Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or its characters, they all belong to Masashi Kishimoto. I only own the plot, so no suing please.

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Chapter One: Tobi's Owie

It was a normal day in the Akatsuki hideout. All of the members were keeping themselves occupied - I'm not going to mention how, and I was in my room, alone, reading a book.

But I wasn't alone for long.

Deidara came into the room, without even knocking - which was typical for him - and knelt down in front of me, staring at me intently. I lowered my book and quirked an eyebrow at him, but his gaze did not falter. We stayed that way for, what felt like, an hour before he opened his mouth to speak.

"Hey Saru," he began, blinking. "I need to ask you something, un."

I let out an exasperated sigh and closed the book, setting it down on the bed.

"Fine." I said, crossing my arms. "What is it?"

He held up his hand and asked, "I have an owie on my hand, could you kiss it better?"

I felt my face grow hot as I figure out what he was getting at, and my hands clenched into fists. Suddenly I lashed out, and smacked Deidara in the head.

"You have got to be the biggest pervert I ever met!!" I exclaimed heatedly, a vein pulsing on my forehead.

"You take things way too seriously, hmm." Deidara groaned, rubbing the area of his head where my fist made contact. "You need to relax more, yeah. I give a mean shoulder massage. And if you play your cards right, it could change to a full body."

I scoffed when he winked at me suggestively, and hit him again, ignoring his groan of pain.

"I don't want a massage." I growled.

"Ow… Do you have to hit so hard?"

Before I could answer, Tobi burst into the room, looking like he was about to cry.

"Saru-chan! Saru-chan!!" He cried, almost tripping and falling in front of me.

"What's wrong, Tobi?" I asked.

"Tobi has an owie…" Tobi whimpered, rubbing the side of his head where the 'owie' was. "Tobi doesn't know what to do about the owie…"

"Where does it hurt, Tobi?" I asked, feeling his head for any bumps.

"Right here." He said, pointing to the side of his head.

"Right here?" I repeated, touching the area he had previously pointed to as he winced.

Sure enough, there was a bump.

And a pretty good one, at that.

"Uh-huh. Could you kiss it better, Saru-chan?" Tobi asked innocently.

I stared at him for a moment, and found I couldn't say 'no' to him, especially when there were tears forming in his visible eye.

"Damn it," I thought. "Why does he have to be so damn cute and innocent??"

"Alright, fine. Come here."

I carefully grabbed a hold of Tobi's head to keep him from squirming, and lightly kissed the side of his head. He stopped whimpering as I let him go, and was surprised to find the slight throbbing pain gone.

"Is that better?"

Tobi nodded enthusiastically, and I knew he was smiling even though he was wearing a mask.

"Uh-huh. Tobi feels lots better! Saru-chan's kiss healed Tobi's owie! Saru-chan has healing kisses!!" He exclaimed happily, jumping up and down like a three-year-old in a candy shop.

"Oh brother…" Deidara muttered, rolling his eyes.

I hit the blonde again, and turned back to face Tobi.

"Does it hurt anywhere else?" I asked,

He shook his head.

"No, I don't think so…." Tobi began, scratching his head.

That was the thing about Tobi. I could ask him that kind of question and he wouldn't give me a sarcastic/sexual remark, unlike some of the other male members of the Akatsuki (-cough-Deidara-cough-).

"But I heard Sasori-san say that his head hurts. Oh no! Sasori-san has an owie! We have to help him! Come on, Saru-chan!"

"Uh, Tobi… I don't think -- kyaaaaahh!!'

I let out a yelp when Tobi grabbed my hand and nearly dragged me out of the room to find Sasori.

...

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Next victim: Sasori