Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.
Obviously based on Beauty and the Beast, with elements from both the animated movie masterpiece and various older 'traditional' versions of the fairytale. And, of course, Hetalia.
I'm sure you'll see quite a few other references in there, as well. XD
Should this be rated M for language? Hmm...
One early winter's night, too early for snow but far enough in to be bone-chillingly cold, two young princes were spending a quiet evening in the warm shelter of their castle, watching the storm outside.
"Wow, it's really coming down out there." Alfred remarked, pondering his next move in the chess game he was playing against his younger brother. "Glad I'm not out in that shitstorm."
"Language, Alfred." Matthew chided, glancing out the window next to their gilded table. "But you're right. It does look very bad." It did. Icy rain sleeted down in silver sheets, gleaming in the darkness. It beat against the castle in an angry flood, filling the marble halls with a dull roar. Occasionally flashes of lightning would illuminate the night, turning the almost solid wall of falling water briefly into a mirror, reflecting the storm-drenched turrets and the angry clouds above.
"I wonder if I could build a robot to control the weather." Alfred wondered idly, capturing his brother's castle with his knight, and leaning his chin in his hand to gaze pensively at the storm.
"You and your robots." Matthew sighed, perusing the board. If he moved the rook...no, that would put it at risk from Al's other knight. Hm...
"Robots are awesome!" Alfred grinned excitedly, waving his arms in the air as he spoke. "Wouldn't it be nice to be able to have sunny skies whenever you wanted? Or rain for the crops, or fight tornadoes and stuff! I could call it 'MeteoMan', and-"
He was interrupted by a sharp knock at the door of the chamber, more a declaration of intent than a request for entry. "Your majesties," the princes' steward, Ludwig, announced as he opened the door, "there's a visitor at the gates requesting refuge from the storm."
"Well jeez Luddy, let 'em in!" Alfred exclaimed, leaping up from the table in his concern for their guest. "It's cold as hell out there! Their balls'll freeze off!"
"Language, Prince Alfred." Ludwig scolded. "And I attempted to do so, but he refuses to enter until you come and greet him personally."
"Sounds like a nutjob, but sure thing." Alfred agreed. "C'mon, Mattie."
"Don't forget your coronet, Alfred." Prince Matthew scooped the golden circlet from where it lay next to the chessboard as he donned his own.
"Ah, thanks." Alfred took it and dropped it on his head, slinging an arm around his steward's shoulder as they left the room. "Y'know Luddy, I was thinking we should build a robot to control the weather! What do you think? Isn't that a great plan?"
"Unfortunately, Prince Alfred, we have not yet reached the level of scientific development necessary for robotic technology." Ludwig informed him regretfully.
"Oh right, with all the being in medieval times and stuff." The prince sighed. "Bummer. Oh well. And how many times do I have to ask you not to call me 'Prince Alfred'? It sounds so... stuffy and undemocratic. We're buds! Call me Al."
"We're a patriarchal monarchy, Alfred, it's not supposed to be democratic, eh?" Matthew explained, arms wrapped tightly around his royal pet bear. "We rule by divine right and possession of male chromosomes."
"It would be a breech of propriety." Ludwig supported.
"Well propriety sucks." Alfred sulked, shoulders slumping. "I don't see why we have to be all monarchistic anyway. Fuck that. Fuck that shit right in the ass."
"Language, Alfred." The others scolded in unison.
"Whatever, man." The elder prince threw his arms up in frustration, stalking down the hall ahead of the others in a huff. "Let's just go convince this wierdo to come in out of the cold."
The castle's immense double doors lay open, and the cold wind and sleet took full advantage, rushing in to explore all corners of the vast entryway and leaving an expanding puddle of slush on the marble floor. A dark, hooded figure stood in the doorway, bowed under the weather's assault, but steadfastly refraining from entry despite the urgings of several servants surrounding it. As they drew close, they heard the figure responding to the servants' attempts at persuasion thusly, "Bugger off, you lot! I said I'll sodding well not set foot in this bloody castle until the master of the place arrives, and I jolly well-"
"Alright, alright, break it up guys!" Prince Alfred announced his presence, spreading his arms wide to shoo the servants away. "I'm here now, the hero has arrived! Everything's alright!" Behind him, Prince Matthew and Ludwig sighed at his habitual lack of regard for decorum. The servants on the other hand skittered away, their relief at not having to deal with the belligerent person in the doorway obvious.
