Author's Note: Part of the Don't Blink series set directly after Diamonds Along the Way. There will be seven parts and all of them fluff.
Eternal thanks and cyber-hugs to Skywarrior108 for being the most awesome beta.
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or the characters, I just like to play with them…strictly non-profit.
Lifelong Love Letter
My whole heart
Will be yours forever
This is a beautiful start
To a lifelong love letter
~I Choose You, Sara Bareilles
Part One: Let It Come Down Crashing
It really had been a beautiful ceremony. Sarah Cartwright can't deny the fact as she stands and claps for the newly married couple along with all of the other guests in attendance. She still can't quite believe that she's even here, watching her ex-girlfriend-turned-just-friend marry Rachel fucking Berry. She grins self-indulgently, silently conceding that maybe—just maybe—it's finally time to drop Rachel's unofficial middle name from her mental description. Rachel still isn't her favorite person in the world, and she highly suspects that the feeling is still pretty mutual, but they've mostly found an odd sort of common ground, and she can't deny how happy the woman makes Quinn. That's all Sarah has ever really wanted, and as much as it pains her to admit, she'd always known deep down that she was never going to be the woman to make Quinn smile the way that she's smiling right now.
The friendship that they've reestablished in the last year or so has been a welcome development in Sarah's life, for so many reasons. That first year of living in New York had been something of a struggle for her, and while she loves her career and every new challenge and opportunity that it presents to her, there are still days when she misses her friends and family back in Michigan almost more than she can bear. She's so grateful to have found a small group of people here that make her days in the city a little brighter—less a burden to be born and overcome and more a minor annoyance to be managed with grace.
Meeting Quinn again for the first time after their breakup had been something of a shock. She'd known, of course, that Quinn had been living here for years, but in a city this size, Sarah had honestly never expected to run into her, even if she had occasionally found herself scanning the faces on the crowded sidewalks and subways after she'd first moved here for a familiar pair of eyes or angular jaw.
The eventual reunion had been anything but happy, and Sarah had expected that day at the Jefferson Market Library would be the last time that she'd ever speak to her ex-girlfriend. She'd certainly hoped it would be the last time that she'd ever have to speak to Rachel Berry. So Sarah had been understandably surprised when she'd gotten that first text from Quinn just two weeks later and more than a little amazed that Quinn still had her phone number—until she remembered that Quinn's cellphone always had been a mess of little used contacts that she just never bothered to delete. Still, the cautious request to meet for coffee to close the book on the past in a more positive way had left Sarah at a loss for how to proceed.
Quinn hadn't contacted her again after that initial message. She'd put the ball very firmly into Sarah's court, whacking her right in the forehead with it for good measure. It had been entirely up to Sarah whether to make the next move or not. After some deliberation, she'd decided to see what Quinn had to say, if only to finally hear her admit that Sarah had been right all those years ago—that Quinn had never stopped loving Rachel Berry. The conversation had been honest, polite, and just a little hard on her easily bruised ego, but she'd walked away from it with a sense of closure that had always seemed to be just beyond her reach before. The lingering question of whether she'd given up on her relationship with Quinn too easily answered with the knowledge Rachel had always been first in Quinn's heart, even if Quinn had truly believed that she'd been moving on.
The tentative promise to keep in touch had gradually turned into a friendship that's proving to be far more enduring than their romance ever could have been. Sarah is just fine with the way things have worked out. Once she'd put a little distance between herself and that awkward moment of seeing Quinn with Rachel, she'd been ninety-nine percent certain of her initial assessment that she was very much over Quinn Fabray. She figures that one percent cushion is an acceptable margin for error—Quinn is simply one of those women that you can never completely forget. Sarah wouldn't be surprised if at least half the people in this room right now are just a little bit in love with her, especially after witnessing the beauty of Quinn dressed all in white and surrounded by a glow of happiness that could light the whole city.
Rachel doesn't look half-bad either.
Quinn would certainly call that a major understatement if the way she's looking at Rachel is any indication. Her attention has been wholly focused on her bride-to-be from the moment she began to walk down the aisle with a wide smile and sparkling eyes, and Rachel's gaze is equally captivated by Quinn. Sarah almost feels like a voyeur, spying on an intimate moment that she has no right to witness—except that she has every right since she's an invited guest along with the other hundred or so people in attendance. Every one of them is standing with smiles on their faces amidst a sea of gardenias and green ribbons as Quinn and Rachel turn and begin to make their way back up the aisle as a married couple, smiling at their guests along the way.
