~ Chapter One ~
"Losé"
She was a little thing, five' three, maybe shorter. She wore a baggy purple sweatshirt with the collar sagging down her back, and a pair of tight acid washed gray jeans with tattered old tennis shoes that were held together with duck tape. Her head was buzzed, minus the two portions of hot pink hair growing on either side of her face. Her eyes were a glossy pale blue, and her stout lips a light pink of luster. She donned a look of agony upon her lips, but a look of insipidity in her eyes.
The jaded urban neighborhood was empty, adrift to the night with no light to break through the broadness of the air. Excluding a candle's light, in a window of an abandoned tenement. The steps of the stoop were cracked, and cement with plants split upward through them. The black railing lay partially beside the stoop, and the green paint from the door peeled down in curls. The old knob wouldn't turn so she went around back. It smelled of rotting waste and moist garbage. She looked up to find a latter, dangling from the fire escape that she could reach. Jumping, she grabbed hold of the first rung, and stressed to pull up, but found herself scaling over the railing of the fire escape. The black steel was slippery from the recent down pour, so she held onto the side railing. Climbing up the first set of stairs she came to an open window. She entered grabbing hold the windowpane for balance. Immediately she caught the scent of a familiar smell, the odor similar to sage: sweet, almost tangy odor, the smell of weed. The candle sat on top of an old television box near the window on the other side of the room, lighting the room up partially.
"Hello?" She asked making her way towards the heroine candle. Hardened wax was spilled atop the cardboard table and the candle was only a few inches tall from constant use. She bent down to pick it up, and heard a rustling from behind her. A gust of force pushed her up against the wall, pinning her by her throat. She could feel the peeling paint cut into her bare back. She felt hot breath against her face; the light from the candle was gone. And then, almost like a snarl she heard, "What-in-Hell-are-you?" A disembodied voice spoke from the darkness. It's owner's moist breath with the hint of bud and smoke left a wet feeling upon her cheeks. Then, the pressure from her neck lifted slightly to only be replaced with more force as a lighter was brought to her face.
"What do you want?" a pale face with sunken eyes and cheeks commanded, flicking the lighter on. She squirmed. The stranger looked down at her gritted teeth, his eyelids went heavy as he peered down at her. "Her lips..." He breathed. "Are so pink." He whispered hazily, stroking her lower lip with his thumb. She flinched with fear in her eyes. He looked up into her eyes now, and held them for a moment longer and than released her. He backed away, turning to the box and kneeling down to re-light the candle along with others to fill the room with light. As he lit a candle, he held his open hand to the new flame to block it from the draft. He then looked over at her with his eyes, keeping his head forward.
"I thought, maybe, you were trying to steal my shit... you here for bud?" The man asked lighting the last candle, not sensing the girl's horror.
The girl held her neck as she slumped to the ground. She was terrified; she'd never almost been strangled before. "What kind of fucking world is this?" She thought, believing, but not believing that this is the world she lives in. As if she only recently came here and not being accustomed to how life has be in order to survive. She was only sixteen, and newly abandoned by her now dead mother. She couldn't think of a reason why she even thought she could be saved by a candle in a window in a dark city neighborhood. She felt so young and vulnerable that she didn't even think of seeing the evils of human beings. She could feel her lungs tighten and her throat close up.
The man took notice to the girl's current position as he closed the lighter, accidentally burning himself on the hot metal. He did not flinch, but could smell the burnt flesh from his thumb and brought it to his lips, and slowly lapped the burn once with his tongue to relieve it. He walked over to an open door, and entered. He returned moments later with a paper bag. He went over to the girl and gently sat down in front of her, pretzel style and sat the bag on his thigh. He proceeded to take something out of it along with a small piece of paper. The girl shivered as she suddenly began gasping for air. The man, startled by the sound, raised his eyes to the girl as she heaved in and out to level her breaths. He stopped packing and sat the bud aside on the floor. She couldn't catch her breath, and her face was turning blue.
