All Falls Down
A/N: This is long, much longer than I intended but here it is. I'm working on another long series so that should be coming soon. Thanks for reading.
It was during his second year in college that he'd gotten the call from his mother's doctor. Cancer had ravaged her body for the last five months and they had done everything they could to stop it but it hadn't been enough. She had weeks left and Lucas packed his dorm room and left school without a second thought.
On the flight home had called Peyton and told her what was happening. They had become closer than ever before during their last year of high school and with Haley off and married, Peyton had taken up residence in the best friend vacancy he had yet to fill. When he told her about Karen and that he was going back home she offered to leave art school to be with him to help, but he wouldn't let her do it. Four days later she showed up on his doorstep with a suitcase in hand. He was too tired to yell at her and instead wrapped his arms around her and held on as tightly as he could.
She spent the next three weeks living with him and Karen, as Lucas spent every waking hour caring for his dying mother. When it all would get to be too much for him, he would slip into her room after Karen had fallen asleep, and let tears slip down his cheeks while she rubbed a hand down his back. She made sure he ate dinner every night and that he was getting enough sleep and she was silently by his side when Karen took her last breath and slipped away from the world forever.
They stood together in silence four days later as her coffin was lowered into the cold, wet earth. A light rain had begun to fall from the sky and the tiny droplets splashed down onto his black suit and across his face. He didn't seem to notice. The other people who had attended the small graveside service began to scatter, walking quickly to their parked cars to avoid the rain. Eventually only the two of them remained and Lucas had given no indication that he was ready to leave, he just stared solemnly down at the wooden coffin that held his mother. She continued to stand next to him in silence, not knowing what to say or do, so she slipped an arm through his and clung tightly to him.
The rain began to come down faster and harder, the clouds changed from the moody gray into dark, black, angry storm clouds that made the sky dark as night. He turned to look at her with a blank expression, thin lines of water trickled down his face and she couldn't tell if it was rain or his tears. He squeezed her hand gently in his before walking away in the opposite direction of his car.
That was the last time she saw him.
Five days have passed and she hasn't heard from him nor does she have any idea as to where he's gone. Three days ago she wanted to give him his space and some privacy, but now she's worried and a little scared. Nathan and Haley have gone back to college and no one's heard from Keith in years, she's the only one he has left
He doesn't answer his cell phone, and she's already left him a dozen messages. She knows he isn't in town, she's checked the only hotel and hospital in their small city and no one matching his description has showed up. She also knows that he hasn't gone back to school because his large suitcase is still in his bedroom. So she waits, and when she can't wait any longer she begins to call every hotel and motel in every town that surrounds Tree Hill.
As the list of motels grows shorter and shorter she finally gets a glimmer of hope when a woman at the front desk of a cheap motel in Rolling Hills tells her that a man matching his description checked in a few days ago and paid in cash. The woman whose name is Anne Marie tells Peyton that he isn't registered under the name Lucas Scott, and when the woman tells her the name he did check in under she can't help but smile to herself.
Thirty minutes later and she's on the road. Rolling Hills is only two hours away, the weather is good and she's got plenty of music to accompany her on the ride. He picked a motel near the beach, she only hopes he's gotten out of his room and sat by the ocean. Anything to clear his mind, anything to snap him out of his trance.
Pulling into the parking lot of the rundown Beachcomber Motel, she spots his truck parked in front of one of the rooms. She pulls into the space next to his and climbs out of the old convertible slowly. She can smell the salt in the air as the waves crash loudly against the surf a hundred yards from his door.
It takes him awhile to answer the door after she knocks. When he does open the door she imagines he looks exactly how he feels. Dark circles have formed under his red-rimmed eyes; a healthy amount of stubble has formed on his cheeks and lit cigarette dangles from his fingers.
"I was wondering how long it would take for you to find me." He flicks ash from the cigarette and stands awkwardly in the doorframe trying to figure out what to do next.
She says nothing, just walks up to him and wraps her arms around him. She hears him sigh before he buries his face into her hair.
"Come inside, the place isn't very impressive but it works when you're trying to hide out."
She steps inside the tiny room and sits down at the table near the window. He sits across from her, taking a long drag from his cigarette.
"How did you find me?" he asks softly.
"I pretty much called every hotel within a two hour radius of Tree Hill, and when the lovely desk clerk at the Beachcomber Motel told me a guy matching your description checked in under the name John Steinbeck I knew it was you."
"I knew you'd get the literary reference." He smiles gently as he finishes off his cigarette, stubbing it out on the surface of the cheap table.
"When did you take up such a nasty habit?"
"I used to sneak out on the back patio and smoke while my mom was sick, I knew you wouldn't approve. I just used it to calm my nerves but wouldn't you know it, that damn tobacco company got me hooked."
"Those things will kill you someday." She said, instantly regretting it.
"Well we all die sooner or later, right?"
"Lucas, I'm sorry. I didn't mean anything by it."
"Don't apologize, please."
They sit in silence for minutes that seem to drag on like hours. He doesn't want to talk about his mom and she doesn't want to push him. So he pulls out a deck of cards and they play eight games of War in companionable silence. Eventually she drags him out of the room and down to the beach.
The sun has already faded away behind them replaced by an eerily full moon that perfectly illuminates the beach before them. Waves slowly lap over their bare feet as they walk along they shore. He stops to pick an object from the sand and hurls it into the black stretch of ocean.
