This chapter has been updated. For the reason why, please check Chapter 14.
Dzetsu sat in front of her laptop, slamming her forehead repeatedly on the keyboard. She had written this very chapter (the one you're reading, folks) about four or five years ago and felt actual physical pain seeing the old text sitting before her once again.
"Why this?" she groaned to herself. "Who the heck actually types like this? What the heck kind of chat room are they in anyway? Why does it switch between 'logged off' and 'logged out'?"
The disgruntled author scanned her memory of what she had included into this "story".
Another pained moan escaped her lips.
"Why did I include myself in the story?"
Quickly, in order to get the work done with, Dzetsu decided to just pretend that the chapter would be in Lu Xun's point of view, seeing as he was the first to log in.
Dzetsu cleared her throat and waggled her fingers. Time to get working.
Lu Xun sighed and shambled over towards his computer. The background of this story was completely a mystery and he had no idea how he had access to a computer or if he was supposed to be in his proper timeline or somehow in the future. He guessed that the reader was supposed to make his or her own assumption.
He tried to click the power button with his toe, but missed. Immediately, he felt frustrated. He tried again and again but sometimes his toe would bend and he would start losing balance so the button wouldn't be pressed with enough forced.
Fists clenched, Lu Xun finally gave in to anger and roared, "Why won't you turn on, you infernal piece of junk?"
A well-aimed kick was sent towards the computer, successfully powering on the electronic and injuring Lu Xun's toe.
Biting his lip, Lu Xun sat down and took a few deep breaths while the loading screen appeared on the monitor. He had calmed by the time the desktop and all its icons had loaded. He opened Google Chrome and assumed a look of innocence and ignorant joy on his face to get into character, as everyone seemed to think he was a fun-loving fire freakish fool. If it put their guards down, then so be it. The tactician typed " .com" into the web browser and logged in.
This is how his chat went:
"FunWithFire has logged in.
FunWithFire: Are you kidding me. No one is here? What am I supposed to waste my time doing until someone else comes in?
FunWithFire: I'd swear but this story has a K+ rating.
FunWithFire: I wonder if it'd be okay to put a letter and some stars to suggest swearing.
FunWithFire: I mean they have that Frank's Red Hot Sauce commercial. That strongly suggested that she could be cussing.
(The fiery strategist sat in bored silence before opening another tab to play Othello with an online opponent. After quickly defeating the other player, he closed the tab and sat for another minute.)
FunWithFire: I've been here for fifteen minutes now. Why the bloody h*** would the author do this to me?
FunWithFire: Wait, am I not supposed to reference the author?
FunWithFire: Now I'm being told that I should stop talking to myself because someone else is going to log in.
BladeoVirtue has logged in.
BladeoVirtue: Hello, Lu Xun!
FunWithFire: Wazzup?
(Lu Xun sighed. It was about time. Now he had to act like an idiot.)
Tomboy147 has logged in.
Tomboy147: hey sup gaiz
FunWithFire: Heyy! What's up? :D
SleepingDragon264 has logged in.
SleepingDragon264: Don't you guys know anything about spelling?
Tomboy147: In case u havent noticed, this is a chat room. We dont care about spelling! +, whoa
u can type fast!
BladeoVirtue: He is smart. That's y hes my strategist!
FunWithFire: I'm smart!
(It was painful. He couldn't believe he was acting like such an idiot.
Turning towards the fourth wall, he asked, "Why do I have to do this again?"
Dzetsu was reading a physics text book and didn't really hear him. She glanced up, her eyes wide with surprise at being interrupted.
"Huh? I'm sorry, did you say something?"
"Why do I have to do this again?"
"Oh, uh..." Dzetsu pretended to think and then shrugged. "I don't know. Now go get back to it."
She waved her hand dismissively and went back to the text book.)
Gracefulfans has logged in.
Gracefulfans: hiya evrybody! wazzup!
FunWithFire: At least capitalize! And it shuld be wazzup? not wazzup!
SleepingDragon264: *cough*Spelling*cough*
FunWithFire: Shaddup Zhuge Liang! Just cuz u beat me at the Stone Sentinel Maze dusent mean ur smarter than me!
SleepingDragon264: Are you drunk? I know you can spell better than that!
FunWithFire: Sh-sh-shuddup! I didunt foun any ov lu meng's wine!
SleepingDragon264: I never said you did, which proves that you did, and are drunk.
Tomboy147: Justa sec.
Tomboy147 has logged out.
