Chapter one: together again
A/N: I'm at it again… making another because let's face it I wrote 'How did it begin, and how will it end?' almost 3 years ago while moving, doing a chapter a day, for the most part. Soo it might have been a bit rushed… and sloppy and oh the grammar errors… One day I'll edit it. Today however, is not that day. This is a new fic completely separate from all the others timeline wise. I'm not sure how long this will be but I guess we will find out. It starts right at the end of season 5 where Ahsoka leaves and it was created with the feels in mind.
Warning: possible future smut (I don't know yet), mentions of depression, and possibly PTSD
Flashback/thoughts
Normal
Togruti
Ahsoka was baffled beyond baffled even, it took everything she had not to lash out at the council then and there. Was she even hearing them correctly? Several hours ago they were ready to have her put to death over a crime she didn't even commit and now they were saying she was being… advanced… to a Jedi Knight? She crossed her arms and looked at them before looking at the floor.
"They're asking you back Ahsoka… I'm asking you back." She heard him say yet it sounded so distant in his hand was her Jedi braid being held out to her for her to take. In truth she wanted nothing more as her blue orbs filled with pain she couldn't look at him very long too much would be said if she opened her mouth. How badly she wanted to accept it, accept him and just have him hold her, make her feel safe again. How could she when he had been the only one to defend her? How was she supposed to trust the council if they couldn't trust her first? She closed his gloved hand with both of her own and vaguely heard herself speak something to him felt herself turn and walk away. She felt him coming after her head him yelling towards her. She stopped and turned to face him once more. He asked why she was doing this and she explained herself.
"I trusted you I stood by you," he told her and she felt like sobbing
"I know you did Anakin," she paused rarely speaking his name "and I'm grateful for that… but this isn't about you, I can't stay here any longer." She had said to him and he scolded her or maybe he was trying to persuade her to stay. She said she couldn't that she had to sort this out on her own. He said he knew how she was feeling and she had told him she knew before she walked away. Leaving her home, leaving her life, a tear slipped down her cheek as she boarded the next ship there was to Shili, it might have been hours, it could have easily have been days before she arrived on her home world. She found her old tribe; they welcomed her in not understanding why she was there but also not prying as to why.
That was a few months ago now, Ahsoka was generally settling into her new civilian life. She took care of the children with the mothers, hunted with the males, and helped out where she could. Her nights were not peaceful, her days just another distraction.
Days turned to weeks…weeks turned to months and eventually Anakin stopped counting, the pain just too much. Ever since the day he watched his Padawan walked down the steps; his heart shattered. He barely felt anything after that; he could hear dark voices in his head, beckoning him to come to the dark side. Nightmares plagued his mind; he was at a lost at what to do. He was scared, terrified even. He had Obi-Wan but his Padawan…she understood him more than anyone else in this Order did. But when she walked away…ignoring his pleading it felt like everything that had been through had been disregarded.
"Yes, Obi-Wan. I'm headed there now." He spoke into the comlink as he flew his ship into the green planet of Shili. Damn Separatists, they couldn't learn a lesson could they? Landing, he got out of the ship and the Clone Drop ships landed behind him, "We'll make camp here tonight. Rex, start a perimeter." He looked around the green foliage,
"Yes sir! Get a move on it men!" Rex ordered but Anakin, he looked around and…felt a Force Signature he hadn't felt in…His eyes widened at the realization of who it was. She…she wasn't far…She-
"Gene-" Rex looked around and saw that Anakin had all but vanished. The only trace was the foliage softly swinging side to side as something had moved past it; that something being his General.
Ahsoka meanwhile, was softly cooing to a small group of children comforting them while their fathers hunted and their mothers were finally able to get things done around their houses. They seemed fascinated with her and loved her soft singing in Togruti and her abilities with the force. She was still hurting, still broken, her village elders trying to console her as best they could; offering her any guidance they had but it wasn't enough, maybe he had been right maybe she had been mistaken… it was too late now, too far gone for her to ever return. She still practiced with her sabers, with the force, and tried to meditate when she could but it wasn't the same… he wasn't there. She was taking the children back to their homes for the night when she paused, her eyes going wide, breath hitching in her throat. She forced herself to breathe, to take the rest of the little ones home before running off. It couldn't be right… he couldn't be here… could he? She dropped the last one off before breaking off into a dead sprint coming to the edge of a field of Turu grass. She stood there her eyes scanning the distance before she sighed, her mind and emotions were simply playing with her, she finally decided, she didn't mean enough to the Order, let alone him, for him to even try and find her again. She let out a shuddering breath her hands clenching before she slowly turned and started to walk back.
