The years after Linda and Lawrence's divorce had not been kind to Phineas. The bonds he'd shared with his step-brother were severed when the boy returned to England, and without the stabilising force of Ferb to keep him focused he found himself growing less and less able to complete the large-scale projects he was used to. He began to feel himself squandering his potential, with made him angry at himself and then at everyone else. His intelligence was beyond any of his peers, but the pressure mounted more and more over him until it closed over the top of his head and trapped him beneath. It made him sick, prevented him from touching anything that looked like a screwdriver before it brought up too many bad feelings. Too many happy memories that were tarnished retroactively by what he'd failed to preserve.

He was eighteen when he moved out, after only just scraping together a high school diploma. He knew all the answers despite having not picked up a textbook, but his attendance and conduct had been so poor that he'd almost been dropped before he could sit a single exam. Candace and Linda were terrified but neither had been able to reach him. He was too friendly to them, perfectly willing to listen and help them feel at ease right up until they left the room. Then everything went back to normal and nothing was solved.

He was walking through the streets, hands in his pockets and head ducked. It was a crowded Saturday, which was what he wanted because it was easy to lose yourself in a mass throng of people. He wore ripped jeans and a torn-up band shirt, had studded armbands around his wrists, and he'd shaved the sides of his head. He'd enjoyed the punk look- it encouraged people to leave him alone unless they wanted the same things he did- but he didn't take it far enough to really stand out in a crowd. Once again, this was something he wanted.

Without a single change in expression or body language, he slipped a hand into a taller man's pocket and lifted his wallet. It was hard to make ends meet when your only source of money came from the black market. The pay was very hard to predict and not always as good at television would lead one to believe.

/

Ferb's life hadn't exactly been peaches and cream when he was pulled away from Phineas, but he wasn't exactly what one would call struggling with life. When he returned to England with his father he threw himself into his school work to try and block out how much it hurt to be without the younger mastermind. Phineas was always a guiding beacon for where he could plant his inventive roots. It resulted in an early graduation from secondary school, and early graduation from rather prestigious university he doesn't name because he doesn't care for the questions it brings.

He also doesn't name it because after he was out of school, where being verbal was almost always forced, he stopped speaking unless it was absolutely necessary. The only person he really cared to talk to often was Phineas, and without him, he didn't see a reason to.

When he left home, it was with lots of understanding hugs from his father. He watched his son become a recluse without Phineas, so when Ferb wanted to go back to seek him out, Lawrence never did a thing to stand in his way. When he arrived, he had a few odd engineering jobs here and there, but he kept losing them due to his 'lack of people skills'. Either way, he never seemed to get any closer to Phineas.

It wasn't until recently that he had managed to kind of land a stable job. It was more that it landed on him than anything. A man approached him outside of a grocery store one day with explicit knowledge of one too many details about his life and the offer of a job that didn't care whether or not he was willing to mingle with coworkers. He accepted with a nod. Since then, he only left his studio apartment when he needed supplies or food, or when he was searching for Phineas.

His searches were listless nowadays. He peered into stores here and there, hoping he'd see him with friends, or alone. As months went by with nothing to show for it, his hopes waned. Now he just wandered. This didn't mean that he was unaware.

When he started unofficially working for the CIA he was still informed in no uncertain terms that his identity was incredibly important to protect. He was taught what to do against attacks, he was given some very terrible instructions on what to do if he was every captured, but mostly, he was taught how to protect the easiest piece of his identity - his wallet.

His hand snapped to the one clasped around his wallet, rolling his eyes a bit as he spun around and yanked the offender forward to twist his arm behind his back. He didn't use nearly enough force to wound him, it would barely be uncomfortable - just enough to make him drop his wallet. It was crowded enough that it was difficult to see what was happening. Nobody around them reacted and instead bustled around like nothing was going on.

/

Phineas' voice hadn't changed much, even after puberty, so he yapped like an angry terrier. "Hey! Watch it! Assault!" The wallet was dropped and he attempted to wrench himself free, so focused on trying to get away that he didn't take in the face of his mark. He'd been caught but it wasn't a huge deal- the manic twisting was due to necessity, not panic. He could still escape into the crowds before the police were called and it wasn't like this hadn't happened before. Juvenile detention probably wasn't even that bad, if the overnight cells he'd spent time in were at all similar.

His wrist was very skinny, like grabbing at a bundle of twigs. He wasn't healthy and forgot to eat often, which was half of the reason why his eyes were so sunken in and pink.

