PLEASE READ:
Hello beautiful people! Now, this is going to take some explaining, so I hope you'll read my little AN. First of all, this isn't going to be funny. At all. I was stressed out and in a haze of "depression" just by writing this. If you thought my one-shot "Somebody To Die For" was bad, well then I must say, this is a whole other level. I don't know why I write these stories. I guess there's something about tragedy that fascinates me. That being said, I want to explain what is actually going on here. This story takes place in The Enchanted Forest, right when Regina is at her absolute worst of Evil Queen. But circumstances are different. She's not mourning the loss of Daniel. Her father is not the one supporting her. Matters are entirely different. In fact, Emma is there, fully grown. BUT - I still based some of it on what actually happened and what was actually said. Meaning, some of these lines are from the show. I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING! The lines I used are property of Once Upon A Time.
I'd also like to thank the bestest of all friends, regalstina, for helping me at 2am when I was pulling out hair because of this story. Thank you for helping me make it just right, you beautiful person.
So - lets get on with it. Even if this is probably the most cruel thing I have ever written and will ever write, I'm actually quite happy with the result. It would mean the world to me if you would tell me what you all think of my "little" one shot. I wish to improve, and since this was the hardest I've worked on something in a long time, I would love to hear how you all think it went. I recommend listening to "Tessa" by Steve Jablonsky, to really get in the mood and make it hurt even more. Or "Lily's Theme" from Harry Potter, if that's more your thing.
JEEZ, this was long. Now I'll let you read. I'm fully aware of what I did, and all I ask is that you don't kill me. Much love, XO.
Emma was worried. No, terrified. She'd past worried long ago. Now she was terrified beyond belief. Shaken to her bones. Regina, her wife, everything she loved and cared for, was not herself anymore. She was so far beyond herself that Emma had a hard time staying true to the love she had for her. Regina wasn't evil. She wasn't cruel or mean. She was something far worse, more horrible. They called her the Evil Queen, but in reality, they had no idea who she was or why she was doing this. She didn't have an evil bone in her body. Not the Regina that Emma knew and had loved for years. But she was no longer herself. She was heartbroken. And a broken heart can make people do terrible things. It was as if everything Regina was and had been had broken alongside with her heart. Like a flicker of darkness had cracked its way through her heart and soul and devoured her. Swallowed her whole. She wasn't Regina anymore. Emma didn't know what had become of the woman she loved. But no matter how horrible, no matter how terrifyingly evil she had become, no matter how many lives she took, Emma wouldn't leave her side. She couldn't. Because she loved her unconditionally. And she hoped, no, she believed that it was possible for Regina to get back to the person she once was.
Ever since they'd lost their child. Ever since their daughter had died, life had not been the same. Life had not really been. It had shattered everything. Emma was heartbroken too, even if Regina's heartbreak was what seemed to be in focus. For obvious reasons. But of course Emma was heartbroken. She'd lost a daughter, too. She'd lost a piece of her heart the day their daughter had fallen into the river and drowned. The entire kingdom was mourning the loss of the little princess born from the magic of true love. But Regina was the one who had the stronger bond with her. She had carried her in her own body for nine long months after all. Sure, Emma was her other biological mother, but it was still different for Regina. She was the physical mother of a life lost, while Emma was simply the extra set of genes that had brought her to life. It didn't mean she loved her any less though. Or mourned her any less. Emily would always be the daughter she loved and had lost. Emma was still just getting used to the idea of true love being able to create a life. And before they had even been able to celebrate the miracle of their daughter's first birthday, she had been taken from them. Ripped away from life before she even had a chance to really live it. But even if she was gone, even if she was… dead… the grip she had on their hearts would never be. She would live on forever as the painful but beautiful memory she was.
