I'm Afraid to Sleep Because of What Haunts Me
The beginning is the hardest part.
The weekend starts out just as they had planned. Blaine and Cooper's parents are out of town for a family reunion and the two boys decide against going to Colorado to visit their annoyingly upper-class conservative family in favor for staying at home together. So instead of going to fancy overpriced dinners in Aspen with their family, the brothers find themselves lounging around all day on Saturday, enjoying having the house to themselves.
At first, Cooper thinks that maybe, just maybe, it could be the perfect opportunity to admit his feelings for Blaine. For months – no, years – he's known that he feels for Blaine what most twenty-one year olds shouldn't feel for their little brothers. At first it was hard for him to come to terms with it. He spent almost a whole year away at school after he graduated high school, thinking that maybe the distance would make his feelings go away. When he came home for holidays and summer, though, and he was right back to where he had started, he finally accepted the fact that maybe the feelings were there to stay, and he eventually managed to embrace it. A little.
Which leads to now. Now, the two brothers are sitting side by side on their parent's couch on a summer evening, watching Green Street Hooligans (one of Blaine's favorites) and Cooper's heart is pounding with the thought of admitting his feelings for Blaine. He knows that he should be paying attention to the movie, but instead he finds himself watching his little brother as he watches it. He smiles to himself as Blaine quotes almost every line to the movie and as the night goes on he decides that maybe it can wait a little longer. Especially when Blaine turns to him, smiling, and says, "I've missed having movie nights with you, Coop."
"I have, too," Cooper replies, smiling back at him and relaxing slightly into the couch.
Yeah, it can definitely wait.
The truth is, he's missed out on a lot. Every time he comes home for a holiday or the summer, Blaine is even more different. More grown up. More mature. In fact, with the way that the light is hitting his face, Cooper can see a little bit of stubble on Blaine's chin, which he definitely doesn't remember from the last time he saw him.
As they watch the movie, he decides that he's missed out on too much and doesn't want to give Blaine a reason to not want to see him, so he decides to keep his mouth shut.
After a couple more movies, multiple bowls of popcorn, and even some beer that Cooper bought for the two of them, they pass out on the couch together. That is, until Cooper is suddenly and rudely awoken by the sound of a car alarm going off only a few houses down the street. When he opens his eyes, he quickly realizes that not only are the two of them asleep on the couch together, but he has his arm thrown around Blaine's middle and is practically spooning his little brother. His heart is immediately pounding in his ears at the idea of it and, before he can do anything stupid, he slowly sits up, so as not to disturb the sleeping boy. The DVD menu for I Love You, Man is playing annoyingly on loop on the TV and he finds the remote and mutes it before standing, stretching, and making his way over to the window. When he pulls the curtain to the side, he can see the car making the offending noise and rolls his eyes, hoping its owner silences it soon.
Across the street, he can see someone wandering out of their house looking dazed as they stare at the car, and notices that they leave their front door hanging wide open.
Odd…
He sighs and shuts the curtain just as the car alarm finally stops and makes his way back over to the couch where he grabs the remote again and turns off the DVD player in favor for late night television. He's surprised when the news is on when he switches over to cable again, and glances at the clock, which reads 12:34. He goes to change the channel but stops himself when the headline "MYSTERIOUS BITES LEAVE MANY HOSPITALIZED. CDC HAS NO COMMENT" screams at him from the bottom of the television screen. He glances at his sleeping brother before turning up the volume just slightly, curiosity killing him.
"Reports have been flooding in from all parts of the country of similar incidents. As of right now, we urge everyone to stay indoors, especially those in heavily populated areas," The anchor explains in an eerily calm voice that reminds Cooper of something he saw in a horror movie, "Again, we urge everyone to stay indoors. If you have been bitten, seek medical attention immediately."
Cooper rolls his eyes and scoffs at the TV and almost contemplates waking Blaine up because they had just been joking about people overreacting about things saying that the "zombie apocalypse" is near. When he sees Blaine curled up peacefully on the couch, though, he decides it can wait till he wakes up and instead gets up to grab his phone and call their parents to make sure that everything is going okay in Colorado. He sleepily crosses the living room and walks into the kitchen, the quiet murmur of the television becoming background noise, and grabs his phone.
