I dream of you, I think of you, yet in reality I can't be with you. No matter how much my heart yearns for you I know we can never be more than friends. You know not of my true feelings and you wouldn't return them even if you knew. It doesn't help that I am married to another whom I love just as much as you. And you, yourself, are committed to another as well, but you yearn for another, like I for you. At least your 'other' returns your feelings while mine will forever be unseen to you. How cruel can this life can be when fates are tested. I hate this but can't help but love you. So in silence I will continue to love you. You will only see this as friendship and I will treasure this friendship until the day I die.
Madeline sighed as she looked at her latest journal entry. She shook her head and closed the book, stuffing it under her mattress. With another sigh she flopped down on her bed and stared at the ceiling.
"What is wrong with me?" she asked, knowing there would be no answer. "My heart feels like it is splitting into two. Sure I am happy with Arthur, everyone knows that I love him and I really do… but Gilbert…Gilbert… He shares that love on the same level as Arthur. I have known him for not as long as Arthur yet I feel like I've known him my whole life. Both have my heart and it hurts me… Gilbert will never know and I hope he will never know. He is with Antonio, but like myself has strong feelings for another…Anneliese. And Anneliese is with Daniel. Both of them feel love for each other… I know that. I can sense it with every fiber of my being. The way they look at each other is enough to confirm their feelings yet they won't act on them because they respect their boundaries. I am happy to be friends with both of them, but when I know all this I can't be out there like they all are. Anneliese is my best friend and so is Gilbert… I must keep my feelings in check and not interfere with everyone's happiness… Why the hell am I talking to myself? I am mad…"
Maddie rolled over and hugged her pillow. "I am hanging out with Anne, Gil, and Arthur tomorrow. Better try to get some sleep or else I might regret it…" With that she closed her eyes and prepared for the dreams of a certain albino Germanic male she knew would come.
Arthur held Madeline's hand as they walked up to Anne's home. Gilbert and Anneliese were waiting for them. They were going to hang out for the day and just derp around. "Madeline, don't forget I have class tonight," said the British man. "I will have to leave early."
"I understand," she said with a small smile.
He smiled back and gave her a peck on the lips. "I love you, poppet."
"I love you too, Arthur."
They walked into Anne's house to see Gilbert chilling in the living room and Anne at her piano. The Austrian woman looked up and smiled at their entrance. "Hello Arthur, Madeline, you made it." She stood to great them.
Gilbert looked up from his seat on the couch and smirked at the guests. "Hello." He winked at Madeline. He knew how much he teased her. Apparently his laugh had quite the effect on her, as well as she can't look into his eyes without squealing and running away. He didn't know why she acted like this, but it was fun to tease his friend.
Madeline blushed looked away from the Prussian. She let Arthur lead her to a seat while he took one next to her. "So how are we all today?" asked Arthur.
"Very well," commented Anne. "I was thinking we'd all go take pictures in the park. And maybe after we can come back here and maybe watch a movie or something else."
"We will plan it as we go?" suggested Prussia. "The awesome me require we do something before I die of boredom."
Anneliese and Arthur rolled their eyes as they all stood. Madeline followed everyone out and into Arthur's car. Unfortunately, or fortunately, Gilbert and Madeline had to sit in the backseat together as the other two took the front seats. She sat quietly, trying to avoid too much awkwardness. Soon Arthur started the car and drove onto the road. Both Arthur and Anneliese were chatting away about this and that and about a party they were throwing.
"So Birdie, how you been?" asked Gilbert, trying to make small talk.
"Oh, uh, fine. I-I am just fine."
"You sure? You seem more jumpy than normal."
"I swear I am good, Gil."
He shrugged his shoulders. "If you say so." He looked at his cellphone and frowned. Madeline knew that look. Something was up with Antonio again. Both have been having some serious rocky points in their relationship lately. It wasn't looking good but they were trying their hardest to keep a semi-stable relationship. She felt bad, really bad for the both of them and it made her heart ache every time she saw how upset Gil looked after every fight they have.
Gulping she whispered to him. "You okay?"
