Severus Snape was not one to smile often—no, only a few could pull such a happy expression to his lips. Even in his youth—when he first began attending Hogwarts—hardly anything or anyone could drag forth such emotion from the cold expression that forever seemed to grace his face.
No one was quite sure why, at the time: most just believed he was an all-round unhappy individual. Later, of course, certain truths about Severus's family came to light, as well as various other—rather personal—things, that could have been major causes for the boy's all-out stoicism.
However, he DID smile, though it was a strange one, indeed. It was a smile that would cause people to pause and stare and wonder...wonder about recipes, and how recipes are WRONG when a certain ingredient is missing...wonder what ingredient was missing from his smile.
There was definitely something missing, though it was hard to pin-point exactly WHAT. It was perhaps something small, such as one dash of salt too much, or too little...or maybe something big, such add forgetting to add the beef in beef bourguignon...
The smile looked fake—that is the point. The smile was fake and forced and so full of pain, and confusion, that it physically HURT to look at it for too long...and yet people would find themselves staring and staring at it, trying to pick apart the recipe that was Severus Snape's life to see what went wrong...what was missing...what harsh elements were added to make something that was supposed to be so sweet turn so sour.
His smile was beautiful, somehow. Though blood is beautiful, and broken glass littered across the floor is beautiful...he was broken and bloody, like the pieces of glass that were only thrust from their pane by a fist crashing against it...creating a different kind of "pain".
Somehow Severus hardly ever smiled, and yet it always seemed as though he was smiling that oh-so-broken smile. He was broken and his smile was broken and "always" was broken (because there is no such thing as always, not anymore).
In his youth, many could have seen all of this, and they did. They remained silent though, and silence kills as much as curiosity.
They certainly killed Severus.
He smiled at people who said they cared, who were indifferent, who hated him...no one seemed to see the shattered glass of his eyes and his teeth and face, and the pieces stuck in his hand. He bowed down, he sat down in the middle of the main corridor and smiled at everyone who passed, and no one saw him.
He grew older, and he was an aging mirror. He reflected what people wanted to see in him: An object of hate, a disgusting creature, a bitter old man—that was young. His cracks though—the ones he had when he was younger—they didn't heal themselves. He widened and deepened until his own reflection was so warped that he lost himself.
Though he never really ever had himself, did he?
He felt numb and that felt great if he could feel such a thing.
Everything from then on, seemed to breeze past him, seemingly un-effecting him in the least. if he were to get tortured or degraded, he wouldn't so much as bat an eye. He had grown so numb and isolated, that he truly had to think about any emotion before showing them. He was just drifting through life, letting others dictate his actions and pull his strings. He knew he would die someday, but he didn't fear it; in fact, he thought about death quite often. He sometimes wondered—if only briefly—when his time would come...and if he should stop his clock right NOW.
But he never did. He was still useful. And so he would let people toy with him until he was ready to be discarded along the side of the road, as he had been so many other times in his life. He was used to it by then. He expected it.
But of course, he would smile as they destroyed him. Like a doll or a perfect portrait, he would smile like it was painted on his face.
A/N I know this was a little odd, but it just seems perfect somehow, yeah?
Edit: I tried posting this yesterday, but seeing that none of my followers recieved the email, I deleted it. And then everyone got the emails for my updates at 6 am (ugh). So sorry for the confusion!
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