1/1/2011 For: Killer Doodle Bug & OHP
"Hmm, lets see who's next.." Red murmured, flipping through the pages on his clipboard. Purple sat in the throne beside him, stuffing his face with chips and laughing at the Invader Slacks as he cried. The screen went black as Red prepared to call out the next victim on the list.
"Next we have…Invader Tenn, on planet Meekrob," Red said in a low voice, which the awaiting Irken crew member did not hear, "Tenn! NOW!" Red yelled, making the Irken jump.
"Y-yes, my tallest." He responded in a shaky voice, then ran back to his station and began typing.
Red and Purple watched as the screen went from black, to red as the picture slowly fizzled in. Invader Tenn appeared on the screen moments later, looking confused.
"Greetings my dear Tallests, I am surprised to be hearing from you, is it probing day already?" She asked, her eyes switching from Red to Purple.
"Uh, no, actually we have a very important question for you, Tenn" Red grinned suspiciously. Tenn's nervous look was erased from her face as she broke out into a smile.
"Of course my Tallest, what is it?" Tenn asked excitedly. Red and Purple exchanged a knowing look.
"Well, Tenn," Purple smiled, "We've talked to the Control Brain, and it turns out, we have quite a few Invaders with missing work."
"M-missing work?" Tenn stuttered, looking nervous again.
"Oh yes, missing work, you see, it seems, there was an absence in community service hours with 30 of our Invaders. Almost all had the same amount of hours missing…at the same time." Red growled at her. Tenn gulped, looking away from their angry faces.
"Lets see…Invader Alexovich, Invader Chin, Invader Dooky, Invader El, Invader Flobee, Invader Gooch, Invader Grapa , Invader Groot, Invader Kim, Invader Koot, Invader Krunk , Invader Larb, Invader Lardnar, Invader Nen, Invader Pesto, Invader Poot, Invader Sklud, Invader Skoo, Invader Skoodge, Invader Skutch, Invader Slacks, Invader Slant, Invader Sneakyonfoota , Invader Spleen, Invader Sploodge, Invader Stink, Invader Tenn," Red sneered, glancing at Tenn, "Invader Tim, Invader Zee and finally, Invader Zim." Red and Purple both scowled together at the sound of Zim's name
"Do you have any explanation for all these absences?" Red went on, glaring deeply at her. Tenn's body shook and her antennae's twitched as she began to answer.
"W-well, I-I.."
"Well what Tenn? What exactly happened?" Red snarled, slamming his fist down on the arm of his throne. Tenn gulped again.
"You see, I-It was a j-joke-" She was once again cut off by Red.
"A joke? A joke? What is there to joke about Tenn? What so funny about the important role of an Invader?" Red demanded.
Tenn suddenly began to break down, she cried as she rushed through her words
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I knew I shouldn't have done it! I told them it was a bad idea, I really did, but they wouldn't listen to me! They wouldn't listen! They told me it would be funny, they said it was no big deal!" Tenn sobbed as she went on, "They made me swear by the name of my Tallests not to tell, only El, Poot, Skoodge, Zee and I were the only ones who didn't want to do it! But they made us!" Tenn confessed with tears pouring from her eyes.
"What? Tenn, what happened?" Purple asked eagerly. Tenn choked on her sobs, trying to control herself before continuing.
"There was an idea to d-ditch community service," Tenn hiccupped, "S-so we did, we all went to Foodcourtia instead, and w-we cheated on our exams…we stole the answers from the professor's desk and pretended to have completed our community service hours," By then, Tenn was crying again, "I'm so sorry my Tallests, I never should have done it, I'm so sorry!" Red and Purple exchanged a look, then Purple spoke softly to Tenn.
"Tenn, you said 'there was an idea' who's idea was it Tenn? Who made you do it?" He asked carefully, not wanting to upset her again. Tenn looked up, her large ruby eyes were glazed over with tears.
She sniffled before answering, "Zim."
The Tallests sat motionless, they both felt the same emotion rapidly swelling inside them….anger. Of course it was Zim, why were they so surprised? Tenn looked away, ashamed that she had ratted on a fellow Irken Invader and classmate. Red stood up and began directing for someone to open a video communication line with Zim. Purple meanwhile, began trying to gain Tenn's attention again.
"Tenn, It was crucial for us to know this information, you have done good to your people Tenn. However, you have not completed your community service hours and you have cheated on your Invader's test. You are sentenced to Devastis to retake your test and make up your hours. Until then, you are no longer an Invader, leave Meekrob at once." Purple tried his hardest to maintain a calm voice, but he could still feel the anger bubbling inside him like acid.
