A/N: You'll have to pardon if this sounds OOC and if the grammar's off, but after playing Mass Effect 2 and 3, I REALLY wanted to get this out of my system.
Update: Okay I reread this - and you'll have to pardon how messed up this was, it was 4am and I had no caffeine in my system - and made some adjustments to the grammar as well as completed paragraphs I started but never finished
Nearly a year has passed since the Reapers' destruction and the procedures and progress of reconstructing cities and colonies have made some moderate progress. Reaper tech still lay in ruins out on the streets in the view outside her window meaning progress in cleaning that up had been rather slow. Refugees come first obviously but perhaps something had happened that slowed it down even further. It was hard to say. She isn't in the action to tell.
Jane pulls herself up onto her feet, knees ready to buckle and legs ready to break under her weight despite supporting herself on the metal bars marking her path. She looks behind her and sees her recovery has not been making much progress itself. She had barely stepped a foot from where she started half an hour ago. It may be some progress to some, but it's not enough. Not for her at least.
She remembers how her comrades had found her a year ago after wiping out the reapers. She had already decided by then that it was alright if she had died; it would've meant that she died in the line of duty, like their friends who had gave their lives to bring them to this point. But by some freak miracle, she had lived. And by another freak miracle Garrus and Tali found her under the rubble looking like a busted up rag doll. She couldn't speak, but she was ready to cry. Shepard's body was under so much numbing pain, but that wasn't it. It was knowing she'll live to see Garrus again. Then it went black.
"And I thought I was the one without a leg to stand on."
Her gaze shot to the door and she smiles at the visitor. Albeit the joke was bad timing, but coming from Joker she supposes she could let it go this one time. "It's been a while. Hope no one on board declared me dead just yet."
"We might as well since we haven't heard any news or word from you for months. Practically since our first visit." He limps into the room and takes a seat in a corner of the room, letting out a sigh of relief. "We got so damn famous that we don't even have time to visit the commander anymore."
Shepard smiles. It's nice to know that he didn't change much over the last year. War leaves scars and changes people in ways one couldn't believe. Broken bones and bullet wounds were one thing, but loss of those you loved and having lives hang on a thin thread was and always will be another matter. Then there are guys like Joker who never change, or maybe did change, but still have that quality that makes him the Joker they all know and love.
She eyes him carefully. From the looks of it, Joker has not been sleeping as much as he ought to. And from what he just said, everyone else has been working tirelessly to take care of things with the others and probably their own home planets. She bites back the bitterness and shame in her throat. "Well now you do." She laughs. Jane seats herself back in her wheelchair. "We've got a lot of catching up to do. Starting with your reason to visit."
"Hell yeah we do." He laughs. Joker quiets down, the rumbling laugh in his chest dying away. "It really is good to see you again, Commander. Last time we checked, you were just broken bones and wires." He puts a hand on her shoulder, a friendly gesture.
"And now?" She sighs a laugh.
"Now I'm not the only one who struggles to walk." He grins. "But knowing you, you could probably still shove a few mercs out the window while in a wheelchair." He stands up and begins to limp towards the door. "Nurse wants you back in your room by the way. Same ol' Commander, breaking rules unlike a certain Turian who may have a pole back up his ass."
The conversation continues as they make way to Shepard's room. According to Joker, the Normandy and its crew have been holding up well and have been on calls constantly. To settle disputes, to take care of deliveries, to defend ships with shipments of food, even to carry patients to another colony or hospital when the first hospital was too full. The Normandy didn't take too much damage thankfully, but because of that the Alliance and requests have been running the poor girl ragged.
As for his visit, it turns out everyone was on shore leave per Hackett's orders. The Normandy's crew has done enough apparently and could use the break. Besides, with only some of the mass relays in working order, they could only do so much. She decides to note it as a good decision for her crew's well-being.
"What about Garrus and everyone else? How are they doing?"
"Well I can't imagine having a pole up your ass as a healthy thing. And Liara decided to stick around Thessia to help rebuild her homeworld. Tali's still a bit uneasy around Geth, but from what she's said things are going smoothly. And she's more than happy to declare them better than Rachni."
Jane smiles, but she couldn't stop the small pangs of ache in her stomach. It's great to know everyone had been doing well. It wasn't great to know that she couldn't help them herself. "And EDI and you? Has anything progressed?"
A hand flies to the back of his neck and he chuckles. "I guess so. Though I'm not too wild about having the old files Mordin left in my room. I mean c'mon, you know me. Do you think I'd really need those… vids?"
"Not need, but want." Shepard replies. She lies back in her bed, a white blanket over her legs. "It good to know you guys are okay."
"Yeah… But we do miss our CO. Who else puts us through a shitstorm and push people out of windows?" Joker grins. He takes off his hat, his smile uncurling. "The old girl's been quiet without you and a few others. Most of the time we have to ask ourselves what would you do if we get ourselves in some trouble. EDI actually took taking a VI and reprogramming it into thinking exactly like you into consideration." Pause. "She didn't. Everyone decided we've had enough of your clones."
"Agreed. We don't need someone stealing the Normandy again."
"Or your man." He coughs, his gaze drifting quickly between objects in the room, avoiding Shepard's face. "Who by the way chose to drink himself stupid rather than visit you."
And that is probably for the best she noted. It has been a year since they've last seen each other. It's been a year since they've talked. Touched. Kissed. Nearly a year since she decided to become his one-Turian kind of girl. Shepard knew very well that it would wound Garrus if he didn't know how she was. But it could also wound him if he saw her current state.
Joker sees her sullen expression. He somehow hears that small sigh that doesn't even escape her with her breath. And he understands. "Commander. Truth is you still look like shit. Your body's healed without scars sure, but… Shepard, you've gone through a lot. I get it." He puts a hand on her shoulder as her face looks down at her blankets. He can see how her fingers curl into a fist, clenching her blankets so tight that she could practically tear through though with her nails. "I can't sleep either. I still dream of the people we could've saved and the friends we lost too. It's hard, but that's why we keep going. They died for our sorry asses."
She nods silently, forcing the tears back down her chest. The losses were unforgettable. And what was almost lost she's lucky to still have. But those dreams still haunt her. Even if the galaxy is safe, too many have died along the way. Mordin died curing the genophage, to correct his wrongs and to add a small light of hope of saving everyone. Thane died after fending off Kai Leng, his dying wish being a prayer for her to win the war. Legion died for his people, giving them the gift of individuality. Miranda died fighting the organization she had once been loyal to in order to save her sister and aid in stopping her father and Ceberus's progress. She still hears their voices in her dreams, calling her. She'd run and run to their voices, but once she's there, she just finds the shadows of their memories.
"I just… We lost a lot of good people, Joker. And knowing you could've saved them…" She shakes her head and hopes that he didn't hear the sad creak in her voice like she just did.
Joker knows what she would say. That there was a better way to handle the war and that they could've saved so much more. That they were lucky to be alive, but the friends they lost sometimes felt like too much of a price to pay. She knows that not everyone could be saved, but she tried anyways.
"Get some rest, Commander. We'll be here for a while. You're gonna want it if you're dealing with our crew."
