A Sad Relief
By: Ginalynn71
Author's notes: I really wasn't happy about the way this scene was written or played out. I know it's been done to death, but this is how I would have liked to see it. Major spoilers for Heroes, Part 2
Sam sat in the darkness of her lab. The darkness was a bit more comforting. Having the lights on would force her back into reality, and right now she just didn't want to think, do, be, or feel. But even so, the feelings were out of her control. Being a scientist, and having been in these types of situations before, putting her finger on exactly what it was eluded her was difficult. Anger, fear, hate, relief, sadness….it went on and on.
Lifting herself off her stool by her workbench, she wiped her tear stains and left her dim sanctuary. Walking slowly through the halls of the SGC, she could hear quiet cries, muffled conversations, and every now and then an angry slam of a door. Heads were hanging low, and only brief acknowledgments came from sad eyes.
She wasn't really sure where she was going, there was no destination in mind. Rolling the images over and over in her mind as she put one foot in front of the other, she knew there was nothing that could have been done differently.
Sam stopped, realizing she was outside the private room they had put O'Neill in. Letting out a small laugh at herself, or maybe her subconscious, she pondered whether this was a good idea or not. She didn't know if he knew about Janet, and she didn't know if she had it in her to give him the news.
Standing there, she argued with herself about entering. If he was sleeping, she could just come back later, or she could just be a good soldier and check her commanding officer to see if he was okay. Deep inside, she knew it was more than that. It was more than good soldiering, more than concern, more than it should be. Part of her didn't care though, she needed him right now.
She bucked up and walked into the room to see O'Neill finish getting dressed. "Sir, I uh, heard you were up and around." Liar, she mentally chastised herself.
"Yeah. Still a little tender, but they said I could go home." He spoke back to her, his voice was heavy.
"We're lucky that staff blast hit you where it did. That new vest insert works well." Sam tried desperately to hold it together, but her expression showed something entirely different.
"Didn't help Fraiser much." Jack looked own at the floor, and sighed.
"No. It didn't." She folded her arms in front of her. She took small steps around the room, trying not to meet his eyes.
"How's Cassie?" He asked.
"She's a strong kid. But losing two mothers in one lifetime…she's going to need us all." Tears welled up, and fought to hold them in.
"You speaking at the memorial?" Jack inquired as he got the rest of his things together.
Sam nodded, and putting her head down her shoulders shook lightly.
"Carter?" He took a few steps toward her.
"It's not fair, sir. She was a fantastic woman, a great mom, my best friend…but then it could've been you. I don't know what's making me feel worse. The fact that Janet's gone, or…." Sam couldn't finish, and she still fought meeting his eyes.
"Nothing can justify what happened today. It's a part of war. As frickin' unfair as it is, sometimes choices are made for us." Jack's face showed the sorrow he felt for losing Janet, sorrow for his 2IC losing her best friend.
Sam's voice was choked with emotion as she spoke again. "Sir, as much as I hurt for losing her, I…I just wanted to say when you were lying there, I…" Looking around the room, the dam finally burst. "I'm really glad you're okay."
Jack looked at her with empathy and took a few more steps towards her. He looked down into her wet eyes for a moment. "C'mere." He pulled her into a tight hug, and held her as she cried.