He's surprised when he looks down at the screen to find that he has three missed calls and three voicemails, all from his mom. Eyes narrowing in confusion, he opens up his voicemail and plays the first one, left at about nine. "Cooper, hey," Her voice sounds somewhat stressed. Worried. "I'm assuming you and Blaine are out doing something... I don't know if you've seen all of this ridiculous stuff on the news or not, but I was just calling to let you know that we're heading to the hospital. We were out and some idiot homeless man actually bit your uncle. Can you believe that? Anyway, call when you get this. Love you."
Cooper glances at the television after the voicemail, somewhat worried. The horror movie fanatic side of him wants to freak out because this is how zombie movies always start, Cooper, but he pushes that down. After all, zombies aren't real. That, and even if it were zombies, the news anchor would have mentioned something about people turning, or something. Right? He shakes the thought from his head and goes on to the second voicemail. "Cooper," Her voice is shaky, "I don't want to worry you, but I needed to call. We tried to take a cab and the driver freaked out when he saw your uncle. I don't know how bad it is there, but people here are panicking because they're assuming it's the 'end of the world' or something. We're at the hospital now… Just, call me when you get this. Please. Be safe. Love you."
At the second voicemail, Cooper's heart is pounding. He tries to calm himself – tells himself that there's no way that something like that could actually happen – but when he plays the last message, left about twenty minutes ago, all of those thoughts go out the window. "C-Cooper, please answer," His mom practically sobs into the phone, "I don't know what's going on. It's – we locked ourselves in the room with your uncle. The people out there… Cooper, they're killing eachother. I don't know how else to describe it… Oh god. Look, I love you. Tell Blaine I love him. Pease call me when you get this, Cooper. Please."
Halfway through the message, Cooper stops listening because Blaine has woken up – either because the TV is too loud or because a cop car just drove by with their sirens on. Either way, he's standing in the kitchen feeling numb because of the voicemail and staring blankly at his little brother, unsure of what to say to him. Blaine rubs his eyes and looks at Cooper and as soon as he does, worry creases his face.
"Hey…" He says sleepily, standing, "You okay?"
"I- I don't…" Cooper starts, at a loss for words. He has no idea what to say because how the hell do you tell your own brother that your parents may or may not be dead? And then suddenly, something inside of him clicks. He immediately dials their mother's number, ignoring Blaine's question, and listens as the phone rings again, and again, and again. The sound is almost enough to drive him insane and when it goes to voicemail, he throws his phone on the counter and rushes into the living room. He ignores Blaine, who's still staring worriedly at him, and grabs the remote to turn up to volume. It's only then that he realizes that the news feed is on loop, because the anchor is telling him to stay indoors and seek medical attention if he's been bitten. Again.
He feels as if he's in some zombie movie, like Shawn of the Dead as the anchor tells him that the bites are highly contagious and that the attackers can be killed by a blow to the head. The only difference between now and movies like Shawn of the Dead and Zombieland, is there's no comedic relief. There's no witty sidekick to make a joke and tell Cooper that they should go to the pub. That, and Cooper is actually terrified.
"Fuck," He mutters, running a shaky hand through his hair as he sits down on the couch, staring at the TV.
"Are you going to tell me what's going on?" Blaine asks, staring down at him, "Who did you call? And what's going on out there?" He gestures outside, where another car speeds by, sirens screaming.
Cooper just ignores him and stares at the television, his entire body going numb.
This can't be happening. You're dreaming. You have to be.
"Cooper!" Blaine finally yells and Cooper turns to look at him, "What the hell is going on?"
"I… I don't know…" He answers honestly, staring up at Blaine and wishing he had an explanation.
"What do you mean you don't know?" Blaine snaps, "You look like you just saw a ghost."
"I mean I don't know, Blaine!" Cooper yells back, "You watch this shit and you tell me!"
Blaine shuts up after that, either upset that Cooper just yelled at him, or distracted by the television. They both stare at it in silence, watching the news feed as it takes them outside to downtown Cleveland. The anchor on the scene looks worried as he speaks to the camera, an ambulance behind him, and it looks like paramedics are loading a very bloody looking body into the vehicle. Cooper can't help but wonder if this video was shot earlier and his mind wanders to what could have happened to the anchor and cameraman.
Blaine eventually sits down next to Cooper, watching the television intently, adrenaline pumping through his body. "But I don't… This only happens in movies," He finally stutters out, breaking the silence.
"Apparently not," Cooper replies numbly, eyes still locked on the screen.
"Have you called mom?" Blaine finally asks, and the question immediately makes Cooper's heart drop to his stomach, "Is this just Ohio, or…?"
"I uh…" He starts, tearing his eyes from the TV, trying to figure out how to form the words, "It's everywhere."
