Just a normal day of senior year. Going to classes, getting slushied, hating myself, singing alone in the auditorium, hating myself, going to glee club, hating Mr. Schue, hating myself...

"Good work today guys! See you tomorrow!" Mr. Schue barked. He gave my solo to Quinn, claiming that my voice was too Broadway for the song, which was a crazy thought. I glanced up and squinted at the clock, and frowned. It was only four, practice always goes until five fifteen. Mr. Schue probably had to rush home to go get ready for his date with Emma. Well, to be honest, that was pretty boring. I could get a head start on that stupid math. I really didn't want to go home though. Not when I would have to see them.

I love my parents. They have done everything for me. I hate the feeling that I have inside though, that sometimes I wished they weren't my parents. I know that after all this time it shouldn't affect me what people say about my having two gay dads, but for some reason it made me sad.

The two of them didn't do anything but fight. Everyday one of them would say that they were going to a lawyer to end it, but never actually go. For Rachel that meant watching her parents scream at each other day and night over the stupidest things, and having to sit by and do nothing.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will rip my skin apart.

And the worst part was, l knew it was my fault. If she was not around, her parents would have gotten a divorce a very long time ago. But they hesitated, despite her pleas for them to end the misery that had wrapped the three of them up.

I ended up sitting on a bench watching a freshman practice for her cheerios audition. The Cheerios... something else I could never be in. But of course people like the thin gorgeous blondes get into everything they try out for. It's a perk of being popular, and athletic, and thin, and pretty, and not afraid of what people think, because everybody in this freaking world loves the Cheerios. Oh yeah, and she's good at everything she does.

I could be thin

I could be popular

I could be athletic

But nooo, because everybody in this fricking stupid retarded world hates me, or pretends to care about me. Why can't I just die? At this point I don't think there's any reason to keep living on. Why can't I just die?

Die...

End it all...

Show them how I actually felt...

No one would miss me...

It could be quick...

And then it would all be over...

Then another memory came back to me. Would she even care? Probably not. She told me that we could 'embrace each other from afar', which is basically code for stay away from each other at all costs. And adopt a baby, because I was not good enough for her.

No one cares. It's just a bad day, which turns into a bad week, which turns into a bad month, bad year, and bad life. There is no good anymore. My friends would be sad, only because they pitied me. They didn't even know there was anything wrong. They just thought I was tired...

I was so tempted. The knife was so close, and the pills were even closer. The blade was so sharp, so fine, it could get the job done. But being the idiotic wimp I was, I could bring myself up to do it. I couldn't help feeling that if I messed up; they would bring me back to this hell I'm already living. But what is the actual difference between living hell and dying hell? If they were able to bring me back, I would end up in a straight jacket in a mental institute for the rest of my life. I wouldn't be able to look anyone I cared about in the eye ever again. They would all see me as a sick child.

I have nothing to live for. Sure, I say I'm going to be on Broadway, but that doesn't mean its going to happen. I'm going to be a short, fat fail that can't play any sports, or sing, or play the piano the rest of my life, and the worst thing is, I've lost the dream that kept me going. That she cared. She doesn't care, he doesn't care. Nobody cares. And they never will.

I fell asleep sniffling my tears into a pillow, so the others wouldn't notice. Even though when they do notice they never seem to want any interest in helping me with anything. I've never felt so alone.

When I woke up, my eyes were still wet, and pretty much my whole pillow was damp. I hated waking up during the middle of the night, but now I knew what I needed to do. I tried my best not to wake anyone as I walked over to the door, opening it as slowly and quietly as I could.

I couldn't do this at home. Home was no longer sacred, it was the place I dreaded coming home to every day. I always thought of the times I sat against the wall in the bathroom, crying as I listened to the shouts stabbing the air and at each other like a knife.

I wandered down the hallways of the school, almost in the dark. Only the emergency lights were on, and I was trying to decide where to do it. I got what I needed, now I just had to choose where. I walked past Mr. Schue's room, My Mo- Ms. Corcoran's. I stopped to think. Would she care? No. No one would. I had to do this. I couldn't second-guess myself otherwise I would change my mind.

