Disclaimer: I don't own High Mountain Rangers, not making any money, just cheap thrills.

Warnings: Angst, Child Abuse, Out of Character, Dark fic, Disturbing themes

Rating: FRT-13

Summary: At 15, Cody Hawkes' had the perfect life, a father who loved him, a big brother he admired and the Sierra-Nevadas for a back yard. When his mother starts pushing for more involvement in his life, his perfect life begins to come apart.

The Past Returns

Chapter 1

Cody sat on the porch of the cabin he shared with his dad, mesmerized by the sun as it peaked over the horizon, painting the sky with red and gold as it moved into sight. It never seemed to matter how many sunrises he witnessed, each was still magical, never the same. It was something people who lived in the cities could never understand. They seemed to think, seen one sunrise, seen them all. He shook his head lightly, unable to see how anybody could ever think anything so stupid. Oh well, he supposed it was better that they did think that way. If they didn't they'd probably be crawling all over his mountains, ruining the pristine wilderness with their trash, loud music and disregard for anybody but themselves.

"Beautiful isn't it?" Jesse commented from the doorway. He smiled, when Cody didn't even jump. He'd taught the boy well, but he couldn't take all of the credit. He knew a good part of it had to do with his son's basic personality. To put it simply, he was one of those rare people who were always in tune with their environment. Though how much of that was due to their lifestyle and how much was just the way Cody was, he'd never know.

"Yes sir," Cody agreed. "I don't think I'll ever get tired of watching it."

"I know what ya mean son, I never have," Jesse sighed contentedly.

Basking in the glow of the early morning sun, neither spoke for several minutes. "Dad do I have to go to the lodge?"

"Don't you want to see your mom?"

Cody shrugged, "I just have a bad feeling about it."

"What kind of bad feeling?"

"Like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop," Cody quietly replied. "Dad ya don't think she's gonna try to get me to come live with her do ya?" Cody tried to keep the sudden fear that thought brought on, out of his voice, knowing the moment the words were released that he had failed.

"Cody, what's wrong son?" Jesse quietly asked, dropping to sit beside the boy, he draped his arm over his shoulders.

"I just don't want to go to Tahoe."

"It's been a long time since you stayed with your mom," Jesse softly observed. "Are you worried the two of you wouldn't get along?"

"I don't know dad, honest," he quickly added when he saw the disbelief in his father's eyes. "I don't know why, but every time I think of being there I get scared," he shamefully admitted.

"You know she loves you don't you?" Jesse carefully asked. He couldn't help wondering if maybe he'd been wrong to bring Cody up to the mountains to live, cutting him off from steady contact with his mother. If he'd stayed in town, the boy could've spent time with her, time that would've assured him of his mother's love.

"I guess so," Cody mumbled. "If she wants me to come live with her, you won't make me will you?"

Looking into his son's blue eyes, Jesse was suprised to see something akin to terror reflected in their depths. "No son, you don't have to do anything you don't want to," he assured him.

"Oh good, in that case I don't want to muck out the horse's stalls," he teased in an effort to erase the worried look from Jesse's face.

"Nice try boy," Jesse chuckled. "Let me rephrase that, you don't have to do anything you don't want, except for the normal duties of a slave."

"Slave huh? Always knew that's why ya kept me around, free labor," he playfully grumbled as he rose to his feet and headed for the barn.

"I'll have breakfast ready when ya get back son," Jesse called after him.

With a wave of his hand, Cody acknowledged his father's words as he made his way to the barn. He was soon lost in the mindless task, his earlier disquiet fading away. When he finished, he moved to put the hayfork away, freezing in his tracks as the barn door creaked on it's hinges.

"Where is that boy?" Jesse mumbled glancing at the breakfast sitting on the table, getting cold. Telling himself he was being foolish, Jesse laid his fork down and went in search of his son. "If he's out here fooling around, I'll wring his neck," he groused. As he reached for the barn door, a sudden gust of wind nearly tore it from him just as his ears registered a whimper from within the structure. Hurrying inside, he came to a dead stop, the sight before him sending chills down his spine. "Cody," he quietly called as he kneeled in front of his son. "Are you hurt?" Jesse asked, as he reached for the curled up form, his mind racing with questions.

