So I'm stretching my writing muscles and trying to stay away from my usual smut. Don't know how well it worked but here it is. If it's bad just tell me. Review at will. I own nothing!

Enjoy!

Its to hard

I couldn't do it. It was to hard! Everything was to hard. To much going on at once to many noises to many people to many eyes looking at him everywhere he went! Why didn't he just let himself fade he thought to himself. Why did have to save him! Stupid Will Solace with his stupid curly blonde hair and stupid blue eyes and stupid fucking smile. I was so diluted thinking he could possibly actually want to be my friend!

I should have known I was kidding myself. How could he possibly think I could make a friend! Or even more than a friend. I'm to broken. The very thought of pushing my darkness on him filled my mouth with a sour taste. I should know better than to try to get to know people or to let them know me. The disgust on his face when he examined me. Tracing the scars on my body like I was 3D map of horror.

People don't get it! I was alone I was homeless I did what I had to to survive! I'm tired of surviving. It's to much. The only good thing I've ever done is give my sister a second chance at life. Everything else went to shit after the war. Hazel never contacts me. To busy with Frank. Percy is avoiding me ever since I let it slip I had a crush on him. Jason is stuck up Pipers ass not that he cares to much about me anyway. All these people are to good. To wonderful. To together to be able to allow me into their worlds.

I can barely get out of bed most days. Mostly I train at night just to work off the extra energy. I've spent a large portion draining myself trying to summon my mother. A mother..my mother. They say the phrase "a face only a mother could love" well I guess my mother couldn't love me. It's not even like Bianca where I could tell she was avoiding me I can't seem to find her at all! I can't remember the last time I had any real human contact. The last hug was from Hazel and I'm sure it was out of pity or manners. The silence in my cabin was deafening and the noise on my head was to loud.

I just want to feel something other than this.. this hopelessness. It's a glimmer of what tartarus was like. Everyone thinks of that place like it's fire and brimstone version of hell but what they don't get is that it's so much worse. Especially when your a child of hades and you don't get the watered down version but the straight directors cut. It's memories and thoughts turned against you. It's Hope drowned and beaten to a bloody pulp. It's what emptiness wants to be when it grows up. It's the absence of absolution.

I'm so tired. I feel like I'm walking through Jello. Everything is to bright it burns. Prickles on my skin and constant discomfort. Why can't it just be straight pain! I can deal with pain I know pain! This is so much harder than pain. It's being raised on chaos only to have it removed and your floundering for some sort of madness to keep you sane. I'm not sane. I know that. They say that crazy people don't know they are crazy. That's not exactly true. Sometimes we know what we are doing is wrong we just can't do anything about it. Almost like an out of body experience of seeing yourself do something stupid and your screaming at yourself to stop it and you can't hear it. So your paralyzed just watching yourself make a huge mistake that you probably can't take back. That's how I feel right now. The numbness has spread and I'm on the bathroom floor about to do something really stupid.

I can hear voices outside but I ignore them. They even sound familiar. Happy. Something I can never be no matter how hard I try. I can feel the hot tears falling down my cheeks wishing someone could help me. Anyone. I can't help myself. It's to hard. The words are permanently stuck in my throat unable to escape. Help. Stop me. Love me. Care about me. No one can hear.

Things go dark for a while. I'm not sure how long I've been here. I'm still crying though. I'm crying and there is blood all over the place. It takes me a moment to realize it's mine. I still can't feel anything. What did I do! The white tile on the bathroom is smeared with red. It's on the floor and all over my skin. I can't even see my own skin color it's so spread out. It's on the sink and the mirror. My bathtub is painted with my pain. With my darkness. I try to scream. I can't. It comes out as a whimper.

Help

Stop me

See me

Help me

I don't want to die

I don't want to live

I'm tired

I'm sleepy

I'm scared

Stop me

Help

Please!

The edges of my vision are blurry and black spots dance around them. I can hear voices again by they are muffled. All I can smell is rust and metal. I hear more voices this time only these are clear. The clearest I've ever heard. All coming from inside me. Surrounding me in this moment.

Let go

Cut deeper

Give in

Close your eyes

Give up

No one loves you

No one likes you

Your a burden

End it

End the pain

End the numb

I try to stand. I slip and stumble I'm not even sure I made a noise or not. I'm sitting on the toilet now with the seat down. To much blood. To much red. I peel my tshirt off and wrap my arm in it. I don't have anything to wrap the other one. So many openings. What did I do.. why did I do this..I'm so alone. No one will find me. I went to far. I can feel myself slipping in and out of consciousness. The scene flickers in front of me. I'm on the toilet. I'm infront of Will. I'm on the toilet. I'm in the woods. I'm on the toilet. I can hear steps. Footsteps outside the door.

