A/N Just so you guys know, there are more chapters for this in the works, and it's not just going to stay on hiatus, because I really don't like doing that to you guys. This chapter should be the shortest one I have, I usually write more, but the idea for this was all so sudden. Hope you guys enjoy :)
It starts off with a feeling, taking over your thoughts until you obsess over it. It's not love, not hate, but it's something. You need it to be something. You forget that it doesn't have to be; it can just be a feeling, one that has no meaning, no point. But the world has stopped you from believing that's acceptable.
Isn't that right, Antonio?
I guess it explains a lot about us, but this feeling, it's consuming me. I can't be with you anymore because I can't explain, but I guess its things like that feeling. I love you; don't think it's you. You were amazing, loving me when you shouldn't have. When I pushed every button of yours, you managed to still love me. But I can't be with you.
Maybe it's our status as countries; we live for centuries, you and I. My brother too, has lived for a long while and it is taking its toll on him. But I just have this feeling, that it's time we ended. Again, to get it through your dumbass brain, it's not you. It never was. And it's not that cliché it's me either, it's just a feeling.
Ti amo,
Lovino Vargas
Antonio couldn't stop reading. He understood the words; it was bound to happen sometime. Nations just weren't meant for relationships, they weren't meant to say "I do" and promises like forever were just bullshit. They shouldn't be muttered in the first place. But moments with a piece of paper in his hands caused him to wonder. He would constantly go over the words that caused his stomach to twist and maybe he really was masochistic like Lovino said, because he couldn't stop reading even though it hurt, but they meant everything to him. These moments made him want to be human so badly; made him wish Lovino were human. Because if they were, Lovino would still be in his arms and they could be that naïve couple with rings around their fingers and forever an unspoken promise.
But he wasn't human, he wasn't able to give Lovino what he wanted, and so he himself couldn't get what he wanted. Because the only thing he wanted was Lovino.
Lovino could say that it wasn't Antonio's fault. But it felt like it. Antonio noticed that he was judging himself more lately. Usually he had a positive outlook on life, he could make Lovino blush in so many shades of red so he must be sexy looking and his words must be smooth, but now? Now he felt clumsy, lost; what was he supposed to do when he had spent centuries circling his life on pleasing someone? Was he just supposed to call it a mistake and move the fuck on? He couldn't do that. It wasn't him. But he wasn't moping. Spain had no time to mope. He had a job as a country and Lovino was right on that, it had always been there status as nations that made having relationships hard. But it made it fun as well.
He remembers dating Austria, learning to love Austria and his stingy ways, he had heard before that musicians made the best lovers. He remembered England and his relationship with him, it was tense at best, but he can't say he regretted the time spent. There had been many, but none were Romano.
"Toni, big brother Toni…"
Antonio blinks and Feliciano is in front of him.
"Feli, what are you doing here?"
The younger nation smiled gently, brushing Antonio's bangs out of his face, just for them to fall back down in Antonio's eyes. "I came to check on you; big brother hadn't been to see you lately and well…I didn't know or I would have come sooner."
Antonio chuckles, before shaking his head at Feli. He's always been a worrier, and it's a nice trait at times, but Antonio doesn't need someone to dote on him. He just wants Lovino's arms around him. When was the last time Lovino even hugged him, when was the last time he hugged Lovino? Was it bad he didn't know?
"No, no. You are fine, Feli. I'm fine. And it's not like it wasn't going to happen. Lovino was right about one thing, we are countries and even if we tried to make it last, something would have prevented us eventually from being together."
His green eyes look at Feliciano, and he takes a step closer.
"I just wish, just for a while, we were human…that's all."
And everything vanishes.