Cody jerked away from the touch, whimpering quietly as he attempted to curl into a tighter ball. His heart was pounding with terror, his body shaking with chills, as his mind fought the terror that had attacked without warning.

Jesse felt his heart breaking. What could've happened to put Cody in this state? Glancing around the barn's interior, he failed to see any obvious threat. Reaching again for his son, he forced himself to ignore the whimpers of fear as he checked the boy for any sign of injury. "Shhh, it's alright Cody, you're safe. It's dad, shhh," he soothed as he worked. When he was finished he was more confused than before. No injuries he could see, nothing in the barn that was out of the ordinary, but something had done this. Something or someone had reduced his Cody to a quivering mass of terror, sending him into a state where he apparently didn't even know what was happening around him. "Cody," he tried again. "Cody!" he snapped, but the only response was a slightly louder whimper. Sighing, Jesse knew he had no choice. He would have to do something he'd never done to either of his boys. Forcing Cody into a seated position, he slapped him hard across the face as he yelled his name.

"Dad?" Cody blinked at his father in confusion. "What happened? Why am I on the ground?" he asked, absently rubbing his cheek.

"Are you with me now?"

"Did I go somewhere?"

"Yeah boy, you did. Let me see," he gently ordered, moving Cody's hand away from his face. "It's already fading," he mumbled.

"What happened to my cheek?"

"You were in some kind of shock, I had to slap you to bring ya out of it."

"Shock? Why?"

"I don't know son. I came out here to see what was taking so long and found you curled up on the ground, whimpering and covered in sweat. You don't have any idea why?"

Cody shook his head, his eyes wide with fear. "What's wrong with me dad?" he whimpered.

"I don't know son, but we'll find out."

"How?"

"I think we should go see Dr. Roberts."

"What about mom?"

"We'll still see her at the lodge, I doubt I'll be able to get you in to see the doc today, okay?"

"Okay," Cody mumbled his agreement.

"Come on, let's go eat some cold breakfast and then we'll go see your mom," Jesse said, standing up and pulling Cody to his feet.

"I'm sorry."

"You don't have anything to be sorry for Cody," he assured him. "It won't be the first time we've ate a cold breakfast, and it probably won't be the last."

"Yes sir."

Jackie Hawkes sat at a table in the lodge where she was to meet Jesse and Cody. Nursing a cup of coffee, she stared out the window as she waited nervously . Her relationship with Cody hadn't always been so strained. When he was younger, before she left Jesse, Jackie had doted on her youngest. Even after she moved to Tahoe, she had done her best to spend time with both boys. It was easier with Matt of course, his decision to live with her assuring her of the chance to continue the close relationship they'd always had. Cody, she sighed, he had been a different story all together. So much like his father that it scared her at times, he refused to leave the mountains he'd grown up in. She supposed she could've fought for him, but Jackie couldn't bring herself to hurt him or Jesse like that. So she had moved to Tahoe with her oldest, leaving her baby in the capable hands of his father. He had come for visits regularly during the first three years of their separation, even spending several weeks each summer in her home. She sighed again, swirling the coffee in her cup. She stared into the moving liquid as though it could give her the answers she sought. Cody hadn't spent the summer at her home since he was six years old, had barely spent even weekends with her and Matt. Even that had stopped when he was eleven and Matt went away to college. She prayed that Cody would agree to come for a visit, she missed her baby and wanted the chance to get to know him again.

Looking up from the now tepid cup of coffee, she smiled softly as she watched Cody and his father coming into view. God she missed him, missed them both if the truth were known, but she couldn't live on that mountain, isolated from civilization. She still remembered the fear she'd felt, when pregnant with Cody she'd fallen ill during a violent snowstorm. If it hadn't been for Jesse, both her and the baby could've died. There were times, even now, when she would wake in a cold sweat from a nightmare in which Jesse didn't make it back in time. Returning to find Matt standing over her body, sobbing with fear and grief, she always woke with the sound of Jesse's anguished cry echoing in her ears.

"Hey lady, this seat taken?" Jesse smiled.

"Well I was waiting for my husband, but you're better looking," she teased, waving him to the chair. Glancing around, she wondered where Cody had gone. "Where's Cody?"

"He wanted to stay outside for a bit."

