You'll Know

An NCIS FanFic

xXx

Everyone always says that when you're in love you just know it. What the hell does that mean? You'll know, real helpful, right? Whenever someone tells me this I just look at them like they're crazy, and shrug my shoulders as if to say, "if you believe in that sort of thing", I don't. I've met a lot of girls, and when I say met I mean took a roll in the sac with 'em. And they were never more than just that, a sex partner. I mean you can only take care of yourself by yourself for so long, if you catch my drift. It's not my fault, though, what am I supposed to do, say "um... actually I would rather sleep by myself tonight, with no pleasure involved". Yeah, I'm not crazy. I know that eventually this fantastic physique and charming face will begin to bloat and sag, so why not capitalize while I can? They practically line up at my door, soon I'll have to hand out tickets, maybe we could do a sort of raffle thing with some prizes too? Okay, so that last thought may have been a bit of an exaggeration. The bottom line is I don't believe in love, and I don't want it. I like my life the way it is; I'm happy and content.

At least this is the way I felt before she came into my life. Those perfectly manly thoughts have gone and been replaced by mushy gushy daydreams of simply kissing her, but not the way I used to think about other girls. Everything is different with her. I can be myself around her, but, at the same time I'm nervous as hell that I'll say something stupid, and the fear is warranted seeing as how it happens quite frequently. I would go anywhere with that woman, even if she was driving, which shows a real commitment because riding with her is risking your life. I guess what I'm trying to get at is the fact that I am undoubtedly in love with Ziva David, at least I think it's love, I don't know how else to describe it.

I'm not sure if I like it either. I mean the butterflies and everything, they're great. But, the possibility of being in love scares me, and DiNozzo men don't get scared. Oops! The elevator just opened and it's her, shit! She probably knows what I'm thinking. God damn ninjas!

"Good morning Zee Vah!" I said excitedly. Maybe too excitedly.

"Good morning, Tony. Is simply seeing me enough to lift your spirits so apparently or did it have to do with the random woman you took home to your bed? She surprised you, yes? Maybe she was even more experienced than yourself? Although it wouldn't be a stretch to say you are probably one of the most experienced men-simply by mere number of course- to march this globe-"

I interrupted her, "Walk this earth Ziva, not march this globe." I smiled, "And is it just me, or are you in a particularly pleasant mood this morning?"

"Do I seem pleasant to you? You realize I was not complementing you, yes?"

I took a deep breath and tried to divert my mind from how cute she is when she's frustrated to focus on the conversation, "Sarcasm, Ziva. I thought you had mastered that part of our fine language."

"It is English, Tony. Even native-born Americans have not mastered it, all of the double-negatives and grammatical errors. I would venture to say I have it mastered better than you do." She smiled.

Is it just me or is she picking a fight? What the Hell, I'll take the bait and see where this leads me. "This coming from the woman who has never once used a contraction?" She looked confused, "You know when you combine two words in to one by taking out a few letters and putting in an apostrophe?"

"Why would you such a thing?"

Well that explains one of my lingering questions, "Well at least we've cleared that up now- oh looky there, did you see what I just did? We've is a contraction for we have!-"

"Are you too lazy to say the full words, Tony?" She got up and moved from her chair to in front of my desk.

I hate it when she does that, well that's not true, I love it when she's close. But, it definitely makes it harder for me to focus on our conversation and not the curves and contours of her body. Shit, what did she just say, "Ummm..." She leaned her arms on my desk, her eyes level with mine.

"Tony, would I be be correct if I ventured to say that I have you... what is the word... mesmerized, yes?" She smiled that sweet, sweet smile.

How was I going to talk my way out of this one? "Well, Zee Vah, maybe if you weren't so keen on slouching provocatively over my desk..."

"Tony, this is not provocatively, if you wold like I can show you provocative?"

I spoke without thinking, again, "Actually, I would like that..."

She laughed as she bent her face close to mine again, this time without covering her exposed cleavage, "That you would, yes?"

