Don't ask why, cuz, I really don't know. I had a dream about this once a time ago, and there are lot's of Hellsing OC, this one just happens to be me. Oh, come on! I know you all want to see how Alucard reacts to fan girls! *(silence)* Oh bugger. As you know, I don't own Hellsing, and my parents own Irene (aka ME) as I'm still stuck under their roof. ON WITH THE STORY!!!!

Alucard mental speak and thoughts

'Seras mental speak and thoughts'

Irene mental speak.

She doesn't need a thoughts option because she never thinks. Only speaks. And mental talks.


Seras sighed, Alucard would be coming home soon. It wasn't that she didn't enjoy her Master's presence, it was that on the off chance she did see him, he always, always, scolded her for not drinking her blood. Police Girl, get up here now Alucard's voice demanded in her head. Seras stood cocking her head in confusion. For some reason her Master had sounded slightly desperate. Shaking her head and telling herself she was imagining things, Seras trotted up the stairs to where Alucard was waiting.

She saw why he sounded so desperate.

Attached to his leg was a teenaged girl. And for some reason, she looked like an overly plump, yet adorable, eight-year-old. She had short black hair - slightly spiky, but not much - and wide, bright, shining, electric blue eyes

"Um…," Seras said uncomfortably. "Why is there…?"

"I don't know alright?" he snapped. "I was doing my normal duties when-"

"HA! You said doody!" the odd girl crowed, never letting go of Alucard's leg.

"She's completely bonkers," Alucard growled.

"Why, thank you! And I know for a fact that you're not all there either."

"As I was saying, I was out doing my-" he glared at his 'companion' "job when this thing-"

"I am a GIRL, thank you, kindly."

"She ran up to me and started blabbering about how her experiment worked, and how she was going to change the course of a manga on her own."

"I am!" the girl stated proudly. "This manga, in fact."

Seras looked at her disbelievingly. "Um, I think you're mistaken. I've read several mangas, and this most definitely isn't one. It's too gory."

The girl brushed her off. "Oh posh, there are plenty of gory mangas. You've probably only read the sweet happy ones made for kids."

Seras blushed. "Nu-uh! I've read plenty of others."

The Girl rolled her eyes. "What? Vampire romance? Do you read the steamy ones?" she teased. Seras blushed brighter and shook her head.

"Anyways," Alucard said, slightly freaked out at how perverted this conversation had gone, and so quickly. Get used to it! The Girl sing-songed in his head. I'm a perv, that's just how I roll. Alucard scowled Get out of my head, you don't belong there! Oh, shut up. You do the same thing to poor Seras. How did you even get in my head anyways? She cackled silently. I'm the author, silly goose. I can do anything I want! Alucard shook his head to clear it of the pest's thoughts and began his story again. "I aimed my gun at her and told her to go away, and she just spazed and started telling me to shoot her in the chest, and turn her into a vampire too, so she could be your partner in blood sucking as-"

"SMEXY WRITER CHICK!" The Girl cheered, still attached to Alucard's leg.

"Smexy Writer Chick?" Seras asked, slightly scared.

"Ya, know, like you're Police Girl? I was going to just be Writer chick, but I think the smexy works, don't you?" She did her best to show off, but it was terribly difficult, considering she still looked like a fat kid, and she still clung to Alucard's leg, which restricted her movement.

"I refuse to call her that," Alucard deadpanned.

"Fine, you can call me Irene."

But that's a German name," Seras said. "You're clearly an American."

The Girl laughed. "Oh, I have a very Armarieken name."

"Then what is it?"

Again The Girl laughed. "There are at least a hundred people reading this! Do you really think I'm stupid enough to give any of those potential stalkers my name? Gosh, my dad's probably gonna flail me for giving out my description and age range!"

Seras sweat dropped. "Um… OK?"

The Girl, Irene, beamed. "Good, then we're all on the same page!"

"Master still didn't explain how you got here."

"Oh that's easy! I used my amazing fan-girl grip and attacked him when he went to leave. Now I'll never let go will I my wittle Alu-chan? No I won't!" At the last part she began to nuzzle Alucard's knee, thoroughly freaking out the king of the un-dead. Suddenly, the door creaked open.

"Alucard, Miss Victoria I have your-"

"WALTER!!!" Irene squealed as she threw herself at the aging butler.


Wow people made it all the way here? My, my, my. ^-^ Just so you know, Irene's description is based off a chibi drawing my friend did of me. You decide what's real, and what's her imagination. Oh, and I don't think you guys are stalkers, but my dad seems to think that if you get on the internet, then you're going to hunt me down and rape me. Please don't do that, it's rude. As always, I need you to… REVIEW!!!! I'll accept flames on this story, because it's so stupid. Oh, and I'll only get to update every now and then, like when I hit a writer's block, because my other four uncompleted stories are more important, and I use my plot bunnies for them. All I have to do for this one is watch an episode of Hellsing, and insert myself and TADA! New chapter!! Alright, buy you guys, and don't forget to review! Feed this starving author!

MOM~ You're not starving. It's dinner time, now get up.

Irene~ -.- Grrr…