Well, this is what you get sitting alone one night, listening to sad music and reading some really epic fanfic.
She's always there, in my mind. Oh, I'm not constantly thinking of her, it's not like every single time I close my eyes I see her…but she's there, a constant presence in my subconscious. Whatever it is I do, whatever it is I say, whatever it is I feel, she's there in the background, admonishing, criticising, reassuring, advising, laughing, smiling, frowning, thinking…
I'll wake up, I'll sit at the table and start in on my breakfast, and in the back of my mind she's telling me off for having too much cholesterol in my diet, that I should have cereal or fruit more often – just like she always used to.
I'll head off to work, I'll sit at my desk and go over the papers and reports, and in the back of my mind she's sifting through them as well, hemming and hawing and getting ink on her chin from scratching it absentmindedly with the quill – just like she always used to.
I'll be out on a mission, I'll slam through the door with spells flying and wand flashing back and forth, and in the back of my mind she's calling out spells and advising me on tactics, her voice alive with worry for me – just like she always used to.
I'll be at home, I'll be in bed with my wife as she writhes and breathes and moans against me, and in the back of my mind she's turning away and hiding her face, her body tense and rigid with unspoken sorrow – just like she did, that day, years ago, when Ginny threw her arms round me and kissed me in the Gryffindor Common Room.
And every night, lying in bed beside Ginny as she sleeps the sleep of the innocent, I stare up at the ceiling shrouded in darkness, remembering when it was I realised I loved her – when I realised it was too late – when I realised she'd moved on.
Oh, I love Ginny – but I love her more, and it burns my heart whenever I see her, and I'm used to pain but it's worse than any crucio ever could be, and I can't speak because I'm married, and she's married too, and she's moved on, and she's happy, and Ginny loves me…
But God forgive me, I love Hermione, and it's her and not Ginny who's always in my heart and mind and soul.
The fanfic was Unatoned, by SeriousScribble, in case anyone was wondering.