"She deserved more." He says to no one in particular.
"Who did? Your mom?" she asks.
"She gave up so much for me in her life and how did I repay her? By burying her in the cheapest casket I could find and skipping a funeral service because I didn't have enough money. I should have found a way to give her what she deserved."
"Lucas don't do this to yourself. Your mom knew how much you loved her, you left school to care for her and you never left her side."
"It just doesn't feel like it was enough." He sinks to the sand and wraps his arms around his knees, hugging them to his chest. She can tell that this is how he's spent the last five days, questioning himself and wondering if he did all that he could for his mom and regretting that he couldn't do more for her in the end.
She sits next to him and wraps a comforting arm around his shoulder and when he turns to look at her she can see tears rolling down his stubbled cheeks. He lays his head against her chest and begins to quietly cry. She doesn't have much experience being around crying men and she doesn't know what to say to him, so she just closes her eyes and wraps her arms around him. Tears soak through her shirt and she can feel his grief wet on her skin. They stay curled up together on the beach for hours before she finally helps him back to his room.
She gets him into his bed and tucks the covers around him like he's a little boy again, she begins to walk away when he grabs her arm and pulls back the covers. It's a wordless invitation; he doesn't want to be alone. She climbs in next to him and tucks his arm around her. The gentle beat of her heart lulls his body into much-needed rest and he sleeps.
They wake the next morning to tangled limbs under white, cotton sheets and something hangs over the air above them. They hold each other's gaze and he gives her half a smile, the most she's seen of his teeth in weeks. He leans in to kiss her on the cheek but she moves her head so his lips meet hers, he pulls back to apologize but the look on her face tells him she doesn't mind. When he leans in again she kisses him and things quickly escalate into something neither of them had planned.
They lay together afterwards, not touching but facing each other on their sides. Neither has spoken for what seems like an eternity. Lucas is the first one to break the overwhelming silence.
"Just tell me that what happened wasn't because you felt sorry for me losing my mom."
Peyton tried to stifle a disgusted laugh. "That was quite possibly the most insulting thing anyone has ever said to me." She gets out of bed in a huff and starts to dress in her clothes from the night before.
"I'm sorry Peyton. I'm just confused."
"Confused about what?"
"About what happened just now and what it means, or if it means anything at all."
"And the hits just keep on coming. Thanks Lucas for thinking of me as the type of girl who puts the most important friendship of her life on the line just because she wants to get laid." Peyton slips on a pair of shoes and heads for the door, even with her back to him he can feel her disgust.
"Peyton wait, I didn't mean it like that."
The last thing she says to him is that she needs some air before slamming the door closed behind her.
He finds her twenty minutes later, sitting on the beach. He stands next to her and holds out an orange bag of candy fresh from the vending machine. "I figured we could start with a peace offering, I know the peanut butter m&m's were your favorite when we were kids."
She silently takes the bag of candy from his hand, but doesn't say anything to him, just stares forward out at the ocean. Lucas sits down next to her.
"I'm sorry about what happened up there."
"What are you referring to? What you said, or us having sex?"
"I was talking about what I said to you. Although I'm not entirely sure about the other thing either." He could see Peyton growing irritated again. "Just hear me out, okay? You're my best friend Peyton, have been for years. And since my mom died you're all I have left. If we do this, be in a relationship together, what happens if we break up? I can't lose you too. I just can't."
"And what if we do work out? I got news for you Lucas; I'm just as scared as you are. I didn't come down here expecting any of this to happen, but it did. And I don't want to pretend that it didn't."
"So what are you saying Peyton?"
"I'm saying that I don't want to go through life regretting the fact that we never took a chance to see what could happen. I'm saying that over the past four weeks I've spent with you, my feelings have changed."
"I just need some time to think Peyton. I just need some time to think. I'm going to get a cup of coffee, I'll understand if you can't wait and you're not here when I get back." He stands and brushes the sand from his jeans before he heads back up the beach and gets into his truck.
He's gone for hours and she's given up her post at the beach once the sun has disappeared behind the horizon. When he returns from wherever he was, he finds her on one of the dirty, plastic deck chairs that are scattered in front of every room at the cheap motel. She's sitting with her legs crossed; a cup of coffee is nestled into her hands.
"I thought you didn't drink coffee." He says as he sits next to her.
"An old habit from art school that I tried to kick, but I just felt the need for some caffeine tonight. Feeling like utter shit can do that to a person." He sighs loudly when she pours the cup into the empty planter next to her chair.
"When I go back to Tee Hill I'm moving into my mom's house. I've got to get the café up and running again, it's what she would have wanted." He goes silent and stares at his hands.
She pipes us from beside him. "What does this have to do with me?"
"I don't want to be alone in that house, I want you there with me. It doesn't have to be right now, when you finish art school, when you're ready. But I want to do this Peyton; I want to be with you." He smiles gently in her direction and is relieved to see a look other than anger and hurt on her face.
"You want us to live together?" she asks quietly.
"I know this is sudden and it probably feels like things are moving fast, but I don't want to waste any more time not being with you. I need you and I want you."
She doesn't say anything to him, just leans over and kisses him. It's all the answer he needs. For the first time since his mom died, he doesn't feel alone, now that she's by his side.