These were the same thoughts she had had ever since the day Emily died. And now, Emma found herself on her way to the prison cell in her parent's castle. Because Regina was in there. And she had been sentenced to death. Her broken heart had driven her to inhuman lengths, and now, she was forced to pay the price. Because Snow had been the one in the forest with their daughter that day, because she had been the only person near her, the only person who could have saved her, Regina blamed her for the loss of their child. And no matter how hard Emma had tried reasoning with her, Regina was determined to end Snow's life, to make her pay the price of the life she had taken herself. Not that Emma felt like it was Snow's fault… At least she tried her hardest not to let that thought cross her mind. But she couldn't leave Regina to her own misery. She had to help her, as best as she could. And if that meant turning against her own family, then so be it. Emma knew it was wrong. But she had no choice. She loved Regina more than anything or anyone else. Even more than her own life…
The sound of her boots hitting the stone floor echoed through the long halls of the tower where she was headed. She was determined to give it one last try, to make Regina realize it didn't have to end like this, that things could still get better. That was why she'd begged her parents to let her see her, even if they hardly wanted to look her in the eye these days. She turned the last corner before she was in front of the cold bars withholding Regina from her freedom. The guard on duty gave Emma a firm nod.
"You have a visitor," he announced drily before walking away, leaving them alone.
Regina's head snapped up in confusion, but when she laid eyes on Emma, her expression softened into a devastating smile as tears pooled her eyes.
"Emma…" her voice was a shaking whisper, and it made Emma's insides twist in pain. She felt all of it. All of Regina's pain, all of her remorse and darkness. It took all of her to stay strong for Regina, but she did it. And she would do it for as long as necessary. Because even if she wasn't the reason Emily had died, even if she had had no power whatsoever over what had happened, even if she would have given her own life to save their daughter, she felt guilty. She felt guilt settled in every nerve of her body. Never had she felt this horrible about herself. Because what if she could have stopped Regina from going down this path of darkness? What if she could have mended her heartbreak, loved her better, supported her better. Then maybe life would eventually have gone back to the way it had been, or at least they could have tried. If she had been a better wife to her…
"This is all my fault," Emma croaked out as she started to cry. It seemed like all she did lately was cry. She rested her forehead against the bars, the cold steel cooling down her burning skin, "I failed you as a wife. I should have done more to protect you. Can you ever forgive me, Regina?"
Regina's face contorted uncomfortably as she tried smiling through her pain. Tears spilled down her blushed cheeks, and she rested her forehead against Emma's through the bars. When she spoke, her voice cracked as she tried stifling sobs that threated to take control of a mind she had already lost most control of.
"There's no need. How could I blame the one I love most? The only one to stand by me… to the end."
Emma's breath caught unpleasantly in her throat at Regina's last words. She shook her head and raised it, looking into Regina's dark eyes. They seemed to shine brighter as her tears shed.
"It doesn't have to be the end," Emma cried, trying to control her voice.
Regina nodded and her eyes flickered to the ground.
"Snow and her prince seem rather determined to make it so."
Emma clenched her teeth as she closed her eyes for a brief second, before meeting Regina's in a locked gaze, lifting a hand to stroke her wife's wet cheek.
"Show them regret for what you've done. The pain you've caused. Show them you can change. They will spare you, just give them a reason. I'm begging you."
Regina's eyes fell to the floor again and she pulled back from the bars. Emma felt the lack of touch as a blow to her gut, and she had to take several deep breaths to calm herself. She missed Regina. She missed her so much it hurt to breathe, it hurt with every heartbeat, because the woman standing before her in this moment was not her wife. It wasn't the woman she had sworn to love for eternity. But she was going to bring her back. She had to.
"Please, Regina. Consider it. I know… I know how you feel. I know the pain. The anger. But you have to let go. Let go, and you won't… you won't have to die. Not today. Not for a long time. Please. I can't live without you. If you won't do it for yourself, do it for me. Because you love me."
Regina's head snapped up, her lips trembling as she looked into Emma's eyes through a blur of her tears. She opened her mouth, saying nothing for a moment. Emma thought she saw a glimpse of the real Regina cross her features. She felt how hope sparked and flickered inside her, and it made her heart flutter like it hadn't done in a long time. But then Regina's expression hardened and she clenched her fists.
"I can't."
Emma left the prison cell with trembling legs, and she didn't get far down the hall before she collapsed against the stonewall and cried uncontrollably as her heart bled from its open shreds.
