Author's note: At the beginnig I want to apologize for mistakes and that sort of stuff, becasue my english is not that good, besides I'm polish,so..;P
I really like reading Jelly fanfics and I still have a lot of free time so i thought "Yeah, lets write something, don't want to waste my time" so there you go ;) So please, let me know by comments or pm whether you like it, or you don't like it, or you want to see more... I hope you like it.
Shattered
Jen's POV
I cannot belive it; the person I love the most has just told me to deal with this whole situation and move on. How can I possibly just deal with it or even move on? I cannot lose her. I just simply can't; it's too much for me, this pain and the thought of not being able to talk to her, to touch her, to look it these beautiful eyes is killing me inside and outside. I feel like I can't exist without her sight. What am I supposed to do? How can I explain her that I had to do that for her own good, our own good. She couldn't just drop everything at one moment and go travelling around the world. Her education, her future career - it all would be over and I couldn't let it happen, I love her too much to let her sacrifice like that only for me.
God, I wish it was so simple, I wish we wouldn't have to sneak around, hide in dark corners... I just want us to be happy, I want to scream out loud 'I love you Tilly Evans' in the middle of the street, but for God's sake I can't! I feel devastated... And still I took the job and it means I'll have to see her everyday walking through corridors, sitting in my class. I guess she won't even look in my direction after all. How could I be so stupid? I knew it will end painfully for both of us, but if fell for it, that's my foult and I must fix it somehow. No, if she still have feelings for me then I can't let her go. I wish that all was just a dream...
Tilly quickly walks home leaving Jen in tears. She collapses on her bed and crieds. She cannot belive herself she said these things to the person who means so much to her, but she can't cope with Jen's changing mind again and again. 'Doesn't she know what she want? Is she just playing with my feelings or what?' thinks red-head and she fels sorrow - "But what if I really mean something to her? Maybe I was a bit too harsh? But she caused me so much pain. No, she acted so selfish, she deserved that - I want her to know there's something wrong". Overwhelmed by thoughts she finally falls asleep.
*BIP*
Tilly suddenly wakes up and takes her phone; it's Maddie.
"Hi babe wanna meet? What about a girly night out and partying all night long?xx"
She sits on her bed and lookes at the clock - it's half past seven but it is already getting dark."Sorry Mads, but im not in the mood for partying. maybe another time?" she types and sends a message.
"All right. Sooo maybe come over mine and we watch some movies and talk? guess we have a lot to talk about?" Tilly sighes. She doesn't know whether she should go but she types without thinking "Be there in half an hour?x" and gets Maddies reply "I'll be waiting ;Dxx".
She gets up and runs to the bathroom. She looks in the mirror to see her face; drained mascara all over her eyes and dark trails on her cheeks. Her mind is now back to the previous encounter with the woman. She fels her heart pounding suddenly and loudly; she closes her eyes and takes a deep breath to calm her inner down. She takes a shower and puts on some comfortable clothes. She writes a note to her parents not to worry about her, 'coz she'll stay over at Maddie's before leaving.
Tilly is walking througt empty streets watching the sunset. The sun is shining slightly and getting lower and lower towards the horizon. It's one of the last worm evenings of this holiday.
Maddie opens the doors to let Tilly in and holds her.
"Oh, I've missed you my ginger lesbian" says Maddie laughing.
"Me too' relplies Tilly resting her chin on friend's shoulder closing her eyes tightly.
"C'mon, I've prepared everything already." and so they heads upstairs. They are watching movies, talking and drinking wine which Maddie found in the kitchen. Tilly doesn't know whether she should talk to her about this whole effort with Jen so she tries to keep this subject away, but finally Maddie asks:
"Tilly, tell me, why did you wanted to quit college? I mean really,what got into you?"
"I don't know. I guess... I guess I just felt a bit... don't know... frustrated? I wanted to go travelling and see the world outside this little village."