"So!" Prince Alfred posed heroically in the doorway, fists on his hips, cape whipping in the wind. "I'm here just like you asked. You ready to come in now, buddy? It looks pretty nasty out there."
"...You're the master of this castle?" The hooded figure asked, disbelief colouring its tone.
"Well, I don't know about master, but I'm totally the prince. Well," he amended, "My brother's a prince too, Prince Matthew," He gestured behind him in introduction, and Prince Matthew inclined his head in greeting, "and this is our castle, but I'm the crown prince and all, so I guess you could say that if you wanted. I'm not too worried about titles though, so you can just call me Al. Y'know, you should really come inside, dude. You're gonna catch like, pneumonia or somethin'."
"...You know, I'm not entirely sure I have the right castle. This is the castle of an orphaned young prince who's had anything his heart desired his entire life, yes?"
Prince Alfred exchanged a glance with his brother, and shrugged. "Yeah, sounds like Mattie and me, sure."
"Never wanted for anything?"
"Well, I'd like a system of government where supreme executive power rests in the hands of the people, equal rights for everybody and a more progressive science program, but otherwise, sure."
"Er..." Said their recalcitrant guest, "pardon me, it's just...you're supposed to be, y'know, spoiled. Selfish, self-centered, etcetera. What with being a priviledged class, and all."
"Hey." Prince Alfred frowned, mildly offended. "Just because I'm advantaged doesn't mean I can't be sympathetic to those who aren't. I mean hey, we're all people, y'know? It's not like I'm better than anyone else just 'cause I happened to be born a prince."
"..." The figure pulled a piece of parchment out of its robe, looked it over, and leaned back to glance at the numbers above the gate. "Well," It said grudgingly, putting the scrap of parchment away, "this seems to be the correct address. You'll have to do."
"Do what?"
"Nothing, nothing. Do excuse me." The figure flapped a sleeved arm dismissively, and squared its shoulders. "Well, let's start over, shall we?" It cleared its throat. "Now. I could do with some shelter. This storm is really quite nasty."
"Sure thing, buddy!" Alfred stepped forward to throw an arm around the figure's sodding wet shoulders and usher him in, ignoring the fact that his own clothes were getting soaked in the process. "Let's get you warmed up, alright? We'll have our guys show you to a room and we can get you some dry clothes and stuff. Can't have you catching a cold!"
"Yes, do be our guest, eh?" Prince Matthew added, stepping forward to help welcome their guest. "You're welcome to stay as long as you like."
"Well, I must say, that's rather kind of you." Their guest admitted, his robe and cowl dripping rivulets of water as he allowed himself to be led in. "I was expecting to have to spend the night in that weather- that's the way it was supposed to go, you know- and confess I was not looking forward to it."
"Well, we'll have you warm and dry in a jiffy." The princes assured, smiling welcomingly. "Just follow Ludwig here, and he'll get you sorted out, and then you can join us for dinner, 'kay man? Let us know if there's anything you need!"
They handed things over to Ludwig, who knew where everything was, and soon their guest was settled in one of the many guest rooms, being dried and dressed and generally pampered by a plethora of servants eager to have something to do and someone to fuss over (the princes were depressingly low-maintenance. They insisted on washing, feeding, and even dressing themselves, and if they wanted something, half the time they'd fetch it on their own. Even Prince Matthew, whom they generally regarded as the more sensible of the two. It made a servant despair, it really did.)
Well, I'm glad we got that all sorted out." Alfred said as the princes returned to their game of chess, trusting their steward to take care of matters from there. "Do you think Ludwig will be able to help the poor guy with those caterpillars attacking his face?"
