My name is Sebastian, though it hasn't always been that. My name changes with my master, you see, and I have had many masters. I don't care enough to remember them, let alone the name I possessed whilst under their ownership. One thing I'm sure of, though, is that I believe that "Sebastian" is—by far—my favorite.
The name "Sebastian" means venerable, or possessing a great deal of wisdom. Now, under many circumstances, I am quite wise. I know every pressure point on the human body, as well as for Grim Reapers, Angels, and Demons. I know every possible way to kill one of the aforementioned species. I know how to cook, clean, and garden, everything about doing said tasks. In those aspects, I am quite knowledgable and therefore, quite wise.
But there are several things I am not "wise" about. Feelings and emotions, for example. I can feel anger and pleasure...that being the extent of it. Sadness, happiness, and—above all—love are completely foreign to me. Attraction is also not a thing I understand very easily, due to the fact that I can only feel limited attraction to certain objects (such as a clean set of cutlery, cute baby kittens, etcetera). Feeling attraction or longing for another human being is something I am familiar with...but not in the traditional sense that humans are. Passion, is also very confusing, as it is the connector between love and attraction.
That being said, I do not understand—I am not wise about—Grell Sutcliff.
Grell is everything I am not, and vise versa. He is loud, bold, so completely full of obsessive love and passion, whereas I am quite, reserved, and merely a gentlemanly butler.
I don't understand how he can be as happy as he is all the time, and still experience bone-crushing sadness (as I sometimes saw him experience in my presence). I didn't understand, either, how he could love me so fully and completely, in spite of my total disregard for him, and everything that he was.
I hit him. I hurt him. I nearly killed him numerous times, and even once flat-out told him I hated him.
But he still stared at me with adoring eyes (even if they were blackened, or filled with tears), and continued saying that he loved me.
But that only made me hate him all the more, because the more he told me he loved me after I hurt him, the more confusing and complex he became. I hated that he was on my mind all the time, that I couldn't focus because of his love. He loved me, and I just couldn't understand why. I just couldn't understand why he liked ME, and why such thoughts made me feel something strange and strong, growing in my chest.
I couldn't understand Grell, because Grell was love incarnated. And I was not wise to love.
A/N Yay for depressing one-shots, riiight?! Don't you love Sebastian? I don't really know about him in this, he's kind of an ass... But don't you find Grell's will to love incredible? I was always impressed by that.
Edit: I tried posting this yesterday, but seeing that none of my followers recieved the email, I deleted it. And then everyone got the emails for my updates at 6 am (ugh). So sorry for the confusion!
Thanks for reading, and please review!
