Was she a bad person for being just a little glad that Ishida's powers were gone?
Orihime sat in her desk at school, paying the teacher absolutely no attention as she tried to discreetly watch Ishida out of the corner of her eye. She had been doing that a lot since their return from the Soul Society. She couldn't help herself. Where before she had always found herself watching Ichigo, now her gaze was constantly drawn to Ishida: to his impassive expression, to his eyes, flickering with pain; to the spiritual strength that suddenly wasn't there. Something had happened to his powers in the time between his fight with that Shinigami captain and their jailbreak, although he would not say anything about it and Orihime didn't have the courage to ask. Every time she opened her mouth to, she saw the pain in his eyes, the emptiness that had taken over his spirit now that his powers were gone. She thought about how she would feel if she lost her powers, and so she closed her mouth, unable to bear bringing up such a painful subject. She hated to see Ishida suffer.
And yet, a part of her was glad his powers were gone.
She had always admired Ishida's strength, intelligence, and diligence. The level to which he had increased his powers in just seven days...frankly, it awed her. She had worked her hardest for a much longer period of time, and had not advanced nearly as far. And when he saved her from that Shinigami...His speed. His accuracy. His power. He had defeated the shinigami almost effortlessly. She could hardly believe it was the Ishida she had known. And when he told her that he had not killed the man, Orihime had thought to herself that there were only two people she admired more at that moment.
But a part of her was still glad his powers were gone.
She remembered what Yoruichi had told her about the Quincy: how they had not purified Hollows the way Shinigami did, but rather completely destroyed them. No being cleansed of their sins; no second chance at life in the Soul Society. They simply ceased existing. She wondered how many children would never meet their parents again, how many brothers would never meet their sisters, because one had become a Hollow and had been destroyed by a Quincy.
She wondered what would have happened if Ishida had come the night her brother attacked instead of Ichigo. The thought made her nauseous from holding back tears. Letting Sora go to the Soul Society had been painful enough; the idea of never seeing him again, of his existence being completely obliterated, was simply unbearable. How many spirits deserved such a fate? How many spirits became Hollows because they were truly evil, and not because they were devastatingly lonely? Orihime didn't know, but she couldn't imagine it being many. Loneliness was so much more prevalent than evil. It wasn't right that someone's existence should be completely erased just because their emptiness consumed them. It just wasn't. And so, despite her affection for Ishida, her respect for his strength, and her pain at seeing him suffer...Orihime was glad that Ishida's powers were gone.
And she hated herself for it.