"I'm pretty sure those were his eyebrows, Alfred." Matthew corrected, setting his bear down and brushing white fur off of his tunic as they walked.
"Not mutant, face-eating caterpillars?"
"Eyebrows."
"Huh. Well, it's a good thing I didn't try to pull them off, then."
The princes were well into their resumed game of chess when yet again, their steward's distinctive knock alerted them of his imminent entry. Ludwig entered, followed by a baby-faced man whose straw-blond hair the servants had not been able to tame, and whose eerily vivid green eyes seemed to harbour an almost supernatural glow. He appeared no more than a few years older than them at most. "Sorry to interrupt your game again, your majesties; but our guest has expressed a desire to express his appreciation in person before dinner."
"No worries dudes, you're not interrupting much. Mattie sucks at chess, anyway." Alfred grinned, chin in his hand.
"I do not." Mattie protested hotly, squeezing his bear tight in indignation. "I've had you in check twice already, eh?"
"Sure you have, Mattie." Alfred humoured, grin widening as he reached out to ruffle his little brother's hair. "Aren't you just fuckin' adorable."
"Al-"
"Ahem." Their guest cleared his throat, catching their attention. "I, I feel I must apologize. I realize I failed to introduce myself properly, earlier. I," with a dramatic pause, he drew himself up to full height (still several inches shorter than the other three in the room, to his private disgruntlement) and gestured grandly, disappearing in a puff of smoke only to reappear in a brief burst of flame in the center of the room; "am an enchanter."
"Holy shit that was so cool!" Alfred pointed, flailing excitedly. "That was awesome! Did you see that, Mattie? He does magic tricks! That's so cool!"
"I saw, Alfred." Matthew smiled in subdued excitement, but exchanged a cautious glance with Ludwig as well, intrigued but wary. Both younger prince and steward were aware that magical beings (enchanters, magicians, fairies and the like) were notoriously temperamental. This could turn out very good or very, very bad.
They could only hope that nothing might happen to offend their powerful guest.
"Do you do card tricks?" The prince asked eagerly. "I always liked those. Or oh, oh- pull a rabbit out of...well, you don't have a hat. What other sort of magic tricks do you know?"
"Not tricks." Their guest responded, one verdant eye twitching as he tried to suppress his irritation at being mistaken for a lowly performance artist. "Enchantments. I am an enchanter, not some cheap illusionist who entertains at parties." He sniffed haughtily.
"No rabbits, then?" Alfred asked, disappointed.
"No."
"Aw." His shoulders slumped briefly, but he recovered quickly from his disappointment. "Oh well. That fire thing was still pretty cool. So, you got a name, mister enchanter?"
"There are some who call me...Arthur." The enchanter admitted, with another dramatic pause for no real reason at all.
"Well, it's great to meet you, Artie!" Seizing his hand and pumping it enthusiastically, the young prince slapped the enchanter's shoulder in comradery, causing him to stumble slightly, Alfred not knowing his own strength. "You all warm and dry now? Feel up to joining us for dinner?"
"It's Arthur." Arthur the Enchanter corrected, trying to shake some life back into his hand. "And, ah, that's the other thing I wanted to talk to you about. You see, I fancy myself something of a wizard in the kitchen, if you'll excuse the pun," he chuckled,"and if you don't mind, I'd like to cook you all dinner. As thanks, of a sort."
"You really don't have to thank us." Matthew demurred politely. "It's our pleasure to have you as our guest, eh?"
"I insist." Arthur indeed insisted. "It's the least I can do, really."
"It's a little unconventional, but I've never been one for convention." Alfred grinned, hands on his hips. "Go for it! I've never eaten food made by a magician-"
"Enchanter."
"-right, enchanter, before." He rubbed his hands together. "Give the cook the night off, Luddy, and show Artie to the kitchen!"
"Arthur."
"Right, that's what I said."
