A/N: HEY EVERYONE. What the hell? Incest? Really? Parody. Much the parody is called for.
Disclaimer: I do not own incest or The Last Airbender.
Hemophilia
by Undercooked
"Fun fact: children conceived of an incestual union often suffer from some sort of genetic mutation," pointed out Iroh helpfully.
"How was that appropriate, like, ever?" asked Hemophilia, who had just been thinking about how surprised he was that the old man was still alive.
"Just providing helpful information, great-nephew - seeing as those damned fanfiction authors made you the freak!baby of your father and his sister."
"Why did you do that?"
"Do what?"
"Put an unnecessary exclamation point between 'freak' and 'baby'."
"I don't know - all the other fanfictions were doing it."
"If all the other fanfictions jumped off a bridge, would you?"
The old man grumbled in reply to the deformed youth.
Hemophilia patted his great-uncle's shoulder consolingly, and said,
"It's okay, great-uncle Iroh - you were definitely right about those stupid fanfiction writers making my parents mate. But what's done is done now, and it's okay that I'm slightly demented, have only half a left leg, and have Fanconi's disease. I've come to terms with that fact."
"But how can you, when just over there in Unnamed Fic #3, your half-brother frolics, comparatively unscathed?"
"Why comparatively?"
"Because it's a terrible fic and he's bipolar or something. But at least he has his limbs!"
"Great-uncle, I don't think we have room to be dissing anyone else's fic."
"That's true. I AM like 643 years old and look exaclty like I did when I was 60..."
"And I'm the brutally honest offspring of two siblings. We make a terrible story. I mean, where ARE we? The author totally failed to mention that. Are we in a bedroom? A living room? On a ship? At the beach?"
There followed an awkward silence.
"...So what do we do now?" asked the immortal Iroh.
"Um...make out?" replied Hemophilia.
"More incest? But...isn't it incest that got us into this mess?"
"You know the old saying: 'if your parents are brother and sister, make out with your great-uncle and a rainbow will appear.' "
"That's the dementia."
"Definately the dementia."
Just then, Aang hobbled in, leaning on an air-cane, and said,
"Are you the mutant love-child of Zuko and Azula?"
"That would be me," replied Hemophilia. "And aren't you like fifty?"
"...Logic does not belong here," stated the elderly airbender. "You of all people should know that. I've come to offer you an offer."
"Offer me an offer? That's just bad grammar."
"Shut the fuck up, mutant. Anyway, as I was saying, I've come to offer you an irresistible offer."
"What is it?"
"Well, if I were to use fanfiction logic, it would be a quest of some sort. But screw that. I'm prematurely ancient. I hate fanfiction - we all do. I've amassed an army. Lesbian Katara, overly maternal Mai, every one of Sokka's abused lovers, and many others. I've come to invite you and your super old-young great uncle." said the avatar.
Hemophilia nodded seriously, as overly maternal Mai ran over and hugged him, exclaiming,
"I love you! I will love you forever! I wish you could live in my soul!"
"I'll join if you get her off me."
"Deal."
And so a deal was made.