"Mom and dad?" Blaine asks, voice becoming more worried, "You talked to them, right?"
"No…" Cooper finally manages to get out, "Look, Blaine… I don't- I can't get ahold of them."
"They're probably just asleep," Blaine says, mostly to make himself feel better. He stands and walks to the kitchen, where his phone is sitting next to Cooper's. He picks it up and dials his mother's number despite Cooper's protests from the other room.
When she doesn't pick up, he immediately calls her back. Again. And again. Eventually, Cooper stands and quickly crosses the room to try to wrestle the phone out of Blaine's hands. "Blaine, please stop," He tries to beg, reaching for the phone, but he pulls away.
"No, she has to answer. She's just asleep, but she'll hear it and answer," Blaine says, eyes wide as he calls the number yet again.
"Stop," Cooper begs again, reaching for the phone again and managing to pull it from Blaine's death grip. He hangs it up and slams it on the counter, frustrated. When he sees the hurt look in Blaine's eyes, though, he reaches out for him to wrap him in a hug.
Blaine's arms remain at his sides when Cooper's envelop him and he just shakes his head against his brother. "She's fine," He says, "She'll just call in the morning, right?" When Cooper doesn't reply, Blaine's voice becomes more frantic, "Right? Cooper?" He shoves away to look at his older brother for reassurance and for a split second, Cooper sees the scared little brother he knew years ago, when Blaine was still trying to find his place in the world.
"I…" He sighs, "I don't think so, Blaine."
The younger boy's eyes widen in confusion and horror and he quickly searches Cooper's face for an explanation. "W-what do you mean?"
Cooper's heart sinks when he looks down, avoiding Blaine eyes as he says, "She called earlier. Left a voicemail. It didn't sound too good…"
At Cooper's words, Blaine rips away from him and lunges for his brother's phone. Before Cooper can stop him, he's putting the phone up to his ear and listening to the last voicemail. When he can faintly hear their mother's voice saying tell Blaine I love him, Cooper manages to rip the phone away from him and shove it in his own pocket, leaving Blaine standing in front of him, face frozen in horror, body still. "Blaine…" He says softly, stepping forward to comfort him, but he backs up immediately.
"No. Nononono…" He mutters, staring blankly at Cooper, "She can't be- They can't… This isn't happening."
Cooper manages to grab onto Blaine's arms and pulls him into another embrace, just as he breaks down. He clutches tightly at Cooper's shirt in a way that makes the older boy's heart lurch, and he reaches out of pet the back of Blaine's head soothingly as he sobs into his shoulder. Cooper wants to cry too. He wants to break down and scream because he didn't even give his parents a proper goodbye when they left for the reunion. He just waved them out the door, glad that he had a weekend to spend with Blaine. Had he known that it might be the last time he'd see them, he wouldn't have done so.
Cooper wants to break down like Blaine does, but he can't. He needs to stay strong for his little brother.
After about fifteen minutes of silence and Blaine sniffling after they find their way back to the couch, the younger Anderson rips his eyes from the television screen and looks at Cooper. "So… What do we do?"
As if Cooper didn't already feel the weight of the world on his shoulders, things suddenly seem even worse. "I don't know…" He mumbles, looking down. "Maybe we stay here tonight… but if things don't blow over…"
"Where are we going to go?" Blaine asks, worried, "We have nowhere to go."
"We'll figure that out…" Cooper assures, grabbing one of Blaine's hands, "I promise."
Without a word, Blaine suddenly stands and makes his way over to the living room window, where Cooper had drawn the curtains shut. Before the older boy can say anything, Blaine is throwing them open and staring out into their street. "Do you- do you think it's gotten here yet?"
Cooper is sure, if the police sirens are any indication, that it has, but he shrugs, "I don't know…" He stands to join Blaine at the window, studying their street. The front door of the house across from them is still ajar and Cooper swallows the lump in his throat as he wonders if their neighbors are okay.
"Look," Blaine says quietly, pointing at the yard next to them. There's a small blonde girl, she looks like a teenager, standing there with her back to them. Cooper can't quite remember her name, but he knows that she's the neighbor's kid- "Maisy," Blaine offers, as if he can read his mind, "That's totally Maisy. I wonder if she's okay…"
Probably not.
He heads for the front door and Cooper tries to grab his wrist to stop him, but Blaine just pulls it away and throws the door open. "Maisy!" He calls, standing slightly outside the house, "Are you alright?"