The princes and their steward stared at the...'concoction', was the only term that came to mind... on the table before them. It was thick, lumpy, and green -or was it brown? possible grey- it bubbled, it smoked, and seemed unable to decide whether it was a solid or a liquid. Occasionally it emitted strangled squeaking noises (each privately could almost swear they heard a little, high-pitched voice going, "Help meeee, help meee.")
They glanced up at the flushed face of the enchanter, who seemed too shyly eager to hear their reactions to be trying to poison them.
"What an interesting entree." Prince Matthew said weakly, ever diplomatically cordial. "And what a unique presentation. It certainly gets your attention, eh?"
"Very true, your highness. It, ah, draws the eye." Ludwig supported valorously, taking tactical refuge in polite interest. "What is it called?"
"Well, it doesn't have a name yet." Arthur the Enchanter admitted. "It's my own recipe." He added, with a touch of pride.
"Really, is that so? My. I've... never seen anything quite like it." Matthew desperately feigned admiration, playing for time. "You must be very... creative."
"Y-you're too kind." Their guest rubbed the back of his head in modest embarrassment, blushing in pleasure. "I confess I do pride myself on my creativity. I feel that it's one of my strong points."
"Is there a specific way it's meant to be eaten?" Ludwig wondered, watching Prince Alfred prod the mass on his plate gingerly with a fork (slightly alarmed when it tried to poke back). "Any special utensils, or...?"
"No, no, the normal way will suffice." Arthur assured them, gratified that everyone seemed to be so interested in his cooking. "There's no need to hold yourselves back, lads- dig in!"
Smiling fixedly to hide their rising trepidation, Ludwig and Matthew reached for their forks (as slowly as decorum allowed).
Prince Alfred, hitherto engaged in silent exploration of their meal, glanced briefly at the others, then down at the mass on his plate, and shrugged. "What the hell." He said philosophically, spearing the foodstuff with his fork. "Nobody lives forever!"
Everything seemed to move in slow motion. The room fell silent, all eyes on the prince as he lifted the writhing mass to his lips, watching in morbid fascination as he chewed curiously, once, twice... then he froze, eyes widening, and Matthew and Ludwig froze likewise, one thought crossing their minds: "We're boned."
"Ptoo! Euuuuuchh!" The crown prince spat the mouthful out with such force that it flew across the table. Unfortunately, this meant that Arthur the Enchanter, having leant forward to gauge the prince's reaction, ended up with a gob of masticated 'creativity' plastered to his forehead.
"Wha-"Arthur gaped, stricken.
"That's horrible! It's so nasty!" Alfred wiped his tongue furiously with a napkin. "Holy crap, that stuff is like, eugh! And here I thought you were a pretty okay guy, even if you can't do card tricks, and then you go and try and poison me! Not cool, man!"
"I, I wasn't-"
"Is it because of what I said about your face? 'Cause dude, it was an honest mistake. You've gotta admit that your eyebrows do kinda look like mutant caterpillars. Anyone could have made that mistake."
"Excuse me?"
"Trying to poison me is one thing, but trying to poison my baby bro and Luddy? I can't forgive that!" Alfred stood, slamming his hand on the table. "What did they ever do to you?"
"Now, see here-"
"Who sent you? Why are you trying to kill us? What are you after?" Alfred demanded loudly, cutting across Arthur's attempts to proclaim his innocence, "And holy crap, dude- if you wanted to kill us, couldn't you have used a sword or one of those fireball things or, I don't know, torture or something? I mean, trying to feed us this is just cruel! There should be a law against killing people so inhumanely!"
"Right, that's it!" The enchanter snapped, pulling a sparkly, star-tipped wand from somewhere on his person and brandishing it purposefully, "You want tricks? I'll show you some tricks. Take that! And that! And a little of this!" He flailed the wand furiously, shooting beams of sparkly, multi-coloured light at the crown prince, who, to his frustration, skillfully evaded each attack, ducking or deflecting the beams with a silver platter he snatched off of the table. Soon the room was alive with ricocheting magic, wreaking havoc with everything it touched. Chaos reigned as hapless servants were turned into animals or animate household items by stray magic beams and milled about in confusion; furniture came to life, chairs galloped across the room in alarm, dishes ran away with spoons, leaving scandalized table settings behind.
