7 Reasons Why Erwin Smith is Single

1) He doesn't know when he'll die. Therefore, he doesn't want to burden others with his love.

2) How many short-statured, black-haired man do you think lives within the wall?

3) How many short-statured, black-haired, foul-mouthed man do you think lives within the wall?

4) How many short-statured, black-haired, foul-mouthed, insanely-skilled man do you think lives within the wall?

5) One.

6) He's pretty sure he's morphed into an asexual, old man.

7) Titans.

6 Reasons Why Eren Jaeger is Single

1) Mikasa

2) Mikasa.

3) No, seriously, Mikasa.

4) The only other person who isn't afraid of Mikasa isn't interested.

5) Damn it.

6) Titans.

5 Reasons Why Levi is Single

1) Sex drools, cleaning rules.

2) He is overwhelmed with the number of options he could choose from.

3) He doesn't want to only pick one.

4) Maybe if Erwin and Eren agreed to a threesome. . .

5) Titans.

4 Reasons Why Hange Zoë is Single

1) She isn't.

2) She's seeing someone.

3) Her lab.

4) (And cheating with titans).

3 Reasons Why Sasha Blouse is Single

1) Potato-marriage isn't legalized yet.

2) Beef-marriage isn't legalized yet.

3) Bread-marriage isn't legalized yet.

2 Reasons Why Jean Kirschtein is Single

1) Marco.

2) Bodt.

1 Reason Why Mikasa Ackerman is Single

1) Really now?


Author's Note: To spur my writing juices. Aside from that, I don't have much of an excuse.