Emma and Regina sat on each side of the carriage taking them slowly down the dirt road. Things hadn't gone as planned. Regina was still alive, after all. But only because Snow had shown her mercy, even after Regina had held a venomous speech about how much she regretted that she hadn't been able to kill her. Emma had been standing in the crowd, her eyes a sea of never-ending tears as she had watched her wife ruin her life. If she had just listened to Emma, for once, maybe they wouldn't be on their way out of their kingdom.
Regina had been banished. Not just like that, but after Snow had given her a chance of freedom, which Regina had used to stab Snow in the gut. Only to find out that a protection spell had been cast on both Snow and Charming, by Rumplestiltskin. She could not hurt them in this land, no matter how hard she tried. At first, Regina had been furious. Emma had come to get her and she'd been forced to hold her wife down and drag her out to the carriage, as she had been screaming in anger, banging her fists against the stonewall.
Now she sat across from Emma, a damp scarf covering her bleeding hands. She was calm now, as calm as one could be, in this kind of situation. Emma leaned forward and laid a hand on one of her wife's knees. Regina stiffened, and her eyes darted to lock gazes with Emma.
"It will be okay, Gina," Emma whispered. The nickname sounded awfully strange coming over Emma's lips, as she hardly used it anymore. But she was and had always been her Gina.
Regina smiled tightly and put a hand on top of Emma's.
"I have no chance of killing her now, Emma. It will never be okay again."
The words caught Emma off guard and she flinched. She felt a lump grow in her throat and she tried swallowing against it. Was her wife really lost, forever? She looked at Regina with trembling lips. Suddenly, she felt the urge to kiss her. She hadn't been that close to her in months. No. She was not going to lose hope. Regina could change. She knew it.
Regina stood in front of her mirror in their new castle. Far away from everything. From every chance of killing Snow White. She curled her lip in disgust at the thought of the other woman. She hated her. No, she loathed her. Her very existence made Regina's stomach flip over in disgust, and every time she thought about her, she wanted to stab the very image of her with a dagger. Too bad it didn't work that way, or Snow would be long gone. Dead. Exactly like she deserved to be.
Snow White had ruined her life. She had ruined everything. Because of her…
Regina felt her heart twist in pain. It was all she felt lately. Pain. Agonizing, heart wrenching pain. Because of Snow White, Emily was gone. Her daughter was… dead. A croaked cry escaped her lips before she smashed a hand against the wall, clenching her teeth. She fought to shut out the pain, as she always did. It was easier that way. Facing the truth, facing the pain, was more than she could take. She knew that if she let herself succumb to her pain, she would crumble away to nothing. So she chose to be angry. She chose to hate. She chose to kill. It was easier, dealing with the pain of other's. And it would be a lot easier if she could finally end the life of the woman who had ruined hers.
She heard footsteps behind her and turned, spotting her wife standing a few feet away. Her emerald gaze shrunk under the burning one of Regina's, and she looked at the ground.
"You have a visitor," Emma's smooth voice stated.
Regina's expression was hard.
"Who?"
"You need to ask? What other friends do you have, dearie?"
Regina's head snapped to where the voice of the imp was suddenly coming from. He had appeared in her room and was now staring at her with a disgusting smirk on his foul face. Rumplestiltskin.
"You're no friend," Regina snarled and scrunched her nose in revulsion, "Have you come to relish my suffering?"
Regina barely noticed Emma backing out of the room, her head ducked.
"I thought you'd want someone to help raise your spirits," Rumple replied nonchalantly, as he clapped his thighs and rose from the chair he was sitting on, "Especially on a day like today."
Regina raised a brow in question.
"What's so special about today?" Her voice remained hostile.
"Snow White and Prince Charming's wedding of course," he said, throwing out his arms in a gallantly disgusting manner, "Didn't you get an invitation?" he snickered.
Regina rolled her eyes, her teeth clenching once again. Her gaze was as cold as ice and filled with despise when she looked at him again. She remained silent.
"Ah… Me neither," Rumple continued, "Still, nice to be able to see them declare their true love, in front of the entire kingdom. Happy ending after all," he sing-songed as he stepped closer.