"Hold still, you idiot!" Arthur the Enchanter ordered, clambering over a frolicking footstool. "This will only hurt a lot!"
"Nuts to you!" Alfred shouted back gleefully as he ducked behind an errant wardrobe, having the time of his life. "Whatsa matter, magicman? Crazy eyebrows make you blind? You couldn't hit the broad side of a castle!"
"Why you little!" The enchanter sputtered furiously. Just then a servant who had recently been turned into a mirror wandered behind the prince's hiding spot, unintentionally leaving Alfred wide open for a surprise attack. Arthur rubbed his hands together, cackling as he gathered his power for his strongest attack.
"Missed me, missed me, now you gotta-"
"BRITANNIA BEEEAAAMM!" Arthur roared, and the room exploded with light.
"I really am so terribly sorry." Arthur apologized, once the mess had been cleared up and Prince Matthew and Ludwig had been able to calm the situation. "I don't know what came over me, losing my temper like that."
"It's perfectly understandable." Prince Matthew reassured him, glancing over his shoulder to where his brother sat. "It was only a matter of time, really."
"I am a good enchanter, you know." Arthur insisted, distraught over his loss of control. "I really am. It's not like me to..." He gestured vaguely at the mess, and sighed, shoulders slumping. "I really can't apologize enough."
"No, no, it's alright, eh?" Matthew lay a hand on his shoulder, smiling kindly. "Alfred.. has that effect on people." He added wryly.
"...Why am I a clock?" Ludwig wondered, staring at his hands.
"Oh, do excuse me, let me fix that for you." Arthur pulled out his wand, eager to make amends. A brief shower of sparkles, and Ludwig was human once more.
"Ah, thank you." Ludwig patted his chest, checking to make sure there were no residual gears anywhere. "But...why a clock?"
"Can you do that for everyone?" Matthew asked hopefully, glancing around at his transformed subjects.
"Yes, yes, of course. I'll put things right in no time." Arthur waved his wand at the chandelier, sending magic prisming throughout the room, and reverting everything to its original state. "There, that should do it."
"And, uh, my brother?" Matthew glanced over his shoulder again to where his brother was rolling on the floor, now, chasing his new-formed tail.
"I'm...ah, well...unfortunately, I, ah... can't transform him back." Arthur explained sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. "You see, the only reason I was able to return everything else to normal was because the spells were meant for him, not them. I'm afraid his condition is... rather more permanent."
"Mattie, Mattie! Look, look! I have claws! This is so fuckin' awesome!" Alfred's voice rang out excitedly. "Ow! Shit!"
"Language, Alfred." Ludwig and Matthew chimed.
"I see." Matthew sighed, returning to his conversation with the enchanter. "Well, at least he doesn't seem to mind it terribly much."
"Hey Luddy, look at this! Every last inch of me's covered with hair! Hahaha!"
"I see it, Prince Alfred." Ludwig answered absently, still engaged in checking himself over to ensure that no clock-like features remained.
"There is something I can do." Arthur the Enchanter offered, magicking up something that looked very like a rock. "This is an enchanted scone." He he held it out to Prince Matthew, who took it gratefully. "If you can find someone to fall in love with the prince before this scone goes stale, and that person eats it, then the prince will return to-"
"Whatcha got there, Mattie?" Alfred wondered, popping up behind his brother to look over his shoulder. "Oh hey! Food!" Before anyone could stop him, he snarfed it up. "OMNOMwraflcrunchcrunchgulp." The prince licked his chops, narrowly avoiding cutting his tongue on his recently-acquired fangs. "Hey, that wasn't so bad! A little stale, though."
"Alfred." Matthew sighed, face in palm.
"Oh, dear." Arthur fretted.
"What's wrong?" Alfred wondered, golden-furred ears twitching curiously.