Noticing that she was looking at him, Gil looked back up at her, trying to give her a reassuring smile. "I'm fine Birdie," he whispered. She nodded, though not really accepting the answer. Looking out the window she stared at the passing scenery.
A few hours later they were back at Anneliese's house. Madeline was playing fetch with Anne's dog while the other's chilled outside with them. From the corner of her eyes, Madeline could see how Gilbert and Anneliese were talking with each other. Both may have acted like nothing but the look in their eyes when they looked at each other held adoration and love. She was jealous, but knew she shouldn't be; no matter how much she loved Gilbert as much as Arthur she knew that he wouldn't feel the same in return. Besides, she held her friends' happiness over her own. It was the way it had to be.
Arthur looked at his watch. "I need to head out. I've got class in a half hour and need to change."
"Too bad you can't stay longer," said Gilbert.
"But next time we meet we will have more than just an afternoon to see each other." Arthur shook his hand. He then hugged Anne. "I shall see you in a few days for tea and going over arrangements for our party next weekend."
She nodded as she returned the hug. "And I will have Madeline home at a reasonable hour tonight. Take care, Arthur."
Finally Arthur approached his wife. He gave her a kiss and a hug. "See you after class. I love you."
His words always seemed to warm her heart. She smiled and held him. "I love you too," she answered, softly.
"Daw how cute!" Anne smiled as the two parted ways. Once Arthur was gone, Anne grabbed Madeline's hands. "Hey could you help make dinner with me tonight? I want Gil to try your potatoes."
"Eh, really?"
Gil joined them. "Fuck yeah. Anneliese keeps fanning over your potatoes and keeps telling me to try them and so why the hell not? I never had your cooking before so I want some tonight."
Blushing she shied away a bit. "Uh, sure. I guess I could help."
"Wonderful!" Anneliese pulled her into the kitchen and dinner was under way.
Potatoes and steak were neatly distributed between everyone and they sat down for their meal. Gilbert took a bite of the potatoes and his eyes lit up. "No way, this is awesome!" He then proceeded to down his meal. "Madeline must cook for us more!" he said between bites.
Anneliese laughed a bit as she looked at her now blushing friend. "It's true, you do make a lovely meal."
"Eh, thank you."
Once the meal was finished Anneliese decided to turn on her stereo, which had a Broadway mixed CD in there. "I think we need to have some fun. Music hour?"
"Fuck yeah, I am in."
"Oh, o-okay."
"Oh don't be nervous, Madeline. It's just us and we want to sing with you." Anne looked at the song list. "How about you and Gilbert sing a duet together?"
She turned bright red at the thought of singing with him. And speaking of Gilbert he wasn't making the situation better. He had wrapped an arm around her shoulders smiled. "I think it is an awesome idea. Let's do it, Birdie."
"Eh…uh s-sure…" She gulped and stood away from Gilbert on the other side of the room. In her mind she prayed for any song that hadn't anything to do with love, lust, or anything like that… Too bad luck wasn't on her side.
"The Point of No Return," announced Anne as she got ready press play.
Madeline's stomach dropped as she looked to see Gilbert smirking at her. "Kesesese, one of my favorites.."
"Well, here you go you two." Anneliese pressed play and sat by her computer to watch. The girl gulped as she saw Gilbert take a slow step towards the table between them. The music began.
You have come here
in pursuit of your deepest urge,
in pursuit of that wish, which till now
has been silent, silent . . .
He placed his hands on the table and looked Madeline up and down before continuing to sing. She couldn't take the way his eyes looked at her. Her body felt like it was on fire from his gaze. She knew he was acting with the music…but it felt so real.
I have brought you,
that our passions may fuse and merge -
in your mind you've already succumbed to me
dropped all defenses, completely succumbed to me -
now you are here with me: no second thoughts,
you've decided, decided . . .
Madeline had to calm herself down. She closed her eyes and focused on the music. She had to get in a zone. Meanwhile, Gilbert started to walk slowly and stalker like around the table.
Past the point of no return - no backward glances:
our games of make believe are at an end . . .
