A/N: Hey everyone! This will be my first Gossip Girl Fic and I'm so excited. I love the show and I books I have them all from the first and second sets. This story is going to be a little dark and twisty dealing a lot with Blair's disorder and other things. This first chapter is going to be short and then the story will back track for 4 chapters. Well I wont keep you waiting any more. As all writers I love to hear what you think so review and let me know how I'm doing.
Help, I have done it
again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again
today
And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame
Blair's world was swirling around her. She was lying on her bathroom floor just looking at the wall. Everything in the last four months had been hell for her. Chuck had left her with just a note, all her calls went unreturned. With each passing day the pain had turned her numb to the point where she didn't know what was what any more. He had just thrown her away and left without a second thought of how this would hurt her. She brought her hand up to her lips to trace her fingers along her bottom lip wishing she could kiss him one last time. She turned her head toward the toilet and felt horrible for what she had become again. After making promises never to do it again she started. But this time it was different it wasn't just the throwing up just lifted her arm to see the blood dripping down it. She couldn't live with being numb or feeling the pain so this was her way out. She brought her hand back down to her side letting her mind slip back to his face. Her mind was far away when she heard banging on the door.
"Blair it's Serena open up please." Blair could hear the worry in Serena's voice. She didn't want anyone to stop her so she just stayed the way she was.
"Blair open the door." She heard Nate yell through the door. Everything was slowly fading to black and she was happy to let go. She looked to the door one last time mouthing a silent "Sorry" to her friends on the other side. Turning her head back to the ceiling she let the tears fall for the first time today. This was really it for her at least the pain would be gone.
"I'll always love you Chuck." She said it out loud to herself hoping that some how he would hear her and know her last thoughts were of him. Blair closed her eyes slowly fading to black when she heard his voice.
"Blair baby open the door please." He voice was smooth as always but it was to late she was slipping away.
Be my friend Ouch I have lost myself again
Hold
me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
and needy
Warm me
up
And breathe me
Lost
myself and I am nowhere to be found,
Yeah I think that I might
break
Lost myself again and I feel unsafe
Breathe Me Sia