Sarah happens to be positioned on the end of her row, and when Quinn walks past, their eyes briefly meet, and Quinn's smile softens as she nods in silent acknowledgement. There was time when watching her marry Rachel Berry would have felt like a knife in Sarah's gut, but now, all she feels is glad that she's here to witness one of Quinn's long-held dreams finally come true.
An arm slips around Sarah's waist from behind, drawing her out of her quiet reflection, and she leans back into the familiar body with a content smile as she watches the happy couple continue on their way. She rests a hand over the one that's holding her, slipping her fingers along the soft, warm skin. This is the biggest reason that Sarah is grateful for her friendship with Quinn—it brought love and happiness into her life in the form of the gorgeous redhead that she'd first met so many years ago at Yale (thanks to Quinn) and to whom she'd been reintroduced more than a year ago on what would have been an otherwise lonely New Year's Eve (also thanks to Quinn).
Josie Deveraux is everything that Sarah never wanted and exactly what she's always needed. She skillfully deconstructed every one of Sarah's reservations with her boldness, her kindness, and her intelligence, and she's even willing to move to Michigan if that's what Sarah wants, insisting that she can happily practice law anywhere. Ironically, Sarah isn't so certain that is what she wants anymore. Life has a strange way of taking you in the most unexpected directions, and it's somehow led Sarah to the right person in the right place at exactly the right time.
"That was a nice ceremony," Josie murmurs against her ear in husky tones, and Sarah shivers a little at the sensation.
"It was," she agrees, lightly gliding the pads of her fingers back and forth over Josie's wrist where it rests against her body. "I'm happy for them." Saying it out loud makes her realize how true it is—she is happy for both of them.
"So am I. I'm also just happy," Josie says, hugging her a little tighter.
Sarah sighs in contentment, feeling exactly the same way. She turns in Josie's arms and meets her clear, blue eyes. "Me too," she agrees, quickly brushing a chaste kiss across her girlfriend's too-tempting lips. Around them, the wedding guests are gathering up their belongings and stepping out of their rows, having been invited to enjoy a cocktail hour in the adjacent garden outside while the wedding party poses for photographs and the staff resets the room for dinner and dancing.
"Come on," Josie urges. "I'll buy you a free drink," she quips with a mischievous grin, "and we can pump Quinn and Rachel's old friends for embarrassing stories of their younger years."
"More embarrassing than the ones Santana tells?" Sarah wonders, because she remembers a really amusing story about Rachel getting thrown up on that she can't imagine anyone ever being able to top.
Josie chuckles. "Yeah, I guess you have a point there," she concedes.
The tall guy beside her accidentally bumps into her, sending her stumbling forward into Sarah's arms. He turns around in confusion at the impact. "Oh, sorry again," he offers with a sheepish grin. He'd practically fallen into their laps when he'd shuffled into their row right before the ceremony had started, and Josie hadn't been impressed with his clumsiness then. She frowns at him, possibly on the verge of suggesting that he take some lessons in spatial navigation, because while she's generally laid-back, she also doesn't hesitate to speak her mind, and her temper does occasionally get the better of her.
Sarah quiets her with a soothing hand on her lower back. "It's okay," she tells the guy.
"Cool," he says with a crooked grin that's not nearly as charming as he undoubtedly thinks it is.
The woman next to him slips her arm under his and tugs lightly. "Let's go, Finny Bear," she urges. "I'm positively in need of some fresh air and something to settle my stomach."
He pats her hand and nods, looking back at Josie and Sarah beseechingly. "Um, could we?" he asks, gesturing past them to the aisle, and Sarah immediately steps out of the row to make room for the couple to pass. Josie follows her with an amused expression, letting the mismatched pair out and watching them move toward the exit with the other guests.
Josie slides her hand into Sarah's, linking their fingers together as she laughs quietly and shakes her head.
"What's so funny?" Sarah asks with a mild frown.
"Finny Bear," she echoes, lifting her eyebrows in amusement.
"He did seem kind of bear-like," Sarah supposes, wondering exactly what her girlfriend finds so funny about that.
"Sarah, honey," she says. "I do believe that guy is the mutual ex."
Sarah's eyes widen in realization. Finny? Finn. Houston or Hutchins or something like that. "The guy they fought over in high school?" she clarifies, already knowing it to be true.
Josie nods. "Their tastes in romantic partners have definitely improved over the years."
Sarah laughs, thinking that's at least true on Rachel's part. "Well, he certainly doesn't seem like Quinn's type at all."
"Mmm, no," Josie agrees thoughtfully, pulling Sarah a little closer before she presses a soft kiss to the corner of her mouth. "Quinn's type is much, much prettier."