Tenn nodded and bowed before the screen went black. Purple sighed, sitting back in his chair and closing his eyes. Red returned to his throne beside Purple, his figure was stiff and rigid, and his voice was dark and heavy. Red glared at Zim as he appeared before them on the screen with a smile. Purple refused to look at Zim, he was afraid of the sick coming up if he did.
"Oh, hello my Tallests, I wasn't expecting you," Red still continued to glare, not saying a word, "Um, that's ok! You've picked an excellent time to call, for I have an fascinating experiment going on! Yes! Look at this my leaders!" Zim moved from view to reveal a jar filled with green goo and a small red apple frozen inside.
"Yes, this…thing, was given to me by a so called 'lunch lady' with a mustache, it must be a message of some kind, she must know something." Zim squinted suspiciously at the apple and poked the jar with his finger.
"Zim." Red snarled dangerously. Zim's attention was brought to Red once again, as he straightened up and watched his leaders intently.
"Yes my Tallest?" Zim asked, folding his hands behind his back as he looked up at the two.
"It seems…Zim…that you've committed a serious crime." Red didn't try to hide the edge in his voce.
"HA! ZIM? CRIME? I think your confusing Zim with another Invader my Tallests." Zim smiled smugly. Red growled.
"NO ZIM, YOU! From what we understand, YOU have manipulated your fellow classmates and DOOMED their missions!"
"I don't know what your talking about my Tallest." Zim answered.
"You convinced your fellow Invaders to cheat on their tests, and leave their community service hours incomplete!" Purple yelled, startling Red and Zim.
"What? Zim did NO such thing!" Zim held his head up high and crossed his arms across his chest. How did they find out? Skoodge must've told! That traitor!
"We know it was you ZIM! And it's a CRIME! You will be given a horrible sentence." Red yelled angrily.
"What sentence will Zim receive? I am innocent!" He declared, expecting the Tallests to simply drop the subject.
"The clearly guilty Zim will be sent…..a smeet as punishment for his crime." Red said.
"WHAT? SMEET? NO! My Tallests please!" Zim pleaded, getting on his knees before the screen.
"Sorry Zim, your work on the smeet will me your make up for your missing community service hours, your smeet will be delivered right away. Oh, and take care of it, or you'll be sorry." Purple warned and cut the call short. Red turned to look at Purple, amusement in his eyes.
"Why a smeet?" Purple asked, picking up his chips again.
"Because, he's not a real Invader, why send him to Devastis to become one? Once he completed his tests and hours, his PAK would be re-encoded to Invader Class. This way, he'd be doing something to help for once." Red answered with a grin.
Smeet? Smeet? Why? Oh no, this is going to completely jeopardize the mission! Smeet are evil and reckless! Having a smeet running around the base would be catastrophic! Not to mention Gir, Gir and a smeet together? Oh, god.
Just the thought alone was making Zim sick to his squeedlyspooch. He leaned over his desk and let his head fall. He closed his eyes and tried to let all his anger drain from his body.
Breathe…Just Breathe, It'll be ok, maybe it'll work out for your benefit….
Benefit? BENEFIT? ZIM cannot possibly get any kind of benefit from a useless smeet!
Relax…Just maybe….
Just maybe? Just maybe nothing! NOTHING, you hear me? NOTHING!
Zim sighed, opening his eyes to see Gir sitting under him and staring up at his face. Gir's large, blue eyes stared up into Zim's large ruby ones, unnerving the alien at the depth of Gir's stare.
Zim pulled his head up, and stood straight, glaring down at his robot.
"What Gir?" Zim hissed. Gir smiled up at him.
"Mastah, there was a package at the door so I wents to go gets it when da big head boy jumped outta no where and stole it!" Gir smiled and laughed, as if he'd just told a funny joke.
'Oh, and take care of it, or you'll be sorry' The words rang through his head in a matter of nano-seconds.
"The smeet!" Zim screamed, running to the lift across the room. When the lift finally reached the main floor, the computer spoke up.
"Eh…Zim, your disguise?"
Zim stopped, feeling the top of his head for his wig, all he felt was his long, rubbery antennas. Zim gasped, and began rummaging around in his pockets until he pulled out his wig and contacts. He then ran to the door, pulled it open and sprinted down the street. His head whipped left to right, looking up and down for any sign of Dib. Zim growled, and began running to Dib's house.