Regina leaned forward, her lips curling as she barred her teeth and snarled at him.
"And because of you, there's nothing I can do to stop it," she strode across the floor as she continued with a voice dripping off sarcasm, "No way to harm them in this land, ever again."
"Yes. Yes I suppose that's true," Rumple said, his voice dropping as he continued, "in this land."
Regina stiffened. A little flicker of hope settled in her gut. When she turned around, that awful little smirk of his was painted all over his face.
"What?" she said, tilting her head as she pinned him with a glare.
"The deal I made was explicit. You can never harm them – in this land. Now were you to bring them to another land, well," his whole composure was shining with the pride of his own doing, and he snickered as he waved his hand in the air, "Told you I was your friend."
Regina's face lit up as a mischievous smirk settled in her features. Yes. Of course. The dark curse. To rip everyone from this land. Why hadn't she thought of that herself? A hint of self-loathing hit her straight in the gut, but soon it passed, overwhelmed by what she now knew. It was still possible for her to make Snow pay for what she had done. She could still make her suffer. Kill her. She laughed deep in her throat and grinned with triumph at Rumple.
"What must I do to enact this curse?" she asked.
"You need to sacrifice, a heart," Rumple said mirroring the act of ripping a heart straight from the chest, as he had taught her long ago.
Regina nodded firmly.
"I will sacrifice my priced steed."
In the split of a second, Rumple grabbed Regina by the throat and smashed her up against the nearest wall. Even if she was caught off guard and her heart spiraled out of control in fear, she kept her expression hard as stone, no emotions seeping through the surface.
"A horse?! This is the curse to end all curses, you think, a horse, is gonna do?" he laughed mockingly at her and increased his grip, "Great power requires great sacrifice. The heart you need must come from something far more - " he leaned closer until their noses were touching, his warm breath making Regina's stomach roll over in nausea, " – precious." The word snickered over his lips and he eyed Regina as she processed his words.
"Tell me what will suffice," she said drily.
Silence stretched for a few moments, the only sound the rapid pounding of Regina's heart. It seemed unnaturally loud in the quiet. Rumple tilted his head.
"The heart of the thing you love most", he whispered between gritted teeth.
Regina grabbed the hand around her neck and ripped it away in anger.
"What I love most died because of Snow White," her voice was dripping with remorse and hatred as the words spilled over her lips, her heart twisting in protest.
Rumple pouted in fake empathy and his voice was of the one you use to speak to a child when he spoke again.
"Oh – is there no one else, you truly love?" he trailed one finger across Regina's cheek, his long nail digging into her soft skin.
Regina felt the blood in her veins freeze as she realized the meaning of what he had said. The stone hard mask of hidden emotions she wore cracked slightly as she gulped and a glistening film of tears covered her dark eyes.
Rumple watched her intensely. He tilted his head and widened his eyes in all seriousness of what he was telling her.
"This curse isn't gonna be easy. Vengeance never is, dearie. You have to ask yourself a simple question – how far are you willing to go?" he whispered as his expression hardened.
Regina felt her throat tighten as her heart pounded painfully against her ribcage. She wasn't going to tell him what was going on inside her head. Inside her heart. She leaned forward, her face mere inches from his. She hardened her mask and bit down on the way her heart ached when she said what she did next.
"As far as it takes."
Rumple grinned.
"Then please stop wasting everyone's time and just do it. You know what you love," he hardened his gaze as he invaded Regina's personal space again, "Now go kill it."
Regina felt a hard blow to her gut and the air was punched out of her lungs. Luckily, Rumple disappeared in blood-red smoke in time for her mask to crack. She fell to the floor, gasping for air as panic stunned all her senses. She clutched at her heart, questioning for a moment if she should rip it out to stop it from bleeding in agony inside her chest. Tears streamed reluctantly down her cheeks and she cursed at them. She felt nauseous, and she rested her head in her hands to stop her world from spinning, from crashing down around her.
If she wanted her revenge. If she wanted a chance to be happy again. She had to kill her.
She had to kill Emma.