Sarah blushes to the tips of her ears because she knows that her girlfriend isn't talking about Rachel Berry. At times, she still finds it hard to believe that Josie is back in her life again—that this outspoken, passionate, caring woman that she'd only really thought of as Quinn's friend back in college would turn out to be so important to her now. Sometimes she wishes that she would have realized sooner where her heart would eventually lead her, but then she would have missed out on so many experiences that make her cherish her relationship with Josie even more.
Smiling shyly, she gives Josie's hand a mild tug to get them shuffling into the receiving line that's slowly funneling guests out of the room. They stand in it because apparently that's the thing to do. Sarah has only been to a handful of weddings over the years, and this one isn't exactly conventional anyway, but it doesn't surprise her at all that Quinn and Rachel have chosen to stay as close to traditional as they could. Sometimes Quinn can be a really old-fashioned girl, and this whole, big, romantic event fits her perfectly, from the venue to the flowers to the beautiful dress that makes her look like a princess. Something like this never would have fit Sarah.
When they reach the wedding party, Kurt smiles at them both and offers Josie a quick kiss on the cheek. The two of them have spent enough time together over the years—thanks to Josie's friendship with Quinn—that she and Kurt genuinely get along on their own. It's never been quite so easy for Sarah, and she can admit now that some of that is her own doing. She always did have a fairly low tolerance for Quinn's high school friends, partly because she associated them with Quinn's frequent trips to New York, but mostly because they're all a little crazy, to be honest.
Kurt, like Rachel, is always gushing about the latest musical or fashion trend and, also like Rachel, isn't beyond breaking into song on the rare occasion. And Santana is rude, crude, and judgmental, even on her good days. When Sarah and Quinn had eventually started rebuilding their friendship, both Kurt and Santana had been fully on Team Rachel, and neither of them were shy about letting her know it. Once she'd started dating Josie, Kurt had become noticeably friendlier. Santana—well, she's still Santana.
"What's new, pussycat?" Santana purrs to Josie with dark eyes dragging up and down her body in undisguised appreciation. Sarah's hackles immediately rise at the overtly flirtatious tone.
"That line never gets any funnier, Santana," Josie drawls affably while she squeezes Sarah's hand in silent reassurance.
Santana shrugs and gives her a wink. "Can't blame a girl for trying."
"I can," Sarah mutters, glaring at Santana. The woman has been trying to get into Josie's pants on and off for the last eight years, but Josie swears that it's never gone further than flirting and a few drunken kisses on a dance floor during the spring of her last year in law school. Sarah believes her—Josie has no reason to lie about something that happened before they were ever together—but it doesn't mean that she likes listening to Santana try out her terrible pick-up lines on her girlfriend.
Santana rolls her eyes. "Oh, lighten up, Michigan. She obviously prefers cherries to champagne." She arches her over-sculpted eyebrows as she lets her gaze linger on Sarah longer than it normally does. "Although you are looking incredibly edible today," she adds with a smirk.
Sarah feels her cheeks heat in a mix of irritation and embarrassment. She smoothes her hands over her simple dress self-consciously, wishing again that she'd stuck with the black pantsuit that she'd originally picked out—even if Josie does seem to think this is a sexier look on her. Sarah prefers to save sexy for the privacy of the apartment they share in Queens.
Next to her, Josie shakes her head at Santana's antics. "You know, green really isn't your color," she comments with a grin, giving the bridesmaid's dress that Santana is wearing an exaggerated once-over.
Santana scowls, huffing out a breath as she crosses her arms in annoyance. "Yeah, yeah. At least it's not Pepto-Bismol pink again," she grumbles.
"There was nothing wrong with the pink dress," Rachel chastises, unexpectedly butting into the conversation before she frowns slightly. "Well, other than the unfortunate memories associated with it." Her frown inexplicably deepens, and she slaps Santana's shoulder with surprising force. "How could you even bring that up today?" she demands shrilly.
Santana glares at Rachel, but Quinn turns quickly and slips an arm around her new wife's waist, narrowing her gaze on Santana in warning—almost as if she's daring her to retaliate in some way. "Oh, whatever," Santana finally concedes, waving hand to shoo Sarah and Josie away. "Let's get this pride parade moving."
Sarah really doesn't understand how their friendship works at all, or how it's lasted this many years, but she supposes that she doesn't really need to. Somehow, it's normal for them. She glances at Josie to see her girlfriend smiling in amusement at their behavior. Josie lets go of Sarah's hand to give Rachel and Quinn warm hugs in quick succession as she tells them, "Congratulations, you guys. You both look beautiful, and the ceremony was absolutely perfect."
