Pride of Sakura

Chapter 1: Eight Thousand O'Clock

AN: This is an older story, but one of my favorites. It is also complete, which is a plus. I apologize for any errors, but no beta/lazyness = scary stuff. Enjoy.

Summary: Bored human guardian desperately wishes to be a Numan, but settles for obsessing over them in a vaguely creepy, fangirlish way. At some point, her insane P.M. becomes more insane, and destroys several things. This results in the earned hatred of her partner, who is both Numan and kind of an anal-retentive pansy and so tsundere his moe actually causes black holes. Cue exploding trees, and cheesy romance, and ALL CAPS RAGE.

X X X

I was swallowed by a dream, at first. It was one of those lovely ones that just goes well, and doesn't result in you prancing about naked in a public place. I was garbed entirely in Neudaiz-esque clothing, standing behind the The Maiden, waving to a vast crowd with her. It was on a mysterious high balcony that apparently existed somewhere, with Sakura petals drifting along a balmy wind. There were a few guys standing behind me, whom I was going to assume were my husbands. One for each night of the week, of course. Everyone called me Sakurako, and my hair was long and black, and I was completely slender and lovely and---Uh oh. Here it is. The dream's ending. CRAP. Nooo, but I want to touch The Maiden's hair…

The lights went from dim to suddenly bright in my too-warm room on the colony. All around me, I could hear the faint hum of voices that signaled Gurhal's defenders waking up to start the day. My radio clicked on automatically. I woke up and got yelled out by my P.M., who was complaining about needing to be tuned up after a recent fight. In her defense that particular fight had involved her riding around on a Gol Dova due to me betting her she couldn't do it. Of course the resulting landing was far from lovely. I figured something was wrong when she took up the habit of placing my shoe on her head like a hat and parading around like it was quite sexy. Even now, there was a slipper on her shiny purple head.

"Ah, Lucy. It is approximately eight thousand o'clock. You'll need to hurry." I sighed and rolled over to the left, coming face-to-face with my P.M. She's a GH-450 by the way. I'm a Fortetecher under the Gurhal System. She's quite good at making my staves and the occasional gun, but she's thrice that at irritating the hell out of me. She's petite and red-eyed, with the usual black outfit. She keeps it precariously clean, which is why I found it disturbing that her petite sleeves were fried. I rose to a sitting position, running my fingers through my hair and yawning. I scanned the room for explosion marks. Nothing. I then looked out the window. It was the usual beautiful abyss of space, though I caught a glance of one of Moatoob's rings today. Standing and scratching my back, I walked over to start digging clothes out of my closet. The floor was kind of cold, in weird contrast. I had barely pulled my shirt off when Jenna's comment caught up to me.

Eight thousand o'clock. MAN am I late. I turned away from buttoning my Pritia one-piece to study her, smoothing the pale blue fabric against my form. But not too much, clingy is bad when your thighs are the size of Moatoob. As for Jenna, yet another piece of footwear was on her head. Carefully lifting her, I balanced her on my arm and carried her out to my shop, where I placed her on the counter. "Jenna, I'm leaving, but I think…I think I'm gonna bring you to the repair shop." I was ruffling through stocks of Photons and such, locking things up, and various other menial tasks when she went on one of her now legendary tangents.

Scarlet eyes flashed at me. "And what about your business? Hmm? You have to eat. Lord knows GUARDIANS does not pay their officers half as much they should--." Now you may be wondering about Jenna. It's safe to say she isn't the average P.M. To be completely honest I had a friend tweak her. She's just…so much more…fun…now. She was snapping on rather animatedly while I punched in the code into the room-lock, sighing. Padding back into my room, I heard her hop off the counter behind me and follow me back. Yep. So this is every morning.

My name's Lucy Norma Gray. Yeah. That's my name. Quite possibly the most boring in the known universe. I even look boring. So…human. The only thing I have going for me is perhaps somewhat-large breasts. But those will probably be at my waist when I'm thirty-five.

We're the most mundane race. We have no originality at all. Even CAST girls have something cool about them. And Beasts are so curvy and adorable. So ever since I was young, I've been completely obsessed with Numans and Neudaiz's culture. The architecture, the festivals, the clothes…and the people themselves. I always feel so envious, looking at the delicate Numan women, with their ivory skin and dark hair, and huge, almond-shaped eyes…Sigh. I shook some coppery hair out of my face, blinking dully at my reflection in the mirror. Yep. I look as unhappy as I feel. Same watery-blue eyes, same blemished skin. I pulled my hair back into its' usual messy bun and shook my bangs out of my face.

"Today, your face surface oil has increased by three point fourteen percent. Please be aware of your diet and exposure to sunlight."

My goodness, could it be…another thing that sucks?

"Also, you received a notice this morning that you should attend to."

