Disclaimer: Song: not mine (I adjusted where the line breaks are)

Disclaimer: Song: not mine (I adjusted where the line breaks are). GW: not mine. Fic: mine. okee-dokey?

Warnings: Angsty, 1XR, rape (kinda)

Don't forget to review!


Lies
song by Stabbing Westward
songfic by Lady Shorinai

Your soul
a pit of stones,
the depths I wish I could have known

He sat in his room, the only light coming from the glow of green text on the otherwise black computer screen. He couldn't sleep. Forty-five minutes ago, he'd realized he'd stopped typing. He didn't see the characters on the screen. In his mind's eye was a picture of a girl—blonde-haired, blue-eyed, she carried herself confidently even when she was looking up a gun barrel at him.

She was a threat. She knew his identity. She was a weakness. Has she told anyone who I am? She hadn't yet. He didn't have any proof of that, but he was certain she hadn't.

Dangerous, black and full of spite
Thoughts
of you fill my night

She had to be eliminated before she caused more complications. She had interfered on several missions already.

He wanted to kill her.

He'd tried to kill her.

Why couldn't he kill her?

He pulled out his gun. It was loaded. It was always loaded. An unloaded gun was as useful as a Gundam with no power. A gun was a perfect machine. In the right hands, it kills; in the wrong hands it only destroys. A perfect weapon. A perfect tool. It fulfilled its purpose every time its trigger was pulled. Like he did every time he took a life.

He stared unseeing at the last screen he'd pulled up. It was an old mission. He'd never completed it.

Kill Relena Peacecraft.

The gun fit perfectly in his hand. Its metal warmed until it was the same temperature he was, until it became a part of him. Tucking the metal into the back of his waistband, he shut off the laptop. In his mind he repeated the response he'd typed months before.

Mission accepted.

But now we lay naked on the floor,
I'm lost,
I'm drowning in your soul


More and more nights were finding them like this. He would enter her room and point the gun at her as she slept. After a moment, she would wake up. How could she sense him? He had no idea. Ignoring the gun, she would stand and approach him.

Against his will he would grab her, pull her close, and crush her mouth against his. He would rip off her nightclothes impatiently, leaving red welts on her skin. He stripped and roughly pushed her to the floor, then thrust himself deeply into her. She never complained of the pain it must have caused her, nor did she fight him.

He never let go of the gun.

I was searching for some answer in your EYES
I find malicious laughter and a love that has died


He always stared into her eyes as she climaxed. At that moment, he could see into her soul.

He never felt his orgasm while he watched her, and she always came when he did. Another thing that was a mystery to him. That first night, he fled from what he saw in her eyes, barely remembering to grab his clothes. What he saw in her deepest self frightened him as battle never had.

At her core, she was as empty as he tried to be.

You
are haunting my reality
your lies are the only truth that I believe
you
are haunting my reality
Now everytime I think about you I die


He'd never escaped those eyes again. He saw them every time he tried to sleep, stared through them every time he brought an enemy into his sights. Whenever he saw her, he saw her eyes. He didn't see the smiles, the determination, the love. He saw a cold shell, slowly filling with small pieces of other people.

The first night he went to her, he gave her the key to something inside himself, and every time since it felt like she took from him. Like she was trying to fill herself with bits of him.

Hatred
runs through me marrow deep
I long to tear your eyes out in my sleep


He couldn't let her keep doing this. He could feel her hunting him, needing him—he needed her so he could show his emotions; she needed him so she could feel hers.

Somehow, that always drew him back.

This passion
can lead to evil crimes
Do I kill or do I choose to die?


After, she slept. Her nails on his back had brought the blood closer to the surface, but the redness would be gone long before morning. Slowly, lightly, he traced the gun across her cheek, down her neck, stopped it between her breasts with the barrel pointed toward her heart.

He told his finger to pull the trigger.

Acid burn etched through my brain
Someone dies before I go insane
I was searching for some answers in your EYES
I find malicious laughter and a love that has died


She opened her eyes partway, still sheltered in the afterglow. He saw happiness there. A part of him went cold.

You
are haunting my reality
your lies are the only truth that I believe
you
are haunting my reality
Now everytime I think about you I die


Eyes drifting shut, she snuggled closer to him, unheeding of the weapon pressed between their bodies.

LIES


She was the Vice Foreign Minister, the Angel of Peace. She had ended the wars between Earth and the Colonies.

LIES


She was a sixteen-year-old girl, sheltered from hardships for much of her life.

LIES


She was the princess of a kingdom that no longer existed, had been Queen of the World.

LIES


She loved him.

Soon now
you'll be gone

I wish
to god I could've known


Her duties were taking up more and more of her time, calling her away from Earth so much that her home there was like a good hotel. She had to leave again in the morning. He hated it when she left the planet, left him.

I love you
I hate you every night,
this longing for your soul has got me scared
But now we lie naked on the floor,
I'm lost,
I'm drowning in your soul


Her absences were both blessing and curse. When she was away, he needed to be with her. When she was close, all he wanted was to get away.

He had to kill her; she was driving him mad.

If he killed her, it would drive him mad.

I was searching for some answer in your EYES
I find malicious laughter, hate and Lies fucking Lies


The Alliance needed her, as every infant needs a caretaker. And like infants, it had no idea what was inside the person who was doing her best to see that it grew to maturity.

So she would go, and she would hold her emotions around her like a shield until she could return and pull another piece from him.

You
are haunting my reality
your lies are the only truth that I believe


She had to protect the peace.

He had to protect her.

Keeping her alive was killing him, but he would be dead without her.

you
are haunting my reality
Now everytime I think about you I die


While she slept, he put her in the bed threw away her torn nightclothes, then dressed himself. He aimed the gun at her head. Sighing, she turned over to face him. Her eyes were closed, but he could feel them watching him, daring him to pull the trigger, to end this madness and begin another kind.

Tucking the gun into the back of his waistband, left as he had come. He felt the eyes continue to watch him as he escaped into the night.

You
are haunting my reality
your lies are the only truth that I believe
you
are haunting my reality
Now everytime I think about you I die




Well, that was weird. Somewhere around the middle it decided to become more depressing than I had planned it to be.

I don't actually hate Relena. I like Relena. I like the 1XR pairing. This song just sort of stuck in my head with an image (I'm not telling you which one) and demanded I write this fic.

Okay, mini-rant done. Review, please!!