Rachel and Quinn both murmur simultaneous thank yous before Rachel adds, "We're so happy that you came." Her eyes dart over to meet Sarah's, shining with sincerity. "Both of you."
Sarah feels herself smile in response. It's not hard to be here to support them when she knows how much they love one another and how long they've been waiting for this day. "I couldn't miss Quinn finally get to marry her someone better," she admits quietly, recalling a long ago conversation that she'd had with Rachel.
Rachel's eyes go soft and teary before she announces, "I'm going to hug you now." Before Sarah really knows what's happening, she finds herself caught up in Rachel's surprisingly strong embrace. She awkwardly raises her arms to loosely hug Rachel back, and then she hears her whisper, "I think you found your someone better too."
Sarah chuckles a little wetly, thinking that for once, she completely agrees with Rachel Berry—no, it's Rachel Fabray, now. "Yeah," she confirms just before they part, and Rachel breathes out a tearful laugh as she dabs the corner of her eyes with the pads of her fingers. Sarah turns her head to find both Quinn and Josie staring at them in bewilderment. "What," she asks, attempting to discretely brush away her own embarrassing tears, "I can't congratulate the bride?"
Quinn shakes her head in amusement and grins. "Only if you congratulate this one too," she urges, opening her arms invitingly.
Sarah steps into them with only a slight hesitation. Quinn's embrace is so familiar, and for just a second, Sarah's eyes drift shut in wistful remembrance of the past. "I'm so happy for you, Quinn," she tells her honestly. "You're going to have an amazing life together."
"Thank you," Quinn murmurs, giving her one final squeeze before she lets go. She slips her arm back around Rachel's waist, and Josie does the same to Sarah, and everything is just the way it's supposed to be.
"I'm expecting a dance with the blushing bride later," Josie teases.
Quinn winks. "You'll have to ask my wife," she says playfully.
"I was talking about your wife," Josie fires back, grinning impishly at Rachel.
Quinn laughs, and Rachel's smile grows impossibly wide. "God, I love that word," she practically growls, turning into Quinn's body and pulling her down for a kiss, and her brand-new wedding ring winks at them from the hand resting on Quinn's cheek.
"Hey, save it for the reception," Santana interrupts them. "If we ever get to it since you're both taking forever making nice with all the exes you didn't marry."
The comment pulls the couple out of their moment, and they both send reproachful looks in Santana's direction. Santana remains unfazed as she shrugs and crosses her arms. Josie chuckles, giving Quinn's arm a quick squeeze. "We'll see you later," she promises, letting go of Sarah's waist only to catch her hand again.
They only make it a few steps before they're pausing again, and Josie smiles at Beth, who's standing on Quinn's other side next to one of Rachel's fathers—Sarah isn't entirely sure which one he is. "You look lovely," Josie tells the girl. "And you did such a good job with those flowers."
Beth smiles up at Josie with pink cheeks and thanks her politely. Sarah has never really been very good with kids, or very fond of them, so it had been pretty easy for her to willfully forget that Quinn had had a baby in high school, but wow—the girl looks so much like Quinn that it's uncanny. She's seen a few photographs over the years, but it's nothing compared to seeing the two of them standing side-by-side with matching smiles and identical eyes. As if sensing her thoughts, Quinn turns in their direction again and flashes another proud smile as she casually brushes back a lock of hair from Beth's brow. Sarah is struck by just how motherly the action is, and she wonders how long it will be before Quinn will be announcing a pregnancy—whether Rachel's or her own.
God, that kid will probably come out singing show tunes.
Sarah frowns at the image, barely tearing her eyes away from Beth as she lets Josie lead her through a few more quick hellos to the parents of the brides and then out toward the garden. It's a little mind-boggling to suddenly realize just how quickly the time is passing. When she and Quinn had broken up, Beth had barely been six, and now she's practically a teenager. Okay, so she has a couple of years to go, but still—she's a young lady. And Quinn is a married woman now while most of Sarah's old friends back home, along with her brother, have already started families of their own. And it will only be a few more years before Sarah will be kissing her twenties goodbye forever.
"You look like you might need that drink now," Josie comments when they're far enough away from the wedding party. "Are you alright?" she asks, her voice betraying her concern and a hint of uncertainty.
Sarah exhales slowly. "I'm fine," she reassures her girlfriend. "I just had this really weird moment of imagining a mini-Rachel to match the mini-Quinn back there." Among other things.
The concern clears from Josie's expression, and she laughs. "Wow, they'll have their hands full if that happens."
