Authors' Notes:
This is just a bit of madness my sister and I created on a lazy Sunday afternoon. As this is I figured we'd post our little parody here. Oh, and Jiang Shi are Chinese vampires, or ones based of the Chinese legends.
-Kelsey (Poetic Ramblings)
Neither of us own the tale of Mary and her little lamb. I don't know if anyone does, for that matter, but I'll put this disclaimer up to be safe. Hope you enjoy it, and aren't too grossed out. Also, although this is rated K+ there are some pretty grotesque scenes. So read at your own risk.
-Kiersten (Sumiko Mikazuki)
Mary and the Meal
Mary was a sweet little girl, with fluffy pink dresses, soft black hair that curled into perfect ringlets. But what softened her appearance the most was her cute little lamb that followed her everywhere. Everyone in town loved the lamb, and he was let wherever Mary went, except school. Mary's teacher was a vicious woman, loud and rotund with a voice that could crack steel. Mary was quite sad that her little pet couldn't come to her place of education, so one sunny Monday she decided to sneak him to school.
"Yum!" Mary's teacher exclaimed when she spotted the lamb, "We can make roast lamb!"
"No!" Mary screamed. "Let me get the pickles first!"
Mary's teacher growled at her, salivating like a mad dog. "My meat," she hissed, placing a possessive hand on the lamb's leg.
Mary sneered and launched herself at her teacher, the claws protruding from her small fingers tearing into the large woman's face. The teacher yelped and jumped back in pain, before wrestling Mary to the linoleum floor.
"Die, you bloody Mary!" she announced, her voice sharp and decisive, like some sort of primitive battle cry. The educator took a deep breath and dove into her student's shoulder, anticipating fresh meat.
"Whatever teach," Mary snickered, knocking the teacher off with little effort.
"Baa!" said the lamb, frightened by the manic violence. "Baa!" He scurried around the room, desperate for a way out.
"No!" Mary's teacher barked, frustrated that her meal was escaping. "Catch him you stupid girl!"
"It's your fault," Mary howled, pained by her pet's escape. She took a quick lunge forward, but hastily lost her footing as the lamb darted under her legs. "Damn," Mary said weakly, feeling the blood drip from her cracked skull onto the clean white tiles, "this floor's done for."
Mary's teacher studied Mary carefully, waiting until she was sure she was dead. "Not what I was expecting, but it'll work," she giggled, licking her lips hungrily before delving into Mary's corpse. "It's bitter…" the woman observed, her breath slowing as she tore at the flesh. Her eyesight began to blur as she realized she had been poisoned. "Nice trick," she laughed, glancing at Mary's smiling cadaver as everything faded to black.
The room was as dead silent as the bodies occupying it. All of the students had fled in fear of the animal-like behavior of their teacher and classmate, leaving only the little white lamb.
"Baa," the lamb repeated softly, nearly smiling at his lifeless owner. He lifted his muzzle triumphantly and bore his razor teeth. They were almost ready, he thought gleefully, once rigor mortis had set in he would make them into his own. A Jiang Shi army would raise across the world. Across the universe.
Bloody Mary and the Vampire Lamb
Mary had a little lamb
Little lamb, little lamb
Mary had a little lamb
Whose teeth were sharp as tacks
right into school one day
School one day, school one day
Snuck him into school one day
Teacher saw a snack
Mary was quite hungry too
Hungry too, hungry too
Mary was quite hungry too
Wanted some roast meat
Mary beat her teacher down
Teacher down, teacher down
Mary beat her teacher down
Knocked misses off her feet
Teacher bared her razor claws
Razor claws, razor claws
Teacher bared her razor claws
And dug into her flesh
Little lamb got very scared
Very scared, very scare
Little lamb was scared
Fear and death did mesh
'Cause Mary fell and cracked her head
Cracked her head, cracked her head
Mary fell and cracked her head
Tripped right o'er her pet
Teacher saw the body, fresh
Body fresh, body fresh
Teacher saw the body, fresh
And got some good meat yet
Mary's poison killed her dead
Killed her dead, killed her dead
Mary's poison killed her dead
Two corpses, young and old
Little lamb bared vampire fangs
Vampire fangs, vampire fangs
Little lamb bared vampire fangs
Planned to rule the world