The door busts open.

"He's in here!"

A blur of gold rushes toward me. I can feel hands. Warm hands. I'm so cold. So cold. I'm shaking. Hot tears fresh fall again. Sobs escape as I feel the warm hands. Kind words fill me ears. I must be dying. Dying feels good. The kind words and warm tone wash over me. So this is dying. Why didn't I do this sooner.

"I've got you it's going to be ok"

"What happened to him!"

"Shut up and get me stretcher!"

Warm hands.. warm breath.

"You're going to be fine Nico I found you"

He found me.

A golden angel found me.

I'll finally see my mom again.

Blackness

My eyes won't open. I feel heavy. To heavy. I can't move. I can hear though. What's going on? Where am I? I'm floating. I died. I had to of. But why can't I move? I hear them.

(Initials will be used so you know who's talking)

JG: When will he wake up?

WS: Soon I think. Next few hours I think.

PJ: What happened?

WS: What do you think happened Percy.

PJ: No he had to have been attacked or something

WS: He wasn't attacked guys. I found the knife. It was right next to him.

JG: but why?

WS: We are going to have to wait and find out. I can only guess right now. Don't worry guys I got to him in time. He will pull through this time.

PJ: This time?! You don't think there is going to be a next time do you!?

WS: Dude I'm more than certain this wasn't even the first time.

JG: I don't understand he could have came to any of us

WS: That's not how his works Grace. Sometimes things like this are unavoidable. Especially with a past like his. Nico has been alone for a long time. Honestly I'm not completely certain this was an attempt it might have just been an episode that went to far. We won't know until he tells us. Worst part is he might not tell us.

PJ: Why wouldn't he tell us?!

WS: For the same reason this happened in the first place. He's alone.

JG: HES NOT ALONE!

WS: Look at him! Look at him closely Jason! Nico feels alone! This isn't going to go away overnight either! It's going to take time. Time I'm willing to put in whether you two decide you want to or not! I'm not letting this go! I don't care if it takes me years I'm going to do everything in my power to keep this from happening again!

PJ: We are his friends Will! We care about him just like you!

WS: I know you care about him I know he's your friend guys but this isn't about you and it's not even about how good of friends you are this is deeper than that! Now if you will excuse me my patient needs rest. I'll call for you guys later but right now I need you to leave.

JG: You can't make us leave Will this isn't the infirmary this is Nicos cabin! We can stay if we want!

WS: AND I AM HIS DOCTOR AND IM TELLING YOU TO LEAVE UNTIL I CALL YOU!

PJ: promise me you will get us when he's ready!

WS: I promise. The only reason he's here instead of in the infirmary is because it was to dangerous to move him to far. That and I don't think he wants everyone knowing about this. It will only upset him more. I have permission to watch him and stay with him. Kayla and Austin are bringing me supplies and keeping Chiron informed. You wanna help? Go get one of the cleaning harpies to get me some bleach and a bucket with a sponge. I need to clean that bathroom up.

I heard them leave. If I had enough blood still I'm sure I was blushing from embarrassment. They knew. Damnit.

I could feel Wills hand in mine. Tracing patterns into my palm. He was talking to me. We were alone.

WS: You really scared the shit out of me. Thank gods I found you in time. I know you can hear me.

I tried to open my eyes. I was propped up in my bed with an IV hanging out of me and monitors beeping. It was blurry at first but his face finally came into focus. Will was covered in blood. My blood. Pain etched on his face staring at me. Looking down I see that I have a blanket on my legs but I'm naked underneath.

"Why am I naked?"

"I had to check you to see if you had wounds elsewear. I like the tattoo on your ass it's cute"

Shit I didn't even think of that.

"Yeah well it was an impulsive decision"

"Yeah you seem to be making a lot of those as of late"

"What happened?"

"You don't remember?"

"Pieces"

"Well I was in the infirmary. Then you appeared in the dark corner covered in blood and then you disappeared again. I thought I imagined it but Kayla saw it too and I realized you were shadow traveling without realizing it. I went straight to your cabin. I found you on the floor in a sort of dissociative state cut to shreds.

You started to seize and then I wrapped my arms around you and called on my father for help. I began to glow with what I can only assume was a blessing from my father from the desperation I was calling out to him in. Your wounds started to close and you stopped convulsing. I could feel your blood pressure returning to normal and your heartbeat getting stronger. I knew you would be ok. I set you up in here. Stripped you and hooked you up to some saline and painkillers. I also have you on some anti anxiety meds too to keep you calm. "

"Did I do it to myself?"

"Yeah I think you did" his voice broke in the middle.

"I-I'm so s-sorry" I stuttered with fresh years pricking my eyes.

"I believe you."

"I- I- I..."