/

Initially Ferb wanted to just shake his head and walk away, but as soon as his would-be robber spoke, he let go of his wrist and instead grabbed the young man's shirt. He knew that voice. His throat tightened as his fist held onto the unfamiliar shirt on a very familiar build. He hadn't spoken in a while, so his voice was going to be a wreck, but he had to be absolutely sure. "...Phineas...?" His voice came out in a partial whisper, not used to existing anymore. He was afraid to force it too much. He found himself building a wall against the devastation he was inevitably about to feel when the young man turned around, and it turned out not to be the person he was hoping for. This was the first time he'd come this close to thinking he had him.

/

Phineas' hands came up in defence as he was suddenly dragged forward, and his high voice snapped, "Look, assho-!" Then he looked up into the man's face and realised who he was. His face fell in shock and his eyes darted between both of Ferb's as he took in what was standing in front of him. His expression broke into utter joy. "Fer-herb!" He threw his arms around his brother's shoulders and gave him a hug built on years of loneliness and pining. His grip was so tight that the muscles in his arms trembled, though he wasn't strong enough to hurt the bigger man. "Where the hell have you been?!" His voice was rough too, though not for the same reasons (Phineas would never have a problem with talking too little). It was rough enough to squeak when he got excited, and he was like a mad ferret as he pulled his older brother into the tightest hug he could manage.

/

The man finally looked at him and confirmed exactly what he suspected. He tore down his wall against the oncoming pain, because there wouldn't be any. Phineas was here. He didn't even care (yet) that Phineas had just tried to pick his pocket or that he called him an asshole. It was a feat for Phineas to get his arms around his shoulder, since Ferb was so tall now, so he rewarded him by leaning down as he threw his own arms around him in one quick motion, pressing the short punk into his front. All at once he had so many things to say to him, but he held them all in. Right now was dedicated to making sure that this wasn't a dream, and he'd found Phineas at least, and he wasn't about to wake up to his dull apartment ceiling. He decided to forego words in favour of burying his face in Phineas' shoulder. This was all he needed right now.

/

Phineas clung with joy as a thousand feelings rushed through him, most of them overwhelmingly positive. He'd missed him so much and feeling Ferb's warmth made a thousand old, happy memories rush through him. His fingers clung to the other boy's jumper and he pulled himself tightly in. "Boy have I missed you! Oh man! Let's get outta the way, huh?" He pulled back and gave Ferb a huge grin. He looked more and more like Dr. Doofenschmirtz every day with the way his posture slumped and his eyes sunk in, but he still had a bright spark behind it. Grabbing Ferb's wrist, he tugged him out the way of the crowds and into a small alley so he could get a better look at him. "You look great!" After a pause he swept his eyes up and down Ferb's frame. "You got huge! Oh!" He scurried out into the thronging crowd, then returned with Ferb's wallet. He tossed it back to him without a trace of guilt- deliberately. "You dropped this."

/

Ferb took in the overwhelming feeling of being wanted again and let Phineas drag him wherever he wanted to go. When the got to the alley, away from people, and Phineas returned with his wallet, he offered him a smirk in return. He filled his lungs with a breath and prepared to speak. He hadn't felt this full of conversation in years. His voice came out quiet and a little breathy. "It wasn't the important one. That one you won't find." He was also taught the importance of deception. He planted a strong grip on Phineas' shoulders and sighed in a relief that had eluded him for years. His calm face twitched a bit and betrayed how much this meant to him. It also betrayed his concern. Why was Phineas pick pocketing?

/

Phineas was still grinning broadly, his hand coming up the moment Ferb's touched his shoulder to give it a squeeze. "What?" he laughed, but pressed no more on the subject. Phineas never forced Ferb to explain himself or waste words, at least not unless they were talking technology. "How have you been, Ferb? How was England? How come you came back to visit?" Then his own expression twitched and the light faded from his eyes, though his smile remained, "How come it took you so long? Oh!" He thumped his own palm and stood up straighter. "Perry'll be so glad to see you!"

/

Ferb made a mockingly offended face. "You're the one who left home. Linda didn't know where you were." His own smile slowly faded to fully take on his concern. He felt strangely tired from talking so much, but there was a lot to be said. "Phineas, are you okay?" He had a lot of questions, but they all boiled down to concern for his well being. For now that question would have to suffice. The talk of Perry brought feelings of warmth to him, and he'd be very excited to see him, but he'd have to wait until he could sate his fears for his lost brother.

/

Phineas nodded and waved in dismissal. "Sure I am! Hey, you wanna go get coffee or something?" He was full of excitement- brimming with nervous energy to see his long lost brother after so long apart. He didn't know what to do with himself and this didn't feel like reality. It was too similar to so many idle daydreams but he was so, so pleased to be living it anyway. He didn't even try to respond to Ferb's comment about his mother. Much like how he'd dealt with the rest of his family, he avoided all difficult subjects and refused to talk about them, as smoothly and unassailably as bamboo taking on high wind. "But seriously! Answer my questions- what've you been up to?" He took Ferb's arm with both of his and gave him a big smile, hugging up to his side as the back of one hand briefly came up to scrub under his nose with a sniff.