I decide on the stage of the auditorium. That was the only place that I was ever happy, dining . Hopefully I would be found by someone that wasn't a bitch. I took the sharp silver knife out of my pocket and the pills I stole. I swallow all ten pills and give myself a good stab in the stomach. I welcome the loud slam of my body onto the floor with a smile. This is the end.

I was really disappointed when I woke up in the Lima Community Hospital I really thought that I could be done on Earth. There was no place for me here, at all. Didn't they understand that?

"Why hello there dear," The hospital nurse came over to the bed. She had a brown bob, and a purple blouse with black pants. I was in one of those gowns with no backs. There wasn't anyone else in the room, just a couple of beds, and the strong smell of alcohol, "Nice try. The others wanted to tie you down but I said you wouldn't need it, but if you push me I will. We're not letting you leave here until we're sure you won't try to do something like this again. Understand?"

I nodded miserably. Where were my dads? One was probably on a business trip, and the other was on a vacation trying to get away. I was almost eighteen, I could take care of myself. My stomach growled. I didn't even want to think about food. I was just so fat, and eating food would only make me fatter. I didn't even want to know how bad my hair looked, or the big scar on my stomach. Plus, I felt like I was going to throw up. This was great. Really great.

I was left in my own solitude, reading a book about the meaning of life that nurse oh- so-generously gave to me, when SHE walked in.

Oh my oz.

Shelby's pov- several hours earlier

My number one concern was getting more girls to join this new showchoir I was going to have to bring up. Okay, maybe that was my second concern, after seeing Puck and Quinn with all of this drama over Beth, who is the best daughter I could have ever dreamed for.

Okay, make that the second concern, the first one being my baby. The one that probably hates me and always will because I couldn't give her the love or relationship she wanted. Everytime she saw me in glee, I could see the look in her eyes, that I was her mother and only that. The person who brought her into the world.

I was still walking through the hallway towards my classroom when Will ran up to me, the look on his face shocked. I didn't really know what he wanted.

"What is it Will?" I asked, shuffling to get my keys out of my bag to open my door.

"It's Rachel..."

My daughter.

It had to be my daughter.

The one who I never got to hold.

She tried to kill herself.

Will came over and sat down next to me in the teacher's lounge. My hair looked like a giant frizz that I hadn't bothered to attempt at brushing, and I was dressed in sweatpants and a sweatshirt. I didn't even want to teach math, I had the kids do whatever, even though all they wanted to do was talk about that girl who tried to kill herself and laugh about it. I quickly jumped back to grading my math tests that so far every kid had failed, or so my grading said. He didn't buy it.

"Just do it. I know what you're thinking. You're not going to get in trouble for going on your daughter. She is your daughter. And maybe I was wrong about you guys. She needs you, now more than ever. If you want to commit yourself to her, promise her that you'll be there. And don't break that promise."

"Nice going with the Titanic quotes, you jump I jump huh?" I giggled and he smiled back with his usual grin.

I left Puck and Quinn to babysit Beth (not really sure if I trust that decision) and drove to the hospital later that day after school and glee. I walked into the room the nurse told me, where only one bed was taken. A plate of chicken, potatoes and corn sat unattended while the girl with the brown hair sat up with her face in a book. I slowly lifted the book to see Barbra Streisand's face and the words 'Hello Gorgeous' on the front.

"Hey." I sat down on a random metal chair thrown against the wall. It made my butt cold. Rach looked up from a book, her big nerd glasses sticking out on her face. I didn't even know she had glasses. Her expression drew to a quiet solemn one.

"Hi." She replied quietly, closing her book and putting it down on her lap.

"How are you?" I try not to sound like an overprotective parent, but she looked so pale and sad and helpless. I can't help but feeling like somehow this is my fault, and I should kept a better eye on her or something.

