Dean felt the wheels of the car skid across the pavement as they pulled into the air base. Quickly, he unbuckled his seatbelt and got out of the truck. Looking around he took in the new environment. The place was big, like any military airfield should be. There were people everywhere, frantically getting ready for the flight that would soon depart. He saw supply trucks probably filled with various boxes probably food and ammunition.
He followed the other men and got into formation, still looking around at it all. Tightening his muscles and looking straight forward, Dean saluted his captain before walking with the other men towards one of the hangers. Hearing the marching steps of his group, Dean saw the large plane that would change his life. He was going to war.
Castiel had been formation for what seemed like eternity. They were waiting for the last group of men to arrive before taking off. Although he was nervous about going into an open combat zone, at this point, he just wanted to take his seat on the plane and relax, even if it was just for a bit.
Growing up, Castiel never imagined himself joining the Armed Forces. But once he became an adult he felt like he owed something to his country. The jorney had been anything but easy. He had been training for mounts for this tour. He had ran countless miles, done countless push-ups, pull-ups, sit ups, and shot countless rounds. He spent hours in the classroom learning military history, tactics, and safety. But it was all worth it, and now he was ready to go off and save the world. Or so he was told.
People always glorified the soldier. Castiel never really thought it was as glamorous as people made it out to be. He was a good man, who wanted to serve his country. He was thankful for what God had graced him with, he was thankful for his family, his life, his education, and the peace and safety he had in his own country. And he wanted to be a part of providing that safety for others. But never once did he think of himself as a hero, or someone special for doing this. He just thought he was doing what he owed.
He heard the familiar loud boot steps that could be only one thing, the last group. With a sigh of relief, Castiel straightened up as he saw the final captain arrive.
"Captain Herolds with battalion 189-C." The man said as his group stopped and turned in perfect unison.
"I believe Lieutenant Winchester has a something to say," the captain's voice was booming as he pointed to a man down the line. A man stepped forward. He was not the center of attention as all the men lined up turned their gaze towards him.
"Commander, I apologise for making you and the rest of the men here wait," the man said as if he had rehearsed it a million times before.
"And why exactly did you make your battalion late Lieutenant?" The commander questioned with a look of anger in his eyes.
"I can't help it if I have a nervous bladder Commander, can I?" Lieutenant Winchester replied this time with a hint on laughter in his voice. Around him Cas heard the other men laugh quietly before getting a glare from the Commander causing their amusement to quickly vanish.
"Get back in your place, you have made us late already! And I hope your nerves are gone by the time we arrive," the commander said, pacing in front of the perfectly still rows of men before him as Winchester stepped back in his place, a smirk spreading across his face.
"This is war were going into. No time for fun and games like you little brats are used to. People are going to get hurt; people are going to die. Not all of you are going to make it home, and if you do, you can bet you're gonna be a hell of a lot different than when you arrived." The Commander turned to look at all of them before saluting and turning to walk into the plane.
There was definitely a new tension forming amongst the men. This was all suddenly becoming very real. Soon they would be out in a whole new world facing countless dangers every day.
Castiel looked back at the man who had held them up. The man, whose name he had forgotten. He looked ridged now, like all the other men, with the smirk whipped clean off his face. He wondered if the man had been telling the truth before. 'Had he really been that nervous? He's gonna have to either fix that, or learn to deal with that before he actually goes into battle and decides to stop the whole thing in order to pee.' The thought made Castiel laugh a bit, tilting his head down and smiling. The voice of one of the captains brought him back to reality, "Novack! Is something funny?"
"No Sir." Castiel replied, face wiped stone cold but inside he was full of nerves.
"That's what I thought." Sneered his superior. Heading towards the ramp of the plane the captain shouted, "Now you all have been given your seat assignment. Everyone with an even numbered seat, when you find your spot, turn to your left and you will find your new best friend. You two will share a tent, do chores together, eat at the same time, shower at the same time, and be in change or keeping a sharp eye on each other in battle. Take the time to get to know one another on the plane. Because believe me, you're gonna want to get along, cuz you won't be leaving each other's side." And with that, the captain marched up into the plane and was gone.
The men looked around quickly deciding it was ok to relax and pick up their bags. Talking amongst the men resumed and a dull roar sounded in the hanger as men carried themselves up the ramp, talking the whole way aboard.