/

Ferb sighed again. Phineas was obviously not going to answer him, but Phineas was never one who could solve his own problems when they got to him like this. It usually stressed him out until he let Ferb handle it. So somehow, he'd have to find out what it was and handle it. Until then, he would leave it alone. "I moved here... hoping to find you. I was starting to think you'd left town completely..."

/

Phineas began to drag Ferb down the alley and into a quieter street. It was the sort of place run by poorer, family-owned stores where you could get mediocre coffee and good atmosphere cheap. Phineas knew a couple of the owners by name now. He continued to witter happily as he pulled his quieter brother down the sidewalk, and pressed this close he smelled of sweet, non-tobacco smoke. "No way!" He looked up at Ferb and gave him a more weary smile, the happiness in his eyes dropping away beneath the surface of the water again and leaving his happy expression empty. "Why would I leave Danville? One city's the same as any other, right? Though I guess it'd be pretty cool to see Paris again..." As he pulled a mocking thoughtful expression he tugged Ferb into a threadbare little cafe. They were hit with the smell of homebrewed coffee and stale pastries.

/

"Hm... Paris." Ferb had been again recently, on a very interesting commission challenge that involved air ducts and lasers, but beyond that, he wasn't privy to the particulars. "It's not gotten any better honestly. Budapest though, that's somewhere you'll want go." He followed Phineas into the cafe with a bit of a forced smile, glancing around the place and taking in the atmosphere. "Was this place always here?" He asked. His voice was getting stronger as he was continuing to exercise his vocal chords. It took ages for it to get so forced, but it was taking just moments to clear. Phineas was opening him up again.

/

Phineas cocked his head to one side with a strange expression on his face. "What?" He sat down at a table and counted out some change from his pocket. The place looked more like a shabby living room than a restaurant, with board games and books stacked on shelves in one corner. "Budapest? That sounds awesome." That light was fading fast, through envy and a bitter sense of inadequacy, but he kept smiling because it was hard to attribute any bad feelings towards his brother. This felt too good despite everything- he wanted to bask in finding his brother again for as long as possible before numbness and anger closed in over his head again. "I think this place had been around since we were kids, but I only started visiting after I moved out. Oh hey Marie!" A waitress approached and he gave her a friendly smile. She gave him a tolerating one back, but it wasn't hugely happy to see him there.

"What can I get you both?"

"I'll just get a regular. Ferb'll have breakfast tea with milk and sugar on the side- in those little cubes? Thanks!"

/

Ferb grinned as Phineas' order for him was spot on. Despite that, he sent the woman a bit of a warning look in return for her displeasure with Phineas being there. Still, he couldn't exactly blame her. Phineas' first interaction with him for years was stealing his day wallet. On that note, he plucked that wallet back out of his pocket and shoved Phineas' money-gripping hand back towards his chest. The grip on that wrist was firm as a way to keep him from complaining. If Phineas was tight on cash there was no way he, as the big brother, would allow him to waste it on tea, especially tea in the states. It was pricier here than it was back in England, even if it was the Americans' fault in the long run.

/

Phineas looked at him in surprise at the gesture, but smiled and pocketed his cash. With a flourish of a shrug he grinned and leaned back in his chair, resting a foot on the opposite knee. "If you insist! So I guess you wanna know what everyone's up to, right?" He barely waited for an answer before diving straight into an explanation. As he scrounged up his memories he ticked off his fingers. "Buford and Baljeet got into the same college and they've moved away during term time- it's awesome! Baljeet totally took on Buford as a pupil and he's doing seriously well- Baljeet's taking math, duh, and Buford's taking history. I think he likes learning about cool wars and stuff. So him, right?" He snickered and carried on; "Irwin's taking community college nearby but he's got a bunch of projects on the go and I think he's got a blog... and all the Fireside girls are scattered around and I have no idea where they all are. And Isabella..." He paused and drummed his fingers on the table, looking briefly sad. It washed over him in a subtle, sudden and undeniable way that drained all the colour from him. "She's still hanging around. She's helping her Mom out with the family business, but she's going away to study in Mexico next year." In a flash he left it behind and changed the subject. "And Candace is getting married to Jeremy next year! Isn't that great?"