"You just ate your cure." Matthew informed him, exasperated. "You really should be more careful, Al."
"Cure for what?" Alfred asked. "I'm totally fine!"
"You have claws, Alfred."
"I know! Pretty kickass, right?"
"Can you make another?" Prince Matthew turned to Arthur, ignoring his brother for the moment.
"I'm dreadfully sorry, but there's only one cure per customer. Union rules, you see." Arthur sighed regretfully. "There's nothing more we can do."
"Oh, well. Thank you for trying." Prince Matthew patted his shoulder in appreciation.
"It's okay guys, I don't want to be cured! This is awesome! I can do all sorts of cool stuff now!" Alfred enthused, frolicking around the dining room. "Like this!" He leapt onto the top of a cabinet, and then into the chandelier, swinging briefly among the crystals before doing a backflip off of it, landing neatly on all fours before them. "Tada!"
"Don't play in the chandeliers, your majesty." Ludwig scolded, having finished his personal check-up. "They're very fragile. And what happened to your clothes?"
"They kinda ripped when I transformed." Alfred informed him disinterestedly, climbing the massive castle drapes. "But that's okay. Now that I have fur, I don't need pants!"
Ludwig sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Very well. But at least wear a cape. It's unseemely for a prince to go about completely unclothed, fur or no fur."
"My capes won't fit." Alfred sprawled across the buttresses. "I got big."
"I'll have the royal seamstress make you some new ones. Come down from there so we can get you measured." Ludwig ordered, and Alfred dropped obediently from the ceiling.
"Okay, fine. But I want swooshy capes this time. Those last ones were all drape, and hardly any swoosh at all."
"I'll see what I can do, your majesty."
"Bye Mattie, seeya Artie! We're gonna get me some capes. And thanks Artie- you turned out to be a pretty cool guy after all! Totally forgiven for trying to poison me." Alfred waved a paw in farewell, and turned to follow Ludwig from the room. "Hey Luddy, check it- I got a tail! It's all soft and fluffy n'stuff! Wanna pet it?"
"Ah, yes. I would."
"Well, I guess that's settled." Prince Matthew turned to their guest. "It looks like dinner was ruined in all the excitement. I know we didn't get a chance to try your creation, but why don't I have the servants bring up something to eat, eh? I'm sure you must be famished."
"That does sound nice, but," Arthur responded apologetically, and gestured to the windows, which displayed clear, moonlit skies, the storm having cleared over the course of his visit. "the weather seems to have improved, and there's a frog prince a few kingdoms over that requires my attention."
"Are you sure I can't persuade you to take some refreshment before you go? Some tea, perhaps?"
"That's very kind of you, but I really must be going." Magicking up his cape and cowl from apparently nowhere, he explained as he slid it on,"I've been putting this one off for some time. Not a fan of frogs, you see." He added, wrinkling his nose. "I hate to curse and run; but, a job is a job."
"Alright then. Best of luck. It's been a pleasure having you." Prince Matthew smiled, shaking their guest's hand. "Feel free to visit next time you're in the kingdom, eh?"
"I don't think it's likely, but it's very kind of you to offer." Arthur smiled, and flipped the hood up over his head, obscuring his face. Stepping back, he lifted his wand, and paused, suddenly remembering something. "Oh! I almost forgot- you must make sure that the crown prince doesn't leave the castle grounds. If he does, he's sure to die." He added offhandedly, and waved his wand, disappearing in a puff of rainbow smoke and sparkles.
"Er, what?" Prince Matthew asked, bewildered, but it was too late, Arthur the Enchanter was gone.
And so, from there on out, the kingdom's crown prince was confined to the castle grounds (which wasn't too much of a burden for him, really, as they were actually fairly vast, encompassing quite a lot of fields and most of the surrounding forest, giving him plenty of room to play).
And that could have been the end of that; except, you see, it wasn't- for there's more to the story.
AN: Inspired by a scene in the next chapter of Educating America (you might be able to figure out which when I get it posted), which grabbed hold of me and wouldn't let go until I started writing.
