More than Words
By Jessica Costa
Disclaimer: This is all written and created by me; i own everything.
**When He, His, Him, etc. is capitalized it's this guy who doesn't have a name because he's more than words.**
WARNING: very suspenseful and shocking !
Please Rate, Review and Relish (Enjoy; i needed another R)
Preface
When you have someone as perfect as He was and who makes you feel like He's the only great thing left. When He's gone you feel like the world has just fallen from under you. There's nothing there supporting you and you just crashed. And when you think it couldn't get any worse, it does. At that point you not only crave for them back into your life but need them like water, what do you do when they don't return that thirst.
Chapter One:
That night I lied in bed alone, again, for the twenty seventh day in the past month. I don't know how i remember to breath anymore through the past few weeks. Those good memories are going thin and are wearing out and i can't even block it because it wears me down until i can't take it. I've lost my mother, father and what has kept me alive and i just don't have a single card left in my hand; I've already lost the game. So how am i still playing? That thought always runs through my mind; it's on a mission to be answered so it never leaves. i don't feel like i can move there's no meaning. i call the school and say i can't come in because a little cold and i'm sure to be better by monday, at least i hope.
I sit home on my "day off" and just staring at the tv wondering if the silence could kill me. I'm still shaking from the tears and sadness from thinking of memories of my deceased parents and my boy friend who has recently just left me from a mistake i never did. As a tear falls down my cheek i drift into the darkness of slumber. And being to reminisce; it all happened when i went to wish Tyler, my friend good luck on his first big concert. I tapped him on the shoulder and i said, "Hey Tyler, here i got you flowers." I love when i see him because his eyes light up every time we hangout and i love looking into eyes filled with joy because i mirror them. "Bree I-" he looked so troubled and he's usually so sure of himself so this worried me. "What is it, are you okay. you're just nervous huh?" "Yeah, but not about the concert." i began saying "Then about-" but he cut me off as i felt his lips on mine and the door opening calling, "Bree are you-" it was His voice and i just couldn't take it. ran after Him with tears in my eyes. Everything was a blur from the tears I fought through as I screamed HIS name hoping for Him to look back. He finally stops, out of nowhere, right in the middle of the crowd. If the crowd wasn't slowing me up I would have bashed right into Him. His back was facing me but He turned His head to the side not looking towards me at all. But I could see Him, His broken-hearted emerald eyes. All He said was "Please. Don't. Just, go."And He walked away back stiffened, like He does when He's either hurt, angry, or either in pain. He was hurt, He was angry and I bet He was fighting tears too but He can fight them all off, I never succeed. While His words froze me where I stood, tears glisten down my face as He blurred, from the tears and heartache. Tyler finally reached me and all I wanted to do was freeze him out. So I said the same words he said to me, "Tyler, please. Don't. Just, go" and it worked. It was like I glued his feet to the ground and I dragged my feet to my car, letting the flowers fall out of my hands and letting the pain eat me alive. I didn't move out of my parking spot for over an hour. . It was a mistake, a chance, one I didn't even take, it was thrust upon me and all I could do was stand there and watch. Watch like a video, you can't change it, no matter how many times you cry at the screen, it already happened, you can't change it, you can't stop watching. You know it's going to hurt later, but you just can't stop and you regret every second. And I did as it replayed in my head over and over. I felt sick to my core. I inflicted the worst pain imaginable, pain like a knife, sharp, and painful, pain I couldn't bare, to watch. The knife reflected on HIS face, showing the pain, in my direction. Watched how it twisted over HIS face, into those eyes, beautiful but hurt, and puzzled but in shock. and i promised myself i'd never hurt Him ever again.
"Bree, wake up please, Bree!" He said shaking my shoulder. My eyes flutter and all i can think is this must be a dream but i hoped different. A smile touched my lips until i saw the troubled look in his eyes and i began to sit up. "Why weren't you in school, are you okay, how sick are you?" I stretched a little and said sighed. "I just wasn't feeling well" i lied to him; it wasn't completely a lie because i don't feel well, I'm upset, tired and just not me. His eyes bored into mine and i tried to stare back but i couldn't; i still remember the pain in His eyes i just couldn't look into those eyes so i looked away. He took His finger to tilt my chin to look at him but my eyes never met His. "Bree!" "What?" i sounded so guilty; i feel guilty after all i've done to him. i actually didn't do anything wrong, Tyler kissed me and i pushed him away but i still feel like i did something terrible, i wish i could just tell him how sorry i am. i go to look up at him and my eyes fill with tears, i try to suck it in and actually apologize to him but nothing is coming out of my mouth. I feel as if someone took my voice; of all the times! He looks likes He's struggling and i just want to help him decide. After a minute i see that the decision is made but i never even knew the problem. "Bree, I'm gonna tell you this straight out." he took a deep breath before continuing, "Bree i loved you so much and you knew i would do anything for you. Apart of me thought that you would never-" he just sighed and continued, "Why Bree, why did you do it." "When i told you to wait in the car was not because i wanted to be alone with him in that sense i was just going to be quick say good luck with your first big concert, have fun and i'm sorry i can't stay. It was supposed to be a quick thing and i didn't see the need for you to find parking walk in with me so it can get awkward and then we just leave, i- even though i did noting because he kissed me i still feel sorry. Like i could have stopped it or prevented it or-" i was babbling and felt so lost. i just spoke without thinking and right then He just kissed me. Did He kiss me to reassure me, to quiet me or was it because He forgave me? I looked up at Him so puzzled and He just took my hands in His and kept His eyes locked on our hands. This just felt so right, having Him here with me but I feel as if He's holding in his tears so i don't start to cry again. I go to tell Him its okay to cry but e just puts His fingers on my lips to quiet me. He takes in a last breath before He begins, "I love you with every power of my being. i-" "what is it?" "i know you're not alway perfect but i love that about you; you love that about you!" He said as e laughed to Himself whole hearted. "When i wasn't with you, i didn't feel whole or even alive, there was just- This may sound but the reason i want you in my life is to make me feel alive again. I'm dying not having you by my side snuggling up to me why i sleep or even when we sit here just watching tv. You know i'm not greedy but when it comes to you, i want all of you to myself and myself only. i get why he would want to kiss you but," He says as His finger out lines my lower lip while He continues with, "but these lips that bring smiles and light to my life are all mine." His hand moves to the back of my neck and he kisses me softly on the lips to savor the moment i don't even move or open my eyes because this feeling could just disappear. As His hand rests on my cheek i smile to know He's still here and real. "Bree? can i ask one thing?" "Sure, ask away." i say suspiciously "Just don't see Tyler anymore." "That sounds more like a demand than a question." i say spectacle "Because it sorta is" "Even though this all happened, he's still like a brother to me, you can't get rid of family." "It's either me or him"
