and make them serve it with her. Bad enough they are already in her house.
7. Ask Peeves to cause a disturbance while she's teaching a lesson
8. Charm her hair pins so that they fall out every time she tries to put her hair up.
9. Send Fred and George to her house over the Christmas holidays. That's more of a punishment than a present, no telling what they will do. There might not even be a house left.
10. Hide a stink bomb behind her desk before class starts, and when the smell gets bad, yell: Oh...Professor lay off of the tuna would you.
11. Ask her if she could cough up a hairball in the middle of a lesson
12. Give her a fake letter from Umbridge saying that she is coming back to Hogwarts to inspect everybody.
13. Give her catnip for her birthday.
14. Taunt her with cat toys when she is in her animagus form.
15. Give her "naughty" letters signed from Dumbledore.
16. Charm her robes to support Slytherin during the Quidditch championship match.
17. Rub it in her face that Slytherin has the Quidditch cup.
18. Fill her chambers with cats and tell her that her family is in town.
19. Call her mother lion.
20. Find a bunch of kittens and ask if they are her children
21. Interrupt her class like Umbridge and then offer a random person a cough drop.
22. Tell her that the Weasley twins flooded all of the bathrooms in the castle.
23. Charm cats to follow her and meow wherever she goes.
24. Ask if Mrs. Norris is her daughter.
25. Ask if she ever slept with a man in the castle.
26. Beg her to wear her hair down for once...like that will ever happen.
27. Put Severus and the Marauders in the same Transfiguration class.
28. Instead of asking to use the bathroom, ask if you could go use the litter box.
29. Ask her if Dumbledore prefers boxers or briefs.
30. Throw balls of yarn across the room to try and distract her to try and get out of a test.
31. Tell her that Dumbledore needs her now to help him with his "horn problem".
32. Tell her that Professor Snape has the hots for her.
33. Impersonate Dumbledore using a Polyjuice potion, and propose to her in front of everyone in the Great Hall.
34. Get the Weasley twins to sneak into her quarters and hide her hairbrush and to change her green robes pink...just like favorite co worker.
35. Have every wizard fight to the death for her and then tell the victor that she doesn't "swing that way"
36. Randomly start slapping her with a huge fish.
37. Beg Sirius Black to transform to a dog and bark at her before class when she's in her cat form.
38. Tell her you can hook her up with large quantities of catnip for a reasonable price.
39. Ask her if she was one of Umbridge's pets.
40. Tell her that you have seen her likeness on one of Umbridge's kitten plates.
41. Send her a howler from Umbridge.
42. Ask her what breed of cat she finds attractive.
43. Ask her if she has ever been in a catfight.
44. Tell her you are allergic to cats, and ask if you can skip her class and go to Divination.
45. Tell her that Trelawney is a better teacher than she is.
46. Tell her that Umbridge is a better teacher than she is.
47. Tell the Weasley twins to blow up the transfiguration classroom.
48. Ask her if she like her meat rare.
49. Ask her if she ever gets hairballs in her human form.
50. When she is in her cat form pick her up, and ask Professor Dumbledore if you can keep her as a pet.
51. Ask her if she likes getting her belly rubbed.
52. Swing her by the tail when she is in her cat form. Revenge is sweet after getting a bad grade and...or...a detention.
53. Ask her if she is afraid of water.
54. When she is in her cat form drop her in the lake to see if she can swim.
55. Put her in a muggle washing machine when she is in her cat form...Don'r forget to blame and or frame Peeves.
56. Ask her if she lands on her feet when she falls.
57. Sic a dog (Sirius Black) on her when she is in her cat form.
58. When she asks you to get her a goblet of pumpkin juice, bring her a bowl of milk instead.
59. Put a scratching post and a litter box in her classroom.
60. Put a toy mouse on the end of a string and charm it to move around the class, and laugh as she chases it. Then yell you really are a cat.
61. Hex her to remain a cat for the Quidditch games as the Gryffindor mascot.
62. Give her a lion animal candy when she's a cat and then call her moma lion.
63. Give her a potion and tell her it's a deageing potion...Remember to say that it's from Professor Snape.
64. Give her a pair of old smelly wool socks and say that Professor Dumbledore wanted you to have these.
65. Lock her and Dumbledore in the potions storage closet and not let them out until they snogged each other senseless.
66. At the beginning of term brew a polyjuice potion, turn into Headmaster Dumbledore and tell her that she will be teaching Divination.
67. Ask Professor Trelawney to predict her future.
68. Lock her and Snape in the potions storage closet and not let them out until they have snogged each other senseless.
69. Transfigure her meals into cat food.
70. Turn all of the desks into pigs during one of her lessons.