"Chicka?" The man asked as her cheeks darkened. "Fuck me." He grumbled, lifting his hands up looking her over and trying to think of what he should do. Finally he grabbed her shoulders and turned her around and laid her back against his chest. She kicked and flailed, but her strength was gone and her head pounded. He placed his hand on her sternum, and she tried to scream. He calmly shushed her and gently eased her chest up and down as he breathed softly against her back to show her the right rhythm. He whispered things into her ear, but she could not hear anything, because her heartbeat rang in her ears. She blacked out for what felt like only a moment, but as if someone unplugged a drain inside her head she felt relief and her head cleared, but she was unable to open her eyes.
She heard her silent breathing in her chest as the outside storm crept through a near by window. Only her face could feel the cold, as her body was wrapped in warmth. She could hear a murmur of music in the background. Suddenly she sat up and found herself on a blanket-covered mattress in a dark room. She tucked her hair behind her ears as her neck burned. "What... the fucking... fuck?" She asked aloud as the sound of a shower faucet turning on, was heard from the other side of the wall in the room she was in. Lightning cracked and she remembered where she was and what had happened. She had an asthma attack. She could feel something pooling in her stomach and her thighs tingled. "I gatta get out of this shit hole." She said to herself as she eased out of the dark room and found her way back to the room with the window. "For someone who has no electricity, I wonder how he can afford showers..." She thought as the image of the man intruded her imaginary line of vision and her knees locked. She shook her head and crept to the open window as the sound of the shower turned off. "You gatta be shit'n me." She put her hands on the windowsill, but didn't climb out, she could not move. The door opened to the bathroom and moist heat permeated steam that she could feel through her clothing.
"Don't you have an inhaler?" He asked, and only got a shake from her head.
"His voice..." She thought as the pooling in her stomach continued.
"Thank you..." She squeaked, not turning around.
She heard him ruffling with his towel as she stood, and leaned back from the window. She didn't know how close he was to her, and accidentally brushed her bottom against his towel, she froze. She could still hear him ruffling with his towel, as he dried his hair. He stepped back and walked over to the couch and slumped down. Legs apart and head leaned back as he continued drying. Underneath the towel his cheeks burned from the sudden contact of her bottom and his lap. When he was finished he left the towel over his face and stretched his arms out and lay them across the back of the couch.
She turned silently and sat against the windowsill. She looked at the creature draped over the old plaid couch, and noticed his pale complexion, and his toned arms and calf muscles. His ribs protruded from his skin, but he had faint signs of a six-pack. Her eyes moved up and down his body as she continued to study him.
He could feel her eyes, and he tensed. He felt a tug in his stomach and twinge in his loins. He coughed hoarsely and sat up. "Cut it out!" He demanded, not uncovering his face from embarrassment. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on top of his thighs and hung his head. She shook her head and asked. "What?"
"Quit violating me with your eyes." He said with frustration and in all seriousness.
Her face deepened and her cheeks burned. She looked away and stared at the wood floors.
He shifted making the couch squeak and looked up from under the towel. He then beckoned to her softly and said. "C'mere..." He commanded kindly.
She stood without thought and went over to him and sat next to him on the couch. Her squeak was louder than his and she blushed. They sat in silence until he cleared his throat. She blushed profusely and thought.
"This has got to be the most awkwardest thing-" But she was interrupted.
"I want to apologize for earlier, kid. Its just, I dun' get many customers your size-but I mean that's not the reason why I, ya'know... It was for the reason that Iv had some "break ins" recently, and I mean I need to make a living off something, and buds all I got and-" He trailed off.
"What am I still doing here?" She thought to herself and sighed. "This guy could have killed me."
"Are you gonna be al'right?" He asked softly, looking at her from under the towel on his head, giving her a cute sight of pale green eyes and damp feathered bangs tickling his forehead, and his mouth held a quite concern. She couldn't help but smile at it. This was the most kindness she's received in a long time. Her heart swelled as she took in a breath. She nodded struggling not to blush. "He looks like an angel, with raven long hair and silver green eyes…" She thought.
The man smiled at her pureness, but suddenly frowned and stood up walking back to his room, and her eyes followed him in confusion. He didn't return after awhile, and she felt a bit more comfortable and laid down on the couch, she was exhausted. She felt the warmth from where his body had sat for only a short while. She cradled her head in her arms as she looked up at the rotting ceiling. Her eyes seemed to glisten and her lids plump with sleep.
