"Don't get attached to her," Nine had said. "It will only make things more difficult."
Twelve knew he hadn't meant that the way Lisa had heard it. He was more complicated than that, layering his worlds with double-meaning and riddles. She was too simple, assuming the worst of everyone.
No, Twelve knew his brother-friend had meant that at the end - when inevitably they were both dead and her left behind - that these little kindnesses would bring her no comfort.
Time was, as the cliché said, running out, and there was no room for delay – not for Nine, almost a year older than Twelve. Like a carton of milk, he was already passed his expiration date. Nine might even die before the end results could be measured, but Twelve would be around to watch the fallout from a prison cell. Maybe he'd even stand trial, for he hadn't heard ringing in his ears thus far, hadn't heard his death knell yet.
They'd been lucky, Nine's had started in the fall of the previous year – even though he'd tried to hide it – and they'd witnessed the same from the others: One, Four, Two, Sixteen, Twenty-four, Eight, without rhyme, without comfort of a reason, their use-by dates absurdly short and arbitrary. Yet there they were, eight years later and Nine was saying the exact same thing. "Don't get involved, it will only make it harder for whoever is left behind."
In the year following their escape, it had been their mantra: Don't get close to anyone – not even each other – don't care too much, don't draw attention to themselves.
Eventually, they'd relaxed it to allow the smallest bit of connection to each other; that was the limit, but when Twelve had witnessed the pain rack Nine's body, heard his stifled cries in the night, he'd realized the wisdom in their old adage. So far, he was pain-free, so he was going to be the one left behind, the one who would be alone – unless something drastic happened – so he had to prepare for the time when Nine was gone.
The distance between them grew centimeter by centimeter until he could watch Nine leave on a mission and the only regret he had was that Nine was going to have all the fun without him. Yes, that was a safe place to be, but he hadn't realized how fragile that thinned out distance had made him until he saw that awkward lost girl surrounded by bullies and his heart had automatically reached out to fill the void left by his independence from Nine. For a change, Twelve was the person someone relied on. He was the brave one to swoop in and save the day, rescue the broken…
"Don't get too involved," Nine warned, but Twelve knew he was already in too deep and that he'd have to teach Lisa how to kick the dependency habit as well. Would he have time? When would he hear that alarm, silent to his ears? It was coming, he could feel it chasing him toward his expiration day.