He ran as fast as his legs could carry him, ducking and jumping over trees. Using the Force to propel him faster until right when he saw what looked to be a Tribe he could hear shouts and calls and soon…his face was hit with a stick and he landed on the ground, hard. Groaning out he held his face and heard people speaking around him…A language he'd hear at times from Ahsoka…The Togrutan native tongue. Anakin was dragged back to their village and tossed in the main square. Laying there for a moment he shook his head and slowly stood up,
"I…I come in peace. I am with Republic…I…I am a Jedi Knight of the Jedi Order. I mean you no harm." They whispered around him in their native language, "Please, I come in peace." He explained again looked around as they all held their spears and arrows towards him, "I…I felt someone here on your planet. I…I know you do not like outsiders after…"He shook his head; he needed to stay on track,
"I am looking for a friend. She…she was a close friend of mine. A Jedi; like myself. Her name is Ahsoka…Ahsoka Tano." He explained desperate and the whisper grew louder.
So, this was her tribe that Plo Koon had taken her from. The male thought as he slowly looked around to see if he could find those familiar Lekku among the brightly and differently shaped head tails.
"Damnit, Ahsoka…"He cursed to himself, knowing they were growing more and more hostile. He would not attack them…he couldn't.
As she started back she heard people talking, she was still lost in her own thoughts to really pick up what they were saying until she was mere meters from it. She stopped, they were whispering about an outsider and her name came up from several of them.
"What's going on?" she asked one of them in her native tongue slowly pushing her way through the mass of bodies, their tones and posture clearly showed they weren't happy. That feeling was back… she feeling she knew to be him was back and she shoved her way through yelling at them to move she all but stumbled into the circle.
"Anakin…" her voice came out like a broken whisper as she came to stand in front of him. "Oh force… what…" she struggled to breathe her eyes welling up with tears from who knew how many emotions. Anakin felt her, felt her get closer and closer until he heard his name…a name from a voice- the voice- he could pick from a crowd of millions. For a moment, time froze as he replayed her voice saying his name. This must have been a dream; a dream in the plague of nightmares. This couldn't be real, it couldn't. But, as he slowly turned around he faced her, she let out a broken whimper and launched herself into his chest. Her whole body shuddered as she buried her face in his chest. She didn't trust her voice; Ahsoka barley trusted her legs to keep her up as her hands gripped onto his tunic. He had started to take a step forward, still not believing it was true. That was all until she launched herself into his chest, hugging him. His arms stayed slightly raised unsure of what to do for a moment. But soon, his arms came to wrap around her. Ahsoka could only stand there hoping his hold on her was tight in case her legs really did give out from under her. She whimpered incoherent things into his tunic, things that for all she knew was in Togruti.
"Ahsoka…" He barely managed to get out as his voice ceased to work as the emotions flared inside him. He breathed, trying so hard to fight the tears that wanted to fall from his face, though he knew the action would mess with her senses, he couldn't be made to care and almost relished in the shudder that broke from her, another telltale sign for him to know she was here. She heard him speak, but she couldn't answer with words only broke sobbing into his tunic so much pain, terror, and many other emotions coming out in a matter of moments. She was in his arms and he knew it wasn't some trick or a dream; this was real…she was back…she was okay...
"I've missed you so much…" he breathed out his voice coming just above a whisper.
"I would hope so…" she didn't even know if he heard her or not and ever so slowly she pulled her face back her eyes still spilling over with tears staining her face. She could feel her fellow tribe members relaxing, knowing now he was no danger though probably assuming something else. They dissipated until a few members remained but she didn't dare move so scared it was a dream so utterly and completely terrified if she let go she'd wake up with a chocked scream, her skin covered in sweat, her breathing pants, she couldn't bear another nightmare. He held her tighter too afraid to ever let go. Anakin didn't notice that those around him slowly dissipated and left them alone; the few remaining finally left just leaving the two of them alone. He couldn't help but wonder for a moment what they thought about this. An outsider and one of their kind, in an embrace like this? Surely, they wouldn't approve of any of this but yet…here they were. They were safe and together. This wasn't like the nightmares…this was so real and yet, he was so scared that if he ever let her go he'd wake up in a state of panic and shock. Finally, the tears began to fall and he forced himself to pull away and rested his hands on her shoulders and looked into her blue eyes,
"You're alright…"He said and sniffled, but a smile was on his features. "Gods Ahsoka…I…"He pulled her into another tight hug, "You're okay…and…kriff." He was so happy and relieved that this was real. He knew he had so many questions he needed answers to…but right now; he was just going to enjoy this. His…his Snip's was back, his friend, his… he didn't let that thought finish.
"I…I didn't think you…you would return here…"He said between sniffled and muffled cries. He hated that he showed her this weakness but, no amount of Jedi training could get rid of these emotions. She offered a shaken smile at him before burying her face in his chest again, her hands still fisted in his robes to the point her knuckles paled.
"I didn't know where else to go… so I went back to my tribe…" she whispered her words hitching as she tried to stop the sobs that she couldn't seem to control any longer. She slowly pulled back just enough and released a hand slowly to cup his face and wipe the tears away.