This will probably suck, too. I pulled my Flaxo pants on under my skirt, half stumbling towards my viewscreen. I was vaguely aware of Jenna attempting to Nanoblast in the background, pose and all, as I punched the button.

Blah blah blah defenders of the future blah blah blah, Rebels being asses be on alert blah blah…And then!

An assignment! A real one! On Neudaiz! My heart soared. Oh good Maiden, you've finally helped me out, haven't you? I practically danced out of the room towards the door where my ankle boots were waiting, shiny and ready for action. I had laced them and was pulling on my fingerless gloves when there was a loud crash in the background. Jenna had smashed open my storage box with a Photon dagger, and was looking at the contents disdainfully. All of my clothes had spilled out onto the ground, along with a few weapons, some money, and various healing chips that sparkled in the pink lights around my room. Jenna carefully appraised many items. Then, very delicately, she took a boot and put it on her head. I don't even know how it stayed there. She put her hands on her hips.

"Come, mistress! There is winning to be won"!

Sigh. Better deal with this. I scooped her up, much to her protest, and walked out of my room, leaving the mess in my wake.

X X X

Neudaiz was cool, as it was late summer now. The air was pretty warm, yet carried a slight nip to it. The Sakura blossoms were withering now, and drifting down in a sort of dejected way. Jenna took note of this, and of course considered them a bomb threat in her less-than-functional state.

"DUCK AND COVER MISTRESS, JENNA WILL PROTECT YOU"!

I rolled my eyes. "They're Cherry blossoms. Not bombs." She looked to me, then back to the apparent bomb-dropping trees. She had shredded any blossom that dared drift close to us. She had also thought to scorch quite a few of the lovely-colored trees, and spat vehemently while doing so. In my desperation, I lunged and grabbed her, trapping her small arms against her side. "Jenna they ARE NOT BOMBS." She stopped struggling to look up into my eyes with apparent robotic distrust.

"If you say so. Normally I would not rely on an organic life-form for my information. However, I am in a malfunctioning state so I think I—".

I had been struggling with the rampant robot for about two minutes when I felt that creepy "someone-is-watching-you" feeling. That someone was standing ever-so-majestically on the long walkway. His ebony hair was startling contrast to this pink of the Sakura trees. He was not overly tall, and quite lithe. He wore a vest that displayed lean arms, and his hair hung in loose chin-length layers around his face, though a ponytail protruded from the bottom of his hairline. Numan of course, with the tapered ears and dark, almond-shaped eyes. Beautiful, lovely, handsome, perfect, and –

"JUST WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON."

Apparently really mad at me. Greattttt. So this is what this guy must see: Deranged looking fugly-weird-human girl, holding deranged looking P.M.-with-a-boot-on-her-head. To top this off we are surrounded by damaged foliage, which also happens to be their national treasure.

Oh my God, I think this is third date stuff already. Wonder if he'll let us hold hands in public and get His-and-Her bath towels. YES.

"Uh-um-I'm s-sorry, my P.M. is on t-the fritz, and-", I tried bowing, but I was holding Jenna. It didn't work out.

"OUF GAWD LUCE GET YOUR GIANT BOOBS OFF MY HEAD, MY NECK IS GONNA SNAP OFF." I quickly straightened, completely embarrassed. He was striding towards us rather quickly, with a massively aggressive aura. Oh my Maiden, he's gonna kill us.

This will be the best death I ever asked for.

I always figured it'd be some sort of SEED thingy, or involve alcohol AND a SEED thingy. Not sure which order. Maybe he'll actually strangle me, which involves touching me.

My, that sounds rather depraved and dominatrix-y. Scary. Speaking of scary, back to full grown man storming up to me in a rage. He stopped about two feet in front of me, crossing his arms in front of his chest and glaring down at me from…not much higher actually. Uh. I actually stepped back a bit, my arm still circled around Jenna.

"In the name of the GUARDIANS, The Maiden, and basically everything holy, why are you burning our Sakura trees?"

"I-it's not on purpose. My P.M., she's damaged. Uh. I know someone here who's particularly good here, and I wanted to take her to him!"

It was the truth. Though kind of glossed over. Indeed, the person who had modified Jenna lived here. If I had brought her to the repair station on the colony, who knows how much trouble I could have gotten in. I was also afraid of if they could somehow trace it back to Johnny.

He took a deep breath, and glanced at the damage along the walkway. His tongue flicked out quickly over his lips, and his fists clenched and unclenched at his sides. Damn. Numans were so hard to anger, and I had managed to do it in less than three minutes. I saw none of that "charm" now. Mostly "murderous intent".

"Get her under control. I will escort you to your associate's place of work directly."

Not good. "L-listen, I'm so, so sorry about the trees. But I need to go alone, he's rather anti-social. And uh—".