"Shush shush no don't! Not right now you need to rest and not get worked up!"

"I'm alone Will. I'm so alone!" I started to sob deep heaving body wracking bursts of emotion.

Standing up he took his shirt off and climbed into the bed next to me pulling me to his chest.

"Hey hey hey there just listen to my heart beating ok try to focus on my heartbeat"

I wrapped my arms around him not caring if I was wearing clothes or not. His strong arms around my frail lithe figure I cried a river down his front trying to hear his heart. Trying to focus like he wanted me to but it wasn't working. Years of emotion and loneliness rushed out of me barring myself in my most vulnerable state. I could feel him peppering kisses on my forehead telling me it was ok. To let it out. To hold on to him as long as I needed.

I don't remember falling asleep. I awoke with him still beside me. Only now I was wearing boxers. A flush came over me realizing everything that had gone on in the last 24 hours. Embarrassment filled me. My friends knew. Will knew. The worst part is I didn't feel much different. Lighter I guess just a bit. Like some weight was taken off but I was still surrounded by the doubt filled voices. Now they were screaming about how weak I am. How pitiful i seem.

Next to the bed was a table with a little cup of pills on it and a glass of water. A small sign was beside them reading "Eat me! Drink me! Doctors orders !" I chuckled at the reference. I don't get many pop culture jokes but Alice and Wonderland has been around since before I was born. I looked at the pills carefully. I had a pink one shaped like a heart and a yellow one with a smiley face on it. What are these? Unnoticed by me Will had awoken. I guess he saw my confusion and cause me to jump with his explaination.

"The pink ones are for any infections and the yellow are for mood. I make them myself. Herbs and powders infused with nectar, unicorn horn, and Apollo hymns. And love don't forget the love! I have blue ones for you to take later for when you sleep. They give you a dreamless sleep. Had to work with the Hypnos kids on that one. Took forever they keep falling asleep."

I downed the pills during his explanation.

"These taste like ass"

"Oh really? Know from experience?"

"Fuck off Solace"

"I'm just kidding. They do taste awful. That's how you know they work. If it hurts it's working!"

"So how long was I out" I said in a serious manner. Trying to get back to the subject at hand. I would rather kill the elephant in the room instead of look at it.

"Well I would say from last time about 6 hours. Before that about 20."

"It's Friday!?"

"Yes sir it is. But you look a lot better now. Color is back and all. Your dad stopped by, almost gave me a heart attack. He sat with you for a while and cleaned up the bathroom for me. Said I've done enough that he could handle it."

"My dad came by?!"

"Yeah he was super worried but i assured him you would be fine."

"Well thanks for everything. Can I ask you a question?"

"Shoot"

"Why did you take your shirt off?"

"Cause skin to skin contact helps when someone is freaking out. It's easier to hear a heartbeat easier to focus. Plus your always really cold. You can hear up another person easier skin to skin. "

"I.. did not know that"

"Yeah it was medical reasons. Not that I don't like a naked guy hugging me but you know.. know time wrong scene." He shrugged. Still with that stupid fucking smile on his face.

"Yeah well that was your fault."

"It was but I had to make sure you were ok."

"Well if you just give me the pills you want me to take and tell me how to take them you can go back to your cabin."

"That's hilarious deathboy! I'm not going anywhere!"

"Will I'm fine! See cuts are all healed up you did a good job. I'm not going to do it again."

"Nope sorry the standard is 72 hour watch. Your stuck with me. Plus from what you said you didn't even realize that you were the one doing it. What if you have another episode? I can't take that chance. So your stuck with me for a few days."

"You have already been here for 26 hours will you can't spend another two days with me."

"Actually you have only really been conscious this last hour so your 72 starts now."

"You can't be serious?!"

"I'm so sure I'm practically deodorant"

The 72 hours with Will actually wasn't as bad as I thought. It was rough don't get me wrong but it wasn't that bad. Mainly he just gave me pills and we watched movies and he would do check ups and talk. I found out a lot about him and I told him way to much about me. I guess part of this was supposed to be therapy. My dad stopped by and we had a moment together of him telling me to listen to Will and that I didn't have to do everything alone. Also he offered for me to come live with him for a while but Will convinced him that sunlight was a big deal and being around people who were alive.

I noticed when I went to the bathroom the first time that Will had removed all sharp objects in my cabin. Will would follow me to the bathroom. Not really to watch me as much as make sure I was ok. I was weak from the blood loss. I hate to admit it but he had to help me shower. I made him promise not to look the whole time even though it was obvious he had seen my body. Luckily he was very professional about it.