Castiel was usually a solitary man. That's one thing that particularly worried him about being in war, being a team player. 'It's not like I can't do it,' he had thought countless times throughout his training, 'I'm just not used to it.' Remembering his training, and how much work he put into this, he knew he could do it. Castiel was smart, very smart. He was used to doing things alone, and relying on himself. He had a lot of siblings. And they had always managed to get through chores and life together, maybe like a team.
As he entered the plane Castiel glanced at his paper '67' it read. He looked at the numbers walking around seeing other men find their places. Seeing others calm and in their spot made him feel a bit distant. He wanted to be in his spot, in his place, comfortable. But despite his knowledge that he could be a team player, he always felt like an outsider. He's never really fit in. But he really hoped finally, here, he would.
Soon, he found seat 67 and took his place. He stowed his bad below his seat and got comfortable, looking around to try to see who was going to be sitting on his right. He hoped to god it would be someone manageable. Someone who was different than him. A true team player, who could show him how it's done. Someone who could be his 'best friend'. As he was looking around, he felt someone sit down next to him, and looked over.
The man looked up at him with wide green eyes. He gave Castiel a warm smile saying, "So I see your on my left, I guess were going to be best friends now, aren't we." Laughing, the man stuck out his hand, Castiel received it, feeling the firm grasp shake his hand, "I'm Winchester, Dean Winchester."
Dean was nervous. He was trying hard as hell to appear cool and calm for his new partner. He wanted the guy to like him, he wanted this to be easy and for this whole tour to go smoothly. But he knew they never did. Someone always got hurt, or died. After releasing the other man's soft hand he nervously rubbed his palms against his pants looking down saying, "So, you have a name?"
"Oh- uh" the other man replied. Dean looked up to see the man nervously looking at him saying, "Yea sorry. Novak. Castiel Novak."
"So Cas, come here often, or is this your first time too?" Dean asked trying to stay relaxed. He heard the plane door close as they all settled in. Fastening his seatbelt, Dean remembered that this wasn't like a normal plane ride. There would be no stewardesses, no peanuts in a bag, no TV on the head of the chair. Just 17 hours of turbulence, nerves, anxiety, trying to get to know your new partner, and pretending he can actually sleep on a plane.
Their conversation was interrupted by safety instructions. And men getting back up to properly stow their bags away. It took a few minutes, but eventually they began rolling out of the hanger.
"So like I said, you done this before?"
"Yea, uh- I mean, no this is my first time too." The man looked terrified. But maybe he always looked, Dean thought. He had dark hair and light eyes that looked big with nervousness. "But I think I'm ready you know, I mean we've all had our fair amount of training I suppose." Dean watched as the man tried to sound confident, but he knew it was just a wall. And hell, he knew he was just as nervous.
"Yea, I guess you're right. But you never really know what it's going to be like really." They had all heard the stories. In the news, from friends, family. It's hard to go a day without seeing something about Americas "heroes". Dean was excited to do his part, but he knew it was risky and was going to be the hardest thing he would ever do. He hoped to hell this new guy, Cas would be good for him. Someone who could help him, support him, and was a good shot. "I mean we all hear what they say in the news, people getting captured, tortured, shot, wounded, exploded... killed." Dean drifted off, resuming his nervous habit with his hands.
"Yea... I guess." Cas mumbled, "but we should be fine... right?"
"Yea! I mean, you've got me as a partner! You'll be fine!" He exclaimed, trying to sound confident as he patted Cas's knee, "So, why don't we change the subject. Hmmm let's see," Dean considered, trying to think of something to brighten their mood. To momentarily distract them from the fact that they would soon be in the midst of battle. "Hey, got a favourite sport?"
Castiel looked up, thankful for the change of subject. "Well, I mean I'm not really into watching sports. I played soccer for like three years when I was in high school, but..."
"Hey, well that's cool! I love soccer! It's actually my favourite sport! Maybe if we have some free time while were on tour, we can play a few games with the other guys. Schools are always sending sports equipment to soldiers!" Dean was clearly very into sports, well at least soccer Cas thought. At least they had something they could talk about. Castiel's brothers loved soccer, and had played all their lives and watched every game they could. So by sibling osmosis, he knew quite a bit about the sport's various teams, well, enough to keep up with Dean. "My favorite team is Germany," Dean continued, "I would love to go there one day and watch them play at home." Castiel could see the joy and excitement in Dean's face.
"That would be quite amazing," Castiel replied, "Do you travel a lot?"
