The characters are Stephanie Meyer's.
Day One
"How did my life get to this point?" I sighed. I thought about the last year and everything that had happened or rather the feelings I had a year ago and the choices that I made to get me where I am today. "I can only hope that I can survive the next week."
"Mommy who are you talking to?" My six year old daughter looked at me. Her eyebrows were knit together with confusion.
"Sweetie, Mommy was just talking to herself. Don't worry, I'm not going crazy." I lightly smiled at her. "We should go to the park and play for a little bit."
She began to jump up and down with excitement. "Really? Mommy, I want to see how high I can get on the swing. Do you think I can get over the bar?"
"No, babe. I can't push you that high, plus I have to keep an eye on Seth. I know he'll need me to catch him at the bottom of the slide." I couldn't stand the dejected look in her face and had to reassure her "However, let's see how high you can get on your own."
I walked Emily to the coat closet and pulled out all our winter gear. Seth toddled in once he figured out we were going outside. I was glad that it was such a cold day because that would mean few, if any, people would be at our neighborhood park. I did not want people close to me right now. If they didn't know, they would find out soon about my situation and I didn't know how much longer I could hold it together for my kids. I left the cell phone. I didn't want anyone to contact me until it was on my terms.
Emily and Seth loved the park no matter the weather. It was hard to keep them from running down the street on their own. Emily was just starting to comprehend that cars could be dangerous; little did she know that it was a car that took her father away. I was still in shock as we walked, but I knew that I needed to give my kids this little bit of normalcy before their lives were turned upside-down. I knew that within the next couple of hours I would have to start arranging for a new life without a part of my world and try to say "good-bye" to a life I figure I will never have again.
The kids played, but there wasn't the same excitement as usual. It might have been due to the cold. I was sure that my mood was the reason for their reverent play. So much for that last little bit of normalcy, I thought.
After twenty minutes, I yelled that we would be leaving in two minutes. Both of my kids needed that warning or it would take forever to get them off of the play equipment, except for today. Emily popped her head over the rail of the slide and decided that one last "wee" was all she needed. Seth gave me the biggest smile and ran right to me. Tears started swelling in my eyes. I knew that I had to break the news to them soon, but I couldn't do it today. I hadn't come to terms with it myself. Then I felt a flutter in my abdomen. The floodgates opened. This one would never know their father.
"Mommy, when is Daddy coming home?"
"Sweet girl, I don't think Daddy will be home to tuck you in tonight." Tears started to slide down my face. One tear at a time.
"Why?"
Swallowing back tears, "He is busy tonight."
That was all I could bear to say. Why couldn't I tell her that he was never coming home again? She understood that things died and went away, but no one close to her had died. It was hard enough for me just to go to funerals. How was I going to get through identifying a body when I can't even stand getting closer than three feet to an open casket? On top of that, how could I get all the funeral arrangements done? I needed someone, but who could I have help me when I just wanted to be alone to deal with this on my own? Really, what I wanted to do was escape. Strap the kids in to the car and just drive. I didn't know where, but anywhere was better than staying in one place. Could I pack up a few necessities and leave everything behind? There was too much I had to attend to and get in order before I left with the kids.
The sad point about all this is that I knew it was coming. When I was a newly wed I thought that we would be together until we were old and decrepit, but it wasn't until a year ago that I kept feeling that I was going to lose my "better half." He was the backbone of our family and the only person that I felt I could get along with on a long term basis. I'm not a difficult person, but it was always frustrating to date and find little things about other people that got on my nerves. Soon after those annoyances were manifested I would end the relationship. There were only two exceptions; my, now deceased, husband and Edward.
I met my husband during freshman orientation. Jacob was a junior who was assigned to show my group around the university. I was immediately drawn to his happy-go-lucky personality. He helped me get acquainted with college life. I began to spend most nights with him either hanging out or studying for our classes. I was so happy to have a friend so far from home and by the end of my first semester Jake wanted to get married. After a quick trip to the courthouse during Winter break, I was Isabella Black. We didn't tell anyone of our nuptials for fear of what our families would say. I felt ashamed that I couldn't share the news with them during my visit for Christmas. Jake was there with me, but no one knew the extent of our relationship. They were in for a surprise once they found out.
Sure we had some ups and downs, but things worked out and we still loved each other when all was said and done. We continued our studies. By the time we welcomed our first child, Emily, Jake was just one semester short of finishing his degree. I had a little further to go to finish. Luckily, our schedules worked out so that I could go to night school and Jake could easily finish and be able to find a job. Shortly after I finished my degree, we had Seth. He was such a joy. We wanted to give him another little playmate and once we were able to try for another baby we did. Now I'm not sure how wise that decision was. Who is going to want hire a pregnant woman?
Jake did well. His business had just started taking off. We were doing well enough to start paying down debts and bought our first home, a three bedroom bungalow in a small town. Luckily, I had the opportunity to stay home with our kids. I was never the traditional girl growing up, but I always felt that I wanted to raise my kids and not leave it up to a daycare. It was a hard decision, but once Emily was in school she excelled because of all the one on one time I could give her. I enjoyed being able to relive parts of my childhood. Life was good and now life was bad because I was alone and unemployed. I could try to take over my husbands business, but his partner was poised to take over if anything should happen. I felt helpless and alone. More alone than when I was single. Now I had two kids and one on the way. How was I going to support them? Sure I had a degree, but I've been out of work for so long I wasn't sure where I could get a job.
As my kids and I entered the door of our empty house, the answering machine beeped. Whoever it was didn't feel comfortable enough to leave a message. Good. That's the last thing I needed for my kids to hear. I wanted to tell them, and not have them overhear it. Although maybe it wouldn't hurt so bad and feel a little less real if it was broken to them by someone else. Could I find someone to do this for me? That's a stupid idea and I shouldn't even think about that. They need to hear it from me.
The kids shed their clothes in front of the closet. Ugh! I'll have to pick that up later when I wasn't such an emotional wreck. I assumed I'd be up all night anyway trying to figure out what I was going to do and who I was going to call.
I went straight to the freezer to pick out the easiest, kid-friendly meal possible. Exerting the least amount of energy was my goal. The pain was going to hit at my weakest and I wanted to keep it at bay as long as I could. Seth and, especially, Emily were excited that I wasn't forcing some sort of vegetable on them. Try as I did, my kids were pretty hardheaded when it came to food. I have to wonder if it was my hardheadedness or karma for my unwillingness to eat as a child. Mealtimes were usually a struggle, but Emily and Seth were healthy and that was what mattered.
Seth was done eating in a matter of minutes and because of my anxiety I felt it was best to get him in the bath and then put to bed. I wanted him asleep before the inevitable onslaught of phone calls. If I could get Emily in bed, even better, but she was always so methodical about eating. She had a certain way of eating and an order that was standard protocol. First, five bites of bread or mashed potatoes; second, one bite of meat; third, half bite of vegetables; then repeat. I always got frustrated with this when we would eat out because Seth was done before she even got to the second round. Tonight, I was going to breathe deep and let her have this time to herself.
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