Prologue
He was at a bar with Spencer. It was just the two of them as he really needed to speak to him alone and he really didn't know how. He didn't even know if it was fair but he couldn't hold back his feelings anymore and it terrified him. For once he wasn't in control and he felt like the ground was shaking beneath him.
Six months ago when he'd started dating Alice he'd believed he had feelings for her but recently he'd discovered they weren't romantic feelings; they were simply platonic. He'd come to learn his true feelings and that he was in love with Spencer.
He'd spent so many years trying to squash his desires for men. When he'd first realised he might be bisexual as a teenager his parents had told him it was just a phase. When he'd fallen for Haley he'd foolishly believed them or at least been relieved he fell more on the straight side but his niggling feelings for men would never go away but he'd always been able to keep a lid up until now that is.
Yet Alice was pregnant with his child. When he'd discovered the pregnant he hadn't known what to do. He was excited about becoming a father again and he did truly love Alice but he'd felt a part of him was crushed that day. He truly did love Alice but not in the same way yet he vowed he would do what was right by the child and stand by her. He didn't want to break her heart but he was in love with Spencer.
What if she took the baby away from him when she found out about his feelings? He just couldn't lose his baby but neither could he live a lie. It wouldn't be fair on any of them. He just didn't know what to do. He felt trapped but he was desperate to do what was right.
On this last case he'd tried to get as far away from Spencer as possible while trying to remain professional in order to get on top of his feelings but it had only dug the pain deeper.
He'd been shocked when Spencer agreed to meet him for a drink at this bar but he had to tell him what was going on. He owed it to him. Yet even now he couldn't find the words or even look him in the eyes. How would Spencer take him if he knew the truth? Would he help him or turn away from him?
Spencer was beginning to get more and more worried about Aaron as the silence continued. He knew something had been troubling him lately. It had hurt to feel on this last case he was trying to distance himself from him but he'd also noticed the pain in his eyes he hadn't been able to mask. What was going on? He daren't hope maybe Aaron felt the same way about him as he did for him.
Everyone knew Alice was pregnant and though they looked happy together to the trained eye they could see Aaron wasn't completely happy. They all knew he was excited about the baby but there was something there. Alice was a nice enough girl but they were beginning to expect the love between the two of them was unequal.
"Hotch, what's wrong?" he asked noticing how Aaron just kept looking into his empty glass like it held all the answers. He'd finished the whisky in there only five minutes ago and was now just gazing into it.
"I love you," he answered on the verge of emotion whilst not removing his eyes from the glass. What was he hoping for anyway?It was a hopeless situation. His best friend and girlfriend was pregnant with his child. He couldn't leave her or it would look like he was abandoning her. He would never abandon her but Spencer held his heart.
"What?" Spencer answered offguard. No way could he have just said what he thought he had.
"I said I love you," he answered bitterly. "Lord knows I've tried to stop but I can't. I'm in love with you but it's hopeless. Alice is pregnant and I can't lose that child or hurt her," he added beginning to break down. "I want to be with you but I can't abandon her or my baby."
"Oh Aaron," he replied wrapping his arms around him understanding what had troubled him but surely if he told Alice the truth she'd let him free but never take the child away from him. She was a reasonable and friendly woman. Surely she'd understand and let them be together and keep access to his baby. "I love you, too."
"But what about Alice? She's pregnant with my baby. I can't just abandon her," he answered looking up lost.
"Aaron, even if you weren't together you wouldn't be abandoning her and the baby. You could never abandon her and the child. You can't live a lie by staying together. I can't tell you what to do but you need to tell Alice the truth."
"What if she takes the baby away?" he asked vulnerably.
"Aaron, she's been your friend since your college days I'm sure she'd understand and set you free but still let you see the baby. Aaron she can never take your baby away. You have as much rights to the baby as she does. If she doesn't you know we'll all fight for your custody rights."
He nodded but hoped it didn't come to that. Maybe Spencer was right. Maybe they could be together and he could keep the baby. Surely Alice would understand. He just didn't want to hurt her but he'd only eventually hurt them all if he carried on living this lie.
Suddenly he couldn't help himself as he drew his lips closer to Spencer's. Maybe it was the elation that maybe there was a way out of this dilemma and they could be together. That they could have a future together.
Before he knew it he was kissing him and he'd joined in. Suddenly he remembered he hadn't even broken up with Alice yet so broke it off apologising. He would never cheat on anybody but he loved Spencer. Little did he know they were being watched.
"I'm sorry I shouldn't have done that," he answered then looked up with a glint in his eye adding, "at least not yet. I need to break up with Alice first."
He got up and headed to the bathroom to try and control himself before Spencer could even respond. He had to get a grip on himself. He couldn't give into his urges with Spencer yet. He had to speak to and break up with his girlfriend first. He just hoped their friendship would shine through and she wouldn't take their baby away from him.
Suddenly when he was nearing the toilet the lights started to flicker then turn out. He felt and heard a gun go off then a pain in his shoulder. He tried to get his gun out but before he could he felt someone come behind him and knock him out causing everything to go black.
Hearing the gun go off the bar went into panic and Spencer's chest tightened. He fought through the chaotic crowd to the men's toilets to find out whether what he feared was true. When he got there he switched the lights back on and saw a trail of blood going out the back door. He just knew it was Aaron's blood but he was thankful the blood wasn't too much.
He ran out of the back to see a lorry driving off but no-one else in sight. He had a sinking feeling that lorry had Aaron so he tried to shoot the wheels to no success. He hadn't brought his car so he couldn't follow but he called the team.