She awoke to a bang and noticed that it was late in the day. She sat up and stood, banging her knee on the coffee table. "Fuck!" She cursed under her breath, rubbing it thoroughly to relieve the sudden pain. She sat back down as she continued to tend to her forming bruise. Than she heard the bang again and cocked an eyebrow in the direction of the disturbance.
"Hello?" She asked hesitantly.
She heard the bang again. She stood and walked over to the kitchen, and saw that the back door to the porch was open. She made her way to the door and peered out. There in the yard was the man moving scrap metal into different piles. Intrigued, the girl sat down on the steel staircase and rested her elbows on her knees and her chin in her hands to silently observe. After awhile, when he had finished sorting the metal by color and had left for a moment into a yard shed to only reappear with a welding torch.
"What the crap are you doing?" She asked raising her head from her hands. He stopped and jerked his head around to look at her. He blank a few times and then slowly leaned forward and pointed at the torch in his hand. "I'm welding..."
She stood walking down the stairs and jumping onto the damp grass, made her way to the tall stranger. "I feel almost out of body around him... like a can't control my movements." She thought as she approached him. "What kind'ov welding?" She asked childishly, touching his welding mask on his head.
He frowned at her. "What's this?" He asked, watching her hand go back down to her side.
"What?" She responded in surprise, straightening herself.
"You act like a kid..." He stated blankly.
"So…" She answered.
"Well, its not very adult-like for a girl your age…" He scoffed.
"And…" She started. "How old do you think I am?" She asked grinning.
"I'm not interested…" He said turning and picking up the welding torch.
"What are you talking about?" She demanded, putting her hands on her hips. He than looked up, thinking of a response and than turned back to his welding. "This act… if you're going to approach me with a question, ask it properly, or not at all. Especially if you want my number." He said looking down at her from the corner of his eye with a smirk.
"What?" She floored.
The man put his welding mask down over his face and ignited the torch bringing it to a piece of scrap and melting it slightly. She watched him as her shoulders began to rise in frustration. "I am not trying to pick you up!" She thought and than took in a deep breathe.
"How am I s'pose to approach you if I don't even know your name?" She asked over the flame's noise in whiney tone.
He stopped, turning the flame off and lifting his mask up unveiling his face, a frown.
"Devyn... and you are?" He said quickly with a coldness in his eyes, looking at her like he was judging her.
The girl was taken back a bit and she let her mouth open slightly. She didn't like the look in his eyes and she felt cornered.
"They call me Lose..." She said plainly. This caught Devyn off guard and he allowed his eyes to widen.
"Why is that?" He asked crossing his arms.
Lose looked down, but felt false pride in her soul and looked up. "Because I have nothing to lose..." She said with a bit of anger and a matter of fact tone.
"Nothing... really now, you have nothing to lose?" He asked toying with her, but secretly trying to turn her away from future attachment to him. It was the only way to keep from more pain, and certain sin. What a strange perception. He felt he had to keep this girl as distant as possible, but he was finding this feat difficult.
She frowned at this and knitted her brows.
"You would too... if everyone you loved died!" She barked letting her wall down at his demeaning towards her. She could feel her eyes burn and her stomach escaping up her esophagus. As she tried to take in another breathe.
"And no one knows how I feel, to have lost so many people in my short fucking life!" She said now screaming.
Devyn became quite and sat down his welding torch and took his mask off. He looked down at her with anger and disapproval in his eyes.
"It's a cruel world, babe. It's cruel for all of us..." He said plainly and walked back to the apartment.
Lose felt rejected. She had finally said aloud of how she felt, somewhat, for the first time to anyone; with no reassuring words and no comfort. She collapsed down in the damp grass and faced away from the tenement.
A few times Devyn would look out the window and see Lose sitting in the grass looking at the ground. He would scoff and go back to what he was doing. "This girl acts as if she knows me... how childish..." He thought but an imaginary wire yanked at his thoughts of protecting this strange girl, until he could no longer take it.
"Losé?" He asked coming out of the back door.
The girl looked back and up at the man.
"What?" She asked at the accent he had put on her name.
"Come inside, and stop acting stupid." He said waving his hand and disappearing back inside.
"Losé" frowned, but stood after awhile and headed inside.