"It must be some kind of…weapon," Dib said to himself, poking at the steel box that lay on his bed, "It definitely looks alien…how do I open it?" Dib suddenly got an idea, he ran over to his computer and called The Swollen Eyeball.
"Agent Dark Booty here." Answered a silhouetted figure with red eyes.
"Dark Booty! I have incredible evidence of alien life! I found this box on Zim's doorstep and-" Dib was cut off by Dark Booty's loud groan.
"Not again, Moth man." He sighed exhaustedly. Dib frowned.
"No, its different this time! Really! I found this on Zim's doorstep, it has weird alien writing all over it! And its metal! When was the last time you received a metal box from UPS?" Dib yelled excitedly.
"All right, all right, lets see it then." Dark Booty sighed. Dib smiled, turning around to pick up the metal box….that wasn't there. WHAT?
"Um….uh…" Dib stuttered, looking around the room, he caught sight of Zim running down the street with the box and hissed, "Zim."
Dark Booty cleared his throat, "Well Moth man?" Dib gulped, and slowly turned to see Dark Booty staring at him angrily.
"Um…he, he, can we re-schedule this?" Dib laughed nervously and closed his eyes while Dark Booty let out a string of cussing and yelling. When Dark Booty ended the call, Dib ran out of his room and flew down the stairs. When he made it outside, Zim was no where to be seen. Dib growled, and began running to Zim's house.
When Dib got to Zim's yard, he just ran right up to the door and pushed it open. Zim was standing in the middle of the living room, inspecting the metal box curiously.
"Zim!" Dib yelled.
"Dib-stink!" Zim yelled back, glaring at the pathetic human, "What are you doing in my base?"
"I'm here to take back my alien evidence to show The Swollen Eyeball!" Dib yelled, pushing Zim aside and lifting the box in his arms.
"I think NOT! You have NO idea as to what is inside that box!" Zim yelled, his voice had a hint of fear in it, If Dib dropped and killed the smeet, Zim would be killed by the Tallests themselves.
"Alien weapons? Or technology? I'll just send it to Mysterious Mysteries so they can open it and I'll be known as the greatest paranormal investigator ever!" Dib smiled, lost in his own world. The box began to shake.
"Be CAREFUL! You idiot! Put it down!" Zim yelled, running over to Dib and trying to pry the box from the human's arms.
"No, let go! Its mine!" Dib yelled back, struggling against Zim. The box began to shake harder, and glow an eerie purple.
"Leave it alone!"
"Let go!"
The box then began chipping, the metal recoiling in tiny curls, as if the metal was being peeled away. One by one, the box grew smaller and smaller until it was about the size of football. The purple light grew brighter and brighter every time another layer was peeled away. Only one layer remained, both Zim and Dib stopped fighting and looked down at the silver oval in their hands. It looked almost like liquid silver, ripples appeared across the ball every time there was movement from inside. Zim's instincts took over then, and he reached for the ball with one hand while the other held it up, along with both of Dib's. Zim's claws broke through the silver layer like a hot knife through butter. He tore the layer back slowly, carefully lifting the tiny football sized smeet with one hand and used both hands to cradle it against his chest. The smeet was a light, creamy lime green, it had toothpick sized black, rubber antennas' and small black claws protruding from the end of it's tiny hands. It's eyes were closed as it appeared to be sleeping.
Dib watched in shock at the exchange between Zim and the smeet, he didn't know much about alien children, but he wasn't stupid enough not to know what the thing in Zim's arms was. Devil's spawn.
"You're a father?" Dib yelled in shock, staring at the small green creature.
"Ssshhh!" Zim glared at Dib as he looked down at the small creature again. It was beginning to stir, it's small claws starting to twitch, "Of course not! Stupid human!"
"Than what's that?" Dib whispered harshly, pointing at the sleeping smeet.
"A smeet," Zim answered, "It's an Irken baby, and a new born at that. I'm supposed to care for it as punishment."
"Punishment? What did you do?" Dib asked confusedly. Zim glared at him, but didn't answer. He watched as the baby began to fidget and roll side to side in his arms.
"Ssshhh.." Zim soothed, rocking it in his arms gently. The smeet opened its tiny mouth and let out a strangled whine. Zim continued to soothe the baby by softly rubbing the sides of its small head and making a ticking sound with his tongue, which is the equivalent of 'shushing' in Irken native tongue. The baby opened it's tiny mouth again and let out another, long whine.