"Really? You really did want to quit collage because of some kind of trip? You, A* student? You have a great future ahead and you wanted to ruin that? I don't belive you." Tilly take a sip of wine to cover her turmoil; "C'mone" Maddie moves to sit in front of her and rests her hands on red-head's knees; "I'm yout best friend, you know you can talk to me about everything." she reassures.
"Mads..." Tilly pleads and starts to cry.
"Oh Tilly..." she sits next to the girl and embracing her. She feels red-head's tears flowing down her arm. She is extremely worried, but she sees her best friend's pain and she doesn't want to rush her so she just stays there for her untill Tilly falls asleep. Maddie releases her embrace and coveres the girl with a quilt; she doesn't know what to do; "What has she done?" she thinks to herself and heads downstairs leaving her sleeping friend.
Morning comes quickly and Tilly wakes up; she hears Maddie's steps as she approaches and opens the door slighly not wanting to wake her up.
"I'm already awake Mads" says the girl.
"I hope it wasn't me pulling you out of your dream?" asks shyly Maddie.
"Of course not" smiles red-head.
"Are going to get up? Lets say now for example?" she enquires; Tilly noddes. "Ok. So maybe take a shower and then come downstairs? Your breakfast is ready to be eaten." they both laugh quietly.
"All right then tell my breakfast to wait 5 minutes" Tilly runs to the bathroom and after a refreshing cool shower she heads dowstairs and settles down in a chair opposite Maddie which hands her hot coffee. They are sitting in silece swallowing slowly their meals. Tilly knows Maddie is waiting for her to speak but she doesn't know where to start.
"I know you're worried but..." speaks Tilly finally.
"Yes, I am worried for gods sake. We are best friends and we supposed to be honest with each other." interrupts Maddie and look in Tillys eyes which slightly glazed and suddenly feels sorry for her; "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to..." she adds.
"No, you're right, your totally right, I am sorry. I should've told you before but I thought I couldn't. I know it was selfish, but no-one could know."
"About what?" Maddie is a bit suprised.
"Please Maddie, don't be angry at me..." pleads Tilly.
"I promise I won't be angry and you know you can trust me, I won't tell anyone." she reassures; and she really means that.
"I was seeing Jen. I mean Miss Gimour" she says uncertainly looking down on her half empty mug of coffee waiting for her friend's reaction. Few moments passes and she finally hears Maddie speaking.
"Oh no, Tilly... Why her? She's our teacher and she's a bitch and I think you've already found it out." she says in annoyed tone.
"Don't say like that about her, you don't even know her!" says red-head loudly.
"Maybe I don't know her, but I just simply look at you and that is enought for me. She hurt you, didn't she? Please don't say you wanted to quit collage and go travelling with her?"
"It's not like that..." the red-head lowers her head.
"So how is it? Please, tell me" Maddie takes Tilly's hand and squeezes it.
"We bumped into each other and that just happend. We were happy with each other but we were both risking so much and we had to sneak around even just for a simple talk. And after I felt shattered between her and our friends. That was killing me, you know, not being able to be opend with my feelings so I got this thought of the trip. But she turned to be so selfish. I stole money from my parents to buy us tickets and after that she told me she can't go with me and she took the job at your collage. I really can't belive she chose the job over... Ugh, I can't even imagine seeing her everyday and sitting on her lessons after all. That hurts so much." as Maddie sees a tear falling down red-head's cheek so she stands up and approaches her, crouches next to her chair and wipes her tear with her index finger.
"Come here babe." She holds Tilly tightly and says "She's not worth you. You can do a lot better."
"But I..." Tilly sighes; "But I think I have fallen in love with her" she declares weakly and next tears fall down; "Even after this hurt she caused me it's hard to resist..." she doesn't say anything else, she cuddles her head up into her best friends chest. When she calms a bit Maddie leads her to the couch and lays her there.
"Stay with me please?" pleads the red-head.
"I'm not going anywhere my favourite and the only one in the whole world ginger lesbian." reassures Maddie lying herself beside her; she knows Tilly needs a friend now.