"How's he doing Jess?"

"He's doing good, he's growing into a good man," he replied, not mentioning the scene in the barn.

"I'm sure he is, but not a well-rounded man," she hinted.

"What's that supposed to mean?" narrowing his eyes.

"Now Jess don't get upset, I just meant that there's things he can't learn living on a mountain."

"Like what, dealing blackjack?"

Jackie sighed, she'd been afraid of this. "Like how to live with other people. How to compromise, how to interact without feeling awkward and shy all the time. Aw Jess I know you've done a good job raising him. You've done a fantastic job and I'm proud of the man he's becoming, but there's more to the world than your mountains and he needs to see that." Taking a deep breath, she reached for his hand. "I want him to come and live with me for the summer. I want us to get the chance to know each other again. I want him to have the opportunity to see something of the way the rest of the world lives."

"What if he doesn't want to?"

"Why wouldn't he want to?"

"I don't know Jackie, maybe because you've barely seen him since he was six," he growled.

"That's not fair Jesse, I saw him almost every weekend until he was eleven. It was his decision to stop coming for visits when Matt went away to college."

"I don't think so Jackie. Cody told me what those weekends were like. He never complained, but whenever he came home, everything was about what he and Matt had done, you were only rarely mentioned. I think that had a lot to do with why he stopped coming for visits."

Jackie sighed, blinking rapidly to forestall the tears that threatened to fall. "You're right," she reluctantly admitted. "I didn't mean for it to happen, but one day I woke up and realized I didn't even know my baby."

"Is that what's behind the sudden urge to be a mother to him?"

"Something like that," she conceded, biting back the stinging retort that had sprung to her lips. "Could you at least talk to him about it?"

"Talk to me about what?" Cody asked, sliding into one of the vacant seats at the table. Looking between his parents, he could feel the earlier apprehension returning. "What's going on?"

"Ask your mother?" Jesse knew it was a little petty, but if she wanted this it was up to her to talk to him.

"Mom?"

Shooting a glare at Jesse, she turned to Cody, a soft smile spreading over her face. "Cody honey, I was just talking to your dad about spending more time with you..."

"I don't think we have time to come to the lodge more often. I guess you could come up to the cabin if it's okay with Dad," he offered.

"I have a job Cody, you know I can't afford to take the time off to camp out at the cabin."

"Quit your job, move back in with me and Dad," he boldly suggested, knowing it was useless.

Jackie sighed heavily, dropping her eyes to stare at the tabletop. "Honey I love you and your dad,but I can't take living up on that mountain, I'm sorry."

"Then what do you want?" he bluntly asked.

Smiling sadly, Jackie couldn't help thinking how like his father he was. "I want you to come spend time with me in town."

"How much time?"

"The summer," she timidly replied.

"No!" Cody nearly yelled, taking them all by surprise.

"Cody!" Jesse snapped.

"Sorry," he lowered his voice. "I can't spend the summer with you Mom."

"Why not?"

"I just can't."

"You're going to have to come up with a better reason than that Cody," she insisted.

"Why the sudden interest?"

"That's a fair question. I want you to learn how to live in a world outside that mountain," she nodded out the window. "And I want the chance to know you, really know you."

"If you want to know me, come up on the mountain and spend time with me there. I won't be me if I'm in town," he soflty added.

"Don't you want to get to know me Cody?"

"Don't!" he snapped. "You stopped having anything to do with me years ago. I never understood why you even kept up with these visits at the lodge, it's not like you care."

Jackie recoiled as if she'd been slapped. "I know I haven't been the best mother Cody, but I love you, I always will."

"Do I have to go Dad?"

"Jesse please," Jackie plead.

"Yes son, I think you do," he firmly ordered, hiding his sadness behind a grim facade.

"Yes sir," Cody mumbled. "May I be excused?"

"Don't go far."

"I won't." Standing up, Cody blindly made his way outside. The moment he left the building, he was hit with an overwhelming urge to run. Get away! the voice inside his head screamed at him. Without conscious thought, he broke into a run, fleeing the lodge as though the devil himself were on his heels.

TBC.

Hope y'all are liking my first attempt at HMR fanfic so far. Please feed the muse with reviews. A happy muse is a productive muse, I hope. ;).