FunWithFire: huh? oh hi sun shang – ow ow ow!
(Because the author hadn't paid any attention at that time, she had forgotten to make Lu Xun type normally and gave up and magically made him drunk out of no where. As soon as Sun Shang Xiang had appeared in the doorway, the magical drunkness had worn off.
As the warrior princess smashed his face in, Lu Xun cried and screamed like a little girl until he passed out from the sheer pain.)
FunWithFire has logged out.
("AUTHOR!"
Lu Xun screamed as soon as he regained conciousness. Sun Shang Xiang had run into the room and knocked the... uh... crud? out of him.
Dzetsu had somehow managed to miss the whole thing and was still studying.
"What happened?:
Lu Xun sighed dramatically and stalked out of the room. He slammed the door, leaving Dzetsu staring quizzically at it for a few moments, wondering What's his problem? before shrugging and continuing her book.
The chat continued without him.)
Gracefulfans: … Okay…
Tomboy147 has logged in.
Tomboy147: Back!
BladeoVirtue: wb
BladeoVirtue: What did you do to him?
Tomboy147: I knocked him out. Didnt want him 2 cause 2 much trouble.
Gracefulfans: but he didnt do anything 2 cause trouble.
Tomboy147: …oh well.
Gracefulfans: but that was mean! u gotta admit that hes cute.
Zhouyu986 has logged in.
Zhouyu986: Who's cute?! Lu Xun is DEAD!
SleepingDragon264: Wow, Zhou Yu, you have no imagination.
Zhouyu986: Shut up! Anyways, Lu Xun, you are so dead!
Zhouyu986 has logged out.
(Zhou Yu coughed up blood. He hated partaking in idiotic gatherings such as this chat room. He wasn't actually going to kill Lu Xun. It was just his way of excusing himself at last.)
Gracefulfans: uhh... oops?
Tomboy147: Oops? Oops?! Lu Xun is gonna die now!
SleepingDragon264: Well, you already knocked him out, so Lu Xun now has no chance to escape.
Tomboy147: And besides that you
Tomboy147: Wait, now ur blaming me!
SleepingDragon264: It is partially your fault that he's going to die.
Tomboy147: Ragh! I'm gonna get Sun Ce to stop Zhou Yu. Cya!
Tomboy147 has logged out.
BladeoVirtue: Wanna know what? I think I g2g. Cyas!
BladeoVirtue logged out.
Gracefulfans: u know wats weird? u couldn't tell that lu xun was drunk at first.
SleepingDragon264: And…?
Gracefulfans: Oh, justa small fun fact to the reader.
SleepingDragon264: I see.
Horsepower has logged in.
Gracefulfans: What kinda name is that? Horsepower?! Lol!
Horsepower: SHUT UP! The author did that for comical porpoises!
SleepingDragon264: Porpoises? Don't you mean purposes?
Horsepower: SHUT UP!
Gracefulfans: u shouldn't be angry all the time, ul go bald! no, im very absolutely sure that ur gonna go bald!
Horsepower: ARGH!
Gracefulfans: *cough*anger management*cough*
DWFan: Can you guys think of a good username for Jiang Wei? I'm kinda stuck.
Gracefulfans: who're u?
DWFan: I'm the author of this fanfic. Hurry up and help me out, or I'll make something weird happen to you!
Horsepower: This is not my day…
DWFan: What was that?
Horsepower: Nothing!
Horsepower: I'm just bad at thinking.
DWFan: I was on AIM at the same time. I just didn't catch it is all.
SleepingDragon264: …
Horsepower: …
Gracefulfans: …
SleepingDragon264: Who're you talking to on AIM?
DWFan: Just some of my friends from school.
DWFan: r u guys gonna help me or not?
SleepingDragon264: How about
SleepingDragon264: Screw this, I'm logging out.
SleepingDragon264 has logged out.
DWFan: grrr… ur lucky ur my sis's fave character…
DWFan: Otherwise, a giant rock would have fallen on ur head
Gracefulfans has logged out.
DWFan: Hey!
Horsepower has logged out.
DWFan: They called my bluff…
DWFan has logged out.
FearMySpear has logged in.
FearMySpear: Hello?
FearMySpear: Dang! Not again!
FearMySpear: Why do I always end up alone?!
FearMySpear: Gee, I must be lonely…
FearMySpear: Maybe I'll go check on Lord Liu Bei.
FearMySpear has logged out."
Dzetsu threw up.
