Disclaimer-Trigun does not belong to me. It is not mine.
I finally have what I have been searching for as long as I can remember; a peaceful existence, yet somehow I am still not happy. Perhaps it is the strain of caring for my crippled brother that has depleted all my energy and narrowed my outlook on the good aspects of life.
Considering that I was the one that had crippled him, I felt as though it was my duty to become his caretaker, to sacrifice my own selfish needs to take care of him. Doing so gave me a lot of time to think, about the trials IÕd suffered and of all the good things IÕd experienced too. I had made many friends in my travels, people that very easily could have betrayed me for who I am.
There were many that saw me as the worst kind of outlaw, a killing machine without mercy and no conscience. I was not this person. I had only willfully taken one human life in my existence, and even then I was under duress. My two female traveling companions, Meryl and Millie, know me for who I really was, even if they didnÕt completely understand the circumstances of mine and my twinÕs existence. Despite their lack of understanding of why I could still care for, and even love, someone who would have ended my life without blinking an eye, they did their best to be supportive and help me without actually helping Knives himself.
I guess another one of the reasons I couldnÕt enjoy my newfound happiness was because since mine and KnivesÕ deadly confrontation, he has not spoken a word to me. All he ever does whenever I tend to his needs is stare angrily at me with his dark, intense eyes with so much hatred for the one that did this terrible deed to him.
I had not planned to disable him the way I did, it was just the only way I had known of stopping his senseless rampage without ending his life. I had faltered in pulling the trigger, and I donÕt think I ever would have done so. Despite everything, he is still my brother,my blood, my twin, and somehow that was driven home to me that day when I had raised my gun to his head and he had looked at me with the utmost fear in his eyes that I would actually go through with it.
I never wanted anyone to look at me like that, that is why I vowed never to take a life ever. There were few like me out there that felt the same way, and I was well aware of that. Considering what all my female traveling companions and I have been through, itÕs a wonder that I have been able to stand by my convictions, but that is the kind of man I am.
Meryl and Millie tell me all the time how strong they think I am, how resilient, but it just the way I have to be to survive. It hurts me to see the hatred in my brotherÕs eyes, nut perhaps if he becomes well again, he will be grateful to me for what IÕve done for him.
These were some of the hopeful thoughts that would float through my mind whenever I got the chance to sit alone atop a nearby cliff just outside the town the four of us were staying in. It was only early in the morning or just before the sun would set that I was able to to come out here and just let my mind roam, watching the birds fly by me in a graceful display.
I sighed, enjoying the feeling of the wind blowing through my short blond hair, grateful for the moment of solitude. It was only when Knives was sleeping that I felt comfortable coming here, to avoid the urge I had to watch him as he slept, my conscience tearing me up inside with every rise and fall of his slumbering chest.
Very rarely did either of the girls come up here when I was here, only when they were concerned about me or needed my help with something. I only tensed slightly when I felt Meryl walk up behind me and plan her hands on my shoulders.
ÒHello, Meryl.Ó I said.
ÒHello Vash.Ó she said.
I closed my eyes and sighed again as I felt her gently kneed her fingers into my tense shoulders.
ÒThat feels good. Thank you, Meryl.Ó I told her.
ÒYouÕre more tense than usual, Vash. Millie and I are really worried about you. ItÕs a very noble thing that youÕre doing, taking care of your brother Knives, but you shouldnÕt sacrifice your own health to do so.Ó Meryl said.
ÒThat is my cross to bear, Meryl. I have accepted my fate.Ó I said.
ÒThatÕs what I came here to talk to you about. Millie and I have been very patient with you through this whole ordeal, but weÕve decided to hire someone to help you take care of your brother.Ó Meryl said.
I stood up then and faced her, rising to my full height, towering over the petite young woman.
ÒI wish you would have talked to me about this before you did this, Meryl. Knives and I are both wanted outlaws, you know that. I canÕt take the chance that some vigilante doctor will want to turn us in once they recognize us. Did you even ever think about that?Ó I asked.
ÒWell, of course we did, but we also thought about the most suitable person to hire who wouldnÕt recognize you and Knives, and had the best credentials for the job. She is a young woman from the insurance agency, a girl that Meryl knows that just completed medical training. She has agreed to come stay with us if you approve. Please give it some thought, Vash.Ó she said.
She then walked away to leave me alone with my thoughts. As much as I wanted to fight the girls on the decision that they had made, I just lacked the strength to do so. I had to admit it would be a welcome relief to have someone to help me take care of Knives, to relive me of some of the heavy duty conditions I had willfully thrown myself into. I decided that it was a good idea after all and I would allow this young woman, whoever she was, to come stay with us.