"I…I understand I…it slipped my mind when I…"He cut himself off, but she could finish it on her own. Of course he'd search for her. He'd search far and wide to bring her back. To…to explain to her that she belonged with the Jedi…belonged with her men…belonged with him. He could talk her into it, couldn't he? Bring her back? As she pulled away and gently cupped his face to wipe his tears, he couldn't help but close his eyes and turned his face into her caressed. Such a simple gesture could bring him so much peace...bring him so much calmness. Keeping an arm still wrapped around her, he raised his mechanical-arm to cover her slender hand.
"Master…" she whispered before stopping herself she couldn't really expect that he'd let her return could she? "I'm glad to see you…" she decided and retracted her hand looking down between them.
"I would hope so…"He couldn't help but grin through the tears. For a few moments, he stayed like that, so lost in her eyes and in this moment. Wrapping his arms around her again, he spun her around and set her down. She looked at his arm for a moment her mind racing again and again and finally went he set her down she was glad unable to know how much longer she could stand when it seemed like all she was able to do was shake without really understanding why. He cupped her face in his hands, tilted it up ever so slightly and kissed her forehead softly. He drew away just enough and pressed his forehead to hers. Feeling his lips touch her forehead made her eyes close and when she opened them again she was staring right into his now closed ones.
"I won't fail you again, Ahsoka…I...I won't. I promise you, I won't. Just…"He closed his eyes, "Please come home..." he choked the words out
I need you...
"I thought you'd just given up… forgotten and moved on…" she whispered brokenly "I never thought you'd try to find me…" her voice was barely above a whisper as she spoke. She took in another shaky breath as his hands cupped her face her eyes wide looking at him. Feeling his lips touch her forehead made her eyes close and when she opened them again she was staring right into his now closed ones.
"Do you think they would really let me come back…" she whispered brokenly "Would I still be your Padawan?" she was almost afraid to ask her hands finding their way into his robes again now grasping onto the fabric of his undershirt.
Please don't leave me…
Anakin held her close to him again and gently rested his cheek on top of her head. He knew what it did but it was in a way to be…close to her. He missed her so much he couldn't even explain. He knew attachments were forbidden but…he'd never been good listening to rules such as that.
"Oh kriff, Ahsoka…" He breathed and kissed her forehead one more time. He was so happy, so happy she was back. Pulling away yet again he looked at her for a moment,
"Of course they would, Ahsoka. You were an asset they…couldn't afford to lose, yet they did. And…you wouldn't be my Padawan anymore but, you would be a Jedi Knight, like me. But…you'd still be home. You'll be with me, Snips." Her nickname feeling so right passing his lips again it felt so natural and calming. She blushed deeply and looked at him when he pulled back she hadn't ever been this close to him before she hadn't been able to be.
"Only if I stay with you…" she whispered "I'm not coming back if I have to go out there and fight this kriffing thing on my own." She spoke with determination in her voice though it was still soft. "Only if I stay with you…" she whispered again nuzzling her face against his neck her hand that was buried in his robes idly toying with them. "Promise me that and I'll come back…" she mumbled into his shirt and skin unsure if he even heard let alone understood. He held her closer, enjoying her proximity. He missed her so damn much and…it was as if not a day had passed since they last saw each other,
"Yes…yes I can promise that. You don't have to fight on your own. You don't. I'm with you till the end, Snips. Wherever you go, I go. I… I'm not leaving you again; never again." He breathed and blinked away the tears. Pulling away, he held her face again and pressed a kiss to her brow and held it there for a moment. Her eyes glazed over slightly as he kissed her forehead again, being so close, physically and emotionally, she felt dizzy and was thankful to be sitting.
"Please don't leave me…" she whispered her voice all but begging though she was sure she was repeating herself over and over, it caused her to look away slightly not fully knowing why she had said that. "I won't leave if you won't fight with me." She mumbled pretending to be interested in a random loose thread on his tunic rather than looking into his light blue eyes again. Her voice sounded broken, as though leaving the order had made her realize all she'd seen and done.
"But can you leave, Ahsoka. Can you leave your tribe?" He asked pulling his face away to look at her.
"I can…" she whispered "I know not if I'd ever be able to come back again after but I can leave…" she mumbled softly, "Maybe if you talked with the elders… they'd allow me to leave peacefully…" she said still playing with the thread. "Have them understand what's happening…" she added finally looking up at him again her own blue orbs wide. He nodded, then without thinking he pulled away one more time and stared into her eyes,
"I'm not going anywhere, Ahsoka. I will never, ever leave you. I…promise you." He whispered and without even thinking his hands came to cup her face and he tilted it up and pressed his lips to hers. Her eyes went wide in shock before her blush deepened and she returned the action. One arm coming to wrap its way loosely around his neck, the other still against his undershirt. She didn't want to move, she didn't even breathe for a long while before pulling back just enough to speak a few words.
"I won't leave you either…" she whispered timidly and hid her flushed face again
[a/n: end of the first chapter, I should probably state again… COMPLETELY separate from my other fics. Also slight AU as there is no Anakin x Padme… haven't decided what's happened to her yet… I think I will have them be friends that could be really nice. ]