"Eh, not really. My mom died when I was young, so it's just been my dad with my brother and I. Money has always been tight. So I haven't had the chance to travel abroad. But I've been just about everywhere in America!"
Cas was startled by how easily Dean glazed over the death of his mother. But Cas expected Dean was used the topic being brought up, and had blocked most emotional response to it.
"I'm sorry about your mom," Castiel said softly, looking up at Dean.
"Its ok man, it was a long time ago, and my brother and dad are great! How about you, travel much?"
In truth, Cas had travelled, a lot. His parents were well off, to say the least. And despite having six siblings, his parents never missed a travel season. Taking them all over the world. He had so far been to Asia, Europe, South America, and to a few countries in North America like Canada and Guatemala.
"I've travelled a bit. It's one thing my family actually all likes to do."
"Dude, that's awesome! Yea, I really want to explore the world, you know? When I get enough money, that's what I'm going to do, travel the world! I think that is one of the reasons why I was so keen in joining the army, I get to see a new part of the world."
Cas loved traveling, it really was one of his favourite things to do. So he was happy he might be able to discuss their travel goals together and dream of epic trips.
"Yea, I think I would like doing that too." Cas said thinking about how cool it would be to go on his own trip around the world.
"Ok!" Dean exclaimed, sticking his hand out once more, "It's a date, you and me. When we get back, we're gonna travel the world."
Seeing no other option Cas took his hand and shook, smiling at the idea. 'A date...' He thought, 'well... Maybe- no.' Cas thought, throwing the idea out of his head.
"And I'll take you to that soccer game I was talking about. That will be the first thing we do, start it off with a bang!"
Cas looked over at Dean who had a wide smile across his golden skin. He was a dreamer, that's for sure. But that meant he was adventurous, and took risks, more so that Castiel usually did. And he was into sports, so he was a team player, 'thank God,' Cas thought, smiling back at Dean, his might not be so bad.
The plain began to speed up and shook as they began speeding across the run way. Cas could see men around him saying their prayers for a safe flight. He looked over at Dean whose face had now relaxed. He looked calm. Pretty calm considering what they were going into, but maybe that would be a good thing. He felt the plain lift off the ground rising steadily into the air. Cas tried to pop his ears on the way up, that always annoyed the hell out of him. After a few minutes, the plain levelled out and they were on their way.
Dean ended up chatting about for a couple of hours while Cas listened intently and occasionally interjected. Dean was pleased that he and his new partner were getting along, and it seemed that they may make a pretty good team.
The ride was pretty smooth. There was one point about an hour over the Atlantic that the turbulence started really going, but it quickly passed, it seemed to the relief of all the men on board. They ended up getting water and various other snacks passed out about seven hours into the flight, but there were no peanuts, but Dean remembered again, this wasn't a normal flight. He was most of all thankful that he didn't have to take a piss yet, he took care of that earlier.
"So, do you have anyone waiting for you when you get home?" dean asked, turning to Cas.
"I mean, yea. I guess my family?" Cas shrugged answering the question.
"No man, I mean like a girl or something"
Cas wasn't too keen on the fact that only seven hours into his tour, he was being asked about his dating habits, and e.g. his sexuality. He thought he would manage to at least wait a bit longer before this conversation came up, and at least he would be able to lie pretty easily about it, or just change the subject if the others kept prying. But he thought Dean's question was pretty ambiguous, and deserved a pretty honest answer.
"Oh, well no. I guess not." Cas answered looking away from Dean, pausing before continuing, "So, how about you? Do you have a girl waiting for you at home, or a guy…? I guess?"
"Ha! No man, unfortunately I don't have either."
Cas was surprised at the other man's ease over the boyfriend part, and greatly relieved for that. He always made a point to not make judgments about other people.
"I mean, I did…" Dean continued, looking away as he brought his hand through his hair, before nervously rubbing them on his thighs. "She was pretty great, he body man..." Dean paused for a second, not knowing what to say. Cas felt pretty awkward. It wasn't really his thing to talk about how gorgeous of a body some woman had. It didn't really ever do anything for him besides make him uncomfortable.
"Was she nice, funny, smart" Cas questioned, trying to act interested in Dean's previous relationships.
"Oh well, I mean, it wasn't really that kind of relationship." Dean clearly was embarrassed and started jittering his leg.
"I mean she was hot as hell, but pretty much only good for a good fuck."
"I see," Cas mumbled, wishing immediately they never started talking about this. He didn't really like how Dean was referring to this woman, but who knows, maybe they both wanted it that way.