I was speechless and managed a whisper, "Yes."

Her face remained at its current position, as did mine. Until we were rudely interrupted by a low grumbly voice, "DiNozzo, David, stop playing grab-ass over there, and gear up. We've got a dead petty officer."

"I jumped up, "Sorry, Boss. It wont happen again." I rushed the words out.

Ziva just laughed quietly, "And David," Gibbs continued, "Stop screwing with Tony."

Ziva's face contorted and she gave me a death glare, and my fear must have been apparent on my face because Gibbs looked at me with that evil smirk of his,"You told him we were screwing? Gibbs, we are not screwing..." She walked a few steps closer to me, the look on her face remained the same.

"Ziva," I hurried, "I don't think you understand the meaning of screwing." I backed up a few steps. She made up for my retreat quickly, re-securing her former distance from me.

"Oh I understand, McGee explained it to me yesterday." She placed a hand on my neck, oh her skin on mine gave me that delightful warm sensation, and I smiled, a mistake I would soon regret, "Do you think this is funny, Tony? You do realize I will hurt you, yes?" That's what I'm afraid of, I thought, so much for DiNozzo men and no fears.

Just then McGee walked in, "Uhhh... boss, I believe we would call that over there," he motioned towards Ziva and myself, "a red-light situation."

Gibbs looked up, he had obviously been listening to the whole thing, I mean he is Gibbs. "Ziva, let go of him before someone reports us and we have to go to another one of those god damn harassment seminars."

"But, Gibbs, he..."

"You'll get your chance, Ziva."

"Oh, I understand, we must wait until we are outside of the building, liability issues, yes?"

"Sort of." The boss looked around at each of them, "How long ago did I say gear up?" he hollered.

They all rushed for their gear and ran to the elevator, because god knows, Gibbs would never hold it for us. We are on his schedule, not the other way around. Inside the elevator Ziva looked at me with an expression I couldn't quite put my finger on. The elevator opened and Gibbs tossed the keys at Ziva and told her the address, "DiNozzo, with Ziva, McGee you're with me."

Now that my life could be ending in the near future I chose to speak, "Um Boss, do you hate me so much that you would wish death upon me?"

Ziva glared, "Always soooo dramatic, Tony."

Gibbs looked back at them with a smile, "I told her I would give her her chance."

"But, Boss, you know she misunderstood the meaning of yet another word. Why should I have to be sentenced to possible death because English is not her first language?" He didn't as much as turn around.

Ziva was already in the drivers' seat, waiting for me to join her. I got in the car, and she was silent. "You know I didn't tell Gibbs we're dating, right?"

"Yes, I know, instead you simply told him we had sex, that I was just another one of your one night stands."

She could be so wrong sometimes, and that bothered me, but, what was at the fore front of my worries was the fact that she looked upset. I could see her eyes watering, not that she would let any moisture out, because she is a super ninja, and super ninjas do not cry. "Ziva, when he said screw he meant stop messing with me. Screw also means what you're thinking but not in the way Gibbs meant it." I said quietly as she looked at me.

"Oh, that would have made more sense." She looked down and out the windshield, the car still hadn't moved, then back at me, "I am sorry, Tony."

"Don't worry about it, my day is not complete without you attempting to kill me." The corners of her mouth lifted into a slight grin, "But can you do something for me, Ziva?"

"Of course." She answered, in a sort of muffled voice still upset over something.

"Why did that make you so upset, I mean you don't let anything bother you." Our conversation had gotten quiet and we looked directly at one another as we spoke.

She looked out the windshield again before looking back at me, "Because I do not want to be just another girl that you sleep with and then move on from." This answer startled me, it sounded like there was a distinct possibility that Ziva David, super woman, had feelings for me, Anthony DiNozzo.

I figured I wouldn't get another chance like this so I seized the moment. "You never could be."

She frowned, "Tony, I am that undesirable that you would not sleep with me, yes?"