His eyebrow rose. "Oh, really? I don't really care so much about your stupid P.M., I just want to make sure you don't run away before you do the proper paperwork."

Before I could talk, Jenna did. "LISTEN YOU FROOFY PANSY PSEUDO-ELF. I AM NOT STUPID, YOU ARE. I WILL KILL YOUR FAMILY, AND EAT YOUR DOG. AFTER THAT I WILL BURN YOUR HOUSE ALONG WITH SEVERAL OF YOUR RIDICULOUS PINK TREES, AND DANCE NUDE IN THE ASHES."

Dead silence. The world was melting around my ears. Reality promptly gave out, and my imagination took over with a wry, amused air. Ethan Waber became a math teacher. My real name is Sakurako Angelina Nadesico Theodora Windpipe. Mirei Mikuna was a pro-wrestler, under the name "MAIDEN BOMB".

"ALSO, YOU WILL NOT ADDRESS MISTRESS LUCY IN SUCH A WAY. HAVE AT YOU, WENCH"!

His face was completely blank. It faded from confusion to an odd mix between dejection and rage.

"Lucy, did you say?"

"Yes. How rude of me. I-I'm Luc—".

"Lucy Gray."

"Yeah…," I tilted my head at him, and firmed my group around Jenna. She crossed her arms and grunted. Then realization hit me like a Linear Line shuttle filled with explosives. I saw it coming and I bet you did, too.

"P-partner for today's mission"?

He sighed in complete defeat, his neck and shoulders drooping. My heart broke a bit, I have to admit. I took a deep breath to combat the weight that was pulling my heart into my stomach. He looked back up at me, his black eyes flat. "Sezaburo Yuu, GUARDIANS, Neudaiz Division. I'd like to say pleasure to meet you, however…".

'Explosion of Cherry blossoms and hatred to meet you'! Doesn't sound right. But that'd be far more accurate. My life sucks, my life sucks. I had had romantic visions of perhaps us skipping through the Agata Islands in aforementioned matching towels together for about three seconds. Besides his obvious distaste with my existence, the realization that it was autumn and that would be both cold and kind of bizarre destroyed my fantasy. I must have looked how I felt, because he glanced at me, then Jenna. His lips twitched as if to offer a comforting smile, but it quickly settled back into a hard line. Then said lovely lips shot out a degrading comment.

"Well, I suppose this is only a prelude to our mission then." He shrugged. Ow. My heart.

"And here I heard that you were quite the Fortetecher for a human," he practically snarled. Ow. My heart. AND my ego. Double whammy, there. Speaking of my ego. It was bruised. I don't take well to that. My frustration, and my sadness over his mishap of sorts kind of built into a big ball of ANGER. I have a terrible temper. The redhead joke is true, by the way. Wowed by his face as I was, my honor was being threatened. And you thought Jenna was bad. Well, I let loose. I can't quite even describe what exactly I said to him. I think I can surmise to say it frightened him. I think it involved his attitude, Jenna, Sakura trees, weasels, his genitalia, where in the Kego Springs I would hide his body, and a light bulb exploding in his anus. By the end of it, I was redder than usual, and he was paler than usual. Astounding!

"O-of all talk for a lady"! He was livid, obviously. He was starting to flush now, right up to the tips of his ears. Which said something, because they protruded horizontally from his head for a good six inches.

Hee hee. I felt uneasy suddenly. The creepy feeling had returned. And then,

"Ahem."

We had an audience. A rather large audience, actually. Terrible, just terrible. For two GUARDIANS to be seen acting this way in public…I looked over towards Yuu, who must have been thinking roughly the same thing. He caught my eye. Simultaneously, our arms came up behind our heads and we both laughed nervously.

"Pardon..?"

I turned around to find the source of the voice to be a very tall Numan man with extremely long hair. Familiarity shot through me. I looked from him to Yuu, who looked like we were in mortal danger. We actually kind of were, in retrospect. I then realized I was standing not even a foot from Izuma Rutsu, Head of the Planetary Spirit himself.

Good Maiden, you've sent one of your personal minions after me yourself? I must have REALLY made you mad. Oh God.

He laid a hand on my shoulder, eyes twinkling. "Gray-san, this way if you please."

I nodded, numbly, still clutching Jenna. She was completely silent, eyes fixed in scrutiny at the white form steering me towards the palace. I prayed to anyone, anything, that she wouldn't open her mouth. Or whatever it is she does.

Yuu ghosted alongside me, occasional attempting to use the "if-looks-could-kill" expression. I tried to let it glance off my mental shield, but the whole day had taken its' toll on me already. I felt tears trying to erupt, and bade them down. No, no. I'm twenty, and not a wimp. Tough, like "MAIDEN BOMB". The mental image still stood, and it cheered me somewhat as we were led through the rotating pink arch and into the palace.