When Emma came into the room a few hours later, she found Regina on the balcony, looking over the landscapes. It looked like she'd been crying. A lot, Emma thought to herself. She knew her wife enough to know her expressions and emotions. She hadn't seen these puffed cheeks and red eyes in a long time. She'd begun to wonder if it was even possible for Regina to really cry anymore. Emma approached her wife with caution, walking slowly until she was standing right beside her. Regina didn't turn to look at her, but the way her breathing hitched told Emma she was very aware of her presence. Emma swallowed thickly. Someone had to start the conversation.
"Did Rumplestiltskin tell you what you needed to know?"
Emma saw how Regina stopped breathing and her jaw clenched. She felt like putting her arms around her wife, but withheld herself.
"Yes," Regina croaked out.
"And?" Emma took a tentative step towards Regina.
As Emma closed the distance between them and took Regina's hand, the brunette inhaled sharply. Her gaze flickered reluctantly to Emma's but she looked away quickly, the pain in her chest too much to bare when she looked into those emerald eyes. She didn't notice how her grip tightened around Emma's fingers, but Emma sure did. It made her heart flutter and she gently stroked Regina's knuckles. Regina closed her eyes and Emma spotted a single tear escaping the corner of her eye.
"I'm not sure I should say. I'm conflicted."
Emma's throat tightened uncomfortably. This could go in any possible direction and she was scared. Nonetheless, she was determined to help her wife get what she wanted and needed. She would do anything if it meant giving Regina the slightest chance of happiness.
"How bad is it? Maybe I can help," Emma said and smiled softly.
She watched Regina intently. She could have sworn she actually heard the brunette's heartbeat intensify. She could see how it pounded against her chest, big and strong, making the thin fabric of her navy blue dress vibrate slightly. She watched as Regina gulped and exhaled. Was she scared? Emma squeezed Regina's hand reassuringly.
"Hey, you can tell me. You can tell me anything."
Emma's words felt like a stab to Regina's heart and she had to bite down on her bottom lip to prevent herself from crying out in pain. Stop talking. Please stop talking. She couldn't bare the sound of Emma's voice. How every word dripped of her undying love and devotion to Regina. Regina knew that Emma loved her. She loved her like Regina had only thought possible in dreams. And she loved her as well. Regina loved Emma with every ounce of her being. But it was more complicated than that. It wasn't enough. Was it? She finally managed to look Emma straight in the eye. Emerald orbs looked at her with such hope that Regina could have broken down there, right on the spot. No matter what, Emma had never lost faith in her. She closed her eyes. She just had to say it.
"I have to cut out the heart of the thing I love most," Regina held her breath, waiting for a scream or a cry or a slap across the face. Simply waiting for a reaction. But Emma was quiet. She was oh so quiet, so quiet that Regina wasn't sure she was even there anymore. Had it not been form the blonde's firm grip around her hand, Regina could have sworn that Emma had left. She opened her eyes to find Emma frozen on the spot, starring at her.
"Me."
Emma's voice was barely a whisper. Something cold ran down her spine and for a moment she thought she was going to faint. Her thoughts were screaming at her to run, run like hell and get out of there as fast as humanly possible. But her heart held her in place. It pounded with such strength that Emma could do nothing but listen to it. The love she had for Regina evident in every heartbeat, spreading through her veins like blood. She was staying. And she was going to help. No matter what it took.
She took Regina's other hand and held them both in her own. She held eye contact as she lifted up their joined hands to plant a soft kiss on Regina's. The action made Regina tear up.
"Emma, I don't know what to do," she whispered in a confused plea.
Emma cupped one of Regina's cheeks in her hand and wiped away the remaining tears.
"Regina please, you don't have to do this."
Regina released herself from Emma's grip in frustration.
"I have to do something," she said in a snarl.
Emma wasn't going to give up, so she moved closer to Regina, grabbing her arm.
"Then move past this. I know this may sound self-serving, but you don't need to enact the curse."
Regina locked gazes with Emma, her eyes cold and angry.
"But I can't keep living like this. What Snow did to me, what she took from me. It's eating me alive, Emma. Her very existence mocks me. She must be punished."