Past all thought of "if" or "when" -
no use resisting: abandon thought,
and let the dream descend . . .
She felt him getting closer. But, at the same time she was falling into the music. It was taking over her. Opening her eyes she looked at the approaching male. She seemed hypnotized by the song…and his voice. The next thing she knew, Gilbert grabbed her to him; her back against his chest. He sang against her neck, slowly running his hands along her sides.
What raging fire shall flood the soul?
What rich desire unlocks its door?
What sweet seduction lies before us . . .?
He slowly pulled away from her, looking her over as he did. He took her left hand and kissed it. Anne had lost interest in the show and was looking online at things.
Past the point of no return,
the final threshold -
what warm, unspoken secrets
will we learn?
Beyond the point of no return . . .
Madeline took a deep breath. It was time to act. She took her hand back and held it to her chest. She walked passed him in a slowly, sultry manner. She began to sing.
You have brought me
to that moment where words run dry,
to that moment where speech disappears
into silence, silence . . .
She looked up as if asking the sky to answer her. She moved her hands along her body and caressed them around her stomach.
I have come here,
hardly knowing the reason why . . .
In my mind, I've already imagined
our bodies entwining defenseless and silent
and now I am here with you: no second thoughts,
I've decided, decided . . .
She looked back at him, a lustful gaze in her eyes. At this point she was so into the music that she wasn't herself anymore. Maddie turned fully, hands now at her side and slowly walking towards the now interested Gilbert.
Past the point of no return - no going back now:
our passion-play has now, at last, begun . . .
Past all thought of right or wrong -
one final question: how long should we
two wait, before we're one . . .?
Both were standing close to each other by now. Madeline gently ran a hand softly across Gil's back and she walked passed him from behind. This caused the guy to shiver a bit.
When will the blood begin to race;
the sleeping bud burst into bloom?
When will the flames, at last, consume us . . .?
Gilbert grabbed her hand and pulled her back before she could get too far, turning her too him. He made her face him as they both sang the final part of the song.
Past the point of no return
the final threshold -
the bridge is crossed, so stand
and watch it burn . . .
We've passed the point of no return . . .
At this point Gilbert had her against him, holding her but the small of her back and his other hand under her chin so couldn't look away. Madeline felt like her chest was about to burst from the rapid beating of her heart as she stared up into his deep red eyes. He smiled softly.
Say you'll share with me one love, one life time.
Lead me, save me from my solitude.
Say you'll want me with you here beside you.
Anywhere you'll go let me go too.
Madeline, that's all I ask of…
He never got to finish his verse. Madeline had silenced him with her lips upon his own. Realizing what she had just done she pulled away as if she burnt herself. Her eyes met shocked red ones. Feeling fear, shame, and absolutely disgusted with herself, she turned and ran out of the house.
Anneliese, who had been looking at pianos on the internet, turned to see Madeline gone and Gilbert standing alone and confused among other emotions. "What the hell? Where the hell is Madeline? What happened?" she asked as she made her way over to him.
Gilbert jolted out of shock when he realized what had happened. He stared between the door Maddie left and Anne, who looked at him, concerned. He didn't know what to say. "I… uh… nothing liebe… She just left."
"Did singing freak her out?"
"I guess..." he lied. Gilbert looked back to the door. 'What was that?' he asked himself, touching his lips.
Madeline ran all the way home and locked herself in her bathroom. She sank to the floor and cried. How could she be so stupid? How could she let herself get lost in the music to the point she kissed Gilbert?
"I am so… Oh how could I be such an i-idiot?" Then the thought of Arthur, her husband came to mind. "Oh no… Arthur is going to hate me…" She cried harder and harder.
After a while she passed out on the bathroom floor from exhaustion. That was where Arthur found her. Anneliese had called him after she disappeared and rushed out of his class to find her. He brought her to their bed and laid down next to her. He looked her over but found nothing wrong except the fact she was tired.
He sighed and wrapped his arms around her. "You sure know how to worry me, luv. But I love you, Madeline, always," he whispered as he too fell asleep next to her.