"I'm okay. You?" She brought her knees up to her face, and then I see the scars that go all the way up her arms, and the thick white bandages that are wrapped around her wrists. She looks at me with a glance that tells me she feels awkward and wants to hide under the covers. Not that I wouldn't want to do the exact same thing. I wanted to help somehow, anyhow, to make this kid want to live. Her life isn't even that bad, she just sees everything in a horribly dim light. She's my baby and I just want to give her a hug and tell her everything is going to be okay, but I do not have the right to do that.

"Why did you do it?" I needed to see her perspective, to look through her eyes.

"Honestly, I just wanted to stop feeling like a useless piece of crap on the ground that everybody stomps all over. You can't blame me for that." My heart dropped. Why does she think this? She is so smart, funny, intelligent, and beautiful. I know for a fact that a lot of people would be pretty wrecked if she died, especially if she did it to herself.

"What about your friends?" I tried to reason with her, get her out of this grumpy depressed turtle shell, before I went crazy myself with how dang stubborn she is. I wonder which side of her family she gets it from.

"People? I don't have people. The truth is, no one is my friend. No one was going to care if I had died. They only include me because they pity me. I'm not good at anything," At this point I felt the need to drag my metal chair closer to the bed, and take her hand. She drew back at first, but then she let me hold it. I gave it a tight squeeze. I could hear her sobbing into her knees.

"You're a singer..." I whispered.

"But I'm not a good one..." She muttered between sobs. I pulled out my other hand, and reached out to rub her back. Her sobs started to quiet down.

"Yes you are! Even if you're not, you're still my favorite one." She looked up at me, her eyes puffy and red, and her nose all stuffed. I got up and reached across to hand her a tissue.

"Look I really don't want to have this conversation right now. Why are you even here? Shouldn't you be with Beth?" She seemed to have a tad of jealousy in her voice. I guess that meant she wasn't over me adopting Beth, to her it probably felt like I was replacing her because I never got to raise her, and maybe that's true. But that didn't mean that every time I looked at Beth I saw Rachel and what we could never have. Moreso, I looked at her hair and saw Quinn, and her smile was all Puck. They probably felt how I did when I gave up Rachel.

"I wanted to make sure you were okay. You're my baby too." I said, not realizing what I had said. I laughed nervously, a smile still plastered widely across my face. She smiled slightly too, and then her face slowly went down to a serious one.

"Oh. Well yeah. I'm okay. Thanks." She looked down, twiddling her fingers.

"Rach, I need you to know that your friends do care about you. I care about you, and you really scared everyone. Especially me, I didn't know what I was going to do without you..."

Rachel stared at her mother. Did it really take attempting suicide for her mother to remember she existed? Her mother was the only one who could give her a hug and make her feel safe. She had been the one who brought her into the world.

"Do you want a hug?" Her mother opened her arms, and I hesitated before throwing myself into them. She leans over to me, and I gladly put my head on her chest. It's warm and real, and gosh. It feels like I'm not alone anymore. That she needs me and I need her. We can protect each other now. Hugs are the best kind of medicine. You get to feel safe for even just a moment and maybe you're just a little more protected from the pain the world had to give. I stopped shaking.

This lady... This lady sitting right in front of me... is my mother. Was this really happening? Her face, her smile, her hair, was all mine too. I suppose I could be angry at her for leaving me, but what would that do? My mother... Mom... was looking down at me, her green eyes sparkling. She came for me. We were ripped apart but we can be together again... maybe...

I eventually released my daughter, standing up. "Aren't you going to eat this food?" I pointed to the plate. Rach shook her head. I crossed my arms. "Why not?"

"I'll throw up if I eat hospital food. Plus, I'm Vegan. " She raised her eyebrows.

"Okay, well, I'll make you a deal. I'll get you Vegan food, if you agree to not try and kill yourself again. Deal?"

"Deal."

"Rach?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

...

"I love you too."

originally planned as a one shot but reviews tell me whether or not to continue!