John! A pen!

-SH

I'm out getting groceries. I'll be back in 20 minutes.

-JW

You were right next to me not two moments ago.

-SH

Sherlock, I've been gone since half past nine.

-JW

No, you were just here. I've been talking to you.

-SH

How many patches have you got on?

- JW

Four. This is a four patch problem.

- SH

What is it now?

-JW

Moriarty is back, I think.

-SH

How on earth could he possibly be back?

-JW

I'm back, aren't I?

- SH

But you shot him in the head.

-JW

I did not. And I fell off a building.

- SH

I thought that was a double.

-JW

My point exactly, John.

-SH

How could Moriarty possibly have had a double?

-JW

John, really. Look past the obvious.

-SH

He's not the sort of man who would use a double to hide behind. He likes the attention.

-JW

But he wanted my attention. I didn't give it to him. This could be another motive to get it. Not that HE'S someone I'd give it to...

-SH

Of course not. That he pretended to not exist does show a desperate bid for attention, though. But why would he choose to reappear now?

-JW

John, really? Are you that dense?

-SH

Only when you tell me I am.

- JW

Well, John, you're being rather dense at the moment.

-SH

Then explain, please.

-JW

Honestly. He's jealous.

-SH

Of what?

-JW

Of WHOM, John. -

SH

Well, besides you.

-JW

You.

-SH

What, he wants me?

-JW

...No. He wants me. He's jealous of you.

-SH

Ah. That makes things interest.

- JW

That's one way to put it. Irritating seems more accurate.

- SH

True. What's the evidence that he's back?

-JW

He texted me.

-SH

That definitely is worrying.

-JW

GL dared to say he was a zombie after my brains. The nerve.

-SH

The man has no brain to begin with.

-JW

Moriarty thinks that you and I do "it" in the bedroom. Surely he doesn't mean...?

-SH

Oh, I believe he does. I don't know why he thinks that, though.

-JW

Lestrade said he wasn't surprised.

-SH

This coming from the man who can't maintain a relationship.

-JW

He said that you'd say that. He also said that Sarah was just your... beard? I don't understand. This frustrates me.

-SH

No. No she's not. And trust me, you don't need to understand. Suffice to say that I don't need to cover for anything.

-JW

John, what does it mean? You don't even really grow a beard.

-SH

No, it means that he thinks I'm trying to cover up being gay, which I'm not.

-JW

Ah. ...ah. Right. I see. Ah. Well, do you mean you're not covering up that you're gay, or that you're not gay? - SH

Both. Mostly.

-JW

Right. Well. I told Lestrade that he was wrong anyways. You're my friend, I told him, so I would know if you had a "beard."

-SH

Right?

-SH