I finally have what I have been searching for as long as I can remember; a peaceful existence, yet somehow I am still not happy. Perhaps it is the strain of caring for my crippled brother that has depleted all my energy and narrowed my outlook on the good aspects of life.
Considering that I was the one that had crippled him, I felt as though it was my duty to become his caretaker, to sacrifice my own selfish needs to take care of him. Doing so gave me a lot of time to think, about the trials IÕd suffered and of all the good things IÕd experienced too. I had made many friends in my travels, people that very easily could have betrayed me for who I am.
There were many that saw me as the worst kind of outlaw, a killing machine without mercy and no conscience. I was not this person. I had only willfully taken one human life in my existence, and even then I was under duress. My two female traveling companions, Meryl and Millie, know me for who I really was, even if they didnÕt completely understand the circumstances of mine and my twinÕs existence. Despite their lack of understanding of why I could still care for, and even love, someone who would have ended my life without blinking an eye, they did their best to be supportive and help me without actually helping Knives himself.
I guess another one of the reasons I couldnÕt enjoy my newfound happiness was because since mine and KnivesÕ deadly confrontation, he has not spoken a word to me. All he ever does whenever I tend to his needs is stare angrily at me with his dark, intense eyes with so much hatred for the one that did this terrible deed to him.
I had not planned to disable him the way I did, it was just the only way I had known of stopping his senseless rampage without ending his life. I had faltered in pulling the trigger, and I donÕt think I ever would have done so. Despite everything, he is still my brother,my blood, my twin, and somehow that was driven home to me that day when I had raised my gun to his head and he had looked at me with the utmost fear in his eyes that I would actually go through with it.
I never wanted anyone to look at me like that, that is why I vowed never to take a life ever. There were few like me out there that felt the same way, and I was well aware of that. Considering what all my female traveling companions and I have been through, itÕs a wonder that I have been able to stand by my convictions, but that is the kind of man I am.
Meryl and Millie tell me all the time how strong they think I am, how resilient, but it just the way I have to be to survive. It hurts me to see the hatred in my brotherÕs eyes, nut perhaps if he becomes well again, he will be grateful to me for what IÕve done for him.
These were some of the hopeful thoughts that would float through my mind whenever I got the chance to sit alone atop a nearby cliff just outside the town the four of us were staying in. It was only early in the morning or just before the sun would set that I was able to to come out here and just let my mind roam, watching the birds fly by me in a graceful display.
I sighed, enjoying the feeling of the wind blowing through my short blond hair, grateful for the moment of solitude. It was only when Knives was sleeping that I felt comfortable coming here, to avoid the urge I had to watch him as he slept, my conscience tearing me up inside with every rise and fall of his slumbering chest.
Very rarely did either of the girls come up here when I was here, only when they were concerned about me or needed my help with something. I only tensed slightly when I felt Meryl walk up behind me and plan her hands on my shoulders.
ÒHello, Meryl.Ó I said.
ÒHello Vash.Ó she said.
I closed my eyes and sighed again as I felt her gently kneed her fingers into my tense shoulders.
ÒThat feels good. Thank you, Meryl.Ó I told her.
ÒYouÕre more tense than usual, Vash. Millie and I are really worried about you. ItÕs a very noble thing that youÕre doing, taking care of your brother Knives, but you shouldnÕt sacrifice your own health to do so.Ó Meryl said.
ÒThat is my cross to bear, Meryl. I have accepted my fate.Ó I said.
ÒThatÕs what I came here to talk to you about. Millie and I have been very patient with you through this whole ordeal, but weÕve decided to hire someone to help you take care of your brother.Ó Meryl said.
I stood up then and faced her, rising to my full height, towering over the petite young woman.
ÒI wish you would have talked to me about this before you did this, Meryl. Knives and I are both wanted outlaws, you know that. I canÕt take the chance that some vigilante doctor will want to turn us in once they recognize us. Did you even ever think about that?Ó I asked.
ÒWell, of course we did, but we also thought about the most suitable person to hire who wouldnÕt recognize you and Knives, and had the best credentials for the job. She is a young woman from the insurance agency, a girl that Meryl knows that just completed medical training. She has agreed to come stay with us if you approve. Please give it some thought, Vash.Ó she said.
She then walked away to leave me alone with my thoughts. As much as I wanted to fight the girls on the decision that they had made, I just lacked the strength to do so. I had to admit it would be a welcome relief to have someone to help me take care of Knives, to relive me of some of the heavy duty conditions I had willfully thrown myself into. I decided that it was a good idea after all and I would allow this young woman, whoever she was, to come stay with us.