"I lost her too, Regina. I know exactly how you feel. If there is anyone who understands you, that person is me. But if the price is a hole that will never be filled, why enact it? Stop worrying about Snow White and start over. We can have a new life."
"What kind of life? All I worked for, all I build will be gone. All my power will disappear. They already think I'm nothing."
Emma thought about that for a moment before she answered.
"Power is seductive. But so is love. You can have that again. We can have that again. It's inside you, I know it is. You have so much love to give Regina. I've felt it before, and I… I want to feel it again. There is nothing else I live for but the love you give me."
Regina's gaze softened and she looked down at the floor.
"I just want to be happy," she whispered.
Emma took a change, something she hadn't done in a long time, when she threw her arms around Regina and hugged her tightly. The comforting sent of her wife made all her muscles relax and she closed her eyes for a moment, simply reveling in being this close to Regina again. Her breath caught in her throat when she felt Regina's arms around her back.
"You can be. Of this I'm sure. I believe, given the change, we can find happiness again." Emma paused for a moment, moving her head back to look into Regina's eyes, but not releasing her from her embrace. She thought of what to say next. Because ultimately, she couldn't force Regina to do anything. She had her own free will. She could only hope to influence her choice. Emma was willing to do anything for Regina. She would die for her... And if dying was what it took, if that would give Regina the happy ending she searched for, then Emma would gladly rip out her heart herself. It was all up to Regina. Emma's fate was in the hands of her wife, as it always had been. So when she looked into Regina's eyes again, she knew exactly what to say:
"But the choice is yours."
Regina's eyes widened and she gasped ever so slightly. Had Emma just say what she thought she had? Regina tilted her head and eyed the blonde in amazement. Was she really willing to do that for her? Regina felt something unfamiliar warm her senses. It settled in her heart in an oddly displaced manner. She hadn't felt this in a long time. And it made her wonder if Emma was right… Could they have happiness again? Even without…
The blurred image of her daughter entered her thoughts. She never let herself think about her. At least not of how she looked, or of any memories she had. It was too painful. But this image caught her off guard and she whimpered. No. They couldn't. A piece of her heart was missing, and there was no chance of her ever getting it back. She couldn't go on like this, cautious of every thought and dreading every breath she took, because it all hurt. Everything hurt. She looked into Emma's eyes as tears spilled uncontrollably down her cheeks.
"I think you're right," Regina whispered, "I can be happy."
She lifted a hand to cup the blonde's cheek. She watched how hope spread across Emma's features. She was practically glowing. And it pained her to see that hope crack and vanish when she continued.
"Just not here."
In one swift movement, Regina dug her hand into Emma's chest, breaking through flesh and bones. Her fingers curled around Emma's rapidly beating heart and it vibrated through Regina's own body. As she moved to rip out the heart of the thing she loved most, Emma spoke up.
"No! Regina… Please."
Regina starred at Emma, her hand still inside her chest. Emma contorted her face, the feeling of someone's hand around her heart a new level of unpleasant she couldn't describe. Her breathing was so unsteady she thought she might faint, but she had to speak. She had to make sure Regina knew how much she loved her.
"Regina… I know… why you're doing this. And I… I understand. And I want you to know… that I… forgive you," Emma whimpered at the numbing pain, but she had to go on, "I love you, Gina. I always have. And I always will. You…. Are my everything. My destiny. My soul mate. You are… the love of my life. And I will never forget you. Even when I'm gone. You will always be with me. And the memory… of us… of our love… will always live on."
Emma held up a hand to wipe at the silent tears streaming down Regina's face. She leaned forward slowly and winched when the agony of Regina's grip shot through her in waves. But she moved. And she kept going until their faces were mere inches apart. She looked into Regina's dark eyes, and with the last strength she had left, she pressed her pale lips against Regina's. She whimpered at the touch, lingering there for a moment. Regina's breath warmed her cold cheeks. Emma rested her forehead against Regina's for a moment, before looking into her eyes again.
"Don't ever forget me, Gina."
Emma straightened her back as much as she could and nodded. It was a small not, but it held the greatest amount of courage any person would ever witness. And when Regina's hand gripped tighter and pulled, the last words to reach Emma's ears were those of her heartbroken wife's.