When it was time for him to go I felt a bit of the loneliness creep back. I hated to admit it but I wanted him to stay. I wanted to hear his bad jokes and his awful chuckle and all the boring medical stuff he rambles on about. I wanted him to slip in the bed beside me when my nightmares would come. To put his fingers through my hair he way he had come to favor these past few days. I want to feel his lips against my forehead again. It's an innocent gesture but.. it was the first time since I was ten that someone kissed me. Wills arms were the first to really embrace me in so so long. I wanted him to stay.

"By tomorrow morning I'll be out of your hair deathboy! I will be keeping tabs on you though. I expect bi weekly therapy with me or Kayla or Austin and I will be checking on your meds. I will know if you haven't been taking them."

"Seriously?"

"Oh yeah"

"So besides all that I guess this is goodbye right?"

"Um well except for the appointments and my days off"

"Your days off"

"Yeah cause I'll be here on my days off from the infirmary. Can you cook cause I get off work early on Fridays around 6 so it would be nice if you could have dinner for me on those days. Your kitchen in here is better than any other cabin so I figured you can cook."

"Yeah I guess I could.. wait a second! Why on earth am I making you dinner!?"

"Because I'm hungry Nico."

"Yeah but.. I'm confused?"

"I'm not"

"Well then please explain"

"Well I like hanging out with you so I'll be here a lot. I want to get to know you better."

"Why?"

"Cause your smart and your funny and really hot"

"Wha.. what the fu.." I stammered and blushed at the hot comment.

"What's wrong?"

"I just... I've.. are you?... this is all really overwhelming!"

"Making a friend is overwhelming!"

"Yes quite frankly it is especially with your last comment!"

"Yeah well I'm an Apollo kid I can't lie. None of us can."

"Like at all?"

"Nope I've tried it's actually impossible."

"So are you?"

"Yeah I am"

"And you?"

"Yeah I do"

"Even though?"

"Yup"

"But how"

"Don't know just cause"

"Really?"

"Yeah surprised me to. But what can ya do"

"Really?"

"Yup"

"So are you..?"

"Can't officially until tomorrow but yeah"

"Why not until tomorrow?"

"Cause then your not in my care. And if you say yes I'll transfer your care to Austin"

"Well then"

"Yup so get some sleep take your blue pill and I'll discharge you in the morning"

"Ok" I smiled. I've never had such a weird conversation with anyone. It's like he knew every question in my head we barely had to explain anything. So Will Solace wants to ask me out.. like on a date.. me.

The next morning he had me take my shirt off to check my healed wounds.

"How can you stand looking at them?"

"Wounds or scars?"

"Both"

"Well wounds are easy they are like a puzzle I need to solve. The scars are a story and I like reading stories. Plus yours are super impressive honestly. I'm not sure how your still alive. You have what looks like sword slashes and lycon claw marks and burns. I'm impressed you survived all that. As for the self inflicted ones.. well Nico we all have our demons. You just wear your your skin. I don't judge you for what you did. You have been through so much in awe that it didn't happen sooner. But now I'm going to make sure it doesn't happen again. And if I can't then I'll make sure you survive the next time to"

"I'm broken Will. How could you want to.."

"Ask you out. Easy. I think your worth it."

My blush at his words extended all over my body. He looked down at his watch.

"5..4..3..2..1! Your officially out of my care Neeks!"

"Your special.. you have problems"

"I do and I am but that's all for another time."

"What's it time for now?"

"Oh I'm glad you asked"

Standing up he took my face in his hands. With his thumbs he made cherishing circles on my cheeks. My heart rate shot up. Breathing was getting hard to do. Skeletal butterflies flitted around my stomach know what was coming. It's like time slowed down and he moved in slow motion. Leaning down with no hesitation he licked his lips and placed them softly on mine. Sparks shocked my lips all the way to my groin. My eyes fluttered closed as I returned the kiss memorizing the way his lips felt. Soft and warm.

Kneeling down he straddled my waist even though he is about 17 feet taller than I. The kiss was slow yet powerful. Deepening the kiss I felt his tongue slip into my mouth and I found myself tangling mine with his. Tickling the roof of my mouth with the tip of his tongue a moan escaped my mouth and a he reacted by nibbling on my lower lip. Breaking away he came back for one last chaste kiss like he was sealing a deal. I couldn't speak I was still caught up in the moment of my first real kiss.

"I knew you would be a good kisser. I'll pick you up later for the bonfire. Wear that cute black tank top I saw in your wardrobe."

Getting up he walked out of my cabin while I was still paralyzed on my bed. Maybe it was the meds. Maybe it was the loneliness fading away. Maybe it was just a moment but that was the best moment of my life. Who knew that you could have one of the worst things you have ever done and he best hung you have ever experience happen within the same few days. I leaned back and screamed into my pillow. I guess they were right... it does get better.

please review! If you want this to continue I'm open to suggestions!