"Anyway, she was good, um at a lot of… things," Dean said blushing, "But I don't think I can go for just that anymore, you know? I need something more."
Dean was telling the truth, but he left out some minor details. That girl was really pretty great, well in the bed at least. But Dean knew that couldn't keep him happy forever. And he also started noticing a few other things about himself.
At first, he tried to blame it on him drinking, he was at a bar the first time it happened, but he knew that was a lie. He started noticing guys. Everything about them, suddenly they were what captured his attention. He wasn't really paying attention to the girl across the room's rack or the long hair of the girl smiling at him. Dean began to look at the shoulders of the guy sitting at the bar. The jawline and the arms of the man playing pool.
It was pretty confusing for him, but he couldn't say he was surprised. These things had happened before. And always at the worst times. He was on the soccer team when he was in High School, and sometimes the locker room got a bit too hot for his comfort. But he always tried to push that away like it was nothing.
"So how bout you? Had any good fucks lately," Dean asked, trying to forget about himself for a minute.
"Um, yea…" Cas replied, "I mean, yea…"
"Was she just good in bed, or was she more than that," Dean asked.
"Um, well," Cas paused, trying to think of how to put it. He didn't like lying about his sexuality. He wanted to be an example of someone who wasn't afraid of who he was or what could happen to him because of that, "He was good, overall I mean. I just-"
"Oh," Dean mumbled softly.
Cas immediately regretted what he had just said, he knew he shouldn't have said it. His friends had warned him, men at war never want to hear about the fag they have to fight with. 'God I'm fucked.' Cas thought. He suddenly got up, knowing he needed to quickly escape this awkwardness, and headed towards the bathroom. "Um, I have to use the restroom... Sorry."
The line was about three men deep, so at least he would be able to stall for time. Castiel hoped this really wasn't going to be a problem. As far as he knew, Dean was currently asking to switch partners, and he would be red flagged and everyone would avoid him. Four months of relentless fag jokes was going to suck Castiel thought. Looking around, he saw all the other men on board. Some were sleeping, but most were chatting away. He wished life was simpler, and that he could be like everyone else. As the line shortened Cas felt his heart racing faster and faster. He tried to stay calm. He didn't want to lose it here, in front of everyone. Feeling his abdomen fill with pain his breathing quickened. The room swayed as his vision fuzzed over a bit. 'Shit,' he thought. Cas hated having panic attacks, but if he ever was going to have one, this was the time. Everything was fucking ruined. He could see himself at camp being beat and kicked by the other men as they spit on him and shouted slurs. Just as he began hyperventilating, the door opened and he ran in.
Leaning over the sink he tried to concentrate and control his breathing. His breath shook as he started choking on the air. After a few tense seconds, he was able to slowly begin to calm down. He immediately splashed his face with the cool water. Feeling the chill calm him just enough as he looked at his reflection. He looked tired, and worried, he looked like shit. But he had to go back out there and continue with this. There was no turning back. All of them were in this for the long haul. Trying to gain all confidence, Cas stood up straight, and left the stall. He quickly walked back to his seat, and was surprised to see Dean still sitting there, in the exact same position as before.
"So why'd you break up?" Dean said, looking over at Cas.
The question took Cas off guard. He was expecting much worse. He didn't know expected exactly but it was a lot more life ending. Cas just sat there for a few moments trying to gather his thoughts and untimatly forgetting what Dean had even asked him.
"W-what?"
"Why'd you and your boyfriend break up?"
So he had heard him right. 'Is he really ok with this,' Cas thought.
"I mean, I liked him, a lot. And he loved me… but he just wasn't right, you know?"
Dean sat their thinking about what Cas had said. He knew exactly what Cas meant, and he felt the exact same way.
"I do," Dean said, "More so than you will ever know."
For the next few minutes Dean listened to the dull rumble of the engines and that chatting going on around him. Soon he realized how tired, and that it would probably be a good idea to sleep for a bit, even though he knew he had never been able to do it before on a plane. Shutting his eyes, Dean let his mind wander he thought about what it would be like at war, and if he was really prepared. He thought about his family at home, and was even looking forward to getting letters from them all. And he thought of Cas. He was thankful that he was his partner. He knew he was lucky for that. Cas seemed like a pretty cool guy. He knew this whole thing was going to be hard, but he was thankful for how it seemed to be going so far.