Devyn was toking up on the couch and the room smelled sweet. Losé slumped on the couch next to him. She frowned at him as he lit the bowl. When he had taken enough hits he handed it to Losé. She looked up at him, but he kept his eyes on the piece. She took it from his hand in her hands and placed it to her lips, he held the lighter to the bowl and lit it as she inhaled.
She coughed instantly and pulled the piece away.
"Why thank you," he began, "either you're a light weight or that my shit is still good."
Losé coughed a few more times trying to spit out words.
"I am, cough, not-cough, a lightweight, cough" She struggled.
Devyn laughed as he brought the piece to his lips and flicked the lighter on. Losé noticed his lips curl around the pieces' mouth gently and she felt her stomach jump. He looked over at her this time, with the piece still to his lips.
"What?" He asked opening the corner of his mouth to speak as smoke came out. Losé's foot twitched and her thighs burned.
"Your uh... piece is neat..." She said as she could feel the effects of the weed already.
"Neat?" Devyn asked smiling as he took the piece from his lips to look at it. "Hm... I guess you could say its 'neat'." He laughed again bringing it to his lips.
Losé swallowed. "Why am I so turned on?" She thought.
"Hey Losé?" Devyn asked as the girl's eyes swirled around the room.
"Don't tell me you're already high from one hit... man, my shit is really good." He said grinning at her as she stared towards him. Her eyes were puffy and she was blushing. Devyn's stomach tightened. "She's so cute..." He thought looking back at the piece.
"Devyn?" Losé asked looking at him. Devyn swiveled his eyes over at her with his brows lifted.
Losé took the piece and lighter from his hands and placed them on the coffee table. She looked back up at the surprised look on Devyn's face as she took his face in her hands. She looked deep into his green eyes and he in return, tried to read her eyes, but he could find nothing. His heart thumped. Losé leaned into Devyn's neck, kissing him softly. Her face burned as she kissed him again. She placed a hand on his chest and licked the back of his ear causing Devyn to let out a small moan. She bit his lobe and suddenly Devyn's eyes went wide and he grabbed her by her shoulders and pushed her back into the couch and stood up. He looked down at her, but not into her eyes. He shook his head and sighed slumping back into the couch. "Losé?" He said quietly as his arms went limp at his sides and he sagged even more into the couch, keeping his eyes on the old coffee table.
"Don't..." He whispered.
Losé's heart was racing and her back bobbed with breaths, as she looked at the sitting man with her mouth open slightly to let inhales and exhales escape through it. She closed her mouth and swallowed, and very seriously spoke.
"I can't pay you." She said looking down at her hand resting on the edge of the couch for support.
"What?" Devyn asked looking over at Losé, breathing roughly.
"I can't pay you for the weed..." She said in a sullen tone, sinking her eyes lower to the ground.
"What?" He began. "So... so you think you can just fuck me instead?" He asked in angered breaths.
Losé flinched. "I don't have any other way to..." She curled into a ball.
"Don't tell me you've done this before?" He asked, but not getting an answer, he called to the girl. "Losé?"
Losé shook her head.
"I have some dignity... which is hard to come by in a world that's as fucked up as ours. My mother wouldn't of wanted me to become a..." She trailed off leaning her head back on the couch and looking up at the cracked ceiling. A tear formed at the corner of her eye and she squinted to rid of its annoyance. It slipped down, landing in her ear, which she rubbed to dry.
"I'm still a virgin..."
Devyn looked ahead bringing one leg up to rest his head on as he sat on the couch. "Fuck..." He began and sighed. "Losé..." He said in a sorry tone.
"What?" She asked in a ticked voice. "Its not like you should care! I mean I just fucking met you and you already got me all fucked up in the head! I hate it- I hate this feeling! Don't you fucking judge me, Devyn... you know nothing!" Losé said in a fit of rage.
She than slowly sank back down and began to cry, and she stuffed her face into her curled up body and sobbed.
Devyn brought his leg down and rested his elbows on his thighs and looked at the ground. He clasped his hands together as they hung between his legs. He was silent as she continued to cry.
"God... what do you want me to do with this girl? You must'ov sent her to me for a good fucking reason. Is this part of my redemption?" Devyn thought. "Fuck Me..." His voice echoed in sigh.