"I'm sorry."
Regina stood frozen as Emma fell before her feet. The glowing heart of her wife beat lively in her hand. Regina felt nothing for a moment. Not even pain or anger. It was as if for a few seconds, she was completely numb.
But then it all came washing over her.
She screamed as she felt her heart split in two. She cried out with such force that it echoed off the walls and rang in her ears. She clutched at her chest, willing the pain to stop, but all she got was another shot of excruciating pain cracking through her body. She fell to her knees in front of Emma's unconscious body.
"Stop! Make it stop!" she cried out. Her gaze shifted to Emma's heart, although she could barely see through the tears of her pain.
"What have I done?" she screamed as all her muscles tightened and she started shivering violently. She looked down at Emma's pale face and felt both pieces of her broken heart twist.
"Emma… Emma I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have done it... I can't… I can't live without you. I realize that now. I've been so blind Emma, I'm so sorry. I don't want anything else but you. You were always it. Everything. I love you, Emma. I love you so much, please come back to me. Please. Don't leave me."
Why did she do it? Why did she listen to him? Why did she consider it even for a second? Now all hope was lost. She might as well be dead herself. She felt dead, even if she was alive with so much pain. But Emma… Emma no longer had her heart inside her chest, and Regina was the only one to blame. She gasped for air as she sobbed so uncontrollably that she could barely breathe. But that's when it hit her.
Her head snapped up and she felt the pieces of her heart come alive with hope. Emma might not have her heart inside her chest – but she wasn't dead. Regina almost laughed, unable to handle the sudden wave of glee that washed over her.
"You're not dead!" she screamed and looked down at Emma, the smile on her face blinding.
She lifted up her right hand, ready to bring Emma's heart back to its rightful place. But when she looked down at her hand, all she saw was grey dust. Her heart sank into the pit of her stomach.
"No," she whispered.
Everything inside her started trembling as she searched for Emma's heart in panic. But it wasn't there. Only the remains of what it had once been laid splayed out on the cold stone floor.
Regina had crushed it. Without realizing, she had crushed her wife's heart.
Regina looked at Emma's face again. All the color from her cheeks had now vanished. Her empty chest wasn't rising. She wasn't moving. She was dead.
"No!" Regina screamed as she fell down on top of Emma. She cradled her in her arms and started rocking back and forth.
She stroked Emma's blonde locks and leaned down to kiss her, her salty tears dripping down on Emma's face.
"I'm sorry, Emma. I'm so sorry."
She raised her face to look at Emma's. There was nothing else she wished for but for those beautiful emerald eyes to look back at her. But they never would. Ever again.
"I should have told you. That I still loved you. I know I haven't told you in a while. And I'm… I'm so sorry, Emma. I never stopped loving you. And I never will. I will love you until the end of time. I won't ever forget you. I promise."
She kissed Emma's cold lips again.
"I can't live without you, Emma."
Regina had never fully understood the meaning of those words until now. She had always believed them to be a simple expression of true love. But as she said it, her heartbeat started slowing down. She felt how the blood in her veins stopped its steady flow. Her breathing was slow but shallow, and she felt all the muscles in her body relax. It darkened before her eyes for a quick moment. A broken heart was not just a feeling. It wasn't figurative. Regina could feel the pieces of her heart rattle inside her chest. And now… they were dying. She was dying.
She couldn't live without Emma. And she wasn't going to. Because it was physically impossible for her to live without her true love. In killing Emma – she had killed herself.
Regina laid down on the cold floor and wrapped her arms around her wife. She entangled their fingers and hugged her tighter than she ever had. She pressed her lips against Emma's forehead, before resting her head on the floor, her nose buried in Emma's golden locks. Time slowed down almost to a stop, and she felt like she was under water. All the nerves in her body stopped vibrating, one by one. The beating of her heart was almost nonexistent by now. Her last thoughts were of Emma. And of Emily. And all the time they had spent together. All the memories she wished to never forget. And as darkness closed in on her, she took one, last, shaky, breath.
"I'll see you soon, Emma."