As if on cue, the blonde girl's head turns slowly at Blaine's voice, quickly revealing that no, she is definitely not okay. When she turns, she exposes her face, and the right side of it looks like it's been torn off, if that's even possible. She cocks her head to the side and stares at the brothers, who are now both standing on the front porch, mouths hanging open, then starts slowly hobbling toward their lawn, groaning. "Blaine…" Cooper warns, tugging on his brother's shirt as he watches this girl, who should be dead, make her way toward them, "I think we should go inside…"
It isn't until she's in their yard that Cooper grabs Blaine by his shoulder and drags him into the house, slamming and locking the door behind them. He immediately goes to the window and shuts the blinds, then turns off one of the lights because if he's learned anything from zombie movies, they should try not to attract more attention.
"But- She…" Blaine stutters, trying to process what he just saw.
"I know…" Cooper sighs out, pinching the bridge of his nose.
"So this is really happening," Blaine says, voice flat.
"Apparently so," He replies, looking up at his little brother and wishing he had some comforting words to say to him.
Instead, the two of them spend the majority of their night in silence. Cooper turns off the news in favor for a movie – even if it's just background noise – and he makes some food for himself and Blaine when they can't fall back asleep around two in the morning. He doesn't want to say anything about it to Blaine, but if things are as bad as they seem, he's sure that they're going to lose power soon, and they only have so much food that doesn't need to be cooked or refrigerated. He doesn't mention it when they sit down at the dinner table in the middle of the night and eat the spaghetti and meatballs that he made. He decides that they need one last moment – one last meal – of normalcy if things really are going to hell.
After checking all of the windows and doors at about three in the morning (and ignoring the occasional groaning or scratching near the front door) the two brothers ascend the stairs for bed. The thought of being downstairs obviously terrifies Blaine, and Cooper doesn't object when he sleepily asks if they can sleep upstairs. When Cooper goes to his room to change into sweatpants, Blaine follows him and stands in the doorway, watching as he changes and Cooper can't help but feel his cheeks flush at the thought of his brother's eyes on him.
"Coop?" Blaine asks, voice small, breaking the silence.
"Hmm?" Cooper replies, sitting on the edge of his bed once he's in his sweats.
"Can I sleep in here?" The question is rushed and he's quick to explain himself, "I just… I really don't want to sleep alone tonight."
Cooper just smiles, though his heart is pounding at the thought of it, "Of course, B."
It isn't long before Blaine is stripped down to his boxers and laying in Cooper's bed next to him, the silence between them heavy. Finally, Cooper lets out a deep breath, "Goodnight, Blaine."
"Night," Blaine replies, then, "Coop?"
"Yeah?"
"I love you."
Cooper's heart lurches, though he knows that Blaine doesn't mean it in the way he wants it to. He smiles to himself before replying, "I love you too."
They don't sleep much that night – Cooper only gets about two hours in total – and by eight that morning, they're downstairs, both boys too scared to open the Blinds to look outside. When they turn on the TV, the majority of the channels are just static, and when Cooper sees how much it scares Blaine, he promptly turns it off. He makes them breakfast while the power is still on – chocolate chip pancakes, Blaine's favorite – but both of them just push the majority of their food around on their plates, to stressed to eat.
The next day, the power goes out and Blaine panics. They're watching The Lord of the Rings that afternoon (Cooper's idea to try to calm and distract Blaine a bit) when it happens, and when it does, Blaine is immediately on his feet, trying to turn on the lamp next to the couch. When that doesn't work, he goes to the light switch, trying to turn it on and off again and again. Cooper is quick to react and pulls Blaine away from the wall and is prepared when the younger boy practically collapses in his arms. Blaine clutches onto his shirt, much like he did on the first day, as he cries and Cooper holds him close until he's spent.
"What are we going to do?" Blaine asks against Cooper's shoulder before pulling away to look up at him. Though he's seventeen, going on eighteen, he looks like a scared little kid when he searches Cooper's face for an answer.
Cooper swallows hard before choking out, "We're going to need to leave…"
"But mom… dad…" Blaine starts, "What if they…"
"Blaine," Cooper starts, trying not to be too harsh, "I don't think they're going to make it back."
Surprisingly, Blaine nods, wipes his eyes, and straightens his posture. Cooper can tell that Blaine is trying to be strong for him, but it nearly breaks his heart when he calmly says, "Alright. Well, we need to pack."