For such a smart girl and an intuitive ninja, the woman was not understanding the simple meaning in my words. "Zi," I said in almost a whisper, "You're misunderstanding again," her eyes finally met mine a single tear breaking through, as I reached to wipe it I said, "You could never be one of those girls because you mean so much more to me. I actually enjoy spending time with you, although I would prefer that I drive," She smiled a bit, "But, if I were lucky enough to have you, Zi. If i were lucky enough to call you mine, I would never let you go." I did as my body told me and I kissed her, though only where I had just wiped the tear from her cheek, "Don't cry over me, Zi, it breaks my heart."

With that she rested her forehead against my chest and I put my arms around her slim body. When she leaned into the embrace even more I knew that this was where I was meant to be, in her arms.

xXx

We walked to the crime scene together, and all I could think about was the change are relationship had just gone through. I would have never imagined it possible for Ziva to share my feelings, but, it was and something had just happened. It may not have seemed like much to someone watching, but, it was the first physical contact we shared since I went to rescue her from Somalia. I didn't want to rush her into anything. God knows what she went through there. I get sick just imagining what that man could have done to her. I wish we had captured him instead of killing him, I know it was the only way to save Ziva- which is why I agreed- but, a bullet to the head seemed far to easy a death for that bastard.

All I know is that since Somalia, Ziva hasn't quite been the same. I noticed she flinches when people get close or touch her, or even just brush against her. I know she hasn't been sleeping well from the bags underneath her eyes and the way she wears out much sooner than ever before. And it all seems so impossible to me that that man did things to her that had her eternally afraid, she was, after all, a Mossad Assassin. She could still kick anyone's ass, any day of the week, but, even the way she fought since coming back was different. She was more defensive, instead of making the first move she just followed whatever her opponent did. Not that it made her lose, it just wasn't Ziva's style.

The only way I can think to explain it is that Ziva came back a different person after Somalia. She was no longer a ferocious assassin, she was now just a woman fighting to stay alive and repress the bad memories of that summer. Even though, I my feeling haven't changed. If anything they have gotten stronger because I know she needs me, she needs stability. She needs a man in her life who she can trust, who she knows would never do anything to hurt her. I want to be that guy for her, more than anything that's what I want. My feeling for Ziva were like most other important things, you never know what you have or how much it means to you until it is gone, that's why I knew I had to go to Somalia to rescue her; once she was gone, I changed too.

As we walked the dirt path leading to the crime scene I felt like I had to tell her something, "Hey, Zi?"

"Yes, Tony?" She responded turning towards me.

"You know I'm always here for you, right?" She didn't answer. I stopped in my path and continued, "If you ever feel like you need to talk, or if you just don't want to be alone, you don't have to tell me anything, I can just be there for you. I want to be there for you." She turned in her path to look me in the eyes, but, she remained silent. "I'm here for you Zi, always, no strings attached."

"I want to tell you." She whispered.

I waited for more but nothing more came, "But?"

"I relive it enough in the nightmares and daydreams. Tony, anytime I close my eyes, I am bombarded with the images of what he did to me. I don't want to have to see again while I am awake also. At least, if it is while I am sleeping I can tell myself that it was all a bad dream."

"The nightmares, that's why you're always so tired?" I could imagine what the poor woman was going through. I want to help her, I need to help her, I thought again and again.

"Yes, Tony. I cannot remember the last time I had a good nights sleep." She sighed, finally revealing just how much she was dealing with.

"Do you feel safe with me, Ziva?" I asked, looking down at her as she stared at my shoes.

"Yes, Tony. It is all that gets me through the work day." She met my eyes once again and I smiled a teeny smile.

Just then Gibbs yelled, "DiNozzo, David, I hope you're conversation over there is about the petty officer's cause of death."

"Well I have an idea then, After work, I'll meet you at your place for movie night and I'll fill you in then." He said and then walked to the crime scene, knowing she didn't have a chance to turn him down.

Author's Notes:

I've never been much of a writer. But, I love NCIS and I have some free time since I moved. Let me know if it's good and I'll post more of the story. Thanks for reading!