Dib watched in fascination and horror as Zim tended to the baby. Another alien on this planet? Now they're breeding them here? But he stayed silent as he watched the strange scene.
When the baby let out a third needy whine, Zim realized it must be hungry. It was born mere seconds before after all. He glanced at the metal scraps on the floor and saw a small packet of dried milk and a tiny PAK with 3 red dots on it. He'd have to install the PAK by hand? Zim picked up the packet and PAK with great care and walked over to the end table beside the kitchen door. The table transformed and opened a hole in the floor that held a floating circular lift, which he stepped onto.
Dib was left standing there in shock, his eyes still glued to the place where Zim and the smeet disappeared underground. Slowly, Dib walked backwards out the door and ran the rest of the way home to tell his dad and Gaz what he'd just seen.
Meanwhile, Zim laid out a few blankets on his examination table and settled the small smeet on them while he ripped open the packet and emptied it into a test beaker.
"Computer, what else is needed for this baby formula?" Zim asked lowly, trying not to wake the smeet. He was used to yelling at the computer so speaking to it in a normal voice was odd for him.
"¼ teaspoons of bifodobacterium infantis, ¼ teaspoon of alma powder and 2 teaspoons of raw agave nectar." The computer responded.
"…Heh?…" Zim replied, looking dumbfounded. The computer sighed, producing a blender out of no where. Two metal claws came down from the ceiling and began pouring powders, liquids and nectars into the blender. One claw snatched the beaker from Zim's hands and poured the formula into the blender, then put on the lid. Zim watched angrily as the blender made a loud whizzing noise and ran to comfort the smeet before it woke.
When the formula was done, the claws poured the milky liquid into the beaker and fastened it with a rubber cover. One claw handed the beaker to Zim as the other zoomed back up to the ceiling. Zim held the beaker above the baby's mouth, unsure of what to do.
"Like this." The computer said, playing several videos of mother's feeding their children bottles. Zim nodded and gently pushed the rubber end between the smeet's lips. The baby immediately caught the smell of milk and began hungrily sucking it down. Zim smiled. When the baby had drunk all the milk, Zim pulled the beaker back and set it down on the table beside him, then rocked the baby in his arms again. The baby made a gurgled choking noise then and began struggling.
"What's wrong?" Zim asked the smeet as he panicked. The computer then began to play videos of mothers burping their babies after a feeding. Zim lifted the smeet to his shoulder and incredibly softly, began patting its back. The baby gurgled again before letting out a soft burp that sounded more like a sigh. When Zim pulled the baby back, he realized that it had spit up some formula on his uniform and he groaned. The baby nuzzled his chest then, falling back asleep. Zim looked at the PAK on the table and began to think.
Would it hurt if I did it? I'm not a cold, unfeeling robot arm, I couldn't bear to hurt the thing…Speaking of…what is it?
Zim moved aside the blankets from the smeet's body and looked.
Nothing.
Zim walked over to his organ scanner and gently placed the baby under it.
"Computer, determine the gender of this smeet." Zim mumbled, watching the sleeping baby.
"Processing…" The computer replied, " The smeet is female."
Female? If I were to take this smeet as my own, which I'm NOT! I would have a daughter? Hmm….I like the sound of that….my daughter….my daughter-…..what will her name be? I must name her, yes? She's mine now, she has to have a name..
Zim picked up the smeet and cradled her in his arms. He gazed down at the small baby and smiled.
The baby suddenly opened her eyes for the first time. What Zim saw made him gasp, her eyes were wide, they were dark purple with flecks of pink and blue in them, they resembled an opal gemstone because of the different colors mixed in. Her eyes sparkled as she explored her surroundings. Zim knew immediately what to name the beautiful little smeet.
"Opal." He cooed to the smeet as she looked at his face and studied him. Opal cracked a small smile and snuggled into Zim's arms deeper as she prepared to sleep again.
Irkens need their PAKS to survive….but she hasn't passed and its been a lot longer than 10 minutes….would she be ok without one? She wouldn't have knowledge of Irken history or survival skills…..but maybe I could teach her…..but what if I do install it into her? The second she is without it, she'll have 10 minutes…..maybe, if I leave it off, she'll never have to worry about her life clock…
Zim watched Opal's face as she slept, and listened to her soft breathing.
She'll be ok….as long as I'm with her…I'll never let anything hurt her….my daughter….
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