It's silent between the two boys as they grab duffel bags and suitcases from their rooms and fill them with clothes, toiletries and first aid kits. They then head downstairs to fill a couple of bags with any food and non-perishables that they can find, along with all of their bottled water, Gatorade and Vitamin Water.
Thankfully, Cooper had insisted on parking his car in the garage when their parents had left, so they quickly and quietly load their suitcases and bags into the car. When they're done, they just stand there, unsure of what to do or say. "I- Should we… I mean, do you think we should bring something for protection?" Blaine manages to get out, looking down because he feels stupid. It all still feels so surreal to him.
In that instant, Cooper wishes that he knew the code for their father's safe. He knows that he keeps a gun in it, but without his dad or a code, it's pointless trying to break in. Blaine is right though. They need something. Just in case. They search the garage and come up with a shovel, a baseball bat and an axe, and as they load them into the car as well, Cooper manages a smile. "You think we should hammer some nails into this?" He's holding the baseball bat up, grinning slightly at Blaine.
"I can't believe you're actually joking at a time like this," Blaine says, though he's suppressing a smile of his own. The sight gives Cooper a little hope because despite everything that has happened in the past two days, Blaine is still the same brother he knows and loves.
Cooper just chuckles and tosses the baseball bat into the car, then the two head back inside. The atmosphere is much different back in the house. The second they walk inside, the air seems heavy, and Cooper knows it's because they're about to leave the one place they know and love without any destination or any clue as to how bad it really is out there. Cooper reassures himself though, and tells himself that it's for the best – that if they stay too long, it's a death sentence. They haven't heard sirens or even a car since the first night, and they won't say it out loud, but they both have an idea why.
Either there's nobody left to save, or there's no cops left to save them.
The two quickly gather a few more things to put in the trunk of the car – some blankets, a sleeping bag, pillows and even a tent that they find in the garage – and then they find themselves standing quietly in the living room again. It feels odd, saying goodbye to the house that they both grew up in and lived in their entire lives. Though Cooper hasn't thought about it until now, it feels weird knowing that the dumb little things he used to worry about – making sure his phone is charged, checking his email, making sure he didn't miss his favorite TV show, hanging out with friends – will never be the same again, even if the world eventually returns to normal.
Or a shell of what used to be normal.
Once the silence is killing him, Cooper turns to Blaine. "Ready?"
Blaine just quietly nods and the two make their way over to the front window to look outside for the first time since the first night. There are four, maybe five people – zombies – wandering around their street from what they can see, and the sight makes Blaine visibly shudder next to him. The movement of their curtain attracts the attention of one in particular; a man that neither boy recognizes turns his head and slowly starts shuffling toward their yard. He looks relatively normal despite a gaping wound on his exposed arm, and Cooper can't help but wonder if this man had a wife or kids – if this man was like his dad – before he closes the curtain and squeezes Blaine's hand reassuringly.
The two start walking toward the garage door and then Blaine is pulling away from Cooper and dashing toward the kitchen to grab their neglected phones – which had lost service – off of the counter. "Your car has an iPod charger, right?" He asks, holding up Cooper's iPhone.
Cooper nods, "Yeah."
"We could use some music," Blaine explains, shoving both phones into the messenger bag on his shoulder. He and Cooper both know that he's also bringing the phones just in case they start working again. Both of them are thinking it, but neither say it as they take one last look at the house that they've grown up in before opening the garage door and leaving it behind.
As if by some miracle, Cooper had decided to fill up his tank the day before everything happened, and he hopes it can get them to safety before he has to find more gas. He starts his car before he gets out to open the garage door manually, and he gives Blaine one last look. "Ready?"
Blaine doesn't speak, just nods, and Cooper takes it as his cue. With shaky hands, Cooper pulls the large door open, making more noise than he would have liked, gaining the attention of every mindless creature roaming the street. He sprints to the car, buckles his seatbelt, and glances one last time at Blaine before throwing it in reverse and backing quickly out of their driveway.
To his surprise, Blaine doesn't hide his face or avoid looking away from the walking corpses. Instead, he stares straight ahead out the windshield like Cooper does and nods at him again before he puts it in drive and weaves in and out of their old neighbors. As they drive, their home disappearing into the rear view mirror, Blaine reaches out to grab Cooper's hand, their fingers lacing together on the center console.
AN: I'm SO excited about this fic, and I hope you all like it!
Also, I just wanted to note that both the title of this and the title of the chapter are from "Sleeping Sickness" by City and Colour. Go listen to it. It's a wonderful song.