Sarah nods in agreement, laughing lightly as they step outside into the gorgeous summer day. A good number of the other guests are already holding drinks and hors d'oeuvres and socializing amidst soft music and laughter. She sees the tall guy, Finn, shoveling food into his mouth while his tiny wife sips on a glass of water. Out here in the sunlight, she realizes that the woman bears more than a passing resemblance to Rachel, which is honestly a little creepy in her opinion.
She recognizes a few faces from the joint bachelorette party that Josie had dragged her to the other night. That had been an experience that she wasn't sure she ever wanted to repeat—she should have realized that Santana and Kurt would conspire together to rent out an exclusive club featuring matching hers and hers strippers to satisfy every sexual preference imaginable for the brides and their friends. She doesn't even want to guess what went on when Rachel and Quinn disappeared together into the private room.
Sarah is pretty bad at matching faces to the names, but she does remember Mercedes, who's currently laughing boisterously as she talks to some guy with shaggy, sandy hair and big lips. She can't remember the Asian woman's name, but she spots her wearing a star-struck expression as she chats with Steven Piper and his latest rumored girlfriend—she's on some new summer, cable show according to Josie. Sarah doesn't recognize her. Honestly, she probably wouldn't recognize Steven either outside of being Rachel's co-star in that musical she's doing, and she only knows that because she'd read the program that Josie brought home. When Sarah finally saw him in person, she kind of wondered how in the hell Rachel had missed the fact that she once dated a guy who could pass for Quinn's twin brother. Talk about willful blindness.
But then, even Sarah had missed the similarities between Quinn and that Peter guy that Rachel had been dating when they first met. Sometimes you're just not ready to see the big picture until you take a step back, clear your mind, and really look.
Today, Sarah can see the entire history of Quinn and Rachel and their relationship in every face and every flower around them. The gardenias and green ribbons have spilled into the décor outside, and while Sarah doubts she would have picked them for wedding flowers—were she inclined to pick wedding flowers—she has to admit that the whole atmosphere feels a little like a fairytale. "This is a pretty nice venue," she muses, gazing around at the rowboats on the lake and the beautiful buildings peeking over the tree line. Not everything about New York City is terrible.
Josie grins, pulling Sarah into her arms. "Are you getting ideas?"
Sarah's eyes widen in surprise. "No," she denies quickly and then wants to kick herself when she sees Josie's smile slip and the happy sparkle in her eyes dim just a little bit. "I…I mean…n-not yet," she stutters, licking her lips nervously. "Do you want me to be?" she questions uncertainly. Just because she's not ready to book a venue and run down any aisles right this minute doesn't mean that she never wants that—well, maybe not the aisle and definitely not the gardenias, but a nice, quiet courthouse with a judge and few of their closest friends, her parents and brother and sister-in-law, of course, and Josie's family in Boston. Maybe they could plan an intimate dinner afterward, but nothing too fancy, though she'd be willing to compromise if Josie wants something a little more flowery.
With a start, Sarah realizes that really she does want all of that—with Josie—and she finds herself holding her breath as she waits for Josie to answer. It feels like forever—like her future is suddenly hanging in the balance.
"Not yet," Josie finally agrees over the sound of Sarah's racing heart. "But…eventually…yeah, I think so."
Sarah exhales, feeling warm all over, and she slides her arms around Josie's waist and lets herself come home. "Then eventually," she says slowly, "you should ask me the right question."
Josie's mouth is covering hers almost before she can get the last word out, and for once, Sarah doesn't really care that they're very much in a public place or that their kiss is so very far from chaste. She doesn't want to let anymore moments pass her by, and she doubts anyone here has a problem with two women kissing, considering whose wedding they're attending. When their lips finally part, Josie's smile is back at full wattage. "Just wait," she promises. "I'm pretty good at asking the right questions. It's kind of my job."
Butterflies take flight in Sarah's stomach at the certainty in her girlfriend's eyes, and she knows it's just a matter of time. Maybe she'll even invite Rachel fucking Ber—Fabray to her wedding. "I'm kind of crazy about you, you know," Sarah murmurs happily as she gazes at Josie's beautiful face.
"Same," Josie tells her with a playful grin, dropping another kiss on her lips before she begins to sway to the music, pulling Sarah into the rhythm with her. "Can I have this dance for the rest of my life?" she asks contentedly.
Sarah glances around bashfully. "No one else is dancing," she notes.
"But we are, and that's all that matters."
Sarah sighs, giving into the persuasive argument of Josie's body moving against hers as she surrenders herself to the joy of the moment. Her girlfriend loves to dance, and she knows that she's in for a long night of bad pop music and Broadway ballads and probably a couple of Rachel Berry solos. Josie will be in absolute heaven, and as long as Sarah is in her arms, she'll be there too.
