Eleanor woke up feeling sick to her stomach today. She looked at the date on her phone. Freddie would've been twenty three today. She needed her drugs. Every year for the past six years she felt this feeling. She'd wake up, remember, and then get this unbearable nauseous feeling.

She'd drudge through the day, ignoring the discomforting concerned stares from her mother. This year though, she had to avoid Jasper's questioning gaze.

"Are you feeling okay Your Highness?" he'd asked this morning.

"Lovely" She replied.

He tried to push it further but she told him to just drop it.

Later that night she needed something more to help blur the memories. She picked out a short black dress and got in her car, Jasper towing behind.

"To the club on 6th" she told the driver.

"You really think a club is the best idea right now, you don't look like you feel so well?" Jasper asked her.

"I'm fairly certain the reasons you're here, Jasper from Las Vegas, are to blackmail me and jump in front of a bullet headed in my direction, not to tell me when I should or shouldn't party" she replied.

He was silent the rest of the ride.

She almost felt bad for being so harsh to him, but she didn't have the energy. All she could think about was that she was here and Freddie wasn't. It made her whole body ache and her lungs feel like they were burning.

Eleanor stepped through the doors of the club and made a bee line to the bar counter.

"Bottle of Vodka" she told the bartender.

"The whole bottle, must be some party" the man replied.

"Yeah, party, right."

Eleanor took the bottle and went to the dance floor. The thumping of the music was helping to drown out his voice she just kept on hearing. She took a gulp of the vodka and grabbed a stranger to dance with. Distractions were good, distractions eased the pain.

After about an hour of drinking and dancing Jasper came over to Eleanor and suggested maybe she should slow down.

Her distractions failed for a second and memories started flooding in, making her feel like she was drowning. She stumbled through the crowd leaving behind Jasper to look for a back exit. She eventually staggered through a cold metal door leading to an alley way. She took out her lighter and a cigarette trying to get her hands to stop shaking long enough to hold the flame. It'd be easier if it wasn't raining so hard.

Eleanor heard a faint noise next to her that sounded like someone clearing their throat. She looked up and her eyes met the mans.

"Of course", she let out a breathy laugh, "of course today" she said in a quiet voice.

"Been a while hasn't it?" the man asked.

"A while, Cook?" Eleanor said exasperated. "You just disappeared, you left that night and then you were just gone."

"Look-"

"No! Where were you Cook, why would you leave everything, everyone? How could you leave JJ how could you leave your brother, how could you leave me?" her volume getting lower as she said the last part.

"I had some stuff to take care of", Cook said, looking down at the ground putting a cigarette to his mouth and inhaling.

"You had some stuff ? What stuff? Six years Cook. You were gone for six years. There were people who needed you and you just vanished", she said trying to keep herself from tearing up. What a good day this is turning out to be.

"Listen, I'm sorry okay?"

"Oh, you're sorry, yeah then everything's fine now isn't it?" She laughs.

"Eff-" he starts.

"No one calls me that anymore", she tells him.

"Yeah, well I do", he looks up at her eyes, "Cook and Effy, remember? You've always been Effy to me, always will be".

"Right then", she says, moving her eyes to the wet pavement.

He scanned her up and down noticing her intoxicated state and really just looking at the girl he hadn't seen for years.

"So, you feel it too?" he asks her, though he says it more like a statement.

"I miss him", she states simply.

"Me too".

Both of them are silent for a minute.

"He's gone you know, I mean really gone" Eleanor suddenly says.

Cook tenses slightly. "How do you know?"

"He could've handled it", she replied thinking back to the conversation they'd had before Cook had left.

"He could've handled it", he repeated back.

"So much has changed Cook", she said solemnly.

"Oh I don't know Eff, we're both still standing in the rain, both still miserable."

The memory made her let out a slight laugh.

"It does seem quite the same doesn't it?" she asked.

"Eleanor", the door flings open, Jasper stepping through. He sees a man and shifts into a slightly more protective stance.

"I'm fine bodyguard ", she said bitterly. There she goes again with the harshness. Why is it so difficult for her today.

"Effy's Bodyguard?" Cook laughs. "What an eventful job that must be".

She shoves him lightly and actually manages to smile, forgetting about the anger towards him for leaving and just being relieved to have someone who understands.

Jasper just watches the exchange with wonder, still a bit on edge.

"And who would this be?" Jasper asks with his eyebrow raising.