/

Ferb felt a tightening in his chest when Phineas finished his story. Everyone was in it except for Phineas himself. He knew there was a reason, but he wasn't sure if there was an easy way to ease it out of him. "And you?" He asked, simply. He didn't need anything else. Phineas was always great at reading what he meant, and nothing would ever change that, he'd hoped. Phineas was important to him and he didn't want to just slide back into his life without doing something about the pain he was in. There was most definitely pain there, and he'd uncover it if it killed him.

/

Phineas avoided Ferb's eyes and rubbed the back of his neck. With an awkward laugh he started, "Me? Well I've been pretty good! I mean, I graduated high school and things're going okay. I still make stuff and sometimes I sell my inventions to kids in the neighbourhood- it's fun! I've got my own place, I've got Perry, I've only been in a jail cell like twice so we're good!" He gave Ferb a cheesy grin and two thumbs up. He knew he'd fucked up but he'd be damned if Ferb was going to worry about him. "But that's not the point- tell me what you've been doing!" He kept pressing for Ferb's stories- anything to get them off the subject of himself.

/

Ferb's eyes narrowed just a bit. "Phineas..." He sighed his name. He didn't comment on the jail subject, because he'd been there once before, even if it had been a misunderstanding about planting bugs in a senator's office. He was bounced by nameless colleagues, and they continued whatever mission they were on with the bugs that weren't found (a good seven out of nine - they didn't hire Ferb because he was useless). Still, it was a different matter entirely here. "You can't seriously expect me to skirt around this. Do you suppose it's normal to stumble across your long lost brother after at least a solid year of actively searching by having him pick your pocket?" He took a quick breath when he finished, feeling winded. This was definitely something he'd have to get used to.

/

Phineas' eyes darkened but he waved off the comment with a smile. "Don't worry about it!" The waitress returned with their coffee and tea, set everything down, and left them be. Phineas scooted his coffee closer to his chest and took a couple of sugar cubes for it. "A whole year of searching?" He laughed Ferb's name sweetly; "Ferb, I'm not hiding- where were you looking? Behind Mom's couch? Oh and hey-" He leaned forward and gave the air in front of his brother a poke with his spoon. "Even if you won't tell me what you've been doing, at least tell me how Dad is. He's okay, right? He wasn't too sore about what happened?" Lawrence was, at least in Phineas' eyes, still his father.

/

Ferb fought an urge to yell, mostly because it would probably hurt. He also wasn't ready to lose Phineas after just getting him back. He took a few short breaths and looked down at the table. "He's fine. Doing lectures at Oxford and such. I think he has one in Surrey this week." He pulled a phone (given to him by his 'employers') from his pocket and checked a few things. "We keep in touch via email... He knows I don't like to talk much." Yet he spoke almost freely for Phineas. It was odd how he felt closer to the shorter redhead than he did with his own father. The full truth was that Lawrence had been quiet himself, and the emails were generally preferred over phone or video chatting because Ferb had learned to find emotion in his voice and his face. His father wasn't exactly sad, per say, but he held himself accountable for Ferb becoming a recluse. He wasn't exactly wrong, since it was his decision to leave the country, but he couldn't really blame him.

/

"What, you?" Phineas smiled and tilted his head with a cheeky grin. "The Ferb I know doesn't need to talk- he's a man of action." He could see how weighed down Ferb had gotten and wanted to reach out to reassure him that the world wasn't that bad. Optimism was worth the effort and no matter how difficult or lonely things became, there was always something out there to look forward to. Unfortunately he couldn't quite convince his throat to vocalise those half-truths. "Mom missed you too- I know she wanted to call but, you know, it was hard to keep contact with you and not him. I guess she didn't wanna seem like a crazy person, you know?" He sipped his coffee and gave a short laugh. "Next time you see her, give her a really big hug from me, okay?"

/

"I gave her a hug when I went to her searching for you, Phineas." Ferb said bluntly. There was a heavily implied fact that Phineas should hug her himself, but he didn't have to voice it. After all, like Phineas said, he was a man of action, and his eyes could do that for him. He reached for his tea, stirring in one of the sugar cubes and taking a sip of it. The tea reminded him of home. A very expensive home. Stupid three dollar cup of tea. He dropped his eyes to the table. "If I take you to my flat, will you talk to me?" he asked. His years in England brought him back to using English terms instead of the American ones he'd grown used to using by Phineas' side. It reminded him that he'd left, and it was strangely painful.

/

Phineas slowly, visibly deflated under Ferb's look. He looked down and to the side, then cleared his throat. "Um... okay?" There was a pause where he took a deep breath, then he continued with a more desperate smile, trying to convince Ferb that it was a real one. "I tried looking for you too, but I couldn't get the funds. Or the tech! Do you know how hard it is to pull together a working transatlantic aircraft with no money and no handyman? It's impossible!"