She remembers the first time she ever touched him; in a mind empty of a history it's easy to catalogue all of the things she has experienced since she climbed out of that bag. She remembers how his brow furrowed as she reached out to touch his cheek, how his eyes searched her, full of worry and not a small amount of confusion and longing that she assumes now was mirrored in her own. She remembers the feel of his cheek underneath her fingertips; coarse stubble, skin warm.
He feels different now when she reaches out in the darkness. The same stubble against her skin, but this time she spreads her palm out naturally against his face. Gone, in the space of what feels like years but is actually mere hours, is the trepidation with which she used to reach out for him, the conviction that he would not want to be touched by her ever again. He loves her, trusts her enough to fall asleep with his arm draped across her waist and his other hand curled around to rest on the tattoo of his name on her back. Her eyes have adjusted to the darkness enough that she can make out his features; his face calm with sleep, brow relaxed and mouth slack. When she closes her eyes she can picture his smile before they settled in to sleep; his unabashed grin when he was on top of her and his easy laugh between kisses. Those lines around his eyes now remind her of laughter, not worry.
He makes a noise in the back of his throat and she realises that she has been staring. When he opens his eyes he blinks, focusses and tightens his grip around her.
"Sorry, I woke you," she breathes softly, pulling back her hand and touching her lips, a habit she has picked up from nerves recently. He moves his head, cheek tapping against the pillow, a lazy shake of the head.
"Don't be," his voice is barely more than a rumble, but in the stillness it comes clear, "Don't ever be sorry for being the first thing I see when I wake up."
He pulls her closer still and touches his lips to her forehead, her cheek, her lips. She is like putty underneath his palms; she moulds herself to him, chest pressed against him, and lets herself be.
